Granny Smith has passed away.
Big Mac is angry.
Apple Bloom is acting out.
And for the first time in her life, AJ is uncertain.
My entry for the Creative Talents Contest headed up by Silver Melodies and Little Wood
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 6th May, 2014
- offline last seen Yesterday
LightOfTriumph
Good authors too, who once knew better words, Now only use four-letter words writing prose. Anything goes. 
LightOfTriumph
Joined 6th May, 2014 ·
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....... i do like the 'idea' behind this. i really do. but your execution here needs a whole lot of work. especially cause the idea of granny smith suddenly passing has worlds of potential to it.
largely it went far too fast to start with. suddenly she is selling apples, then she is home, learns the truth, and things just happen rather than it building up.
not to mention the writing makes no sense. it sounded more like she was off buying fruit rather than selling any, let alone getting gyped to start with. not to mention the reactions of big mac and applebloom were very off. if she just passed away then why would they just be quiet? big mac would hold strong for his sisters, bu applebloom would be grieving if it just happened and without warning.
such a story has to have enough build up. grief has many stages, and they all basically lost the pony who was always there for them when their parents passed away.
best i can say is that granny's passing should appear at the end of the first chapter, and the rest of it is simply applejack going on with her day and such.
largely the reason why it should go like that is because it would give a sense of normalcy up to the point that granny smith passes away. perhaps granny was alive in the morning, not wanting to her grandfoals to know that she was ill, and by the time aj returns she has passed from the world.
few things are as earth shattering than to have a day go as normal only for something life changing as losing a loved one to occur.
This was touching, and sweet. Thanks for sharing your story.
Poor poor Jason Todd....oh wait wrong story.
4809252
I knew I was cribbiing the title from SOMETHING.
I have to ask, how did you like the fic?
4809253 Not gonna lie. Did not read it came for the name. I will read it though now. I have eye strain so it may take some time but I will get it to it in a few days if nothing happens.Promise. I also promise to leave a comment after I read.
......
This makes me remember when I lost my grandpa. Man, that was almost five years ago.
I held back all the tears, and tried to make sure I was brave. And this story helped me remember that.
I just wonder if their ever going to tackle this in the show.
Alright, Light, I'll be honest here. As lordofmyth has said, the idea was sound, but the execution could have been fleshed out more. I see where you were coming from, Applejack coming home and learning of the sudden death of a family member. Happens all the time in real life. However, for the sake of story telling, it feels rushed. Perhaps showing some signs and symptoms of the heart disease before it actually strikes. Even people with sudden heart attacks will show signs of heart disease before it actually happens. Elevated blood pressures, chest pains, soreness is left arm (going off human anatomy here), even attitude changes, these are all signs of the body knowing something is wrong even if we don't know about it. By doing this, you develop a sense of foreboding among your readers, they KNOW something is going to happen but asking WHEN it will happen, draws readers into the story. This also gives you a chance to flesh out characters, and make them relatable. As it is, I truly felt nothing for the surviving Apple family, I couldn't get invested enough because it hit me so fast, all I could say is "what?"
The fact you dedicated this to your grandfather and those who have lost their own (including me) is commendable. Since you have it marked as incomplete, I'll see what more you can add to this. Please understand, this is constructive criticism and not meant as bashing.
Cheers!
not ta bad start i actually dont like sad stories but id like to see more to this and i have to be honest i did choke up a tiny bit X3
This was sad, but I was already depressed before reading this. I'll await more...
4810479 There is no more, I forgot to mark it complete...
This was really sad...
Also, congratulations on getting on the popular stories list! 
4810459 There is no start, this is a one-shot. If you wanna unfave and downvote, I get it..
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"I'm so depressed now."
4810533
...thats odd it said imcompleate a moment ago XD
eh its still good enough seems a shame to end it there but i still like it so no worries ^_^
First their parents, and now this....
I lost my grandma last year, and my grandpa isn't doing to well.
... They've lived a good life, though.
Well I told you I would read it and I read it! Time for some critisism.
The pacing at the beggining is a bit too quick. Felt like you just wanted the whole beggining part tp he over quicker so you could get to AJ finding out about jer granny's death. There are a few grammar errors. I think some of the characters were too blunt in their approach. Toe Tapper to be particullar. He was like almost saying "Get over it. Everybodg loses relatives so cheer up and go see your GF." Not many characters actually consider that after losing a relative some people prefer to be alone for some time. There is nothing wrong to be sad about losing your close relative for a while. In 1 paragraph you overused the word she. You used it in like almost every sentince. Sometimsz even 2 times in a sentince. Also the scene with AJ talking to granny at the end could have been written a bit better. For a moment is came off more as she was halluainating and going a bit crazy.
After all the critisizm though I can say that the premise is very good. The writing is OK. The pacing while not perfect is still not all that bad. Diamond Tiars stuff is quite good. It actually gave me an idea about fic where after Apple bloom lost granny she and Diamond Tiara slowly became he closest friends. If written well, could be awesome. But I am not sure I am going to write it.
This fic is not bad. Has good moments and even if there were quite some flaws, it was still really enjoyable. Feels a bit like you are a begginer at writing fics. Not a total newb but quite new to it. I say you keep it up. You have the ability to channel emotion throuh your fics. But remember: Just emotion is not always enough. You need polished writing so that the emotion you channel through he fic would not feel so raw.
Oh, I know how Apple Bloom feel... I remember when I lost my grandmother. I was bullied in school, and it was a hard period for me. The only difference was that my bully didn't turn around like that. That was when I was 6. I don't remember much any more.....
Oh, lawdy, lawdy, lawdy this was too good
My grandma died when I was 8, and my grandpa died when I was 10 or 11. I loved them both a lot.
When a loved one passes, there's got to be a point in the grieving process when you let them go. It's called Acceptance. The point where you are still very sad, but you can move on with your life.
I've never personally had anyone close to me die, but I know that's how it works.
There are people who never let go, sure....but I'm sure it's not much of a life to live, in constant grief.
If I'm wrong about this, I'm sorry and I probably just offended a bunch of people.
My grandma died a month or two ago due to bronchitis (which turned out to be double pneumonia) and three heart attacks. I missed almost an entire week of school and was dreading going back. I have a new respect for the brony fanbase and to you for writing this fic.
Yeah, I can empatizhe with the Apples. My grandfather died two years ago; it was hard to bear at the beginning, but, with time, one learns to overcome loss and return to normality.
Thank you for writing this fic.