I Can't Catch a Break
The constant click clack of the train's wheels over the tracks was the only really noise I could hear as it descended down the mountain, me precariously perched on top of one of the cars. Meditation style. I was enjoying the ride as a grade A hobo. I lazily watched as the massive city known as Canterlot slowly shrunk in the distance. Getting through that huge place had been a pain to say the least. Being immobile for a thousand years then jumping right back into action can do a number on the joints.
Feels good to be free...
After my..reunion, I had decided to book it on foot for a while, observing the pre industrial cityscape, all the while getting strange comments from the ponies that gawked at my form. Some ranged from 'Is that a hairless minotaur?' to 'What the buck is that?!'. Heh, the last one is actually kinda funny. Somehow, these ponies took fuck and over the years turned into something they could use. Who single-handedly started the first cuss word in equestrian history? This guy! Alright, maybe not something to be proud of, kinda like winning the award for a porno. Its like ya you won an award but your a slut so who gives a fuck.
Damn, I really turned into a bastard......
Anyways, I realized quite quickly that going on foot would take me far too long. Next thing you know, Im launching my fists around like Spider-Man through Manhattan. I started to hum the spider-pig song halfway through.The whole thing was actually really funny and some ponies expressions were simply priceless. Ah, good times, good times.
A speck of gold out of the corner of my vision directed my attention away from my thoughts to spot my pursuers flying nearby. Truth be told, you don't assault a nation's royals and get away just like that. Especially when your pursuers have wings and are talking magical ponies. I had at least a dozen pegasi following behind the train. They hadn't made a move against me which was a little surprising, maybe they just didn't want me going wrestle-mania on their asses? Whatever the reason, I'm glad. I can actually enjoy this train ride. Did I tel-
Holy Shit!
I barely ducked as the train entered another tunnel. Ya, that would have been painful! Well, somewhat. I'm not exactly human anymore, so my body can take a lot more punishment then normal. Honestly if I had hit that thing it would have been more of an inconvenience then painful. Wow! I didn't exactly have a lot of room in here! Despite the pitch black darkness, I could still feel the wind blowing tightly around me, and at one point I think my nose scraped the ceiling! Coming out of the tunnel, I was assaulted with the momentary brightness that was the mid afternoon sun. And then like a light switch, the sun was gone, replaced by a crescent moon. Before I could even utter a response, the moon dived down over the horizon, the sun in all its glory zipping right back up. Discord's up to his old tricks again. Seems my pegasi friends couldn't handle the sudden change of celestial bodies as several turned around and started flying back to the city. I shrugged, the fewer things I had to fight the better, right now, its me time.
The train soon exited out of the bottom of the mountain, and I watched contently at the vast expanse of beautiful grasslands and lush green forests went by.
This is nice.
Reminded me of the times I would get off work late and just drive home, the widows down, just feeling the air rush past me. Really serene, quiet alot of the times. Just me and my thoughts. I shit you not I saw a UFO once! Never believed up till that point.. then again, I'm in talking pony land, so maybe I should open my mind a little.
I sighed happily, a small smile on my face as I layed back on the roof of the train car. I just stared up at the passing blue sky, absentmindedly watching the clouds go by. The slight vibrating under me mixed with the calm scenery around me really put me in a good mood. I was tempted to fall asleep right there, but the thought of falling off the train to an inevitable face-plant was not a nice thought. So I just continued to lay there on the top of the train, watching the world go by....
Seems like I've been doing a lot of watching....
I groaned loudly at the thought of my imprisonment. Good moment ruined. I could already feel my once relaxed muscles tensing up, urging me to move. Sitting up again, I quickly spotted a sight I really didn't want to see.
Houses with the ground still under them floating upside down in the air. A massive cotton candy storm cloud. Various animals having completely random added parts. Is, is that a pig with wings? My god thats hilarious! When pigs fly! Good shit Discord, Good shit. Like I said, he could be funny sometimes. A sudden rumbling above me snapped me out of my gazing. There was one of those pink fluffy clouds not ten feet above me, just hovering there. It was following me, considering it was keeping up with the train.
Small flashes of light inside the cloud made me realize very quickly what was about to go down.
"Don't you da-" The sound of chocolate rain pouring all around me is my answer. I have chocolate rain in my shoes, my pants are soaked, and my shirt is now clinging to my body reeking of chocolaty goodness. I think my eye twitched involuntarily. My fingers were ever so slowly forming into fists. I had one set of clothes. One set. One fucking set! That cloud wasn't moving on its own, its master was pulling its strings. I was seeing red at this point, the calm demeanor gone, replaced with a rage I was more then willing to tap into.
"Discord! You worthless peace of horse shi-" The shrill whistle of the train drowned out my symphony of insults that would make even a sailor blush. Apparently, we were approaching a some type of small town, and it was even worse shape up close.
The ground had been changed to multiple colors, from varying checkerboard patterns of pink and white to deep blues and aquas. Even the structure of the ground too, massive lumps to large indentations left the whole place with a real disorderly feel.
Or chaotic.......
The train suddenly lurched forward, and if I hadn't been sitting down, I would've faceplanted the roof of the car. That would've elevated my mood just fine. Looks like the conductor wasn't having any of this crazy shit and decided to put the breaks on this trip. Couldn't blame him. Realizing that the train wasn't going any further, I hopped off, landing with a suppressed thud. I stretched loudly, popping a few joints here and there. Also took it as a good time to shake off this chocolate rain.
Chocolate Raaaaaaaaain!!
But seriously, I was still pissed about it. While the ponies in the train were figuring out exactly why they stopped in the middle of nowhere, I decided I would pay ol Discord a visit. Not to mention give him my dry cleaning bill. This chocolate was going to smell.
Sprinting away from the train, I quickly gained on the outskirts of the city, where his magic was slowly spreading.
I figured the lord of chaos himself would be at the center of town, so walking strait ahead seemed my best option. Ponies were either to busy to notice I was there or just plain didn't care. Most were just running around comically screaming their heads off.
I've heard worse.
I just ignored them up and continued toward the center, striding my way through the streets. At one point a group of dancing buffalo in tutu's tried to twirl around me in some performance. Ya, I was having none of that. A crumpled pile of buffalo later I continued on my way. Wait. Where they girls? Oh shit, I may have just assaulted a bunch of dancing female buffalo in tutus.
Meh.
Nothing was a real challenge til I met her. I don't know if she was some kind of construct of Discord or a hellspwan from Tartarus. All I know is, she was scary. Like really, really, really, creepy scary. There I was waiting patiently for a stampede of bunnies with freakishly long legs to run by when a mint green unicorn with a two-toned mane runs by. I payed her no attention up till the point where she slammed her front hooves into the ground, coming from a full gallop to a dead stop. I raised an eyebrow at the mare's strange move but again didn't think to much of it.
Mistake right there.
The bunnies had just passed by, finally unblocking my path when she popped up right in front of me. I wasn't exactly surprised, more just startled. I definitely didn't scream like a little girl. Nope. After checking that my heart was still functioning, I addressed the mare before me, who was just staring. At my gauntlets. With a very unsettling smile on her face.
"Uh, can I help you?" I asked, attempting to draw some sanity from the whole situation. Unfortunately, she slowly moves her head up to lock her gaze on mine. Her pupils are pinpricks and combined with that large smile frankly did not make things better. Yep, sanity out the window.
"Are. Those. Hands??" She said with a mix of hopefulness and crazy. Yep, defiently crazy.
"Well, to be specific, they are gauntlets, but my hands are underneath them" I just had to say it. Ignoring common sense in this situation, I answered the golden question. The moment the word 'hands' left my mouth, her smile grew impossibly larger and her eyes even smaller. For a second there I though she was going to have a stroke.
"May I see them?" She whispered, almost drooling at the sight of guantlets, or more specifically, my hands underneath. Make no mistake, I still had my hands, I could still 'feel' them underneath. And right now my palms are sweating rather badly. I had to word my next sentence carefully. Very carefully.
"Im afraid I cant. You see these things don't exactly come off. Trust me I tried" I raised my arms so she could get a good look at my appendages. I was relieved to see some confusion in her eyes as her smile faded to something more normal.
"So, If we remove these, I can see your hands?" She questioned in a less crazy tone. I failed to realize what she was getting at till it was to late.
I started to laugh lightly. If she could get these things off, Id kiss her. Then again, I'm quite attached to them! Eh? Eh? No?
Well screw you thats funny.
"Your free to try, but Im kinda-" I didn't get any farther as my words died in my throat. Somehow in that lasp of a few seconds, she had levitated over a fucking chainsaw! And that creepy smile was back. In all its glory. My face went several shades paler as she started the thing, the whirring of the blades a cry for my flesh.
Looks like its time to board the nope train to fuckthatshitville.
I bolted, the mare from the chainsaw massacre speeding after me. Next thing I know, Godzilla shows up shooting....Ok ok, so maybe thats not what exactly happened.....
"So, If we remove these, I can see your hands?"
"Well, yes, but-" Too late, she had already gone rage mode on my guantlets, tugging at one with all her might. Why she wasnt using her horn I have no clue. Depsite tugging with all her might, her hooves digging into the ground, she barley moved my arm. My guantlets are rather heavy to all but me. I calmly watched as she tried to remove my guantlets with her hoof power. I was in no rush. Finally, something clicked, and she attempted using her magic to pull them off. They lifted just slightly more. Her frustration was growing on her face as her horn grew brighter. I realized if I didnt stop her, she may hurt herself.
"Ok, lets settle down now" I said, easily breaking out of her telekinetic hold. "Jeez, you act like you never seen a human before" I laughed, only to realize I commited another mistake. Looks like she might be having that stroke yet.
"Did..you say...human?!" She jumped up, placing her forehooves on chest. I leaned back at her close proximity, I still had a privacy bubble. Her breathing became erractic as her eyes scanned my face for any sign of deceit. I figured that maybe answering truthfully may snap her out of her crazed state.
"Yes, I am a human. Or at least was." I asnwered. Yep, that was the straw that broke the camel's back, or pony's in this case. She began to hyperventilate, muttering between 'human' and 'hands' before her eyes rolled back into her head.
Pony down! We have a pony down!
She crumpled into my arms and I worriedly checked her over, hoping I didnt give the mare a heart attack. Thankfully, it looked like she just passed out. I decided to screw Discord for the moment and get this mare some medical attention. Hopefully they had actual hopitals now. I didnt have to look very far as I spotted a large white building in the distance. A quick sprint and I was already getting close. The mare was still doing alright, though she wsa cutely kicking her back forelegs in her sleep. I forgot how cute these little guys can be sometimes.
Considering how Ive seen them at their worst....
On approaching the hospital, I noticed that it too was not immune to Discord's antics. The large red cross that was presnt on the building was spinning incredibly fast, blowing away any ponies that got too close. In addition, the buildings normally white exterior had splashes of different colors, like the paintcrew was a bunch of toddlers. Or Discord. Same thing basically.
Now, that fan may have been a problem for most ponies, but I wasnt exactly a pony. Calmly walking toward the entrance, the fan noticed me and directed its mighty breeze toward me, to which it had zero affect. It seemed to realize this, as it increased its speed to gale force levels. It kicked quite of bit of dust around me, but I stood undettered. An evil thought suddenly occurred to me, and with a slight reposition of the mare in my arms, I freed up one arm, or more precisely, one fist.
You know where this is going. I raised up my fist, angling it driectly at mr spinny.
"Gotcha" I fired away, my apendgae zooming away at its unsespectiing target. Seconds later, it smashed the sign to peices, indenting it into the building. Now free of that nusance, I strode cofidently into the hospital, only to find it, in well.
Choas.
The small lobby was crowded with ponies, many trying to control their gray counter parts who were shouting around angrly. Several doors were opening and closing at rapid paces. A few times a heart monitor zoomed by, a nurse or docotor in hot pursuit.
Walking over to the receptionist's desk, I noticed the cobalt colored mare was busy attempting to gather several papers that had sprouted legs.
"Exuse me miss, but I need-"
"Take a seat, we'll be with you when we can!" She said, not bothering to look up. Shrugging, I made my way over to a dew empty chairs, placing the still unconsious mare in one. Laying back in the other, I waited. and waited. And waited.
I checked my invisible watch. Yep, half passed invisible. Its getting late. Better cancel my appointment with Discord.
Speaking of which, a small rumbling started to shake the hospital, throwing the already panicked ponies into a frenzy. Hoever, I knew all to well what that rumbling was.
It can't be! Discord you idiot!
I leapt out of my seat and nearly bowling over several ponies, I exited the hospital entrance. Just in time to see the rianbow gun of death explode from one side of the town to the other. I think I grew several shades whiter as the rainbow came down, breaking into two parts. I think my heart stopped when I realized I might be hit with it again.
Nononono
They slammed down on both sides of the town, and for a split second the town was encased in a bright light. I didnt notice this however as my mind was flooded with memories I had buried ever so long ago. My gauntlets slammed into my head in feeble attempt to stop the tide of memories that was setting my brain on fire. Despite my attempt, I soon felt the heavy feeling of gravity slowly pulling me down, my body going limp in response. Before I felt myself slip into the cold grip of unconsciousness, I was able to make out a soothing voice speak above me.
"Don't worry sweetheart. Your going to be ok" it spoke softly as I felt myself being pulled along the ground. After that, nothing.
"What manner of creature is it?!" The white winged unicorn shouted in shock. "Me?! Your the talking fucking pegacorns!" The man shouted back.
"We do not believe continuing our aggressions would prove useful to either our causes, perhaps thou would be kind enough to except our friendship?" The Sun Alicorn smiled hopefully. "This is probably a bad idea but..yes. I accept" the man nodded.
"Gauntlets? May we ask thou a question?" Celestia asked curiously. The man raised an eyebrow at this. "What do you want to know princess?" ."Pray tell, if thou would be so kind, what is one's world like?" He scrtached his head at this. "Where should I begin....."
"Are you alright princess? You don't usually call me unless its something important" Concern evident on the man's face. The princess did not directly address the new arrival as she gazed out toward the midday sun. "Gauntlets, we have know each other for some time, have we not?" The princess asked. "Coming around 9 months if I've counted the days right. And please princess, you can call me Gaunts. The full word seems a bit impersonal" . A genuine smile graced her muzzle as she finally turned to address the man, her magenta eyes meeting his deep brown. "Then we wonder, what is thou's actual name? Surely one is not named or ones appendages?" . He smirked. " Perhaps we should ask Princess Luna the same about her cutie mark?" The Alicorn blushed lightly at the irony in her statement. "Yes, quite. It was a foolish question for us to ask" the mare looked away, allowing an awkward silence between the two. Finally, the man spoke up. "It's Rick Ross" he stated. When the alicorn showed confusion, he elaborated. "My name, it's Rick. Rick Ross". The sun princess smile returned in ernest as she nodded. " A very nice name"
"You can't be serious!" The man shouted, stunned. "It is true. These creatures, the Griffons, have begun encroachment on Equstria's borders. They yield to nopony. Our attempted talks for peace have resulted in the deaths of my messengers. We have no choice. To defend my people, Equestria will go to war", Celestia quietly spoke. "That's..I can't even imagine you has fighting. Let alone a war" he clutched his head in one of his gauntlets. "Will you fight with us?" A soft voice spoke. Removing his hand, he was greeted with something he had yet to see from the ruler. Pure sadness. He looked into her eyes, and as they connected, a wave of emotions flooded over to him. He saw not the face of the ruler of Equestria, but that of his friend, the one he had known to call 'Celly'. She was more vulnerable then he had ever seen before and his heart ached at the sight. He placed a hand on her withers, their gazes unwavering. "I've never been to war. Or any actual battle before. Honestly I don't know if I have what it takes to kill" her gaze fell at his words, but he was not finished. "But I know this. I don't leave my friends when they need me the most. I will fight. I will fight for Equestria. I will fight for my friend" he smiled solemnly. She smiled, her eyes attempting to avoid tears as she used a wing to pull the man closer into a tight hug. He in turn reciprocated, wrapping his remaining arm around her large neck. " Thank you my friend. Thank you."
"Fuck you Celestia! After everything, you will turn on your friends so quickly?!" He angrily shouted at the duo of alicorns hovering above him. "You lost the right to call me friend snake!" She shouted back with equal rage. "Sister, we need to end this now! The elements!" The darker alicorn spoke. Moments later, a rainbow blast crashed down upon the man, encasing him in stone.
"DAMN YOU CELESTIA AND YOUR FUCKING SISTER TOO!"
"This isn't over, not by a long shot bitch!"
"I'm going to get out of here, and when I do, your going to pay!"
"Ha! Talk about friends! Friends don't in case each other in fucking stone!"
"We...we were friends at some point. Weren't we Celestia?"
"I thought we were friends...."
"Weren't we Celly?"
"Why Celly?"
"Why?"
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FIRST COMMENT!
Man that was a...um heavy way to end the chapter. I hope we can delve more into the past and find out what made Celestia snap.
And also watch this. [youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=77afpsXRKcQ]
4924513 Better luck next time buddy.
lulz
Feels-class ICBM inbound!
Why Celestia...
why...
Ooh you are such a plot tease!
And I love it
Nuisance; confidently; only to find it in, well; Chaos.
Three spelling error and one syntaxe error.
Best chapter ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reminds me of Gravity of a Situation since it started out seeming small and weak and then there was that one chapter that made it awesome, and this is the chapter that made your story have something distinguishing it from the rest of the start-up lohav/h's!!!! You did the impossible and made your story have a true plot......hehe plot!!!!!!!!
you have successfully combined feels with the legendary lulz, you have made....... *drum roll*
THE SAPPY TROLL FACE GUY
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/061/f/8/sad_troll_vector_by_shadu-d3arllz.png
celestia and sister deserve a punishment for betraying their friendship
but that's what that punishment sucite
and what I hate about celestia always says I hope in time they can forgive me
or had no choice always hate that shit it
she never takes responsibility for his actions
and commands the elements to correct THEIR mistakes she has committed
is an IRRESPONSIBLE
BY THE WAY GREAT STORY
GREETINGS AND GOOD LUCK
PS I HOPE THE PRINCESS AT LEAST ON THIS STORY
RESPOND BY HIS MISTAKES
4924513 Ah yes, first comment. A gift and a curse. The gift of bragging right and the curse of many down votes.
4924515
4924676
4924865
4925484 MY FEELS ARE TAKING FIRE!
4924925 I know I'm just terrible
While reading this chapter, I was like
i433.photobucket.com/albums/qq51/Sonicdan369/awesometwopointoh.jpg
But then I got to the ending, and i was like
3.bp.blogspot.com/-2yZDcgtTMuY/U7duy83VRMI/AAAAAAAACxc/NdynPnmjrIw/s1600/dawson.png
4929237 Commence open assault on the author for these delicious feels!!
I'm afraid I have no more feels to be stolen today.
Interesting. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
4930594 Here, take some... *gives you a goodie bag fulla feelz*
I enjoy your story. I really do, but you really need an editor. Or at least you should look over this chapter again. There are a lot of typos.
Never were a fan of crazy hands Lyra, especially since it doesn't even makes sense since Minotaurs have hands as well...