“No, please stop! I can’t take anymore!” I shouted in agony, panting heavily. Sharp lances of pain shot through my front right leg, and it took everything I had to not scream in pain.
“Omnius, you don’t have to shout like that! It’s only Hoof-Wrastling,” Applejack said, with no sign of the exhaustion I felt in her voice.
“Says the still undefeated champion!” I said, gingerly stretching my leg. “Ye-ouch! I can’t believe no one warned me about that!” I shot a short glare at Apple Bloom, who tried to look as innocent as possible, while everyone who was watching laughed.
“Alright, come on now,” Applejack said, patting my shoulder good naturedly. “You lost, fair and square, so you know what that means!” She started grinning and I sighed.
“I know, I know. But do I have to do it in front of everypony here?”
“That was the bet, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah. Alright, let’s get this over with,” I trotted to the top of a nearby hill and aimed for a tree that was full of apples. I was very aware of the fact that I had at least fifteen ponies watching me, since the rest were preparing the last of the food that was gonna be served at the Summer Sun Celebration.
“Hold these please,” I said, passing my glasses to Apple Bloom. She took them and put them on, while her eyes got ridiculously warped behind them. I kept my laughter to myself and tried to aim again.
“Wow Omnius! Is your eyesight really this bad?” Apple Bloom asked incredulously.
“Is what I’m about to do incredibly stupid?” I shot back, before running full speed down the hill.
“FOR PONY!!!” I cried out, right before my face collided with a tree trunk. The tree shook like it did before, and more than half of the apples that were in said tree fell out, a few of them hitting me on the head. Cartoon apples flew around my head again, and I staggered around for a minute, trying to get the ground to stay still.
“You okay there pardner?” Applejack said, while everyone else was laughing and cheering.
“Courshe I am! Now whish Applejack am I talking to, the one on the right, or the one on the left?” I slurred, and then shook my head. “Uh, just kidding!”
“Doesn’t it hurt to do that?” Apple Bloom asked when she gave me back my glasses.
“Only a little,” I lied, “But trust me, there are a lot of things that would hurt a lot more…” I trailed off for a moment, and then noticed she was still staring at me. “I wouldn’t try it if I were you. Only reason I can do it is because I have one heck of a thick skull.”She nodded, and walked back to the farm. After she was gone, I put both of my front hooves on my head, and let out a deep sigh.
Doesn’t it hurt to do that?
How many times had I been asked that question? It seemed like along with, “How did you do that,” and “What are you,” those were the top three questions I’ve been asked. No matter what, those three questions have constantly been said to me in one form or another, and nine times out of ten, that last question, “What are you,” was always asked with some hint of fear. It always made me feel horrible, but then again, I had also been able to convince everyone that I was the good guy in less than a few minutes, so it normally made things okay.
I shook myself out of those thoughts and looked around from where I was standing. Applejack had decided to try and get a few last minute apples for the celebration and was currently apple bucking, while the rest of the Apple family was just out doing their own thing. I decided that since no one needed my help, it would be a good idea to take a nap. Leaning my back against the tree I had just skull-bashed, I slid to the ground and felt my eyelids grow heavier.
Ye Gods, but this world was just so…peaceful. There were a few fluffy, white, clouds in the bright blue sky, there was a light breeze, and the sunlight seemed to seep into my bones and soothe all of my old aches and pains. The grass was soft, and the trunk seemed to be in the perfect shape for me to lean against it. Birds softly chirped, and I could hear the laughter of the family being carried to me on the breeze. The only thing that could make this better would be a hammock, I thought to myself, as I slowly closed my eyes and tried to enjoy this extremely rare moment of peace. I closed my eyes, and relaxed…
Then I noticed that a lavender unicorn was walking up the path with a purple and green lizard thing in tow.
“Why is it that every time I start to relax, things start happening?” I complained to myself, as I forced myself out of the comfortable spot and trotted over to meet the unicorn. I got there in time to hear the reptile/yoshi/lizard thing say something about a checklist, and banquet preparations.
“YEE-HAW!” I heard Applejack holler, as she bucked a tree clear of all of its apples (still wish I could do that). Since I wasn’t feeling lazy, I went and bucked another tree, only to get half of the apples dropped on my head, instead of the bucket I was aiming for. On the bright side, in cartoonish fashion, the apples that bounced off of my head landed perfectly in the bucket.
The lavender unicorn sighed, and said reluctantly, “Let’s get this over with.” She walked over to where Applejack was trying her hardest not to laugh at me, and said, “Good Afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle-” She was suddenly cut off, as Applejack had grabbed her hoof, and was shaking it vigorously.
“Did I look like that funny when I got my hoof shaken?” I asked myself, and decided that yeah, I probably did, if not even funnier.
“Well, howdy-do, Miss Twilight. A pleasure makin' your acquaintance! I'm Applejack and that there is Omnius!” (Hooray, I’m noticed!) “We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like makin' new friends,” She said, gesturing towards me with her head.
“Friends? I-Uh” Twilight stammered out, but the violent shaking of her hoof made it hard for her to say anything, until Applejack let go. Her hoof kept shaking in the air, and the purple thing (Oh screw it, I’m calling it a dragon) had to grab it to make it stop. I couldn’t help but chuckle at that and the dragon giggled too.
Twilight shot the small dragon a look and cleared her throat. “Well, I am in fact here to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And you’re in charge of the food?”
“We sure as sugar are!” Applejack said proudly. “Would you care to sample some?”
I hope she knew what she was getting into. Remembering what happened to me yesterday, I grabbed a nearby empty bucket, and shoved it onto my head, just as Twilight said, “As long as it doesn’t take too long…”
I couldn’t see from under my makeshift helmet, but I heard the sharp ringing of the Metal Triangle, and then Applejack called out, “SOUP’S ON EVERYPONY!”
“Brace for impact!” I said to the dragon (or at least in his general direction), just as all three of us were overtaken by a sudden stampede of Apple Family members. After the imaginary banjo music I always played in my head for these occasions, I lifted the bucket up to see that I was standing next to the Unicorn and Dragon at a small picnic table, with the entire family surrounding us. I figured now was a good time to take off the bucket, before I started making Buckethead jokes.
“Now how ‘bout I introduce you to the Apple Family?” Applejack asked the visitors, gesturing to the large group of ponies.
“Thanks, but I really need to hurry,” Twilight said, trying to leave, but before she could, Applejack had started the introductions, with each named pony bringing a different plate of food.
I laughed while she did that, remembering when I got introduced to the family. Then frowned when I realized something: How come I didn’t get food when that happened? Totally unfair! While I thought about that, I realized that Applejack had finished introducing everyone and had even woken up Granny Smith. Something that I’d noticed by now was that Granny Smith spent 20 hours of the day napping, sleeping, snoozing, and dozing. Also: That she hated it whenever it was ME trying to wake her up. Why? I don’t know, it might have something to do with the fact that I tripped and was holding an apple pie the first time I tried to wake her up.
“Why, I’d say they’re already part of the family!” I heard Applejack say to the others, as she patted Twilight on her back. I just noticed that apparently Applejack must have shoved an apple into Twilight’s mouth, since she suddenly spat out chunks of apple into my face.
She chuckled nervously, while I wiped the bits of apple off of my glasses, and she said, “Okay, well, I can see the food situation is handled, so we’ll be on our way.”
The entire Apple family groaned, and I couldn’t help but join them. Come on, Twilight, don’t leave! I still want to talk to the Dragon! I got an idea, and nudged Apple Bloom towards Twilight, and whispered to her, “Give her your best sad-eyed look! It’s our only hope for brunch!” My stomach rumbled when I said brunch.
Apple Bloom winked at me and then turned to Twilight and set phasers to Instant Diabetes! Or, in other words, she gave Twilight the exact same look she gave me when I first got here (I still go “D’aww” when I think about it). She asked in a sad and thoroughly adorable voice, “Aren’t you gonna stay for brunch?” She blinked a few times for emphasis.
“Sorry, but we have an awful lot to do…” Twilight said apologetically. The Apples all let out one collective, “Awww…” of disappointment, while I stood silently, trying not to explode from sheer overexposure to Adorableness. What, you don’t think it could happen? Well, try standing in the middle of a bunch of cute, sad-eyed ponies, and then tell me what you think! (Oh wait, you can’t, because you’ll be exploded!)
Twilight sighed in defeat, and reluctantly said, “Fine.” The Apples started cheering, and I grabbed the nearest platter of Apple Cupcakes.
“So, you’re Omnius?” Twilight asked, somewhat awkwardly, as if she didn’t get out much.
“That’s what I remember,” I said somewhat distractedly, as I bit into a cupcake.
“Well, hello Omnius. My name is Twilight Sparkle,” She said, adopting an air of formality. She stuck her hoof out and I tapped it, almost like the equivalent of a bro-fist…bro-hoof?
“Yo?” She repeated, confused. Jeez, it was like she’d never heard the word before…wait a second.
“Aw, don’t tell me no one has ever told you ‘Yo’ before!” I said in disbelief.
“No, no one ever has,” Twilight said, a look of bewilderment on her face.
My mouth hung open, and then I shook my head in sorrow, and told her, “I’m so sorry.”
“Why? What does Yo even mean?”
“It’s another way of saying hi…I think,” I added hastily, not wanting to reveal the fact that I was faking amnesia.
“What do you mean, ‘think’?” Twilight asked suspiciously, as a plate of pie suddenly flew out of nowhere and landed in front of her. Holy crap, she’s psychic! Wait, can she read my mind?
“Um, uh-” I started stuttering trying to explain, but then got interrupted when Apple Bloom butted in. She’s lucky she’s cute…
“Wow! You haven’t heard? Well see, there was this storm a few days ago and it was huge! There were so many clouds, that you could barely see your own hoof in front of your face! And you could only see when a bolt of lightning would hit the ground, and there were a ton of bolts hitting the ground everywhere!” She said, acting out some of the parts. She told Twilight and the Dragon (still gotta get his name) all about me saving her from the storm, which made me feel uncomfortable for some reason. I guess I just didn’t like it when people tried making me sound like more than I actually was. I then realized that I had stopped paying attention and tried to focus on what Apple Bloom was saying.
“…And then, he walks out of the barn, and KA-WHAMMO! He gets struck by lightning, right on his forehead!” She poked my face for emphasis, making me mutter “Ow,” under my breath. “Big Macintosh and Applejack had to pull him back inside, since he passed out when he got hit, and they thought that he had gotten really hurt, but the next morning, he was fine, except he couldn’t remember anything!”
“Anything?” Twilight repeated, looking at me. The dragon looked up from the cupcake he was currently devouring too, a look of curiosity on his face.
“Yep, can’t remember a thing!” I said, grabbing a slice of pie and a couple more cupcakes. “Just my name and a couple of other things that are kind of hazy.”
“That’s horrible,” Twilight said sympathetically.
“So you forgot how to eat too? Guess you won’t be needing this!” The dragon said, swiping a cupcake from the plate in front of me. Twilight shot him an angry look, and said, “Spike, don’t be rude!”
Spike opened his mouth to say something, and then suddenly let out a belch of green flame. I shielded my eyes and thought to myself, Yep, definitely a dragon!
When I lowered my arm, I saw that Spike was unfurling a scroll, while Twilight smiled triumphantly, and was saying, “Yes! Surely the Princess must have realized how ridiculous this is, and she’s currently summoning me back to Canterlot! Read what it says Spike!”
While I wondered who in their right mind would name a city ‘Canterlot,’ Spike cleared his throat, and started reading the scroll.
“My Dear Twilight Sparkle, I hope that this letter finds you well, and I must ask you to do a favor for me. It has come to my attention that there is a newcomer to Ponyville and that he has amnesia, brought about from a recent…lightning…” Spike trailed off, and looked at me. I shrugged and motioned for him to keep going, while Twilight shot me a death glare. He cleared his throat and continued, saying, “Recent lightning storm. As I am acquainted with this pony, I wish for you to allow him to accompany you, as you continue to check the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Hopefully, this will restore his lost memories, but in the event that it doesn’t, I will meet him personally, in order to attempt to heal him. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.”
“I know the Princess?” I asked Twilight in honest confusion. No, seriously. I don’t ever remember meeting a giant horse with wings and a horn that has enough strength to raise the sun and moon every day. I’m pretty sure when something like that happens, I will remember it. For some reason though, I felt a prickling sensation on the back of my neck, like there was something I should have realized a while ago…
“Apparently, although I must admit, the princess has never mentioned you to me at all,” Twilight said, glaring at me suspiciously (she tends to glare a lot). “Why would she have you accompany me though? It makes no sense!”
“I dunno, I mean, come on, up until a few days ago, I had never heard of Princess Celestia! All I know about her is that she’s a kind ruler, she’s in charge of raising the sun and moon, and that this Summer Sun Celebration thing is almost like a birthday party for her. Almost.” I said, trying to remember what Applejack had told me earlier. Again, this is the part where I thank the amnesia excuse for letting me not know things. Yay amnesia!
“Birthday party!? The Summer Sun Celebration is a lot more than just that! It celebrates the sun, and all of the things it encompasses and represents! Why, to try and compare it to-” Twilight started ranting, as she dug into her pie, and of course, due to my inability to listen to angry, pointless, rants, I started to tune it out, and hoped that I nodded in the right places.
“Psst, Spike, is she always this, erm, vocal?” I whispered to Spike, while nodding at some long complicated word Twilight said.
“Only when she’s angry,” Spike said, munching an apple, “Don’t worry, when she rants, she gets hungry, so once she starts into her second pie, she’ll stop.”
Sure enough, once Twilight had finished her first pie (damn, she put that away like I put away drinks!) she gave off a loud ‘Hmph’ of disapproval and tore into the second pie.
“Five bits says she gets one heckuva stomachache by the time we leave,” I whispered to Spike jokingly.
He laughed, and said, “No thanks, I definitely agree with you on that one!”
We both chuckled, and we finished the rest of the meal with me, Apple Bloom, and Applejack, telling Spike about my repeated attempts at head butting apple trees. Once Twilight had finished her pies, I noticed that there was a small mountain of pie tins next to her, and she let out a small groan of discomfort, which made me chuckle.
“Alright, since Twilight had essentially devoured your entire supply of pie, I think that now would be a good time to make our getaway,” I said, walking up to Applejack. “Thanks again for letting me stay here.”
“Aw, it was nothing. I’m glad I could help you out,” Applejack said, punching my shoulder. “And remember: If Princess Celestia can’t get you your memory back, you’ve still got a place to stay if you need it.”
I smiled and punched her shoulder in return. “Thanks. I’ll see you at the Celebration tonight?”
“Oh, I reckon you might,” She said, winking. “I might see you sooner than that even.”
I opened my mouth to ask what the hex she was talking about, when I heard Spike say that we were leaving. The best I could do then was to eye Applejack warily, and say, “Alrighty then. See ya A.J!”
And with that, Twilight, Spike, and I headed off towards Ponyville. Although the trip was pretty uneventful, I swear, I thought I saw a blur of pink shoot by…Nah, probably just my imagination…I hope.
“So, Spike, what do we have to check for the S.S.C?” I asked as we entered the town.
“S.S.C?” Spike asked.
“I shortened Summer Sun Celebration to S.S.C,” I explained.
“Well, besides food, we have to check the weather, the decorations, and the music,” Spike said, reading off of a list, “We just finished food, so next should be…weather!”
Twilight groaned, and mumbled under her breath, “I ate too much pie.”
“Nonsense! There’s no such thing as too much pie!” I said, grinning at her. She shot me another look, and I quickly tried to change the subject. “Uh, if Applejack was in charge of the food, who’s in charge of the weather?”
“Hm…There’s supposed to be a Pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds,” Spike said, glancing at the sky.
“Well, she’s not doing a very good job, is she?” Twilight said when she looked up and saw the clouds in the sky.
I think Twilight jinxed us or something because one second we’re standing and talking about the weather, and then the next second: A rainbow colored blur had crashed into me, which sent me into Twilight, which sent all of us into a mud puddle, and I got to study the ground again. The interesting, very cool looking, muddy ground.
I wanted to push myself off of the ground, but I couldn’t when I realized that Twilight had landed on top of me and on top of her was a cyan colored Pegasus pony with a rainbow colored mane and tail. My finely honed detective skills kicked in again and told me that the Pegasus was none other than Rainbow Dash!
I tried to look up and to say “Excuse me, but could you please get off me?” But instead, as my face was getting reacquainted with the ground, I could only manage a garbled gurgling sound.
The rainbow colored pony picked herself up and turned to look at us, giggling awkwardly. “Uh, excuse me?”
I tried to wiggle out from under Twilight, who finally got the hint, and got off of me (FREEDOM!).
“Uh, here, let me help you!” Rainbow Dash flew off, and returned with a- wait, is that a rain cloud? I remembered Applejack saying something about the Pegasisses…Pegaxen…Pegasuseins, (Screw it, they’re Pegasi!) controlling the weather, but I didn’t think that they actually pushed all of the clouds around! That’s a lot cooler than what I thought!
I glanced up at the cloud and realized that Rainbow Dash had started bouncing up and down on it, causing a miniature downpour which washed off all of the mud. Then started to make my mane and tail droop from the wetness. The same went for Twilight, only it looked funnier on her, as her mane was significantly longer than mine.
Rainbow Dash giggled, and said apologetically, “Oops, guess I overdid it. Um, uh, how ‘bout this? My very own, patented, Rain-Blow-Dry!” She flew off of the cloud and started to fly in a circle around us, forming a miniature rainbow colored tornado. I felt my glasses fly off, and tried (and failed) to grab them before they could get blown away.
Once Rainbow Dash finished her flight, she hovered proudly and stated, “No no, don’t thank me. You’re quite welcome!” She then looked at us, and tried to stifle her laughter. She then started laughing so hard, tears started to stream down her face. I turned to see what could be so funny, when I realized: No glasses, equals bad eyesight.
“Where’d my glasses go?” I asked, and then saw that my glasses had landed on Spike (who was also laughing his head off). I sighed, and said, “Never mind. Can I have those back?” I extended a hoof, and Spike handed me my glasses, which I put back onto my face. Turning, I finally saw what Rainbow and Spike were laughing about, and I couldn’t help but start laughing too. Spying a nearby puddle left over from the mini storm cloud, I looked at my reflection and laughed even harder.
What were we laughing about? Oh, just some really bad hairdo’s. Twilight’s hair was poofed up beyond all belief, while mine managed to look like I had styled it by sticking my head out of a moving jet, and spraying it with a ton of hairspray.
“Let me guess,” Twilight said after a minute of us laughing. “You’re Rainbow Dash?”
The cyan Pegasus stopped laughing, and got up, saying proudly, “The one and only!” She shot into the air, got close to Twilight’s face, and asked eagerly, “Why? You heard of me?”
“You could say that,” I said, trying to pull myself together.
Rainbow turned to look at me, pure glee on her face, when Twilight cleared her throat, and said irritably, “I heard you’re supposed to be keeping the sky clear!” She took a deep breath, and with some obvious effort, composed herself. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, and that is Omnius,” I nodded in recognition, “The Princess sent me to check on the weather.”
“And I’m tagging along for the ride,” I piped in, grinning.
Rainbow Dash flew up to a cloud, and reclined in it, saying lazily, “Yeah yeah. That’ll be a snap. I’ll do it in a jiffy, just as soon as I’m done practicing.”
“Practicing for what?” I asked, honestly curious.
“The WONDERBOLTS!” She cried enthusiastically, pointing to a nearby poster (how convenient). “They’re gonna perform at the celebration tomorrow, and I’m gonna show ‘em my stuff!” She said, getting a look in her eye that reminded me of the look I get whenever I see pastries.
“Sounds like they’re pretty elite,” I commented, trying to figure out whether they were an air show or a superhero team. What can I say, matching uniforms always confuse me!
“They’re only the BEST flying team in all of Equestria! You have to be the best of the best of the BEST to join them!” Rainbow replied, like this was something that everyone knew, which in retrospect, probably was.
“The Wonderbolts?” Twilight said skeptically, giving Rainbow Dash a look that clearly said, ‘Girl, you crazy’.
“The most talented flyers in all of Equestria?”
Twilight snorted, and said disbelievingly, “Please. They’d never accept a Pegasus who can’t keep the sky clear for one measly day.”
This ruffled Rainbow’s feathers. She stood on her cloud (screw physics!) and called down, “Hey, I could clear the skies in ten seconds flat!”
I wondered what the hell Twilight was trying to accomplish, when Twilight simply said, “Prove it.”
Rainbow Dash got a determined look in her face and took off faster than I could blink. I don’t normally say this, but hot damn! She was fast! I mean, I was half-expecting a fiery trail of skid marks, and it wouldn’t have surprised me if she was part lightning bolt. She wasn’t just fast, she was graceful as well. Every time she turned a corner, it was like she had done it a million times before, like this was what she was meant to do. Then again, there was every possibility that that was true. I mean, it’s what happened to me.
True to her word, Rainbow Dash kicked the last cloud out of the sky and posed triumphantly on top of a bridge. “See? What’d I say? Ten. Seconds. Flat! I’d never leave Ponyville hangin’!”
Twilight, Spike, and I all had looks of awe on our faces. I broke the silent by yelling in nerdy fashion, “DUDE! Did you see that?! That was AWESOME! I mean, you were like fwoosh, and then the clouds went all POOF! And then I was like, WHOAAAAH!”
“Ha, you’re both a laugh!” Rainbow Dash said laughing. She flew off, and called out, “I can’t wait to hang out some more!”
When she was gone, I started waving my hoof in front of both Twilight and Spike, as they still had a look of awe on their faces. “Hello? Earth to Sparky and Spike!” I said, wishing I could snap my fingers. Stupid hooves. Sure, Pegasus ponies can ignore the laws of physics and sit on clouds, but I can’t snap my hoof? Totally unfair.
Twilight looked at me, and asked “Sparky?”
“Yeah. I figured that since your name is Twilight Sparkle, and then you can shorten Sparkle to Sparky, and voila! Insta-nickname!” I explained, gingerly touching the foosh that was now my hair.
“Don’t call me that.”
“Okay,” I said quickly, looking away.
“Wow…” Spike said, choosing to come back to earth, “She’s amazing!” He then started poking Twilight’s hair, chuckling to himself. She walked away silently, and tried to keep some of her dignity.
“Wait, it’s kinda pretty once you get used to it!” Spike called out, trying to catch up to her. Chuckling, I followed, thinking to myself that this was gonna be a fun day.
A few minutes later we had walked into the Town Hall, where the Celebration was going to be taking place this year. I had to admit, the décor was pretty cool. There were a few banners, tapestries, and streamers, each with some sort of sun on them. Small shimmering bits of glitter seemed to draw the eyes towards old tapestries that showed a regal white unicorn with wings magically raising the sun. Whoever did this seemed to have even counted all of the small details, including making sure that all of the folds on the banners weren’t wrinkled, and that none of the colors clashed.
“Beautiful…” Spike said dreamily, with miniature hearts appearing in his eyes.
“Yes, the décor is coming along nicely. This oughtta be quick. I’ll be at the library at no time!” Twilight said happily.
“What’s at the library?” I asked.
Before she could answer, Spike cut in, saying, “Not the decorations…Her!” He pointed to a white unicorn with royal blue hair who was magically levitating ribbons onto a column and muttering to herself all the while.
While Spike frantically started fussing over his spines, Twilight shook her head and walked up to the unicorn. “Good Afternoon,” Twilight said, adopting the same air of formality as before.
“Bonjour!” I added, giving a small bow. Wait, is it bonjour or bonsoir? I can never remember.
“Just a moment, please. I'm ‘in the zone’ as it were,” the unicorn replied distractedly, while she levitated a red ribbon that was covered with sparkles, and said “Oh, yes. Sparkle always does the trick, does it not? Why, Rarity, you are a talent. Now, how can I help youuuuaAARGH!”
When she screamed, I reacted instinctively, and tensed. I jumped to the side, and looked around, fully expecting an army of no less than fifty ogres to be charging at us, when Rarity cried out, “Oh my stars. Darlings, whatever happened to your coiffures?”
I put my hoof to my face (facehoof!) and let out a long sigh. Of course the unicorn who has an eye for detail and design would be shocked by bad hairdos. I should have seen that coming.
Twilight looked at my mane, and said, “Oh, you mean our manes? Well, it’s a long story. I’m just here to check on the decorations, and then we’ll be out of your hair.”
“Out of MY hair?! What about YOUR hair?!” She replied unbelievingly, and she started to push both me and Twilight across the room.
“Wait, where are we going? Help!” Twilight said fearfully, while I started sputtering and going, “Wait a second now, there’s no need to do that! What did I ever do to you!? HALP!”
Some amount of time later, we had been taken hostage at Rarity’s fashion store, the Carousel Boutique. While Twilight had to suffer through trying on multiple dresses of varying ridiculousness, I had to do something that I hated with a fiery burning passion: Get my hair styled and brushed. I winced every time the hairbrush (mane brush?) went through my hair. It felt like I was getting scalped by a very drunk and prejudiced bandit of the old west.
“Now go on my dear, you were telling me where you’re from,” Rarity said, tightening a strap on some sort of saddle thing that Twilight was wearing. (Okay, so just to recap: She’s getting a bunch of dresses ready, putting said dresses on Twilight, and magically levitating a brush through my hair, all at the same time. Alright, maybe those studies that say that girls are better than dudes at multitasking might have something to them after all.)
“I’ve-ugh-been sent...gasp…from Canterlot-” Twilight struggled to gasp out. I don’t know what was causing the most discomfort: My hair styling, or her dress fitting.
Rarity gasped, and said eagerly, “Canterlot?” She let go of the strap she was tightening, and the laws of physics took over, sending Twilight over to my side of the room. Rarity continued as if nothing happened. “I am so envious! The glamour, the sophistication! I have always dreamed of living there.” She went up to Twilight and gave her a small hug. “I can't wait to hear all about it. We are gonna be the best of friends, you and I!”
I lifted a hoof, and attempted to bat the hairbrush away from me. “Excuse me miss, but if you would kindly stop ripping my hair out of my scalp please. I’m kind of attached to it!”
Rarity looked at me with a critical eye, and said, “But I’m so close to getting your hair just right! Oh, you simply must let me finish!”
I looked at her apologetically, and said, “Sorry. But I kind of already have my own look.” I shook out my mane, until it regained its old, parted down the middle, classic look. I also glared pointedly at some scissors that were slowly inching their way closer to my beard, and said, “And don’t touch the beard. I’m rather fond of it.”
“I know, it looks like it could use a trim, and I honestly appreciate what you’re trying to do. But I like my hair the way it is, and when I want to change it, I’ll get it changed. Thanks for fixing it though, I have to admit I didn’t like the foosh look,” I explained/apologized patiently.
“Well, if you’re quite sure,” She finally relented, and turned back to Twilight, and appraised her look. “Emeralds? What was I thinking? Let me get you some rubies!”
As soon as she was gone, Twilight ran out, saying, “Quick, before she decides to dye my coat a new color!”
“I’m with you on that one sister! Let’s skedaddle!”
Another amount of time later (I don’t have a watch, so I can’t know for sure how much time has passed), we were walking down a simple dirt road, while Spike was still gushing over Rarity.
“Wasn’t she wonderful? Did you see her mane, and ooooh, her eyes! They were just so beautiful!” He had been going on about Rarity for a few minutes now, and it was starting to get on my nerves. It's fine when it's something like food, but when it's a living creature...
“Hey, Twilight, you alright?” I asked, trying to distract myself from Spike’s fawning.
“Of course, why do you ask?” Twilight replied quickly.
“Well, it just seems like you’ve got something on your mind that’s been bugging you all day. You’ve been in a hurry, you mentioned something about going to a library, and when the Princess sent you that letter, you thought that she was summoning you back to Canterlot, like she realized you were telling the truth about something,” I said, pointing out some of the things that had struck me as odd.
Twilight looked down at her hooves and seemed to be mentally arguing with herself. She glanced at me, and asked suspiciously, “How did you notice all of that?”
“Twilight, it was kind of hard NOT to notice. Like I said, you’ve been in a hurry all day, and you get irritated every time something holds you up.”
Twilight thought for a moment, and then sighed. “What do you know about the Mare in the Moon?”
“Nothing. Amnesiac, remember?”
“Oh, right.” For a few minutes, as we walked towards the next goal on the checklist (which was music, if anybody was interested), Twilight told me the story of The Mare in the Moon and how it was Celestia’s sister that tried to bring about eternal night for all of Ponyville, until she was banished to the moon, with the help of the elements of harmony.
“Let me guess,” I interrupted, “It’s been prophesized that Nightmare Moon would somehow escape her prison in a thousand years, and tonight happens to mark that thousandth year.”
“How did you guess?” Twilight said, looking slightly impressed.
“Elementary my dear Sparkle,” I started, in my best Holmes-ian accent. “You see, you strike me as the studious learner, who spends too much time reading and studying, when you could be making friends and attempting to learn more than just what you could find in books. By that logic, it would make sense for you to have come upon an old myth like that, and then by process of deduction and elimination, all becomes clear.”
Twilight continued to look impressed, and she even chose to ignore the minor insult that I had accidentally thrown in. “Very astute observation. Then you understand why I wish to hurry?”
“You want to get some research done on them elements and try to find a way to stop Nightmare Moon,” I said, going back to normal accent.
“Hey, I may not remember much, but I’m pretty sure that I could help you out if you’d like,” I offered.
“Why would you want to do that?” She asked with more suspicion (if she gets suspicious again, I’m gonna have to go look up some synonyms for suspicious. I’m getting tired of using that same word over and over and over and over again).
“Because I’m not gonna let no evil god-like being do anything that would hurt my friends,” I replied simply and honestly.
Twilight looked at me, and watched my face when I said that. She blinked and looked away, as if I had just said something she needed to think about. Quietly, she said, “Alright, if you want to, you can help.”
“Thanks. You know, you’re actually pretty alright,” I said, trying to say something nice.
I opened my mouth to explain, when the sound of birds singing in harmony suddenly became very apparent. I shushed Twilight and pointed toward the direction of the birdsong. We crept along silently, and I pushed aside some bushes, revealing a small tree that had birds on all of its available branches, with a yellow Pegasus with soft pink hair conducting them.
Suddenly, in a quiet, gentle voice, the Pegasus said, “Oh my. Um, stop, please, everyone.” She flew up to a blue jay, and in that same diabetes inducing voice, said, “Um, excuse me, sir. I mean no offense, but your rhythm is just a teeny tiny bit off. Now, follow me, please. A one. A two. A one-two-three-”
“Hello!” Twilight said loudly, accidentally scaring off all of the birds and gaining a small squeak from the Pegasus. “Oh my. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten your birds. I'm just here to check up on the music and it's sounding beautiful.”
There was a long, awkward silence, as the Pegasus landed gracefully on the ground. We were all silent for a moment longer, until Twilight tried to break the ice by saying, “I'm Twilight Sparkle and this is Omnius. What's your name?”
The Pegasus seemed to be trying to shrink, and she mumbled something that I couldn’t even hear.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” Twilight said apologetically.
The Pegasus squeaked and this time I barely heard her say “Fluttershy.”
“Didn’t quite catch that.”
She squeaked something unintelligible, and tried even harder to look small and insignificant. Heart…reaching…maximum…D’AAAWWWW levels! I tried to regulate my breathing, and resisted the urge to have a heart attack. She was just so damn cute! I'll admit it, it was undeniably the cutest thing I had ever seen in all of my Travels! (Apple Bloom, you’ve been replaced.)
After another brutally long awkward silence, the birds flew back to their perches, and Twilight said rather thankfully, “Well, um, it looks like your birds are back, so I guess everything's in order. Keep up the good work.”
Fluttershy managed to squeak out, “You’re very welcome,” while Twilight walked back to Spike, and I stayed where I was.
“I like your birds. You must have worked really hard to get them to sing like that. I probably wouldn’t be able to do that, since I have a short attention span,” I said jokingly, in a soft voice, trying to let Fluttershy know that she shouldn’t be scared of me. I got a look from Twilight, and I shot her one back that said, ‘I’ll catch up in a minute.’
It may seem corny, but I can’t stand it when anyone is scared of me. It makes me feel horrible, like I’m the bad guy, and whenever the person who is scared of me is something small and innocent…Well, you get the picture.
Fluttershy looked up, and then glanced over to where Twilight was talking to Spike. Then she underwent a complete personality change, and cried out in joy, “A baby Dragon!” She flew over to where Spike was, and sent Twilight flying (second time today!) and said excitedly, “Oh, I’ve never seen a baby before. He’s sooooo cute!”
Well I’ll be. I didn’t see that coming. I trotted over to where Twilight was sprawled out on the ground, and asked her, “You okay?”
“Yes, I think I’m fine,” She said, obviously irritated. I could sense that I wouldn’t make things better if I stayed and told Twilight that I’d meet her at the library in a minute. She shrugged and levitated Spike onto her back, with Fluttershy still following them and bombarding Spike with questions.
I sighed, and looked towards the horizon, where the sun was setting and the first stars were starting to twinkle into the sky. I thought about the last few days, and tried to guess what was going on. Here are the facts that I’ve gathered for certain.
Fact 1: Torrentican was here on Equestria, and he has his Shadow-Stalkers with him.
Fact 2: Tonight was a prophesied night for the release of an extremely evil baddie.
Fact 3: I needed a fact three.
Fact 4: According to Twilight, the stars will aid in the release of earlier mentioned evil baddie. As far as I can tell, the Three Travelers (including myself) have been referred to as “Those with the powers of the Stars” due to our ability to Travel through Time, Space, and Matter.
Fact 5: Princess Celestia, the ultimate ruler of this world, didn’t believe Twilight, meaning that if anything bad was going to happen, we wouldn’t exactly get the help of the kingdom until it would be too late.
All in all, those facts did not paint a pretty picture. I decided to head to the library in a roundabout manner, taking my time and trying to figure out if there was anything I could do. Conveniently, I got to the library at the same time as Twilight, Spike, and…Fluttershy?
I heard Twilight say something about Spike being too tired to keep answering questions, and Fluttershy nodded her head, and flew off.
“Yo,” I said casually, walking up to the door of the Tree-library. (Yes. A library. That is a tree. That’s all you need to know.)
“Hello Omnius,” She replied coolly.
“What? Is something in my face? Or is it just my face? You know that I have that kind of face only a blind person could like,” I said, grabbing my face in mock horror. This lightened the mood, and got a small grin from Twilight. “That’s better! Smiling is good for the soul! Now come on, we’ve got some research to do!” I said enthusiastically, walking confidently into the library-
And then got the crap scared out of me when an entire armada of colorful ponies screamed “SURPRISE!”
“Heilige Scheiße!” I yelled, jumping backwards into a bookcase, which caused a cascade of books to fall on top of me and nearly bury me alive.
“Surprise! Hi. I'm Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you two! Were you surprised, were you, were you? Huh huh huh?” I heard a voice say excitedly. I groaned inwardly and realized that the blob of pink I had seen earlier was, in fact, Pinkie Pie. Damn foreshadowing!
I poked my head out of the pile, and said, “Yes. I was very surprised. How the heck did you know that there were two of us?”
“Well DUH! I knew that you were here ever since you came into town a few days ago and got some nails and a muffin, and then you were really nice and gave your muffin to Ditzy Doo, and I heard her say that she hoped you enjoy Ponyville, and I thought that since she said that, it must mean that you’re new in town, and I tried to find you, but you were hiding from me! Then Twilight came into town, and I knew that she was new, so I thought that I could throw her a welcome party instead! Then I went to Sweet Apple Acres to give Applejack her invitation, and I saw that YOU were walking with her, and I thought ‘Why not throw a Twofer party!’ And then you walked in, and shouted something weird, and here we are!” Pinkie Pie said excitedly, saying it all in a single breath.
It took me a moment to calculate what she said, and then what the hell I was supposed to say. By the time I came up with an answer, Twilight had evidently been driven to drink and was currently downing a cup of…hot sauce?
She realized her mistake a second later and ended up breathing fire on me. All I can say is that lightning hurts a lot more, and it wasn’t the first time I’ve been burned (ooooohh, burrrrn).
I coughed out a small puff of smoke, and shook off the ashes. I looked over and saw that Applejack was standing next to the other ponies I had met today, and was struggling not to laugh.
“You knew this was coming, didn’t you?” I said semi-accusingly.
“Well, I reckon I might have,” She said laughing.
“Clever Girl,” I said in my best Australian accent.
Okay, for the sake of the fact that we’d need a director’s cut edition to include the entire party, I’m just gonna skip ahead to the S.S.C. Trust me, this is for the best. I’ll just tell you this: Good times were had, and many cupcakes were eaten.
I actually decided to stick to a group that composed of myself, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie (Holy Mother, but she has a thing for spicy foods! She’s got Intestines of Steel), and Applejack. We made idle chit-chat while waiting for The Princess to appear, and Twilight even joined us for a moment.
I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that bad mojo was going down somewhere. Even as the mayor gave out a nice little speech, I couldn’t help but glance at the moon and notice that the stars definitely were aligning in a very specific pattern. With a sudden flash, the stars and the shadow on the moon disappeared. Three guesses as to what the shadow looked like and the first two guesses don’t count.
I gulped and met Twilight’s eyes. She had obviously noticed the disturbance in the force as well, and we both started to worry. Things suddenly reached a boiling point when the Mayor called out, “PRINCESS CELESTIA!”
The birds chirped in a perfect fanfare like fashion, while some intricately designed curtains were pulled back to reveal, in all of her glory…an invisible princess.
Everyone was silent, and I broke the silence first by saying, “Okay, if someone has the nerve to tell me that the princess is in another castle, I’m gonna snap.” The joke wasn’t taken very well, especially since this was the perfect moment for an evil villain to appear.
Pinkie Pie screamed and I looked up to the balcony where a glowing aura that reminded me of the night sky had suddenly appeared. With a flash of lightning (I flinched), a tall, regal looking Pegasus with the horn of a unicorn (What the feck are those called? Pegacorns? Bah, I’ll ask Twilight later) appeared. Her mane was as dark as the night sky, and her coat was as black as a moonless night. Her eyes were draconian in nature, and she held herself with haughty disdain.
“Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-loving faces,” She said with contempt in her voice. I noticed Rainbow Dash had attempted to rush her, and Applejack had the sense to make sure she didn’t try it.
“What have you done with Princess Celestia?!” I shouted, making sure to get her attention. If anything was about to go down, I wanted to make sure that everyone got a chance to get out of there.
“Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?” She said, chuckling and reveling in the obvious confusion and fear of the ponies.
“Ooh! Ooh! More guessing games! Um... Hokey Smokes! How about Queen Meany? No! Black Snooty, Black Snooty!” Pinkie Pie called out helpfully, before getting a face full of cupcake. Way to go A.J.
“Does my crown no longer count, now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?” She said scornfully, angered by Pinkie’s insults. (I was a little miffed too. Dissing god-like evil is my thing!) She quickly shot around, scaring the others, most notably Rarity and Fluttershy. My anger started to rise, and I was about to shout an insult at her, when Twilight cut in.
“I did and I know who you are,” Twilight said fearfully, “You’re the Mare in the Moon…Nightmare Moon!”
“Well well well, somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here,” Nightmare Moon replied with fiendish delight.
“You’re here to-to” Twilight sputtered in fear, realizing the enormity of the situation.
Nightmare Moon chuckled, and shouted for everypony to hear, “Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!”
She laughed evilly, and I glanced around at all of the scared faces. My sight fell on Apple Bloom, who was huddled with two other small fillies in fear, and the sight of them filled me with rage. No one, no matter how powerful or smart they are, can scare children when I’m around!
“You forget Nightmare Moon! The Morning Sun will always vanquish the Horrible Night!” I called out, getting her attention. She glared at me, and I added, “On a side note, I’ve always wanted to say that! Now I can move on to: Throw Pie at evil-godlike being and survive!”
I spotted a pie lying on a nearby table, and shouted “HEY HOLD STILL!”