Apple Bloom feels like the third wheel, and that's no fun. But when she confronts her friends about her feelings, things do not go as they should.
Just a little something I threw together. It's not edited that well... oh well. I hope you enjoy, regardless!
The moderators insisted I rate it "Teen". I don't know why... Maybe the kissing?
Also, slight changes to chapter one, and an added character tag (OC).
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Well now a nice little start.
I'd say its a four.
Heh, I can see how this would stand as teen.
Apple Bloom i can feel your words filly.
How drastic are you willing to go.
Well, dang. Apple Bloom has to be the most depressing pony to be around. Looking forward to the next chapter. Most stories using this theme often time end tragically short. I have no idea where this is going, but not seeing a romance or sad tag, I can't even begin to think where this will lead.
I wonder though if the bottle lands on her with a cute colt if the colt will bail out rather then kiss Apple Bloom. That'd be harsh.
Anyhow, loved the story so far. MORE, PLEASE!
I give it 4 moustaches for evocative language!
Very cute story idea, but sadly the execution falls a bit flat
For one,there's a bunch of grammatical and structural errors.
For example, at one point you write
and the paragraph just ends there...
You also have some repetition a few places. Both in form of repeating something that's already asserted, as well as reusing a word/phrase shortly after it's used(for example, you use the phrase "at the last minute" at the end of both the first and the third sentence. You'd preferably want more variety)
Either way, have fun writing this fic
~Sind
4848991 Thanks. I have yet to edit it, so those errors should be fixed soon!
4847996 Well, thank you!
4849289 Thanks!
4848302 Well, I hope it meets with your expectations! Then maybe they can go out for a little coffee...
4849372 Coffee? But I'm fine! But sure I'll have some coffee.
cdn.unleashthefanboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/LUNA.jpg?fdbb3e
Not like I trot around with a coffee mug in tow or anything mind you.
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And yes, very much enjoying this story! Most delightful!
4849460 Thank you! Trot around with coffee mugs? Never! But Ina Monday morning, you'll be sure to see me with a caramel frappachino.