A young Twilight Sparkle learns the magic of pyrotechnics.
Sorry, CosmicAfro.
Chapters (1)
Bandy
Joined 24th Dec, 2011 ·
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Yes.
Everypony loves explosions!
Am I the only one who read Powder Keg's lines with the Demoman's voice?
480944
Nope
Poor Celestia. Now she has to go and do more paperwork from Twilight's little stunt...
483986 Yay paperwork!
ts4.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=4542783163596923&id=193902459f3b2c8045571da737b01887&url=http%3a%2f%2fmaidpronj.files.wordpress.com%2f2011%2f08%2fpaperwork.jpg
Twilight didn't notice half the tower falling off? Or realize that this was a bad outcome?
Were it anypony else I'd complain. But I can believe filly Twilight being just that naive.
>Will read this really, really, soon I promise
As far as the technical stuff goes, you've got a lot of passive voice language such as "That was, at least, until", "In fact, she was awed", and so on. I'd go through and try to have more action-ish language and character-driven language. Like turning "That was, at least, until" to "This all changed one fateful year during ____".
Some other things that stick out (but I may be wrong on these):
weresqueak. "Then it'll => weresqueak. "Then, it'll
Canterlot, but being the obedient filly she was, => Canterlot, but, being the obedient filly she was,
as she noted that as of then, nothing => as she noted that, as of then, nothing
like he had just rolled in mud, his whole coat was caked => like he had just rolled in mud; his whole coat was caked
just to be safe... You’re not going to => just to be safe... you’re not going to
If Powder keg had been => If Powder Keg had been
shock, a small, Almost sad smile => shock, a small, almost sad smile
Got to be honest and say that while I liked it, I really doubt it'll get on EqD. They're probably say something along the lines of: "It comes across as too stilted, you need more variance in your sentence structure, Twilight seems too OOC, and Twilight's characterization doesn't include canon episode events enough." But if you want to go for it, then go ahead.
Again, it's a really nice story. Thanks for dedicating it to me, by the way!
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500375 "Got to be honest and say that while I liked it, I really doubt it'll get on EqD."
Oh, ye of little faith.
480944
Ah, so someone else did too.
eqd'd...
Pyrotechnic twilight is best twilight
Needs more Firecracker Burst.
520410 This pony just screams "Hilariously tragic backstory." I might just need to write about this.
480720
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Filly Twilight is best Twilight.
Very amusing.
Congrats on EQD.
Anyway, this story is awesome. The idea of Twilight using explosives is hilarous, and with the fact that she had the eyepatch in that one episode...Well, that calls to mind a certain game character. I can't help but wonder if Powder Keg is somehow related to Trixie. (Maybe he set up the pyrotechnics for her cart-display?)
520215
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I'm not sure how to respond to this fact, so I guess I'll just back away slowly without comment.
-2 points for not making the title "Filly's First Firework Foray".
Other than that, good job
I LIKE IT
Conrats on EQDaily, btw
Blowing up a tower with fireworks?
Is there anything Twilight can't do?
500375
Neither of those are actually in the passive voice.
Gimli the dwarf shakes his head in disgust, "Aye! That be what they get for not using dwarves to plan and build the castle. Why, with myself and a hundred of my kin, we'd have built the north tower such that a hundred such fillies armed with fireworks wouldn't move so much as a cornerstone!"
I agree giving fireworks to kids is always a good idea
This was amazing. All my yes!
543322 Yes accepted.
That was bloody fantastic. more please.
545793 If you'd like, I can PM you my latest work. It's another cute little story that's not quite done yet (it's still pretty rough in that respect), but if you ant to read it, I'm sure that can be arranged.
545837 Um um sure? No sad please? >.< I have yet to find a crying towel big enough for the amount of tears I ted to shed at even remotely sad stuff.
Happy to edit and gush though
545842 It's funny, don't worry.
545877 Woohoo! send away! i'm off to sleep for now but after collecting some fre comic books tomorra I'll be all over it.
486055 Well, your sort of right in the idea of her as a filly being a factor. You see, she was young and she expected a huge explosion with lots of color, (which is what she got) so she was really happy and mainly focused on the fireworks not the tower because she was distracted by the light show. She would probably realize what she'd done, but not before the excitement of the explosion went away. A sort of "WOOOOOHOOOOO!
...wait... Oh, SH*T!"
Jamie want big boom.
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I would expect this kind of stunt to be pulled by Pinkie (even when she's an adult), not by Twilight (even when she's a filly).
Now that's funny.
Explosions make everything better! EVERYTHING!
486055
Given that she knew what fireworks were already, I'd think she'd have thought through the effects of setting them off inside the tower, rather than above the tower...
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......*coff*....*coff*...hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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