Confidence
Flim and Flam slowly trotted onto the train departing for Rainbow Falls. Their last business venture having been exposed by Silver Shill, the only way to keep afloat was to expand to other areas, where no one knew of their reputation. Trottingham, Manehattan, Canterlot - they were no longer welcome there after the many failures they had suffered. Surely this new area would be the next best thing for them, but first they had to test the waters.
''Brother, are you sure that this is a good idea?'' Flim asked his partner, feeling unsure as the train began its journey to Rainbow Falls.
''Flim, this is a fool-proof plan,” he reaffirmed confidently. “The Traders’ Exchange is the best way to sell our next product. There is no way this can possibly fail.'' Flam assured his brother, putting a foreleg over his back.
Flim seemed uncertain at first, but dismissed the feeling quickly. His features lifting, he replied, ''I'll take your word for it, Flam! Let's go sell our product!'' He raised his hoof high as the train barreled onward to their destination.
TIME PASSAGE
Rainbow Falls was full of life.
The small settlement was peppered with tiny houses about the landscape, all near rainbow-tinted waterfalls that do the name justice. On the outskirts of the village, ponies could be seen at various shops and stands, trading everything from glazed pastries to mane extensions. The only rule of the Rainbow Falls Traders’ Exchange was that ponies had to come to the mutual agreement that a trade was fair and reasonable. Also, can not trade the lives of ponies for collectible books.
Stretching their limbs after exiting the train, the brothers didn’t waste a second. Flam strode on out of the station with a grin, Flim taking a breath and following likewise. In a matter of minutes they had made it to the center of the exchange. Finding an empty patch of grass, they set down their inflatable tent. Flim bit down on a string hanging off the side of the cloth and pulled back, triggering the mechanism that made the cloth explode into a full-blown, colorful stall. The brothers put down a soapbox and jumped on it vigorously, eyeing the ponies that started gathering around.
‘’Come one, come all, to the Flim Flam Brothers’ trading phenomenon!’ Flim and Flam announced in unison, catching the attention of the other ponies at the trading booths.
Ponies from all around the vicinity trotted over to the tent, except for a pale lime green mare who eyed them over her banners with a frown. Peachy Pitt watched from her trading stand at all of the commotion around her and decided to investigate. She walked over to the inflatable tent, tapping one of the brothers on the shoulder.
‘’Sorry to bother you two, but this exchange is open for all ponies to trade with each other. Not for you to hog all of the traders,’’ she said directly, narrowing her eyes at them.
‘’With all do respect ma’am, this might be a public trading place but we still have the right to do business with whomever we please. Besides, it’s not like anyone will catch o-.’’ Flim stopped suddenly, turning back to the crowd of ponies and acting as if the mare didn’t exist.
‘’Catch on to what exactly?’’ Peachy asked, raising an eyebrow.
‘’That is none of your concern, please leave us to our business.’’ Flim replied in a businesslike tone, shooing the mare away with his hoof. Peachy walked away from the tent and back to her banner booth.
What a pair of mean gentlecolts, I’d like to show them some sense. Peachy thought to herself, upset. She watched the con ponies from behind her booth, sure that they were up to no good.
‘’Everypony, we have a product here that can enlighten you!’’
‘’Astound you!’’
‘’Give you a boost of confidence in your lives, and for the measly exchange of your items, we guarantee that this will lift your morale!”
“Increase your charisma!”
“Boost your confidence!” the two cheered in unison.
‘’Buy the Confidence Boost now, while limited supplies last!’’ Flam rejoiced, as the crowd chatted amongst each other excitedly.
Taking whatever trinkets they could get their hooves on, Flim and Flim distributed the Confidence Boost bottles to each pony in the crowd. Peachy shook her head in disbelief at the ponies actually falling for such a scam. In a matter of moments, they were all out of the Confidence Boost, every bottle willingly sold or traded to a happy customer. Peachy walked over to them.
‘’Oh looky here, it’s the same mare from earlier,” Flam called in mock-pleasantness.
‘’What do you want this time?” Flim asked pointedly.
‘’I heard about you two from Ponyville, conning ponies left and right just to make yourselves look good. Selling a product just to trick ponies is wrong!’’ Peachy stomped her hoof down, glaring at the two salesponies.
Flam put a hoof to his chest, his eyes widening as he looked at his brother. ‘’Why, an accusation if you ask me, were you even there when we sold the Curative Tonic?’’ Flim shook his head derisively as his partner asked the question.
‘’I was there selling banners so I could earn enough bits to come to the exchange. Are you sure you didn’t lie to those ponies you sold your so-called ‘product’ to?’’ Peachy inquired.
‘’Trust me, they’ll be full of confidence once they drink the Confidence Boost.’’ Flim said, walking away with Flam into their inflatable tent.
[/hr]
An angry group of ponies were in front of the tent, yelling at the top of their lungs with complaints. ‘’This is an outrage, we want a refund!’’
Flim and Flam ran out of their tent, sweat beading down their necks and pressing their hats against their chests. ‘’What seems to be the problem, everypony?’’
One stallion called out angrily, ‘’The problem is that this did not boost our confidence at all!’’
‘’W-why, whatever do you mean by that?’’ Flam responded nervously.
‘’I drank this Confidence Boost to ask one of the mares that I liked to dinner; I was gonna be a hotshot! Instead I was sweating buckets and she smacked me right across the face!’’
‘’I’m sorry sir, but we have a policy called ‘no refunds’.’’ Flim stated. Kicking his brother with a hind leg, Flam disappeared for a moment. Coming back to meet the crowd, a hastily scribbled ‘NO REFUNDS’ could be seen marked on the front of the stand.
‘’Come back later after our lunch break!’’ Flam added, retreating back into the tent.
Before Flim and Flam could turn and escape back into their tent, Peachy walked up to them. She lifted an eyebrow and gave the brothers a cocky grin. ‘’I told you so. Looks like it’s time to teach you liars a lesson or two in honesty.’’
The crowd quieted down and watched as the three ponies engaged in an altercation.
‘’We’ll see about that, little mare.’’
‘’How about this? If I can prove once and for all that your Confidence Boost is a fraud, you two jokers will pack your bags never to come back here again.’’ Peachy claimed, she tapped them on their chests to trick them into accepting.
‘’Prove us wrong then.’’
‘’Gladly.’’
Peachy grabbed a bottle of Confidence Boost on the ground, turning the cap on the bottle counterclockwise, and tossing the cap on the bottle. She bent her head back and poured the liquid down her throat as it rushed down her throat into her stomach, positioning her head back up. ‘’Let’s see how this goes.’’
Peachy felt a rush of vomit rise up to her throat, her mouth opened quickly as a coat of vomit landed on the two brothers. ‘’See everypony, a drink doesn’t give you confidence. You do. Confidence comes from believing in yourself and telling the world that no matter how many times they knock you down, you can get right back up.’’
‘’Lying doesn’t help you achieve anything,’’ Peachy finished, turning to the two with a frown. The brothers started to feel the circle of ponies around them shrinking.
‘’Flim.’’
‘’Yes, Flam?’’
‘’Run!’’ Tent and supplies forgotten, the brothers darted away to the train station as fast as their hooves could carry them, nopony bothering to follow.
Confidence comes from showing your true self to the world, and accepting the consequences. Taking a step in the right direction and earning your keep. NOT hiding behind scams and lies. Peachy thought to herself.
Peachy Pitt smiled and trotted back to her banners, ready to make an honest bit. ‘’My work here is done.’’
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A fun story that I enjoyed reading. Nice work!
4746658 Thank you!
This was a nice story. It isn't spectacular, but, it was good.
To start, the pacing has improved. Each scene doesn't feel rushed.
However, the story... needs work. Now, I want you to read this story and see why two thousand words was all it needed.
I know I should've told you this after you published, "Conniving Draconequus", so, I'll say it now.
Just like there, the pacing has improved as well. But, the problem is, is the fact that even though each scene isn't rushed, the story on the other hand, is.
It's kind of the same thing here. To start, that scene with the Flim Flam brothers on the train wasn't needed. I believe that the story would've worked without them. And yeah, I know, you need to have a thousand words before publishing it, but that's why I'm here (I hope I'm not showing off when I'm saying that.). Anyways, it would've been better if it focused on Peachy Pitt instead of the Flim Flam brothers. Why? Because we already know how they are. Flim would never ask if Flam was sure about their decision because they would pretty much do it if this was a good deal. That's why I argue that it would've been better if the focus was on Peachy. If that were the case, and if you introduced her appropriately, and maybe even giving her honest trading some focus and attention, then that would've made for a better story.
The last thing I'd like to talk about, is the ending. To be honest, it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either. I mean, really? Vomiting in their face is going to prove to the ponies that confidence doesn't come from a drink. I mean granted, it made her vomit and not boost confidence; But, why didn't the ponies that bought it throw up, too? But hey, that was the problem the original episode this was based on had as well. But, on the bright side, that little speech Peachy said, was well thought out. Mainly because the ponies in Equestria tend to be very gullible at times. I mean, they turned against the Apple family in "Super speedy cider squeezy 6,000" and pretty much bought the tonics without any skepticism in "Leap of Faith". So, I guess it made sense that she gave them a little speech to remind them that you don't need special drinks to lift your spirits.
So, overall, this was an improvement. It has a few mistakes, but it was a good story nonetheless.
4746927 Gotcha!
That outta teach them. The last place they can go: the griffin territory! Or far far away. I'd like to see then try to scam griffins....
4746990 That wouldn't end well.
4747001 I should've added that. To be honest, I should have cut out some stuff.
4747020 Wait it did?
4746938
Oh, and I fixed my review a little (Specifically, the sentence with link in it.) so I can make myself more clear as to what I was saying.
4747031 You made yourself very clear. So, are you going to review every story that I make?
4747038 Okay, I will! Oh my Celestia, I did!
4747045 I'm pretty proud of myself.
4747042
Not really.
I don't want to be a bother, you know.
Again, I only critique in order to help and as a hobby. I don't do this often, as you can see.
4747060 This was the second time that a story of mine has been featured.
4747062 You're not being a bother, maybe reviewing other stories is what you do.
4747068
Oh...
4747083 That's all, nothing too bad.
4747094
Yeah.
4747114 But thanks for the reviews though.
4747121
You're welcome.
This is really good!
I just have one thing though. In my opinion it would sound better if you placed this:
Before this sentence:
Then it would end on a more conclusive note and just sound better overall. I know it's a minor thing but I just wanted to let you know my honest opinion. You earned a fave anyway.
4871657 Thanks, Midnight!
4871678 You're welcome, Scoots!
Hmm, mixed feelings on this one. A solid storyline and it's always good to see the brothers again, but the vomit thing was unpleasant and actually writing "TIME PASSAGE" is really clunky. So, not voting either way on this one.
It's okay, I mean , the description made it sound like it was going to be a redemption story so when it turned out to be a 'average pony does mane 6's job for them' story it left me feeling a little cheated. Good job other than that