Chapter 32: Zecora's Antidote
The week seemed to fly by for Josh, the former human turned stallion finding himself always busy or getting pestered in one way or another. No sooner had he recovered from the humiliation of learning what a “wing-boner” was via Rainbow Dash, Twilight gave him a letter from the princess. The news was not good for Josh, and he very nearly went on a tirade across Ponyville after reading over the fine print. Apparently, Princess Celestia had not yet learned of a way to send Josh back to his own world, even though she claimed she had went through the entire royal library two dozen times and had taken a few dozen recounts of all the spells she knew. Nothing had done any good, and she was still without answers, or so the letter said. Josh had promptly speared the letter onto Twilight’s horn and stomped off in a huff.
Josh went house-jumping when having to find a place to sleep for each night, never wanting to spend a night outside for fear of some crazy night creature wanting to come along and give him “sweet dreams” or something else creepy and unwanted. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all allowed Josh to spend his nights with each of them whenever he wanted, using the opportunities to attempt and get to know him better. Josh was a recluse, but he did make Fluttershy a promise of actually trying to give her world a chance. He enjoyed breaking promises, but since he was going to be stuck in Equestria for a while longer it seemed, he may as well learn something there.
During the week, Josh tried to stomach as much of Ponyville and Equestria as he could. He still found himself nearly puking and finding a cliff to jump off almost every other minute, but at least he was making a conscious effort to try and keep his attitude in check and not insult everything he saw and found pathetic. The obnoxious boy spent more and more time with Twilight and her girls, since after dealing with the likes of Derpy Hooves, Lyra, Cheerilee, Diamond Tiara, and a few others, he found that perhaps Twilight’s gang wasn’t as annoying as he once thought.
It took Josh to desire another walk through the Everfree Forest, a week later, before he realized that he had yet to go back to Zecora’s and ask for the antidote to get him back to his human form. Since he utterly refused to admit he was beginning to enjoy himself, he instead decided to accuse Twilight and her friends of purposely distracting him from being able to turn back into a human. Naturally, Applejack and Rarity both gave Josh another painful lesson on falsely accusing them, Twilight gave Josh a scolding, Fluttershy and Pinkie both hugged Josh and nursed him back to health, and Rainbow Dash simply sat alongside and laughed her head off.
“Stupid ponies.” Josh cursed under his breath, limping along towards the Everfree Forest after being treated by Fluttershy. Sadly for him, his wings had failed to cooperate, and had once again grown erect from Fluttershy’s gentle hooves rubbing medicine on his hoof-markings, courtesy of Applejack and Rarity. The stallion was forced to make a quick exit after Fluttershy collapsed into a giggle fit and Rainbow Dash was rushed to the hospital for an apparent seizure after spying on the two ponies. Now, wishing for a break from the ponies, Josh was determined to see Zecora. Despite being very similar in breed, she still was not technically a pony, at least in Josh’s eyes. Plus, he did feel a little bad about not visiting her since his first day in Equestria.
“Hey, Joshy, where are you going?” The voice that Josh had grown accustomed to hearing broke the wonderful silence that Josh’s ears were begging for a second later. The stallion didn’t even have to lift his dejected head to know the bouncing pony that was following along behind him as he headed for the Everfree Forest.
“I’m going to see Zecora, Pinkie Pie, and I would much rather go alone, thank you.” Josh tried to speak in a much calmer voice than usual. All the beatings he had gotten from the ponies made him question his social ethics, not to mention the strain it put on him physically as well.
“Ooh, that sounds nice! I haven’t seen her in quite a while, but of course by ‘quite a while’, I mean a week ago when you first came to Equestria and we all went to see Zecora to take you home with us. So, would that quality as ‘quite a while’, or ‘a long time’, or…”
“Pinkie, I think saying that you haven’t seen her ‘in a week’ would work best, don’t you think?” Josh’s head was dipping lower and lower to the ground. Getting used to Pinkie Pie was like getting used to going to school. It was something no one ever wanted to get used to, but it was something that had to be done and you just couldn’t escape it.
After a momentary pause that made Josh’s ears sing in joy, Pinkie inhaled a gust of air that soon turned into a loud gasp. “Ooh, of COURSE! That’s the perfect word usage for describing how long I haven’t seen Zecora! Saying that I haven’t seen her in ‘quite a while’ is rather vague, and nopony would understand just how long ‘a while’ is! But, saying that I haven’t seen her in ‘a week’ is so much better! Of course, this also brings up the question of exactly when during a week ago I saw Zecora. Do you think I should say that it was a week ago around late afternoon? I think that’s when it was.”
Gritting his teeth, Josh looked for the nearest cliff, but didn’t see one. He also didn’t see a tree to bang his head against. “Pinkie Pie! None of that is important! Why the hell do you always talk about things that are NOT FREAKING IMPORTANT?”
“Aww, but Joshy, EVERYTHING is important! When you speak, your words are meaningful, because we all have the gift of gab and it’s a joy to hear other ponies talk and express themselves! If I couldn’t talk, I would be so, so, so, so, SO sad! Do you KNOW how horrible it would feel to not be able to talk and share your thoughts and feelings with those you care about?”
“I couldn’t imagine,” Josh said sarcastically, casting angry frowns sideways at Pinkie Pie, the earth pony now somehow at his right when she had just been at his left. “But, just because you can talk doesn’t mean you should, you know. Some things are better left unsaid.”
Pinkie tilted her head curiously, her bright blue eyes fluttering open and shut a few times as she contemplated Josh’s words. “But if you REALLY want to say something, but you hold it inside, your head will burst into a million pieces! You’ll explode…twice!”
“That doesn’t make any sense, you dingbat. You keep secrets, don’t you?”
“Oh, of course, secrets are very, very important. If you ever break a secret…” Pinkie suddenly growled, baring her teeth and pushing her face into Josh’s. Her blue eyes flashed a dark red momentarily. “...Pinkie will be very, very mad.”
“Remind me to help you submit to a mental ward, once I find one, okay?” Josh gulped and backed away from Pinkie Pie, finally entering the Everfree Forest a moment later after having traversed down the path quite a ways without having even realized it. “Ah…I’m here. Pinkie, if you don’t mind, could you PLEASE go now? I want to see Zecora ALONE!”
Her face going back to its old, goofy, smiley form, Pinkie bounced a little bit and gave Josh her most soppy and pouty look that she could muster. “Pretty please may I go with you, Joshy? I want to spend more time with you! Yesterday when I tried to wrestle with you in that pile of sprinkles, you complained that you had indigestion from a frog you ate and needed to leave. Surely that frog is gone now, right?”
“I was being sarcastic, Pinkie. I just wanted to get away from you before you drove me insane.”
“Pretty please with sugar on top?”
“No.”
“Pretty please with lots of sugar on top?”
“No!”
“Pretty please with lemon-drops, sugar-lumps, sprinkles, lollipops, and a cherry on top?”
“NO!”
“Yes!” Pinkie bounced in front of Josh, glaring at him and sitting her rump right in front of his path.
“No!” Josh growled and tried to push past the pony, but it was a no-go.
“Yes!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“No!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“Joshy, I said no, and that’s final!” Pinkie stamped a hoof on the ground, a devious twinkle in her eye.
“Well, I said yes, so you’re going with me, and that’s all there is to it!” Josh snapped, “So, get your squishy butt of the ground and let’s get going!”
“Okie-dokie-lokie!” With a devious and happy grin, Pinkie bounced up and began to bounce ahead of Josh down the path to Zecora’s.
Proud of himself, Josh smiled and began to follow, but realization began to sink in. “W-w-wait a minute, what?!?!” Leaning his head back, Josh screamed into the sky and proceeded to bang his head repeatedly against the nearest tree. Thankfully the Everfree Forest was filled with trees so Josh could vent his rage at getting humiliated once again thanks to Pinkie.
“C’mon, slowpoke, Zecora won’t wait forever!” Pinkie eagerly wiggled her tail back at Josh, seeing how dejected and angry he looked and once more tilting her head. “What’s wrong, Joshy? Why do you look so glum and mopey? That’s so not fun! Want a big, squishy hug?” Her cheeks darkened slightly as she kicked a hoof at the ground in a shy way. “Maybe a little kiss?”
“Kiss my ass, Pinkie Pie! That’s what you can kiss!”
“Huh? Um…okay, but…why do you want me to kiss THAT?” Pinkie’s smile turned into one of confusion, although she still looked willing to do what Josh said.
Freezing in his tracks, Josh looked up from his annoyed stare-down with the ground to observe Pinkie. As always, she never failed to astound him. “I…didn’t exactly mean for you to kiss my butt, Pinkie. I meant it in a figurative way, not a literal way.”
“Then why did you say it if you didn’t actually mean it?”
“Well, back on my world, telling someone to kiss your ass is…uh…basically an insult.” Josh raised a hoof and scratched the side of his head, scowling a little as he tried to fully understand why it was considered an insult. “See, when you’re mad at someone and want to tell them off…you tell them to kiss your butt.”
“But…that doesn’t make any sense,” Pinkie argued, turning around and wiggling her tush back and forth, her eyes following her swaying flanks and swishing tail in wonderment. “Why would kissing someone’s tushy be considered a bad thing?”
“Well…uh…on my world…humans are very strange creatures.” Josh sat down, still struggling to make sense of the apparent insult, since he had never heard any human being question an insult before. The innocence of Equestria’s ponies still baffled him. One week didn’t manage to make his mind understand how the ponies thought differently about things that most human beings found commonplace. “It’s kinda hard to explain, but…well…Earth just has lots of phrases and insults that are…probably not something you’d expect to hear on Equestria.”
Pinkie bounced over to Josh, playfully butting her head against his shoulder. “If you ask me, telling somepony to kiss your tushy is a compliment, not an insult!”
“How do you figure?” Josh lifted his head and stared at Pinkie Pie, flushing slightly in the cheeks at how close the pink pony was to him. Never one for personal space issues, Pinkie’s face was pressed right up against Josh’s. Her nose was practically touching his. Every time the party pony invaded Josh’s bubble, the former human always felt his heart start to race. He still didn’t understand why.
“Well, because your rump is one of your most delicate and adorable body parts, that’s why! Why do you think Rarity is always making sure hers looks so gorgeous and why Spike is always secretly staring at it when he thinks no one notices? Obviously, the tushy is a very cute and…attractive…part of the body! Why would telling someone to kiss yours be an insult? That’d be a compliment!”
“Uh…Pinkie…theoretically, the butt is considered a place that most people would be unwilling to kiss, due to…uh…well, what it’s used for and…uh…dammit, this is so stupid! Just drop it already!”
“Kiss my tushy, Joshy!” Pinkie gave a toothy grin, turning around and wiggling her rump in the stallion’s face, “That’s what you can kiss!”
“I would sooner strangle you. In fact, I think I will!” Having had enough of Pinkie’s playful behavior, not to mention continued attempts at preventing wing-boners from popping up via his own wings, Josh uttered a deep growl and lunged at Pinkie Pie, tackling the earth pony down onto the warm ground of the Everfree Forest’s path.
The two ponies struggled and laughed for what seemed like hours. Strange-looking bugs that Josh had never seen before fluttered past every other minute, making weird squeaking sounds and showing interest at the two wrestling ponies on the forest trail. Odd howls echoed deep within the bowels of the dark forest, many other unusual animals that Josh hadn’t learned about yet poking their heads out of the deep foliage to watch the two ponies play with each other.
Even though Josh always tried to get his hooves wrapped around Pinkie’s neck to strangle her, the pony would always squirm and wiggle away at the last moment, eluding Josh’s attempts and making the former human angrier and angrier. However, when he used to have looks of fury and rage in his eyes, the looks he was giving Pinkie Pie was now angry in the sense of playfulness and teasing torture. It looked as though it wasn’t about actually strangling or hurting Pinkie; he just wanted to wrestle with her and hear her laugh and fight against him in a non-violent way.
At long last, after rolling around on the ground and getting dirty and covered with clumps of leaves and other debris, Josh finally managed to pin down the hyperactive Pinkie. The stallion knelt over Pinkie’s chest, holding down her forelegs with his hooves and pinning her hind legs with his own. Josh was sweating profusely, beads of perspiration dribbling down his face as he gasped and tried to catch his breath. Even though he had managed to land the crazy party pony, something told him from the little grin on Pinkie’s face that she let him capture her. Those sparkling blue eyes didn’t do anything to help Josh stay mad at his victim, either.
“I’ve…got you…now…Pinkie Pie!” Josh wheezed, grinning down in strained victory at the humming pink pony beneath his hooves. “Any last words…before I strangle you…and teach you a valuable lesson?”
“Well, I don’t know, Joshy,” Pinkie admitted, licking her lips and sticking out her tongue, either due to her concentrating on her thoughts, or because she was teasing Josh again. “You see, I’ve always thought about what I would want my last words to be, but I just have SO many words that I love to say! There’s pickles, and kumquats, and pickle barrel, and pickle barrel kumquats, and cherry chungas, and…”
“Why do I even bother?” Josh hung his head and groaned as Pinkie droned on and on about a random list of words that she found enjoyable, most of which made absolutely no sense to Josh whatsoever.
“An interesting sight I see before my eyes; one would usually find this quite a surprise.” Pinkie’s nonsensical blabbering was interrupted by a calmer, deeper voice above both ponies’ heads. “However, after living here for quite some time, it is not so strange to hear Pinkie Pie’s lines.”
“Wait…African-like voice…annoying rhyming…perfect sense of timing…” Josh’s eyes shot up to meet a familiar pair of deep, dark green eyes, matched only by the dark and beautiful black and white coat of their owner. “Zecora, it’s you! Thank the lord who probably doesn’t know that I’m in this world!”
“I shall take that as a compliment, regarding your words on my accent.” Zecora’s brow furrowed slightly as she stared down at Josh and Pinkie, standing over the two while carrying a saddlebag on her back. Tufts of bright orange plants seemed to be sticking out the sides, a sweet scent filling Josh’s nose due to the close proximity between the stallion and the stuffed saddlebag.
“Ooh, hi there, Zecora!” Pinkie squealed, waving a hoof up at the zebra, somehow having dislodged it from Josh’s firm grasp. “Why are you upside down? Did you learn how to fly? Oh, and what’s that delicious aroma? It smells like honey! Is there a beehive nearby? I owned a pet bee once. I named him Buzz, since he was always buzzing around my head and making funny buzzing sounds that I tried to mimic, but it made my tongue tickle the inside of my lips and…”
“Hey, Pinkie?” Josh interrupted, glaring down at the pink pony and tapping his foot irritably. He had removed himself from the party pony’s body almost a good ten seconds ago, but Pinkie didn’t seem to have noticed.
“Yes, Joshy?”
“Do this.” Josh lifted up his left hoof and placed it over his mouth, raising an eyebrow and giving Pinkie an expectant look. Curious, Pinkie rose up from the ground, tilted her head at Josh’s demand, and soon lifted up her left hoof and placed it over her lips. She continued to try to talk, but her words were now muffled and couldn’t be heard. A happy grin stretched across Josh’s lips, and he couldn’t help but cast Zecora a wink out of the corner of his eye.
Zecora chuckled and rolled her own eyes after watching the scene unfold. “Dear Josh, you are indeed quite unique. Do tell, what have you come out here to seek?”
“Straight to the point, huh? You sure aren’t like these ponies, who enjoy beating around the bush and trying to fill your stomach with fuzzy-wuzzy garbage before giving you a big, squishy hug until they FINALLY make their point.” Josh gave Pinkie an annoyed look, watching as the party pony continued to try and talk through her hoof that she held to her mouth. “But, yeah, it’s been a rough week for me here in Equestria. I kinda forgot that you owed me a little something, though…which is why I came out here.”
A light chuckle fluttered out of Zecora’s mouth, the deep sound resonating within Josh like a blast of fresh air. Zecora certainly had a much different voice compared to all the ponies, one that Josh found he could really find himself relaxed around. Sure, her rhyming was irritating to him, but then again, beggars couldn’t be choosers. Josh would much rather not deal with any Equestrian creatures at all; being back on his home world with the non-speaking animals that littered the streets, forests, jungles, and other numerous terrains was more his cup of tea. But, he had made a promise to try, so try he would.
“Your antidote has been ready a while now; undoing the poison joke is what it shall allow.” Zecora turned and casually began to trot back to her small shack, the saddlebag bouncing lightly over her haunches with each step she took. “To go back to whom you once were, you must first make certain you are most sure. The hands of fate play with many a mind; for what happened to you, a reason you should find. Rash judgments soil the hearts of the weak, and will not take pity on the minds of the meek.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, shaman girl,” Josh muttered, ignoring the muffled Pinkie Pie as he tailed Zecora back to her home. “Just make with the goods and I’ll move you a notch down the ‘Equestrian Idiot’ ladder, alright?”
Josh and Zecora both vanished down the path, disappearing into the darkened trees stretching onward towards the Everfree Forest shack of which Zecora took residence. Pinkie Pie desperately tried to say something, but her hoof continued to muffle any and all things the element of laughter attempted to announce. It wasn’t until a good thousand or so words later and a lot of furious bouncing and senseless motioning to nothing but empty air that Pinkie finally removed her hoof covering up her lips.
“Hey, Joshy! I forgot to ask! When do I get to pull my hoof away from my mouth?” she called out, but upon realizing that she was all alone, she huffed in annoyance and stamped a hoof on the ground. “Well, that’s just not fair! Leaving before I had a chance to ask about the rules! Now I have to keep doing it until Joshy tells me what the twist is!” Giving a rather dramatic sigh, Pinkie placed her hoof back over her mouth, muttering sadly to herself and hoping Josh would come back for her.
Josh and Zecora trotted side-by-side, both ponies staying silent for the most part. The mature, calm stance of Zecora contracted the immature, arrogant stance of Josh, and yet ever since he first met the zebra as a human, the stallion could feel himself calmed in her presence. There was a strange aura about Zecora that none of the other ponies had. Plus, no matter how much Josh seemed to insult and mock her, Zecora never seemed to mind. That or she just tuned it out, due to her maturity and overall strong stature. Either way, the longer he lingered with the zebra, the more reluctant Josh felt towards acting like his usual jerk-like tendencies.
Taking a peculiar interest in the ground and his hooves, Josh’s eyes darted back and forth over the rough forest surface as he trotted along. “Uh…so, Zecora…how have you been since our last meeting?” Josh tried his hardest to sound like he wasn’t really interested and was only trying to make small talk, but it hard to tell what Zecora was thinking behind her mysterious glowing eyes and her rugged exterior.
“Doing well, I have, since our last meeting; it was quite sad that your visit was so fleeting.” Zecora glanced sideways at Josh, her lips curled into a quaint smile as she admired the stallion. “Seeing you again is quite a delight. I also hope that you, yourself, have been doing alright.”
“Believe me, Zecora, I’ve made reservations at a few cliffs that I’ve wanted to jump off of during the past week,” Josh admitted, rolling his eyes when all he got out of Zecora was a content grin, “It hasn’t been easy becoming a stupid pony. I miss my hands, I miss walking on my hind legs, I can’t use this stupid horn for anything other than jabbing Rainbow Dash in the butt, I hate these useless wings, I feel exposed without having to wear any clothes, I hate the food here in Equestria, and all of that is just the first half of my list of things I hate about this world…the first half of page one of my dozen or so pages!”
Despite her pleasant grin, Zecora closed her eyes and hummed to herself as she continued to trot along the path towards her home. The strong fragrance resonating from her saddlebags continued to escalate with each passing moment. “They say that hatred can only be felt when spurred by emotions that can make the heart melt.”
“What the hell is THAT supposed to mean? For that matter, what does anything you say mean?” Josh gave himself a face-hoof out of pure annoyance. Sometimes, Zecora frustrated him when she spoke in, what Josh liked to call, ‘Shakespearian gibberish’. It was at that moment when Josh happened to glance at Zecora’s saddlebags again. He blinked in confusion and did a double take. The tufts of bright plants sticking out the sides of the carriers were now yellow.
That’s weird. Weren’t those flowers or whatever the hell they are orange before? Did they change colors or something? Ugh, trying to make sense of this world is like trying to understand Lady Gaga and her sense of fashion. If you attempt to do so, you get a huge headache and wish you were dead. Josh took note that the sweet honey smell that he and Pinkie had smelled before was now a strong lemony scent instead.
“Take what you want out of what I speak; I may lack clarity, but I am always discrete.” Zecora peered up ahead, raising a hoof to shield a thin beam of sunlight from the forest canopy casting its blinding glow onto her eyes. “Even in the darkest of lands, a beam of light always takes command. It is rather odd, I might say, how even the simplest of things can spark your day.”
That…was an odd thing to say. What the hell goes in inside this girl’s head? She’s like a quiet black human girl who sits in the corner of a library, staring out the window and reading a Greek tragedy that’s a poor knockoff of Shakespeare!
“Er…uh…what’s that flower in your pack?” Josh continued, pointing with a hoof towards Zecora’s saddlebags. The lemony smell continued to linger with the strong yellow hue still dotting the hidden plants. The longer Josh continued to be in Zecora’s presence, the more curious he got over the strange plants. He couldn’t stand not knowing something.
“Ah, curious you are about this flower? Like the poison joke, it contains much power.” Halting in her tracks, Zecora reached back into her pack and grasped one of the bright plants. As she tugged it out for Josh to see, the stallion took a few steps back. The memory of what the blue poison joke flower had done to him was always fresh in his mind, since he was still suffering its affects.
The flower was no bigger than poison joke, but its colors were much more vibrant and alluring. He couldn’t be sure, but Josh swore he could see the petals pulsating in Zecora’s hoof. The flower itself had six petals, each one shaped like a heart. The plant was only about three inches long, and even though its current color was yellow, Josh was confident he had seen it in orange. Oddly enough, the longer he stared at it, the more his heart seemed to beat inside his chest. There was something mystical and odd about this plant; Josh wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know or not what it was.
“It is clear, dear Josh, that you are most enthralled; an emotion lily is what this flower is called. Very strong properties this flower does hold. Do sit back and listen to the facts that unfold.” Zecora sat down on the forest path, locking eyes with Josh to let him know that she was about to explain everything to him, and that she wanted his attention. Josh granted her request by not dismissing her and telling her to go jump off a cliff. “An emotion lily is quite a rare find; it is never easy to find one of its kind. Each flower has six petals, all shaped like hearts, to showcase the heart and the brains’ biggest parts.”
“The heart and the brains’ biggest parts? Oh, right…the brain has a left and a right side, and a heart has four sectors…I think.” Josh mused a little, tilting his head as he tried to remember his health classes in school. “I wish I had paid more attention in class instead of sleeping and dreaming about ruling the world. Funny how things like this come up in real life, you know?”
Choosing to either ignore Josh, Zecora continued on. “As I said, this flower is rather strange and unique; it can know when its holder is sad and weeps. You see, Josh, an emotion lily can connect with one’s soul. Are you warm and gentle inside, or as hard and rough as coal? This flower knows the emotions of those around it. Its current color will change to go with what it sees fit. Jealousy, love, sorrow, and joy; this flower will treat your heart as its toy. The petals can be used to make a very strong potion, which can be used to eradicate a very dark notion. For you see, dear Josh, these flowers are pure. No evil can touch them, or thorns of pain they will endure!”
“Uh…okay…so, let me see if I can sum all this up,” Josh said slowly, squinting and trying to make sense of everything Zecora explained. “So, these flowers are called ‘emotion lilies’, which ironically plays on the word ‘emotionally’. They all have six petals, because our brains and hearts have a total of six sections, and our brains and our hearts are where our emotions come from. The reason they change colors is because they can somehow sense the emotions and feelings of those around them, and the colors they change to match the essence of emotion they sense. Finally, no one who is evil can hold the flowers, or else the seemingly-innocent plants will hurt the evil person with some kind of defense mechanism. Oh, and they apparently can make a potion that can be used to…purify you…or something.”
“When it comes to my words, I see you are not a fan. However, for the gist, I think you understand.”
“Whatever. Can I see one of those things?” Zecora complied and handed over the emotion lily, letting Josh take it in his hoof instead and admire it up close. It felt warm to the touch, and almost seemed to pulse in his hoof. It was like it had a heart of its own. Just holding the flower and staring at it made Josh realize he was dealing with another supernatural plant that was probably more dangerous than Zecora let on. Interestingly enough, Josh felt his hoof sting a little bit as he held the flower.
Ow. Damn, first it was warm, but now it’s freaking hot! It’s like holding a boiling pot of water in your hand…hoof, whatever. How the hell was Zecora holding it for so long? Shaking his head, he quickly tossed it back to the zebra a moment later, muttering under his breath in annoyance while rubbing his hoof over his chest to dull the searing pain. Well, whatever. This was a total waste of time. Why do I continue to try so hard to learn more about this place? Let’s just get that antidote already so I can finally change back into a human!
“So…why did you need those things anyway? And where exactly did you find them?” Josh returned to trotting along, hoping Zecora got the hint to do the same. He was starting to get impatient.
“These flowers are found in a small clearing due east of my home. An area of the Everfree where sunshine streams in and no animals roam.” Zecora indeed caught on and returned to walking alongside the stallion. “As for why I needed them…that I cannot disclose. There are even some things that are not meant for another’s nose.”
“Uh…so…basically, that means…not to be nosy?”
Zecora gave Josh a little grin, winking at him as well. “Once more, a fan of my words you are not. But, despite our differences, you clearly understand a lot.”
“I’ll take that as meaning ‘yes, Josh, that’s correct’. Remember when I said that I moved you down a notch on the ‘Equestrian Idiot’ ladder? Well, I’m moving you one rung right back up for that.”
Zecora chuckled softly, swaying her flanks a little and playfully nudging Josh’s side when one swayed too close. The stallion frowned to himself and just shook his head. He was going to go nuts wondering what Zecora was gathering those emotion lilies for. He could always attempt to use his manipulation skills on Zecora to get her to spill the beans, or in the very least threaten her in some way. There was also blackmail, bribery, seduction, begging, and physical violence as well. All were good choices, but deep in his mind, a little voice was telling him that it wasn’t worth it. So, he decided to drop it.
One minute later, the twosome finally reached Zecora’s hut. The little home in the forest was just the way Josh remembered it: strange and freaky-looking. The same foreboding feeling of not wanting to go inside lingered in the back of his head, since the last time he had been inside, he had underwent a dramatic physical change. Even if it wasn’t Zecora’s fault, the stallion was still weary of her. The zebra was so weird and so unusual. But, he supposed it was because he thought of Zecora was though she was a black female human. Back on Earth, Josh honestly never spent a lot of time with black people, so it was only natural he felt a tad out of place.
“Do come in, Josh, and I will give you your cure,” Zecora said, pushing her way through her front door and beckoning Josh to follow her, “Your antidote has been ready for some time; it will fix you for sure!”
“I should hope so. But why haven’t you gotten ahold of me until now, huh?” Josh growled and stomped inside after Zecora, shutting the door behind his back with one of his hind legs. “Haven’t you had the antidote for at least a week now? Have you been having a ball thinking about me suffering being a pony during all this time? Why, you evil little zebra…”
“Dear Josh, do not judge me, you have got it all wrong. Allow me to clarify; it will not take long.” Zecora trotted over to her potion shelf, trailing a hoof through an assortment of jars, containers, vials, and other holders of multicolored liquids and potions. “As much as I would love to help you in your current plight, to get back to your new form is not my fight. Surely if you had wanted to be turned back so very bad, you would have come to see me sooner, and then your antidote you would’ve had.”
Growling a little bit, Josh wanted to argue, but he knew that Zecora was right. It was his own fault for not getting turned back sooner. If he had wanted to be back as a human so badly, he would’ve run back to see Zecora first thing after getting out of Twilight and her friends’ presence. Blaming Zecora for not coming to find him was unfair, since she didn’t even HAVE to make the antidote for him. Not only that, but it wasn’t even her fault that he had been changed into a pony. It was his own fault.
Zecora smiled to herself when Josh didn’t respond to her, realizing that he knew he was wrong. Proud of the fact that Josh was acting mature for once, Zecora hummed and continued to look through her potions. “Let’s see…now, where did I put that? I do remember mixing it up in a rather large vat. Hmm…oh, yes, here we are! It was in plain sight and not at all that far.” Reaching behind a large jar filled with gooey purple liquid, Zecora gently grasped a tall cylinder in her mouth and began to trot back to Josh. The stallion had taken a seat on the same cushion as last time, trying hard to not stare at Zecora’s rump the entire time the zebra had her back to him.
The glass vial that Zecora held out with her mouth to Josh contained a light blue liquid which was mostly transparent. Soft bubbles popped over the surface of the watery substance, tiny salt-like pebbles floating all over within the concoction. Josh eagerly reached out and grasped the cylinder with both hooves, not wanting anything to happen to it. This was it! He was finally going to change back into a human! No more trotting around on four hooves. No more feeling exposed…hopefully his clothes would morph back with him. No more feeling like he was on the same level as all the other ponies. He was finally going to get his body back! Surely all he had to do was drink this potion and he would be changed back and that was that.
Just as Josh was about to pull the cork off the top of the vial with his teeth to get at the liquid inside, Zecora held up a hoof to stop him. “No, Josh, this potion is not meant to be ingested. Drinking this potion will surely make you congested. To cure poison joke, this potion must be applied to a bath. Soak in the healing waters, and the plant’s affects will be but a laugh.”
“Wait just a darn minute here. You’re telling me I have to take a bath for this to work? What the hell is this, Harry Potter or something?” Josh groaned, rolling his eyes back and glancing up at the ceiling. “Dear lord, why me? Why are things never easy? Why can’t I ever get things handed to me on a silver platter like I so richly deserve? Why?”
“Life’s game has many ups and downs. The agony of many ordeals creates painful sounds.” Zecora took her seat opposite Josh on her own cushion, always smiling the same pleasant grin she was accustomed to showcasing in Josh’s presence. “If everything was so easy, our lives would be dull. To challenge ourselves daily makes a dreary life null.”
“Oh, zip your lip already! I’m tired of your sermons. If you want to preach to someone, go and preach to Twilight! Something tells me she’d probably take notes and actually enjoy what you have to say!” Josh’s face turned a slight shade of pink at how close Zecora was sitting to him. The zebra always seemed to enjoy invading his personal space when he was around, which was only twice now.
Zecora said nothing to Josh’s insult, once more taking it in one ear and letting it fly out the other. Nothing seemed to bother her, which, for some reason, infuriated Josh. Getting a rise out of Twilight and her friends was so enjoyable and hilarious. It always made Josh’s day to see ponies whine, pout, complain, yell, or throw a fit at something he said or did. Zecora was so calm and so collected, so mature and so docile. Plus, the way she always smiled drove Josh up a wall. Without even trying, Zecora drove Josh absolutely insane.
It’s like she’s silently manipulating me! Is she playing mind games with me? Why are black girls always so smart and so good with words, not to mention scary? Damn you, Zecora! You and your attractive, deep voice and your stupid emotion lilies and your creepy home in the middle of a deadly forest and your pretty body and your…your…DAMN, STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!
“Josh…if you like, you may now leave. You have gotten what you came for, so you should no longer grieve.” Zecora finally broke her gaze at Josh, turning and looking at her door instead. “Simply dump the potion into a bath of your choice, and once you bathe for a good few minutes, you can soon rejoice. The poison joke’s affects will surely wear off; you will soon be back as a human, and to the ponies you can scoff.” The zebra closed her eyes and sighed a little to herself almost immediately upon finishing her statement. For once, she almost looked a little sad.
“Goody. So, all I have to do is commandeer some pony’s bathtub…hopefully when they’re not around, so there won’t be any embarrassments…and then while I get further mentally scarred from having to actually bathe inside a bathtub meant for a horse, I soak with this potion and I will be turned back into a human. Simple enough.” Josh was about to rise to his hooves, but since he now had a very important bottle in his midst and didn’t want anything to happen to it, he frowned and realized he had no way to actually carry it. It had been in Zecora’s mouth, so he wasn’t about to put it in his own.
Having somehow read Josh’s mind, Zecora silently ambled over to the other side of her bed and pulled out a spare saddlebag. It was slightly worn and a little faded, not to mention having a few rips here and there patched together with adequate sewing techniques. “Feel free to take this and do with it what you will. It is just here collecting dust; it should be strong enough to support your fill.”
“Uh…thanks, I guess,” Josh muttered, still not really enjoying the thought of wearing a saddlebag. He still had the one Pinkie gave to him, but he had left it behind at Applejack’s when he had lost his temper and stuffed it up the cowgirl’s mouth to shut her up. But, since he did not want to drop his important potion, he allowed Zecora to slide the saddlebag onto his back and soon inserted the vial into the left side.
“Good. That’ll keep it safe until I get to a place to take a bath. But, where would be a good place? Pinkie would probably pop up in the bathtub with me, and then I’d get in trouble for pony abuse, so that’s not a good idea. I can’t even get into Rainbow Dash’s home with these stupid faulty wings. Applejack’s bathtub is probably disgusting, so I’m not interested. For some reason, I fear for my virginity if I were to take a bath at Rarity’s; I have no idea why, but that’s just what I fear. Fluttershy’s would be good, but I swear to God, if that jackass of a rabbit barges in and demands to use the toilet while I’m taking a bath, I’m making rabbit stew. I suppose I could use Twilight’s bathtub, since she doesn’t seem likely to…am I amusing you?” Josh halted his speech when he noticed Zecora staring at him.
“No. You just…I like it when you talk.” Zecora whispered softly, leaning her head forward and nuzzling against Josh’s shoulder. “It can be lonely out here, especially when going on walks. It is not often that I get company, so I love it when ponies come and play. Most of them only want my assistance or my potions; none of them ever bother to stay. You, Josh, are so very interesting, and you fill my heart with glee. I…I cannot explain…the type of joy and excitement that you always bring me.”
What the HELL is she talking about? I’ve only seen her twice now! How in the world could I bring her joy and excitement? She really IS off her rocker! I’d better get out of here and fast, before she decides to tie me up and demand I watch her do yoga…or whatever it is crazy, psychotic black girls do when they decide to kidnap someone just for kicks.
Quickly, Josh got to his hooves and began to make haste trotting to Zecora’s door, the antidote gently bouncing up and down inside his saddlebag. He made it to the door without Zecora saying another word, which slightly alerted the stallion. Was Zecora planning something? Was this all a part of her master plan? Did she have the door booby-trapped somehow? A quick glance behind his back revealed that Zecora was firmly seated in the same place that he had left her. She was giving Josh the same smile, albeit somewhat sad now, and was waving a hoof to him. It really did seem like she was just watching him leave with his antidote.
What’s wrong, you idiot? Just leave already! You got what you came for, didn’t you? Well, just hurry up and go! Zecora is a nut-job and should be checked for mental instability and possible illegal witchcraft, among a couple dozen other things.
True…but, it just feels…well, wrong, Josh thought, his heart sinking into the pit of his chest as he stared at Zecora’s door, once more fighting an inner battle with himself. She looks so lonely, and she is really the only one in Equestria who hasn’t said or done one negative thing to me. Sure, she’s creepy, but…is it really fair to just continue to judge her just from her looks?
Duh, of course it is! Looks are everything! She’s living in a dark forest, you idiot. She plays with potions and other magical things that can potentially KILL YOU. She’s dark, she’s mysterious, she’s always smiling, she speaks in a deep voice, and she’s just psycho! Who cares if she looks lonely? Just hurry up and leave! You’ll regret it if you don’t!
But…no, I can’t do that. I gave all the other ponies a chance, and even if I don’t like them, I can’t just leave Zecora in the dust. How would I feel if I was living all by myself in a deep, dark forest? Sure, I’d probably like it, but…ugh, forget it. I’m just gonna spend some time with her. it’s better than going back to Pinkie and the others for right now.
Don’t come crying to me if she chops you up and puts you in to a stew then.
Who the hell are you anyway?
When he got no answer, Josh just shook his head and turned back to look at Zecora. “Hey. Uh, Zecora?”
“Yes, Josh?” Zecora perked up at hearing the stallion speak to her again. The twinkle in her eye almost made it look like she was hopeful he had something important to say or do.
“Look…the ponies annoy me, and I see them 24/7. So…uh…if it’s cool with you, I think I’ll just hang out here awhile, alright?” Josh casually slid his saddlebag off his back, trying to make it seem like he was hating the idea. “That is, if you don’t mind me keeping you company for a little…”
Josh was interrupted when Zecora eagerly bounded forward, bowing her head and wrapping her neck around the stallion’s in the usual pony hug. Their bodies were pressed incredibly close, so close that Josh could feel Zecora’s quickening heartbeat and her warm breath on the back of his neckline. “Josh, I would love nothing more. Come, let’s get you on a cushion and off of this floor.”
In no time at all, Josh found himself spending the day with Zecora. He was in for a long ride of lectures on how to brew potions, sharing of books on interesting wildlife and exotic plants, show and tell involving Zecora’s artifacts from her homelands, embarrassing bonding moments where Zecora tried to get Josh to share facts about himself, and much more. Even though he wanted to use the antidote as soon as possible, paying Zecora back in whatever way he could only seemed fair, after all.
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Annoying rhyming...perfect sense of timing. Was this on purpose? Anyway, can't wait for more.
JoshxZecora shipping?
xxxJoshcoraxxx ????
Hooray for updates! Somepony has jungle fever, eh? I can't wait to see what Josh decides to do with his antidote, if anything
hmm... ship with ALL the ponies? anyway i like JoshXPinkie and JoshXAJ the most
And what took you so long with this chapter? It was like 2 weeks since any update on your fics... 
...this confuses me. but in a good way!
>Makes a main character that is inconceivably douchy.
>Have him turn into a pony so you can develop a possible ship with almost everyone, making it impossible to predict.
>I also thought that the Emotion Lilly having six love heart shaped petals had something to do with the main six's attraction to him.
>Make him have more denial than a teenage bimbo who just found out she's preggers, so he doesn't think anything of it.
>Since he is the only male alicorn that we know of (apart from that baby one in that foreign comic book(which isn't canon because Studio B said nothing about it)) Celestia/Luna/Both are going to end up falling in love with him, or want to at least mate with him so they can make more alicorns. (which means that Celestia may not be actually looking for a way to send him home)
For all I can tell, you'll have him end up falling in love with his mattress.
Also:
>Gets constant wingboners; never gets an actual erection.
HOW?! Maybe because if he saw just how big he was down there he would want to remain as a pony way too early.
Cook. Keep 'em coming. I can see this may be a long ride before Josh makes a full change.
Just have 1 reuest.....NO ZecoraXJosh shipping......JUST NO!....NO!....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a to release a new chapter today, and it's 400 words short!
Eh, this fic's better.
333065 what's so bad about it
WZF Josh.
Your getting a heart, nice.
I like Zecora!
333280: *Breathes through teeth*
A lot of things. Just my opinion....that is all.
333303 Haters gonna hate..
Yay!! Joshy has a heart!!! And it looks like the flower didn't purify him, but it didn't help him either. He's finally neutral!
YES! Finally, an update!
And honestly? I don't think Josh will want to turn back. He may do it to prove Twilight wrong, but then we'll probably see him rushing towards a field and "accidentally" "falling" on a patch of Poison Jokes.
While Josh has been doing better, it's just starting to piss me off because he's a total asshole. I mean, someone needs to kill that annoying fucking ego with a few arrows to the knee...
Very nice update
I won't try to get a look on the future plot, I have to get back to reading other stories anyways
another great chapter!
JoshxZecora? confusing yet intriguing
333381: I am not a hater. Haters hate without a reason, I hate cause I HAVE a reason.
So yeah, and IKR, Now that hes neutral....things can only get better!
Fantastic! This was a superb chapter. MOAR!!!
It seems like d-bags get all the women... :3
Good chapter though.
"She’s like a quiet black human girl who sits in the corner of a library, staring out the window and reading a Greek tragedy that’s a poor knockoff of Shakespeare!"
Rgh! The historian and literary sides of me are having a field day with the Josh hate I'm feeling. And yet, it's so him.
Also, lulz at wrestling with Pinkie!
just read the lady gaga analogy and all i can say, is, well played dear sir, well played
Rawr~
Great chapter as well.....
wow, josh having a heart
kinda saw it coming on the chap with lyra and bonbon.
!
!
!
but at least he's actually trying now right?
i just hope pinkie is gonna be okay out there in the everfree ...alone...still waiting for josh
AHH BUCK IT!!! JOSH YOU BETTER COME BACK FOR HER
Tailslover13, is Josh gonna remain a jerk for the whole story, or is he gonna end up being a nice guy? I need to know!
346192
You'l know. In about 20 chapters from now.
333295 dat potion. I think the goddamn flower is to make Josh have a 180. POTION OWNED
josh' talks with his mind makes me think "scitzo much?"
"but it hard to tell what Zecora was thinking" You're missing a "was".
I just wanted to point out the obvious here: Our emotions don't literally come from our hearts, which pump blood. They all come from our brain. It's just that "heart" is a common metaphor for the part of our mind that deals with things differently than the "thinking" part of our brain. And yes, the human heart (and many other mammals like humans) has four chambers.
"But, he supposed it was because he thought of Zecora [w]as though she was a black female human." Change "was" to "as".
"The poison joke’s affects will surely wear off;" You mean effects.
Time to celebrate with a new picture of Josh! 3520074110822893FFC49D000201DAF00UM343410000000071260314233BF70D107F3FCC004CB2
i1048.photobucket.com/albums/s366/Dogman-15/Joshver3.png