The window through which we perceive life is what defines our experience of it. We are only aware of a small fraction of what our senses pick up. We can all choose how we see the world.
We're all familiar with siblings fighting each other, where a family's bond can be broken. Nighty dances alone in his room to have some private time all to himself, that is all cast aside when his older sister watches him dance. Entering someone's room is one thing, but when you catch them dancing moves that they find embarrassing, what is a big sister suppose to do?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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4762350 Enjoyed? I hope so.
Not bad. I noticed a few sentences where you could have replaced words with pronouns to clean things up, though, like the section where Starburst is carving up the tree.
Overall pretty good. Earned a green thumb from me! Glad I stopped by to give it a read!
4762436 Well I'm glad that you gave it a read.
That was a sweet story. I love the idea that Star loves to dance, or did dancing before the training to be a Royal guard. Great job.
4762492 I agree, thank you! Glad that you enjoyed it.
Chaotic,
As much as I want to say it's a "good story," I actuality think it's a "under-done" and "rushed" story with A LOT of exposition and a plot that shows up towards the end with brief, lack of context paragraphs that don't really dissect the situation out that well. While I will not complain about the fact that the vast majority of this story does help set-up the climax, I just wish for more brother-sister interaction when Night Light gets caught. To which, this story COULD have expanded on the emotional connection towards the reader that might have had that brother or sister (or parents for the matter) who has walked in on them doing something stupid. To which, this story could have scored if it completely played out what happened and how they formed a stronger bond between each other since they have come to a better understanding for each other. Also, they share the same passion for dancing! Holy Crap! That would excite each other and make themselves start moving around the room, twirling, spinning, and jumping all over the place until their feet get tired (I can just picture that right now).
Anyway, it's still not terrible though. I just think it missed the mark. 3.5/10
- JR Black Wing
4762661 For some reason, I keep ignoring what I should have done in the story instead I do the opposite. I wish I could've taken this story back. Thanks though.
I liked it a lot, though it would've been better if it weren't so rushed in its pacing.
Still a good story regardless
4762766 I've been trying to work on that for the longest. Sadly, I don't have the guidance to put me in the right direction.
I liked this!
It was a view of Twilight's family that I've never seen before; Starburst and Night Light, the two teasing siblings, and Twilight being the reflective parent. It was an interesting take on what the next generation would be like. The details were vivid, and I could hear the voices of the characters in my mind, although it might have been a little rushed. Keep being a genius!
I BAKED YOU ANOTHER APPLE PIE!
4762840 I'm happy that you enjoyed this story! I do agree that I could have slowed the pace down, but still a solid story that needs more work. Thank you.
Yay, apple pie!
I like it
I have a feeling that a similar thing happened to you.
4763402 Thank you!