53w, 2dSecond Person Stories
'Oh my god this is so fucking boring...' It had never occurred to mark that being in a kids show, ponies would party accordingly. While he never expected ponies to have alcohol (although weak), it turned out that they did live up to his low expectations when it came to throwing parties. It was like a 5 year old's birthday...
Few had actually turned up to welcome the "Pottymouthed lizard" as he was now known as, in fact, only the mane six had shown up, and Mark suspected that it was purely for Pinkie's benefit.
He watched bored as a blindfolded Twilight stumbled over to a painted donkey, attempting to pin a tail on it, while in the background Pinkie giggled hysterically, they all had big smiles on there faces and honestly looked to mark to be enjoying themselves wholeheartedly. He didn't get it, 'It's pin the tail on the donkey for fucks sake!' yes he understood they were miniature pastel colored equines, but still, this was lame even for them. Beforehand they had partied 'ponyville' style with tacky music, dancing wildly for around half an hour. He would have been sympathetic, but besides Dash, they had not a drop of alcohol in their system. Therefore for Mark it was kind of pathetic. Very much so in fact.
So far despite the best efforts of Pinkie Pie, he had yet to partake in any party activities, instead electing to stand awkwardly just outside the area of activity. Yes he knew he was being antisocial, but dammit the games were just so lame.
Everypony laughed (Mark was not a pony) as Twilight managed to pin the tail on the donkeys forehead, it wasn't even funny.
"Ops, wrong spot Twilight" Laughed Pinkie, "I'm sure you'll get it next time!"
"Yea!" said Dash, "You were so close, you'll get it next time for sure"
Mark grumbled, 'Oh god they're setting it up again', this had been the 5th try, it was beyond stupid, boring and humiliating, he'd had enough. Mark sighed dramatically. Maybe he could sneak away or make up some kind of excuse.
Pinkie turned, slightly disappointed "What's wrong Mark? aren't you enjoying the party".
"Not really..." he replied. He was now getting concerned/irritated glances from the rest of the ponies present. He was aware he was being rude, calling a party in his honor boring, but he'd simply had enough.
Rarity was giving him a funny look as if to say please don't hurt pinkie's feelings, Mark ignored it the best he could.
"Oh... well how about you get to pick the next game, that'll be fun!" Pinkie was not one to easily depress, she bounced right back with a large smile.
But now the pressure was on Mark, he hadn't any clue what ponies liked doing at these kind of social gatherings, or at all in fact. 'Fuck it, I'll just choose a Human game' a grin spread it'self across his face, which considering his new features probably looked somewhat sinister.
"let's play Shots" he suggested giddily. He'd always enjoyed shot's while at collage, they'd drink every-time Pinkie broke the various laws of physics, suffice to say he'd woken up with ink on his face on more then one occasion.
"Shots?" pretty much everyponies reaction was the same, they hadn't a clue what he was talking about. "OOOO, sounds fun how do you play that" asked Pinkie enthusiastically.
"hm... well first of all you get some booze, secondly-" he was cut off by Twilight.
"Wait, why would we need alcohol at a party?" 'did she seriously just ask that!?' thought Mark.
*SIGH* "Because it's a drinking game..."
"I like the sound of that!" exclaimed Dash, "Am in too, sounds like a mighty fun idea" added Applejack. Rarity seemed somewhat skeptical but opted to listen further.
"Now hold on a second, you do realize alcohol has a plethora of detrimental health side effects that-"
"Oh common egghead, it's just booze, booze doesn't hurt you. besides I think it sounds awesome" interjected Dash.
"I must admit that this game, although brutish, has piped my interests" added Rarity.
Well if her friends were doing it it should be OK, "Alright fine, go on Mark?"
"cool, OK so everyone gets a shot glass" he snapped his fingers and several miniature glasses appeared before each pony, "and some shots" click* now they were filled with Jack Daniels. Pinkie drank her's straight away, coughing afterwards at the taste.
"dammit Pinkie... you're supposed to wait before downing the- OK whatever, so, whenever a unicorn uses it's magic, you down the shot, when ever Dash-"
"I feel funny" laughed Pinkie.
"Yea, so when ever Dash say's the words cool, awesome or any kind of thing like that, you take a drink"
"THIS GAME IS AWESOME" cried dash. Everypony downed their shot including a reluctant twilight, and then immediately started gagging. except Fluttershy who apparently didn't want to play.
"DEAR CELESTIA, THIS STUFF IS FIREWATER" cried applajack "what'd yer put init?!?"
"My that's the strongest drink I've ever sampled" added Rarity.
Rainbow Dash sat with a large grin on her face.
Twilight was grimacing and had her head in her hoofs, clearly having never sampled whiskey before.
Pinkie was laughing, the alcohol in her system beginning to take effect, apparently ponies had little tolerance for ethanol.
And Fluttershy was just staring at hers.
"Hey Fluttershy, aren't you gonna drink that?" asked Mark, he'd asked for their names at the beginning of the party.
"Oh, um... I-I'm not really so sure about this game... I'd rather not play.. if it's ok with you-" her soft voice was interrupted.
"Oh common, it'll be fun" if there was one thing he had to accomplish this night, it was getting Fluttershy drunk, what kind of Brony would he be if he didn't.
"Yea, common shy, it'll be awesome!" Dash encouraged, Mark silently thanked rainbow dash for peer-pressuring her into it, he refilled everyone's glass and causally said "drink".
"Oh um... I don't... really..." she squeaked.
Mark knew what to do, he raised his arm up and began chanting "do it, do it, do it, do it", just as he expected Dash quickly joined in followed by Applejack and Pinkie. Rarity and Twilight sat bemused at the display, somewhat disliking how this was going. But there judgment was impaired by an alcohol buzz common among first time drinkers.
To his surprise, Mark found the tactic working, Fluttershy was staring at her glass as if it had become animated and had stated to tap-dance, but clearly she was considering it. With a frown on her face, she slowly and self consciously lowered her head and grasped the glass in her jaw, the chanting increasing in volume and excitement. With her heart beat racing, she tilted her head back and drank the concentrated beverage, coughing slightly afterwards but smiling at the roaring overexcited applauds she received from Dash, Pinkie, Mark and Applejack.
'This is going to be a great Party' though Mark, and that's when it hit him, He had phenomenal cosmic god-powers, he wielded infinite creative power, 'And the only thing I've used it on thus far is booze and mattresses ...What is wrong with me', whatever. He'd do that later.
Equestria girls we're kinda magical
Boots on hooves, bikinis on top
Twilight stood on a table along with Fluttershy both looking a little worse for wear, the duet singing a drunken version of 'Equestrian girls'. Earlier Mark had summoned a karaoke machine out of nowhere when they started singing (because they might as well have music). She'd never had this much fun before, now Twilight understood why ponies went out clubbing, why ponies consumed salt and alcohol. She hadn't a care in the world, she wasn't worried about the upcoming wedding, nor the possible detrimental side effects of alcohol, right now all that she knew was that she was standing unsteadily on a table with her friend Fluttershy, signing karaoke. And she loved it.
"Hey Fluttershy..." she paused and interrupted the singing, "I thinck... I get it now.... I undershand why some ponies love getting intoxicated...and... what was I saying?" she sat down on the table swaying slightly. Fluttershy laughed.
"I think you've had a little bit to much Twilight" Fluttershy's stutter and shyness had been eliminated after the third shot, she too was swaying slightly.
"Alm finnnneeee.... wat were we singin again?" She looked to Fluttershy with a stupid grin, she hand't felt this relaxed in her entire life.
Fluttershy paused contemplatively, "I forget.." She held her hooves up to her face in a barely suppressed giggle, then they both burst out laughing. Twilight didn't even know why it was so funny, it just was.
*smash* Twiligh flinched at the noise, and relative quiet descended upon the room, "my bad guys" called mark glancing at the pile of now broken glass covering the floor.
Somepony could cut their hooves in that she thought, "Mark, go clean that up", he made a dustpan and brush and began sweeping.
"You didn't need to tell me, I was already going to, jeez", there was no need for that reply, she was just asking him to clean up a potential health hazard. She'd just ignore it.
She noticed Pinkie lying on her back atop a summoned couch wearing a lampshade, giggling hysterically as Applejack and Dash tried to best each other in an arm wrestle, Rarity sat sipping her wine nearby. She had to admit this was a pretty fun party, perhaps they'd introduce Alcohol into their celebrations more often.
Fluttershy had wondered over and approached the sofa from behind, she draped her forelegs over the back and smiled happily. "Hey Fluttershy!" cried Pinkie "HA, why are there two of you, bahahahaha" Truth be told Twilight couldn't find any differentiation in Pinkies usual behavior, she usually ended up in a state like this even without gratuitous amounts of alcohol anyway, so if anything she was actually slowed down.
Fluttershy began a long reply, she talked and talked about nonsense Twilight couldn't make sense of, although she heard animals mentioned quite a few times. "Twilight darling" her attention was drawn to Rarity, who sat opposite to pinkie on the couch, she trotted over and around to the Rarity's side of the couch and slouched over it, head buried into the fabric and her rustled frizzy hair covering her face. She didn't bother to look up.
"Twilight, I just had the most fabulous idea. while watching everypony at this party I was struck by inspiration, the wildness in eveypony's manes is simply intriguing, they contain a wild sort of beauty that seems to just exude a sense of pure freedom, why, I could make a new fashion line based upon these idea's" she paused looking at the ceiling in enthusiastic contemplation. "I've already thought out several idea's for each of our friends, I simply can't bare to wait until morning".
Twilight rose up from the leather sofa (ponies wouldn't even know it was made of leather, they don't do that kind of thing), That sounded like a wonderful idea, making her and her friends dresses. 'In fact, why don't we all go there now' That sounded like a really good idea, going out late at night days before a wedding, while drunk, to work with needles and other Sharp equipment. Twilight didn't even consider the risks, only focused on making her friend happy.
"Letsh do it, right now.... lets go to your boutique and make those dresses right now, it'll be great Rarity" she slurred enthusiastically.
Rarity straightened with happy resolve "you're right Twilight, we simply must procure these ideas while they're still fresh"
"Hey everypony! we're going to the boutique so rarity can make dresses for us" she exclaimed to everyone present. They all looked back with varying degree's of drunken stupor.
"yea, Sounds good"
"I just follow the crowd" said mark.
It never occurred to anyone present how boring making dresses would be, they just felt like going outside, that and it sounded like a really good idea at the time.
Back to marks prospective:
Mark walked out the door, So far it had been a pretty awesome party, they'd pretty much trashed Sugar-cube corner, what with all the extra furniture and trash lying around. 'I'm not cleaning that shit' thought Mark, he'd already given them a karaoke machine and extra furnishings (which included a sofa plus a table and chairs for the duo's little arm wrestling tournament) so he guessed that'd pay for any mess he'd caused. It was a good thing the cakes were out of town.
Mark and a group of heavily intoxicated ponies walked unsteadily down the sidewalk, not quite in a straight line. Everypony present was merry and babbling on about something or other that Mark couldn't and didn't care to understand. He got back to thinking about his powers ' OK so far I've made nothing of particular interest...' and it was true, he'd only made rather mundane household items thus far. What kind of god was he?
"Everybody stop!" he exclaimed suddenly. He now had everponies attention, "guys I-" he realized he'd not thought this out very well, he had no idea what to say or do now that he'd gotten everyone's attention, he cursed the fact that he never thought things through.
"What?" asked Twilight inquisitively.
"urrr.... sorry, I actually didn't think of anything to say before stopping you all"
Dash broke out laughing, as did a few others, "Whoa Mark, can't hold your cider?" she taunted.
"HA please, I'm Twice your size, there's no way I'm as drunk as you" he said swaying slightly.
Twilight felt fit to point out that "yes Mark, but you've also drank three times as much" She had a point, Mark realized he may have been more intoxicated then he first thought.
"OK fine whatever, anyway I remembered what I was going to do, stand back bitches!" He received many eye roles and frowns for that last part, but everyone did actually move out of the way.
And there stood a sports car.
He actually had no idea what make it was, he'd just wished for a cool car and apparently the magic filled in the blanks. 'Holy shit I love these powers!'
"whoa! What the heck is that!" gasped Rainbow dash. "Looks pretty awesome!".
"That, my little pony's, is a car. Get in!" he said insolently while jumping over the door, he slipped and fell head first into the gear stick, he now had a black eye "FUCK!", 'that's what I get for being a prick' he supposed.
The ponies ignored his pain with bemused expressions, possibly due to his language and hopped into the back of the car, while Rainbow Dash naturally took shotgun. "Hey dude, could you cut down on the swearing?" she asked.
*Sigh* "alright, sorry bout that". his ego had been hurt somewhat.
Rarity spoke up,"*ahem* well these are certainly nice seats, the 'car' It'self has a unique design and it looks very nice darling.... however, I don't see how this is going to help us get to the boutique"
"Oh ho, you'll see, just give me a sec to start this beast". he stared down towards the ignition, he had no keys. Sitting there for around 3 seconds before he thought to himself 'FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUU- wait, I can just make some'
Problem solved, he created a set of keys, inserted them into the ignition and- They didn't fit.... "what..." 'oh for fucks sake'
"Hey Mark, what up?" Dash glanced incredulously at him from the side, he imagined he was starting to look quite bad around about now.
'OK maybe if I thought about keys that fit this car', *Snap* He tried again and this time it worked, 'Finally', a loud noise signaled the start of the car much to the freight of everypony present. Various gasps rang out and everypony had flinched.
"What in th'hay was that!" asked applejack.
"That's the car, it, like, doesn't use magic and transports people'n stuff around at high speeds" Mark replied. The ponies gave him a few confused glances.
"Wow, that's so fascinating, it's like an automated carriage, and what are 'people'?" Asked Twilight.
'Oh god not this conversation', right now he just wanted to have fun, not explain the concepts of people to Twilight. "I'll tell you later, but now, it's time to.... I don't know go for a drive I guess..."
Calws gripping the steering wheel- 'Wait , I don't know how to drive...' It was true, He'd never owned a car nor got his driving license.
'... lol I don't fucking care' he gave out a small laugh directed at the sky and proceeded to slam his foot down upon the accelerator. The car jerked forward much to the freight and ire of everyone on board, heads flew backwards due to the G-force acting on them, startled, Mark tore his foot from the accelerator. This abrupt change caused the heads of everypony and chimera present to jerk forwards and slam off of either the back of the chair or in Marks case the steering wheel, which elicited a loud BEEP.
Everypony growled Irritably at Mark, "what the heck was that for?" Asked a flustered Twilight.
Mark grimaced "Sorry guys, my bad.... Ok look, chillax, I got this" Unsteadily the car eventually managed to go at a somewhat stable speed of 20 Mph which was well beyond pony sprinting speeds. He couldn't really go any faster in the streets of ponyville.
Everypony present was pretty impressed by the machine, especially Twilight. not so much Rainbow dash however.
"Can't this thing go any faster?"
"No, we're in a crowded area" replied Mark.
Ok now this was awesome, cruising around ponyville in a sports car, with an intoxicated mane six while in possession of god-powers. Mark had to admit, he'd never quite expected his life to turn out so well. He had an idea.
Clicking his claws, he turned on the music player, and set it to play a song:
what is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
As the opening verse ended Mark started bobbing his head up and down to the following beat. With a stupid grin on his face he turned up the music and leaned back in his seat.
Pinkie immediately followed Marks example and began bobbing her head up and down with a large smile "common girls, join in".
"Well isn't this a delightful song" said Rarity beginning to bob her head, soon enough they were all doing it due to the catching beat and being intoxicated.
Mark turned around to face them "hey guys isn't this awesome", he saw Twilight throwing up over the side of the car, after her heaving was done she sat back in her chair comfortably.
"yes, I suppose so" she said. Conversation between everypony present reignited.
Lyra was trotting home from work at 2:17 Am, she as exhausted from working the counter way into the night and just wanted to go to sleep. Having worked in a porn shop for what, 8 weeks now,(reference to Tripple X), the Mareborough, she'd seen her fair share of weird things, whether that be interracial griffin gang-bangs, or just the customers themselves, but what she was about to see would take first place.
She stopped and stared as she heard music approaching, it got louder and louder as time went by, the louder it got the more it piped her curiosity. There down the street appeared to be some weird kind of orange automated metal vehicle, it drove past her. There in the front seat was the creature she'd seen yesterday making a scene, he was brandishing a bottle and wearing sunglasses. It and six other mares which tuned out to be Twilight sparkle, Rainbow dash, Pinkie pie, ALL the Elements of harmony also chatting animatedly and bobbing their heads.
She stood there staring until the car disappeared into the distance and the music cease playing. It took her a while to get moving again.
"I gotta admit Mark, you turned out pretty cool in the end" said rainbow dash. He'd given them all more booze while on the trip and was happily drinking a bottle of hard cider. Life was good, he leaned back into the seat and closed his eyes bobbing his head up and down to the beat. nothing could ruin this.
"what's wr-" 'OH JESUS FUCK WHO PUT THAT TOWN HALL THERE!' he screamed in his head. The building was fast approaching and Mark had to react quickly. However in his haste he made somewhat of an error, just before colliding with the building, he slammed his foot down on the accelerator. 'oh goddammit'
*Crash* the front of the car collided with one of the support pillars, breaking though it completely and crumpling the front bumper, then they collided with the building and stopped a few inches inside the wall. Thankfully however no one was seriously injured, but they were all quite shook up and bruised all the same.
Dash face-hooved "nice going idiot..."