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CosmicWaltz

Joined March 2012
319 followers

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Stories (7)

  • In Search of the Sun
    Twilight must lead her friends on an adventure with Discord to find a cure for Princess Celestia

    42,156 words · 7,184 views · 484 likes · 10 dislikes
  • Last Night at Pinkie Pie's
    After a night of drinking, Rarity wakes up with a rather prominent guest in her bed.
    4,720 words · 8,441 views · 440 likes · 11 dislikes
  • Fell Into the Right Hooves
    After Rainbow Dash injures her wing, she finds herself in Fluttershy's care.
    24,082 words · 4,350 views · 312 likes · 7 dislikes
  • Thread by Thread
    Rarity has her eyes set on Twilight, but her nerves have other plans.
    5,345 words · 3,740 views · 242 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Diplomacy
    14,089 words · 3,242 views · 300 likes · 9 dislikes
  • A Normal Day
    5,992 words · 1,840 views · 151 likes · 3 dislikes
  • Applecores and Rainbows
    15,732 words · 2,047 views · 180 likes · 8 dislikes

Blog Posts (27)

Source

Twilight and her fellow Elements of Harmony, along with Spike, must travel outside of Equestria to find a cure for an ailing Princess Celestia. This journey, however, forces them to travel with an old acquaintance they had all but forgotten...

--

An attempt at writing adventure, and moving myself out of my comfort zone and into dialog-heavy writing. Plus, Discord! Whoo!

edit: This story now has two kinda-sequels; the shipfic Diplomacy and the slice-of-life fic A Normal Day!

First Published
11th Apr 2012
Last Modified
8th May 2012

Comments ( 167 )

#1 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 3d ago · · ·

Sounds very interesting. I wish I had time to read it now, curse you physiology class!!:twilightangry2::fluttercry:

#2 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

I will read this.

Later.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 3d ago · · ·

This is brilliant :D I do love Discord, couldn't find any mistakes either :pinkiehappy:

JAG
#4 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 3d ago · · ·

Mane Six adventure? Cool. It's been a while since I've read a fic like that. And Discord... apparantly as a good guy? Woah. Alas, I just woke up and can't quite see straight yet. I'll definitely give this a shot later, though.

#5 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 3d ago · · ·

>>439781 Maybe less of a "good guy", and more a "forced companion". :derpytongue2:

#6 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 3d ago · · ·

Amazing back story for discord, and amazing twist for twilight, never you expect her to consider an alternative to what Celestia told her! :twilightsmile:

#7 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

Enjoyable work so far.  I just make one humble request..   Stop having folks 'lied' down.  Have them lay down instead.

#8 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

MOARRR!!!!!

This is basically also my interpretation of discord, A jerk with a heart of gold (somewhat, I wouldn't go that far, tin maybe??).

JAG
#9 · Chapter 2 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

All right, good stuff so far. One of the best adventure stories I've read in some time. Discord is definitely a highlight. In my very limited experience with stories involving him, most authors seem to go too far to either end of the morality spectrum with him, making him too evil or too benevolent, but you've pretty much nailed his canon personality here. A cowardly, malicious prankster, but not over-the-top evil. Making him responsible for the zebras' rhyming speech was a good idea, too.

One small issue with this chapter, though, is the scene where Fluttershy gets dragged underwater by the Cephalosaurus. It's so short and quickly-resolved as to seem pointless; the follow-up conversation about it lasts longer than the actual attack did. It just feels a little awkward and un-needed. I'd reccomend either removing that scene entirely, or editing it so Fluttershy is captured earlier, maybe as soon as the monster appears. That would make it flow more effectively, I think, and give the whole sequence some added drama and suspense. Just a suggestion.

#10 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>440138 While you do have a point about Fluttershy's scene, there's one flaw behind your idea on fixing it. If she would get dragged in the water earlier...... how would she breathe?

#11 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>440023 Hmm. Seems "lay" is past tense of "lie". And now I know! ... Which makes me want to slap the ass that made these arbitrary rules given the opposition of "lay" and "lie" in present tense!

What can I say, I went through U.S. Public Education. Everything I've learned of writing was entirely on my own, because the schools certainly don't teach anything of the sort. :twilightoops:

#12 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>439910

How about an antihero? Or a moraly ambigious immortal? Or....... I've got nothing else.

Still, this is very good.

#13 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>440138 You have no idea how much I hate the first two chapters of this work. :rainbowlaugh: Since you were willing to make an actual review, I'll give some insight to the backstory.

I suck at dialog. I do. It's my weakest point. Framing, flow, all of it. The story of this was only second to that it needed to be dialog-heavy to help me get better. This is obvious when you look at it now, however. The first two chapters feel rushed and weak, falling just short of 5k words, where 3 and 4 pass 7k, and 5 is almost at 9k! The problem was that while focusing on framing the story and dialog, my details fell short of the mark. The scene with Fluttershy was the worst. Her fall was a last second addition to flavor their escape, and suffers the most from poor pacing. I plan to go back and edit both initial chapters substantially.

However, I do not plan to change Fluttershy's scene, merely add to it to make it more impacting, and with better flow. I still prefer how it plays out, I'm just disappointed with my execution of which.

#14 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>440406 Mischievous trickster with a beautiful soul? :rainbowlaugh: And thanks!

#15 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

This story has quickly become one of my very favorites that I've read. Each chapter really reads like an episode right out of the show, the characters' personalities and behaviors are all down to perfection with a nice balance of attention given toe ach, the narrative is witty on a regular basis, and even if Discord steals the spotlight in almost every scene he's in the other characters don't get completely shoved aside.

But now that we're getting to new locations that are new to us and the characters, I just think that a little bit of imagery and attention to scenery would make this story absolute dynamite.

I can't wait to see more from you!

JAG
#16 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>440461

Seems like dialogue is one of your stronger points, so whatever extra work you've put into it must've paid off. All the characters are spot-on, so far.  As you said, the details and pacing are the only weak-ish points, and even those are done more than well enough to keep the story interesting. A little editting here and there, and this will easily be EqD material.

Anyway, I just finished chapter four, and this is definitely getting thumbs-upped and Tracked. Keep up the good work.

#17 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

I'm gonna write my first impressions as I read this newest chapter. I really like the "lands" concept and it makes sense. Now I really want to see the forsaken lands. Too be honest the dragon lands lacked flair if you ask me but still really cool. Discord Y U SO AWSUM! Poor Discord, he's right without at least a little chaos the world can't function properly on it's own and any human could tell him and Twilight history is written by the victors/survivers. Finished, awsome, MORE!!!

#18 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

I'm not sure I can accurately convey in mere words how hard I am tracking this story right now.

Excellent characterization for everyone, particularly Discord.  I'm going to echo JAG regarding your characterization of him: not too psychotically evil, not washed out to be too good.  Perfect.  Which I feel is so important if you're going to make his character grow in either direction in a fanfic; if you start out with something that's not Discord, you're kind of dead in the water.  Not a problem here; simply magnificent.

Also, I actually liked how quickly the whole "Fluttershy is dragged under" scene was resolved.  I think it adds a certain humor to it: she's suddenly gone, everyone panics for a few moments, then boom, she's back with absolutely zero effort.  It just feels kind of entertaining that way, with them blowing it out of proportion when in reality she stares the thing down with no trouble at all.  

And nice Discord backstory.  You and I have the same ideas about his purpose in the fabric of Equestria, I can tell you that.  Must say I was somewhat confused as to why he would agree to helping them in the first place, particularly since Luna seemingly asked him first, but that backstory makes me consider the ramifications of residual emotions as motive.  I suppose I'll have to wait to see if I'm right.

I'm probably going to throw small celebrations every time this updates.  Just so you know.  Keep up the phenomenal work!

#19 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>440868 Thanks. :pinkiehappy: Definitely plan to repair the first two. I've gotten better at dialog from this, that much is apparent to me. I'm still a soliloquy kinda guy, though. :twilightsmile:

#20 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>442558 Thanks! :twilightblush: Two more chapters, from the looks of it, and the fifth is in prereading at the moment!

#21 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>442876

Only... only two?

....

:raritycry:

Why do all the good ones have to be so short?  Oh well; I'm looking forward to them!

#22 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>443044 If it's any consolation, Chapter 5 is over 8k words right now, and Chapter 6 might actually be longer than that when it's done. :moustache:

#23 · Chapter 2 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>440138 Read the final scene again! It's not the overhaul I eventually want, but I do feel I've done a lot to improve the scene. :twilightsheepish:

JAG
#24 · Chapter 2 · 123w, 2d ago · · ·

>>443494

Eeyup, definitely a big improvement.

#25 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

Didn't even realize this was one here! Tracking!

Even though I'm editing it, so technically I see it before anyone else... But still!

P.S. I'll get to work editing Chapter 8 tonight...

#26 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 17h ago · · ·

First of all the mistakes! I think you Spelled curious wrong you mentioned had twice together in a sentence "twilight had had" that's all. Also :D discords back I missed my old pal :pinkiehappy:

#27 · Chapter 4 · 123w, 16h ago · · ·

A dark, wasted territory where once great beasts fought their own kind with terrible machines until the bitter end." are you referring to us humans? Because that would be cool also discord is well epic he is like the troll god for me :unsuresweetie:

???
#28 · Chapter 2 · 123w, 25m ago · · ·

...was good till the overused stare was put in...fluttershy is my fav pony but the stare would not tame that beast...example 1...why didn't she use it aganist the hydra...you may say she can't do it at will BUT! her freinds were in danger like this time but honestly...the stare would do nothing to something that could destroy almost everything...i will still read hoping that is will get good again...keep it up though i'm only stating what i think :pinkiehappy:

???
#29 · Chapter 4 · 122w, 6d ago · · ·

was...was....was that a referance to warrhammer chaos marines!? FOR CHAOS!!!!!

#30 · Chapter 4 · 122w, 6d ago · · ·

Hehe 'Forsaken Lands' :trixieshiftleft: Just perfect with my username :yay:

#31 · Chapter 1 · 122w, 6d ago · · ·

>>449394 You mean "curios"? Actually, that's an odd, rare, or peculiar item. A Curios Shop sells such oddities. Also, "had had" is correct. See, using only one "had" isn't technically wrong, but grammatically, "had had" is more apt in this case. She had better luck at the moment before, but had previously had such luck in that sentence. It's hard to explain. XD Glad you like the story, though! And Discord is best draconequus.

(James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher. :rainbowhuh:)

#32 · Chapter 4 · 122w, 6d ago · · ·

>>445555 And so you did! Thanks! (though, wasn't it 5, not 8? :trollestia:)

>>449675 :moustache:

#33 · Chapter 4 · 122w, 6d ago · · ·

>>454830 Yeah, 5, sorry. Chapter 8 was on a different story I'm also editing. I commented when I was extremely tired at night, soo...

#34 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

My guess is that Discord will return and help, maybe  because of guilt, maybe something else.

#35 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

Discord, you so wacky~

Agh, I can't wait for the Eternal Realm!

#36 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

I am torn between the anguish of knowing that the final chapter is next and the joy of having read another well written piece.

The humanity! :raritydespair:

#37 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

Why can't I find that clapping Gif...

Someone help me out here?

#38 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

This is glorious!:rainbowkiss:

#39 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>465267

And this has been...

A Rarity Chaise Lounge Moment. :raritydespair:

#40 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 1d ago · · ·

Waiting...

and waiting...

and waiting some more...

NEXT CHAPTER Y U NO HERE YET?!

#41 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 1d ago · · ·

>>472804 Hate to say you might be waiting a bit. :twilightblush: I don't have as much free time these days. Though, I do work pretty hard when I can.

#42 · Chapter 5 · 122w, 5h ago · · ·

The goliathan Is funny to me because my middle name is Goliath :ajsmug: but Is next chapter seriously last? Because I don't want discord to return stone again :raritydespair: :raritycry:

#43 · Chapter 5 · 121w, 5d ago · · ·

>>478170 Next chapter is in fact the last. Summing up to be a large one, though!

#44 · Chapter 5 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

This story sounds extremely interesting...

You have my attention.

#45 · Chapter 5 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·
#46 · Chapter 5 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

This has been fabulous through and through! I've been searching for ages for a well thought out fic with Discord and the girls and this is just what I've been looking for. The plot itself is well thought out and believable, and the lands have such unique names! I like the idea of the whole necklace thing that zaps Discord if he gets too close. XD

You have Discord down pat. I like how you alternate between insufferable jerk to "jerk with a heart of gold" with the whole saving Spike and all. And how he reacted to being called "darling", being hugged, and having some pony show some compassion to him shows how much it's been denied to the poor guy (although he probably doesn't care XD)

My heart has pounded at a lot of moments in this fic, such as the serpent, the diamond dogs, and the goliathan wanting to sacrifice Discord. I wanted to hug the poor sweetie when he was told his little creation was killed. ;_; His genuine sadness was so saad. I wish one of the girls had hugged him. Even if he would "BLEH" them. XD

The ending of the chapter had my heart break. I can't believe he just left them like that. Totally in character, but I hoped he had a sliver of redeeming light in him. I really hope he comes back even though I have a feeling he's going to. Maybe when the girls are like in mortal danger and he randomly appears to save them.

Also, I adore his reactions with Pinkie Pie.

Got this story on watch and I can't WAIT to see where it goes from here!

#47 · Chapter 5 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

Awesome characterization for Discord, can't wait for the next chap!

#48 · Chapter 1 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

So far I've only read the first chapter, but I'm definetly ready for more. I think you've done an excellent job intresting the reader (well, at least it had me going, lol). You've done a pretty bang-up job on the introduction, and I'm excited to read on. Very cool, my friend, very cool. :moustache:

#49 · Chapter 5 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>501021 Thanks! I love long comments like these. Really show me my strong (and sometimes weak) points.

Discord is real fun to work with as a character. He sits on an ambiguous fault; not being evil, and not being good. He's chaotic neutral, really. I sorta looked at bipolar syndrome to get an idea for his character, then built it in a similar direction as I pieced together a backstory. The wild, laughing highs masking more somber emotions below, letting his chaotic magic separate him even further from the "chaos of normalcy". I tried to envision him as the outcast trying to change the world not out of some uncontrollable urge or malice, but just to get away from a world he doesn't fit into (not helped by his bizarre multi-species composition). Even the show supports this, in a way. Before he was even seen on screen in his episodes, he was labeled the villain. Admittedly, he did cause some chaos from the start, but really, it wasn't exactly bad. Odd, no doubt, but not harmful. Adding themes of order and balance, and a once strong connection between him and Celestia, I ended up with a Discord that really only sought acceptance, and took extreme measures when he felt he had not found it. Is he a good guy? I wouldn't say that. Certainly not bad. But, a character can change, right?

[/fanon mode]

#50 · Chapter 5 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>499717 Okay, you get a brohoof just for knowing of Kyuss. *brohoof*

Though, I must say I prefer QotSA.

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