• Member Since 28th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 27th, 2017

Lady Maria


Secrets beckon to all humans but only the foolish and ignorant search for what is not meant to be discovered. Such is the fate of men.

Sequels1

T

It all started when the abyss lord awakened now equestria shall suffer from his wrath! Its now up to necrosis to defeat Oblivion and save the world! but it shan't be easy! Follow Necrosis through this adventure he has to brave and watch and cheer for him as he works his way up to defeat the terrible Abyss Lord Oblivion!

Epic fight music included!
Main characters
Oblivion the abyss lord
Necrosis

This is marked in the GORE category for heavy blood and guts along with extremely graphic scenes

This Fanfiction is rated teen for swearing excessive gore

This is marked ulternite universe because the story jumps between the Abyss and Equestria
I also use reference humor ya know if your a guy who loves horror and gore along with demon etc YOU'LL LOVE THIS!
Warning this story contains mass amounts of gore and mild swearing you have been warned

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 41 )

So this is my first story!!!! this was written mouths in advance so tell me what y'all think!
Remember I'm just starting so please don't be too hard on me. also don't be afraid to give me pointers!

Comment posted by Tailgate deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Tailgate deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Lady Maria deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Lady Maria deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Lady Maria deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Tailgate deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Lady Maria deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Lady Maria deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Tailgate deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Lady Maria deleted Aug 17th, 2014

4770189 Your work is appreciated, but perhaps not in the way you imagine. I am sure some readers will get a kick out from your story, especially in the Plan 9 group. However, if your story does get better as the chapters proceed, which I doubt after skimming through the latest chapter, the best way to keep readers is to have a good opening. Your short description needs to catch readers. Then they read the long description which needs to convince them to read it. After that, your last chance to keep that reader is the first chapter.

So remember this, quality not quantity.

“They look at me and this is what you would have seen. A small black pony/dragon that had six scaly dragon wings and had 2 eyes with fire in them. I also had four legs with 2 hooves and 2 arms with claws. My mane was pitch black blood red and dark purple which was long like the rainbow pony and spiky all over, I also had a horn that was red and black that was curved upwards, and finally I had spines go all the way down my back."

i.imgur.com/yuqbxnv.png

Comment posted by The Orthodox Priesthood deleted Sep 4th, 2014

4770238 :fluttershysad:XD that looks nothing like him XD he's a draconoquus and has scales two hooves for legs and two arms like a human and his eyes are all wrong! Have you seen sauron's eye or the great eye from Lord of the rings? Because that's what his eyes look like. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

But it was a good try PS amassing art love it:heart::heart::heart:

k.......i decided to give it a try , i won't go further than chapter one , you absolutely need an Editor , and......to check some facts on your story just like Saakra said.
It could be interesting but ........if i needed to resume what was thinking when i read this chapter , i could use this pic :
miscellanyandstuff.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/wut.png
all those parentheses part and those (back to me)
to me , it didn't felt like you were telling a story but more like you were "trying" to play it in front of me.

and i think the best WTF fact i found here was

"Hello young one can you tell me what you want to be named I then materialized my image in front of the Illusion of her."

"Hello Aunt Celestia. I wish to be named Oblivion and my royal tidal shall be Oblivion the abyss lord. Is that acceptable?”

Celestia flinched at the name as she slightly remembered a legend that scared her senseless but shakes it off because the abyss lord couldn't come back for billions years.

“Yes that is acceptable young foal” My aunt Celestia responded. She then cut the telepathic link and her illusion disappeared.

“I good have news!” Princess Celestia said. “I just created a telepathic link and asked the foal what he wanted to be named!”

Now tell me , which part of this should i be the most worried about :
-The part where Princess Celestia known to be a wise ruler........is asking a new born foal , who's wondering where is he and who are those ponies around if he wants to choose his name.
-The part where Oblivion apparently know Celestia's name , i mean , it's not like he was just born right ? plus i don't remember any of the character saying her name in front of him.
-The part where he chooses "Oblivion" as a name and even by thinking it's creepy , Celestia simply shrug off that fact.
-The part where Discord and Luna simply doesn't care at all and even accept the abyss lord part.....i mean really ? :facehoof:

So i'm sorry , i wish you good luck for your writing though

4764274

*Months in advance. As for the story itself it's not quite my tastes but I look forward to seeing what you do with the pointers they gave you in the future. :) Just because you got a bunch of bad reviews doesn't mean you should give up. Someday I look forward to seeing another story from you. ^_^

I would also like to add that It's Free is a very catchy chapter title. In truth it sounds like you're a very experienced roleplayer. Perhaps you play Dungeons and Dragons? ^_^ I also liked the fact that you are interested in a good villain. (Yes I read your profile before reading the fic.)

You know what, there are too many mistakes to correct them all tonight. I saved my comment to Google Documents and I shall finish it tomorrow. Right now it is after midnight.

Comment posted by Neko Majin C deleted Sep 4th, 2014
Comment posted by Battle154 deleted Oct 14th, 2014

..................................

True. But I think NOT!!!!!! :flutterrage:

Even you destroy Equestria, I will rebuilt built it and protect it.

It all started when the abyss lord awakened now equestria shall suffer from his wrath!

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/758/086/bdc.png

Yay, you destroyed Equestria!

Interesting. Ok then.

5147728 eyyup now the humans ans ponies are living on the same planet happy? :trollestia:

5147737 I'm writing the first chapter now... I'll tell ya first when I'm done with chapter 1

This is marked ulternite universe because the story jumps between the Abyss and Equestria

I don't think you know what alternate universe means.

Jolly good show mate keep up the good work :yay:

I'm sorry mate but the writing is going downhill

6039730 man this is honestly my worst story want something better read my story Sir Alonne or the last human they have a lot better ratings this piece of shit was my worst piece of work ever

*if you ever use these things you fail as a writer, but i bet that if it was fixed it would be in the featured list*
for example


*stabs*
*blood oozes out*
The man stabs the beast, blood oozing out of the wound.
which is better?

7018538 This was honestly my first time writing like this so its going to suck ass. the only reason this story is still up is to showcase my progress from complete shit to average. I also didn't have a editor for this and I wrote this edgy piece of edginess around twelve and a half, to thirteen years old when my angst was at its peak. So really I wouldn't waste your time trying to criticize and scorn this story because trust me I know it sucks total ass you don't need to tell me that! XD

This story was originally written a few years before it was posted so it just sat in limbo till i shat it out a year or so ago not giving two shits about it

Login or register to comment