You'd think life would be all caviar and high society luncheons if you were born into Equestria's wealthy elite. But that might not be the case if you also grew up in Ponyville, if your parents named you "Filthy," and if you had a grandfather who had some very odd notions about how rich ponies are supposed to behave.
This is a story about growing up in the time of Applejack's parents' generation. It's also about the Apple and Rich families, what happened with them, and why Diamond Tiara is such a mean little filly—especially to Apple Bloom. But mostly, this story is about learning to be rich, trying to truly love and be loved, and whether it's really possible to have both in this different take on Ponyville's richest citizen.
Cover art by the illustrious Wolf Gibbson.
D'oh! My apologies to y'all wonderful readers whose comments apparently got nuked when I replaced chapter 1.
I'm still getting used to how this fimfiction.net interface works...
“But,” I protested, “Ah haven’t even said anything about demanding supplies, or bondage vests, or the stocks...”
Oh my little capitalist!
Anyways, nice to know that you're fleshing the story out. It's definitely improved with the backstory on Filthy's dad and the conflict between the lil' money maker and the humbleness of Ponyville.
Excellent! Keep up the Great work!
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Thank you both very much! I'll do my best to keep the story rolling, eh.
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Thank you again for your excellent feedback!
On Filthy's pappy being inquired about by Granny Smith: D'oh!
I honestly missed that even after watching the episode a dozen or so times. (You're right though-- just reviewed it again and caught it in the fading dialogue between Granny and Filthy just as Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom start talking.) Hmmm... I guess I could rework this where he's not dead per se... or maybe just write this off as Granny's senility in a later scene somehow. Or maybe she's talking about Stinking Rich (he's practically Filthy's father in my story anyway... of course, he'd be dead by that scene in Family Appreciation Day, too.) Hmmm. Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm....
Thanks for the feedback on the class introduction scene. I'm not all that good at humor (and was grasping at straws somewhat trying to figure out how to make an elementary schooler explaining interest rates to his classmates seem funny.)
There's a lot of pain in later scenes, though, so I'll keep working on adding some levity, eh.
I hadn't planned on bringing Big Shot back... but Filthy does spend a lot of time in Manehattan (arguably a much larger business center than Neigh Orleans), and successful business ponies do get around. If a good opportunity presents itself, I'll see about bringing him back. I'll noodle on that, eh...
And thanks again to all y'all for the feedback thus far! I'm hoping to have the next chapter out late this next weekend (though it's proving to be a little more stubborn to write, so we'll see.)
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Don't worry, I've made the same kind of mistake concerning canon details before. In one of my stories, I had Sweet Apple Acres be so old that it was set up during the time of Luna's banishment, and then Family Appreciation Day aired...
At least the detail you missed was easy to miss if you weren't actually listening out for it.
Excellent! Keep up the good work!
Now, for a few pointers (sorry about this
). You're making some errors with punctuation and capitalization, and your handling of speech marks and speech clauses needs work. For example, at one point, you wrote:
> "Got a whole... Rit'chul 'round makin' it, too,"
It should be
> "Got a whole... rit'chul 'round makin' it, too,"
because the "rit'chul" is part of the same sentence as "got a whole". Also, when ending a character's speech, you should only add a comma before an "I said" or "I replied" or "I asked" or some such. Stuff like
> "Next you're gonna say she has the Mad Hatter dance a jig with her, while the Dormouse stirs the pot," I laughed.
is a no-no because people don't "laugh" sentences, they say them. That should be
> "Next you're gonna say she has the Mad Hatter dance a jig with her, while the Dormouse stirs the pot," I said, and I laughed.
or
> "Next you're gonna say she has the Mad Hatter dance a jig with her, while the Dormouse stirs the pot." I laughed.
Lastly, when a character speaks, it's best to start a new paragraph. You can get away with not doing so only if you don't have such a long sentence coming first. I think you did this incorrectly at one point. You also abuse hyphens: "nopony", not "no-pony"; "normally stern", not "normally-stern"; and "stock still", not "stock-still".
Besides these technical details, I will admit the interaction between Granny Smith and Stinking was a bit confusing, not to mention it seemed OOC for Granny. Also, the paragraph describing the droplets of water was overlong and tedious, and it and some word choices came across as pretentious. One or two awkward syntax come to mind as well, like
> "Oh! Er... oh," I replied as my vision shattered.
It doesn't read well, unfortunately.
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Thanks! Definitely will do. It'll probably take me a bit longer to get the next chapter out, as it's probably going to be a bit longer.
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Thank you very much! It means a lot to me to hear that from you, eh!
Please don't fell like you have to apologize for the constructive criticism. Actually I want to thank you for it: You've been acting as my defacto proof-reader / editor each time I make an update, and I really appreciate that! (And I very much agree that helpful statements like yours can only serve to make the work better if I take them to heart.) By way of reaction to this:
> Rit'chul
I was going for the italicized, holy moly, capital-R "Ritual," but I see that's not really what it is anyway, so yep! Thanks! Went with your suggestion!
> laughing sentences
Ah, yep. My bad. I've gone over it again and tried to make sure my characters aren't shrugging, grinning, or skeptically looking what they ought to be saying. Please let me know if I've missed any!
> New paragraphs with speech
Actually, I screwed this up in a number of places. Hopefully I've corrected all of them, now.
> Hyphen abuse
Guilty as charged. I also love to torture my paragraphs by injecting them full of parentheticals. Though I have been trying to resist the temptation. I've been trying to shorten my sentences, too! I'm very good at driving my friends with English degrees up the wall. Anyway, I think I've fixed most of these. (Please feel free to point out more if you see them.)
Oh, darn it!
> OOC Granny
Ok, I've gone through and revised this a bit. Though I do like to think that Granny Smith and Stinking Rich, having lived most of their lives in the same fledgling little town and being relatively close to the same age, must have had some kind of romantic encounter in the distant past. Though far be it from Granny to even think of cheating on her husband, of course. I like to think that before Granny was ancient (as she is in the show), she was just old-- and that she might be susceptible to having her feathers ruffled a little bit by a dirty old flirt like Stinking Rich.
> Self-emancipating amebic entity
Oh horseapples!
I was trying to show time slowing down as Filthy goes a little unhinged from horror, watching the watering can arcing through the air. But you're right, there's no way a fifth- or sixth-grader is going to have words like "emancipating" spring to mind. 
Hmmm... I'll have to consider how to rewrite this when I'm a bit more awake.
> Awkward syntax.
Thanks! Fixed that one and am looking around for others as well...
Thank you again very much for taking the time to put together such a thoughtful and helpful response to my work!
You know, it's these chapters that really make a guy appreciate your decision to make this a fully expanded story as opposed to a one shot.
I agree! You are doing great.
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Thanks, y'all! It's comments like these that help keep me motivated to keep going.
Next chapter will probably be a little shorter than this one. I hope to have it out before I leave on a trip this Wednesday.
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Yep, it reads a lot better now. Still one or two oddities, like using "phrased" where you could've used "said", and the m-dash (that's the "--" thing) not having a space before it when it should, but otherwise the passage reads just fine. I really liked the mock letter to Celestia. That was a nice affectionate dig at the show's convention.
I'll go read the next chapter now. Looking forward to it!
P.S. I'd probably remove the Diamond Tiara tag from the list of characters. It's not the most egregious example I've seen, but strictly speaking she hasn't appeared in the story yet except as an invisible second person (second pony?) to whom Filthy is telling his story.
Well, congratulations, SR Foxley. This is an excellent chapter.
The business with Wheatwagon and Stinking was well-crafted and clever. Quite apart from seeing a rarely-done Hayseed reference, I also liked Stinking's modus operandi of doing good while letting other ponies save face, and how he steers things to others' advantage even when I'm not sure at times what he's doing. He sounds a great guy. Makes it harder to think what'll happen to him as Filthy gets older.
Filthy's attempt to woo Honeycrisp was great. I actually did LOL once or twice, like when he makes such a poor attempt at a sonnet and bakes cherries with the pits still in.
The diary entry seemed a little short. Not that it would improve the passage that follows, but it does draw a little too much attention to itself by being unusually curt compared with what's gone before. Maybe just a couple more sentences about how Filthy feels or about the circumstances of his proposal, or a brief mention of Stinking's deal just to set some context (but without too many spoilers, of course - it was quite fun because it was an unexpected pleasure).
I think Hearts and Hooves Day is capitalized, like Christmas and Hallowe'en would be. When you use onomatopoeia, like tap, tap, tap, it's probably best not to drop the usual rules of capitalization and full stops; though I have seen some professional writers do so, I can't find a guide recommending it, and it can be distracting. You also tend to overuse italics, like in the sonnet, which is a bit odd when another line of the sonnet that appears later isn't italicized. Lastly, I think some ellipses had four rather than three dots in them; since ellipses can act as a way to end a sentence as well as to break up one, this really isn't needed.
There might be other stuff I miss. I'd recommend finding some sort of guide to help you spot them. Ponychan usually offer up some guides, or Equestria Daily do. Don't feel downhearted, though. I've seen loads of great works break punctuation and grammatical rules, so you're in good company, and it really is a small thing. You just get better at it with more writing. And with feedback, of course.
All in all, though, you should pat yourself on the back. It was a cheering and pleasant read and a fine example of Slice of Life writing. I'm looking forward to seeing more.
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Thanks again for your excellent feedback, Impossible Numbers!
> Stinking Rich sounds a great guy.
Yes!
That's what I was hoping would start to come across. I consider this a success, then. :)
> I actually did LOL once or twice...
Woo-hoo! The success has been doubled!
> Honeycrisp seems to have warmed to him surprisingly quickly...
Hmmm...
I was hoping that chapter 2 would show Honeycrisp starting to warm up to Filthy. I'm struggling with the idea of writing more about the intervening years without this being mostly boring exposition that the reader can either make safe assumptions about or is going to figure out anyway... Hmmm... will have to noodle on this.
> Diary entry is short.
Second time I've heard something to this effect in the last couple days. Hmmm... I kind of like having an extremely brief diary entry, which I then get to use as misdirection for what I'm really going to show in the chapter, but I think I see your point. I'll need to do some more noodling on this one, too.
> Technical faults.
Yep! Still messing up here. I'll continue to work on this, and thanks for pointing these out for me. (And thank you for your patience!) I really am learning more each day. Can you tell it's been over 10 years since I've really written anything like this?
Need to get to back to vacationing in a few minutes, but will make another edit run in the next few days, eh.
> Ponychan
Somepony pointed me toward the Training Ground, and Ezn was awesome enough to review the first three chapters of this story just today! (I put in a good word for you, too-- you've really been extremely helpful!)
And thanks again for your really, really helpful feedback! Work issues prevented me from getting the next chapter out before I had to leave for a week. (I'm writing this from the hotel). Hope to have it done and out sometime next week-ish.
This is really gorgeous. I can see why you'd use the "Comedy" and "Sad" tags, because while this is really funny and sweet, it's underscored by the bittersweet reality that, if everything is as it seems, Filthy and Honeycrisp won't be together in the end, and in fact one of them will probably be dead by the modern day. The characters as you've written them are all excellent, and I think you've captured the feel of the rural society and technological level really well. Eager to read more!
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Thank you very much! And... well, I don't want to give any spoilers out about what happens later, eh. (Not that you wouldn't know, if you'd seen the very first version of this story I posted here.)
Anyway, the next chapter is in the hooves of a proofreader now. I imagine I'll be able to publish it here in the next day or two.
Thanks for the kind words, and thanks for reading!
Excellent! I am really enjoying the story!
"Now, when ya start to get rich, yer gonna have a choice. Ya can either choose to pay this debt, in which case ye'll start to understand what true wealth is and what true friendship is. Or ya can choose not to, and in the end, ye'll learn that money… is jest money."
This is a great quote!
I see someone has gotten custom cover art.
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Yay! I'm glad that you continue to like what I'm writing. Thanks for letting me know!
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Yep! This was drawn by Wolf Gibbson, who also happens to be one of my house mates. (I love the expressions on their faces.
)
Second of all, this was a good chapter, but first I'll get a problem out of the way; I'll admit I found it a little telly in places, especially around the Pageant. It was still interesting enough to learn a little about the customs and how things were going over the few months, but when it went on a few alarm bells began to ring. I find a helpful technique to lessen the telly-ness of a chapter is to look at the "telly" passage in question and think "How could I convey this in a single scene if it were on a movie screen?" For instance, see this passage:
I had managed to weasel my way into the production as the "prop pony"—a role for which I was totally unqualified, but one they'd reluctantly agreed to give me after my insistent begging, and after nopony else volunteered.
I'm not saying this particular passage was bad. I'm just using it for illustrative purposes. This sentence gets the info across, but perhaps it could have been more vividly conveyed by, say, a conversation between him and the manager. This isn't a perfect example of show, but it should give you an idea of what I'm thinking:
"Now you just focus on pulling the ropes and things, OK?" said the manager coming up behind me. He was scowling, as though I'd already let the cord go in his mind and it was just a matter of waiting for reality to catch up. "Don't want any more accidents, now do we, Prop Pony?"
That's Mr Rich to you, I wanted to say, but I had no desire to make him any angrier. "I promise you, sir, there won't be any accidents. You couldn't find a better pony."
"Too darn right we couldn't," he said. "And if anything goes wrong, then I don't care how much you beg for it, next time we do this you won't get any part in the production. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal, sir."
"Hmph," he said, and strode off to bully a bunch of make up artists.
I'm not saying you should go back and rewrite this passage. Contrary to what many people think, telly isn't all bad, and in small doses it's vital to keep a coming-of-age story like this going. However, too much of it can discourage a reader because it is, like exposition, dry and distant, and readers like to feel close to the drama sooner or later. It might be worth bearing this in mind in case you find your future chapters err towards the telly.
Otherwise, I didn't pick up any grievous problems. Stinkin's talk near the end was a fascinating turning point in his characterization, especially alongside Filthy's jumping to conclusions and later viewing of a "stranger wearing grandpa's skin". The talk might have been a little overlong and repetitive - I remember reading "family debt" one time too many - but it did its job and you saved it from turning maudlin with some well-timed humour. This was an excellent passage that captures the complex family dynamics quite nicely.
I agree with Foxhound74. That's a great quotation.
The relationship between Honeycrisp and Filthy is certainly gaining momentum. There's still enough of the old tease in her to remind us of her earlier behaviour during his schooldays, and I like how there are small tensions between Filthy's ambition and their budding relationship. Having read your original version of this story, the Dramatic Irony is particularly strong here, but I'll keep mum on that for now.
Your humour is definitely coming into its own now. Stinkin's exasperation of Filthy is hilarious, and I really liked this line:
Well I'll be, Filthy. It ain't every day ya say something that shows ya can use yer brain fer something other than stopping the wind whistlin' between yer ears.
How did Honeycrisp like the flowers ya bought her?"
..."She liked them fine," I said. They were actually her favorite, and I knew it. "We ended up sharing them with the whole cast."
Overall, this is an enjoyable chapter. Keep up the good work, SR Foxley!
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As always, thanks for your helpful comments!
> cover art
Yep-- it's based actually on the moment where Filthy says, "Ah... Ah don't know if Ah can do this."
> Show vs. tell
Yeah, this is something I've got to work on. I did consider setting up that part of the scene like that, but have had a niggling feeling that this and the last chapter have been a bit too dialogue-heavy. That, and the whole scene was meant to liven things up a bit and lead to the next scene (where we get some actual character development) since the rest of this chapter is pretty heavy. Hmmm... I need to do some more reading on this. Trying to avoid the talking heads syndrome as well, eh...
> humor
Heh! Thanks! This is something I really struggle with (especially in a story like this one), so it's good to hear it's being well received.
Anyway, thanks for reading and continuing to give me really helpful feedback, eh!
"stranger wearing grandpa's skin"
Read this again and realized. CHANGLINGS! Changlings everywhere!
Looks Interesting So Far, May come back to it
"Bondage vests." Noooo, Filthy, stooooop!
Great story so far, you really get a sense of his yearning for a safe, comfortable life, but also his total confusion!
Good Heavens sir,
I remember liking this story when I first read it, but the stuff you added blows that out of the water. You've done a great job with a subject most writers don't touch and I applaud you for it.
more.
There needs to be a Filthy Rich tag.
I love this story so far, but because of how things are in the show I can see where it's going to end up. I've even lived through part of what Filthy is going to face in the near future here when he leaves for college.
Don't take that as a con, I still enjoy the story and I hope you continue.
I know things don't work out in the end for Honeycrisp and Filthy... but you just made them one of my favorite pairings. Heck, and I didn't even give Filthy any thought before, just dismissed him as a rich pony and Diamond Tiara's dad. (It kind of explained why he named her that too...) I love the character development... you really showed how he matured over the years, and the diary entries were a nice touch. I can't wait for the next update!
This story is now my personal head canon .
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Thanks, y'all! I really appreciate hearing that from readers, eh!
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Thanks! And yeah-- this is sort of a weighty and controversial topic for some, so I guess I can understand authors' reluctance to approach it. That and it'd be really easy to alienate a huge chunk of the audience (one of my bigger fears with this)... But, eh, I guess we'll see how it goes as I write more. :)
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It's on its way, though it'll probably be a little while (real life circumstances have me busily distracted for most of June, so I might not get the next chapter out until July or something.) But I know what needs to happen next; I just need to figure out how to approach it.
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Inorite? Yeah, when I was choosing tags for this one I was all like, "Well, there's Granny Smith. And... um..."
And for the rest of your comment: Thanks! Definitely will be seeing this one through, eh.
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Thanks! One of my goals with this story is to develop Filthy Rich into a real, believable, and empathy-worthy character. (Too often have I seen the "rich snob" character / villain who ends up being so boring and predictable... and after I saw Family Appreciation Day and Ponyville Confidential... that got the wheels in my head a-turnin'.) Anyway, by your comments, it sounds like I'm succeeding. So thanks for letting me know!
One of the most wealthy men I ever met taught me some manners while we were eating at a restaurant (I was on a job hunt and he offered to give me some resume and interview pointers). Most of the conversation was recycled from a lot of the crap I learned in college, but something he said when we were paying our tabs stuck out to me:
"Leave a good tip. I didn't get where I am at the expense of servers, and I've never liked working with people that think that leaving paltry tips is a good way to save money."
Stories like this give me hope, even if they are full of adorable pastel ponies.
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Haha! Awesome. It's mine, too (well, obviously).
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Sounds like a pretty awesome guy, eh.
And thanks, eh-- I'm glad my story is giving you hope.
Why is it that when I try to imagine Honeycrisp, I can only picture Carrot Top?
This is fantastic! Filthy's growth and arc so far has me smiling--like Kitty Crunch, I know it won't end well, but I'm happy to enjoy the ride.
This chapter was fascinating in that it seemed to touch a bit on privilege. Not something that I see much in fandom, and I liked it quite a bit. Stinking seems like a classy guy.
What I'm most curious to see is how Diamond ends up turning out--she hates Apple Bloom, but Filthy is perfectly kind to Granny Smith still. Finding out who her mother is will be a major piece of the puzzle, I bet.
Thanks for writing! I can't wait to read more.
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That's funny. I sort of see her as a female version of Big Mac, but with an obviously smaller build and other subtle differences. (Though, if I know where this story is going, I think Carrot Top does show up in a scene much later on...)
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Thanks for your comments! There will definitely be answers to the whole Diamond Tiara / Apple Bloom thing, but that obviously happens much later in the story. In any case, I'm happy you're enjoying my story thus far, eh!
It might be a little while before the next chapter is out (I'm guessing sometime in early July), just because I'm busily away and distracted for most of June. That, and I've realized there's a bit more research I need to do before I'm going to be able to do justice to the next character that gets introduced...
This story is really good. As in, so good that I actually used it as somewhat of an example in explaining why being a good steward of the community is important. Of course, I didn't want to bring up that it was an MLP story, so I used words like "the rich man's grandson", but I still pretty much quoted that one section verbatim:
And Stinking Rich and Filthy Rich's characters in the story are pretty much my headcanon now. There really aren't enough of these quotable stories around here, and I'm really glad I came across this one.
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Wow! That's a very nice thing for you to say. I feel truly honored, eh!
And now you've got my interest piqued: Where or in what context did you use this story as an example?
Um... Are you still here? I really want another chapter please
1425938 Hi Derpidity! Yep, still here. And still working on the next chapter. (That whole real life thing has totally caught up with me in the last few months something fierce.) I don't have an ETA on the next chapter yet, but I'm hoping to have it out before Season 3 starts, eh.
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Congratulations, SR Foxley! Your fanfic was reviewed by the Seattle's Angels, and they think you've done a great job. Here, take a look if you wish.
Consider it a pat on the back for all your hard work! You've earned it.
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Bwa-huh? But... it's not even finished yet! And the next chapter is taking FOREVER to write! o.O
Still though, I'm really honored, eh. Thanks for pointing this out to me!
Thank you SR Foxley! I love this fic. Keep up the good work. You just got a like and favourite from me (btw how long til the next chapter, cause none of my other favourites are updating)
3276921 Heh! Well, I hoped to have the next update out over a year ago. Obviously that hasn't gone according to plan. All I can say is that I'm definitely committed to seeing this story through, but don't feel like I can credibly give any kind of estimate at the moment as to when the next part will be out. That is to say, I know what happens in the next few chapters in pretty good detail-- the reason it hasn't been done yet mostly boil down to rather uninteresting time management issues on my part, coupled with irrational anxiety about screwing up what I'm trying to say with this story. However, I'm experimenting on this front, and hope the fruits of these attempts at subtly changing my habits will result in the next chapters coming sooner rather than later, eh.
In any case, thank you very much for your kind words. This really helps to motivate me, eh!
Thanks for getting back to me. Not a lot of authors pay attention to comments on their older stories, so it's good to see that you're still here. I understand why it's taking a while and I don't mind. Cheers again for getting back to me though!
It's a good thing "the cast members and their families" didn't just happen to include any young colts or fillies.
I'm guessing that should be 'to bed.'
... Is 'did' supposed to be 'doing?'
Apart from all that, any plans on an update to this?
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Thanks for the corrections, eh! I'll be sure to get them into the text soon.
And yes, despite all signs to the contrary this is still a story that I'm working on and do intend to finish. Thanks for your interest!
So the thing is, 'the trots' refers to constant diarrhea. For Filthy Rich's mom to have died of this... you're saying she essentially died from shitting herself. If you wanted to convey the severity, I'd probably just say colic. Even then, that isn't usually lethal on its own for a horse.
It's really interesting to see how some of Filthy Rich's struggles mimic his daughter's in dealing with the Apple Family. However, unlike DT he appears to be a fast learner. That's going to help him in becoming the richest pony in Ponyville.
Well, Filthy sure learned an important lesson here. It's great to see the bond between these two further explored. Hope Fox said it better, I'm afraid.