Trip Of A Lifetime

by Tailslover13

Chapter 2: Colorful Understanding

Josh sighed and continued to rub his forehead, grumbling about the migraine he still had. A few minutes later, however, he heard soft trotting and he reopened his eyes to find Applejack heading towards him. She had a tray gently clenched in her teeth, which contained a glass of apple juice balanced perfectly in the middle. The human was highly surprised that a pony could perform such a trick without having it spill or drop, since he considered most animals to be pretty stupid. Even though he personally didn’t like them, there was also a slice of apple pie on the tray, too. When she got close enough, Josh reached out and gently pulled the tray away.

“Thank you very much, AJ,” Josh said, already calling her by a nickname, since he liked using random nicknames on people, even if he just met them. He took a sip of the apple juice and sighed happily; it tasted so fresh and so delicious. The boy was an expert on apple juice, so he knew the good from the bad. Not wanting to be rude, he also picked up the slice of apple pie and forced himself to start nibbling around the edges.

“Yer very welcome, sugar cube,” Applejack smiled, sitting down on her haunches while watching Josh recuperate, “While ya enjoy yerself, allow me to explain what happened from our point of view, alright? See, we were just settin’ up a nice picnic here, since it’s a good day and all. The fillies were runnin’ ‘round and playin’, we were talkin’ to each other, nothin’ much out of the ordinary besides all that. Then, suddenly, there was this sizzlin’ sound and down ya came! Bam! Just like that! It was a bit startlin’, ya know?” She pointed with her right foreleg to the area of grass that had Josh’s body shape to indicate where he had come down.

Josh studied his landing spot, sarcastically admiring it and glancing back down at his body, as though he had just made a handprint back in some cement square in Hollywood. Still, he was pretty thankful he hadn’t landed on something much harder or much pointier than that. Plus, as the human boy watched three little fillies giggling and running around his landing spot, he was also relieved that he hadn’t landed on any of the ponies. Annoying and creepy as they were, he never did like hurting anybody.

“At least the grass broke my fall and not one of you ponies,” Josh said, running a hand through his black hair and expelling a few blades of grass and crumbs of dirt.

“Yea, there’s that alright,” the orange pony agreed, “That certainly would’ve spoiled the day if that had happened! Guess ya picked a good spot to land!”

“A bed wouldn’t been nicer,” Josh grumbled, but since he didn’t want to annoy the pony, he tried to be a little bit nicer, especially since she was a female, “Um, anyway…allow me to formally introduce myself, like you already did. I’m Josh...well, my full name is Joshua Schwartz, but I just go by Josh…even though I’ve been given a bunch of stupid nicknames during my school days.” He held out his hand to greet the pony formally, giving the girl a little smile.

“Uh…well, it’s a pleasure to make yer acquaintance, Joshy boy, but…” Applejack said, lifting an eyebrow up curiously as he looked at his extended hand. Hesitantly, she lifted up her right foreleg, and Josh felt a bit foolish as he realized what he was really trying to do.

“Sorry, never tried to shake hands…uh, or hooves…with a horse or a pony before,” Josh explained, “I’m used to doing it with other people. But, see, this is how we greet each other.” While feeling slightly nervous about doing this, the boy reached out and gently grasped the tip of Applejack’s hoof on her right foreleg. He gave it a gentle shake up and down, then released it. The orange cowgirl seemed very intrigued by this display.

“Ah, I see! A hoof touch! How nice.”

The fillies how had been running around stopped their own little game and were watching the human and orange pony with extreme interest. After a moment, they giggled and started to try their own version of a human handshake, which consisted of them rearing up, touching both front hooves, and trying to do the same up and down movement without losing their balance. They would always fail, though, and would end up falling back onto the grass and laughing their little heads off. Josh nearly got a migraine while watching them; he really didn’t like kids at all. He found them annoying, stupid, and beyond a doubt migraine-inducing.

“What in the world are you teaching those fillies?” Twilight asked, trotting back over a moment later after observing the younger ponies.

“I never know WHAT kids are doing,” Josh muttered, “But, if I had to fathom a guess, I’d say that they were trying to do a handshake, which is pretty much impossible when you don’t HAVE hands.”

“A handshake?” the purple unicorn asked, tilting her head in a puzzled way as she looked at Applejack for assistance.

“It’s their way of sayin’ ‘howdy’, like this!” the orange pony said. She turned back to Josh and held out her left foreleg this time. Feeling a bit awkward at using his seldom-used left hand, Josh extended out his arm again and gently shook the pony’s hoof once more. Twilight watched closely, taking it all in.

“Hmm…I see…well, the fillies seem to like it,” Twilight chuckled, “You sure are impressionable on them, Josh. At least it’s keeping them busy; the only one here who could possibly do what you just did is Spike, though. Hey, Spike, can you come over here for a moment, please?” The purple pony had turned around and called for her dragon friend. Since Josh had learned by now that his name was Spike, he watched the purple and green dragon amble over towards the threesome, holding an armful of shiny jewels. As he came up, he popped one into his mouth and started chewing it up.

“Did he just eat a ruby?” Josh gasped, his jaw dropping in complete horror, “Do you even KNOW how much those things are? He just ate a prized ruby!” However, when Twilight and Applejack each gave Josh a puzzled expression, he rolled his eyes and decided to not continue on with the subject; obviously, eating jewels in this world was as common as eating pizza back on his own.

“Yeah, you want something, Twilight?” Spike asked, stopping a bit short from Josh and eying him closely. The human eyed the dragon back, giving him the onceover. To be perfectly honest, Josh’s favorites colors were purple and green, which instantly made him smile as he looked at the dragon. Not to mention that several of his friends on the internet had gotten him to like the beasts more than he used to as well. Still, Josh couldn’t blame the little guy for being hesitant to be near him; he HAD insulted him by calling him a baby lizard.

“Spike, please shake hands with…uh…oh dear,” Twilight sighed, giving an embarrassed look at Josh. The boy frowned, but then patted his chest and grinned brightly a moment later.

“It’s Josh, my dear pony,” he said arrogantly, “Or, you can call me the Schwarzenegger! Or maybe even the ultimate and handsome boy known as Joshua!” When he was met with un-amused, confused, and exasperated expressions from Twilight, Applejack, and Spike, Josh slapped his forehead. “Actually, I suppose we’d best just stick with ‘Josh’, alright?”

“Right…okay, Spike, please shake hands with Josh,” Twilight said, quickly moving on from the awkward moment, which Josh always seemed to cause.

“Uh…shake hands? Why would I want to do that?” Spike asked, still eying Josh like he was some kind of creepy mutant.

“It’s how humans say ‘hello’ to each other,” Twilight explained. As the purple pony explained it, Josh took the initiative and held out his dominant right hand.

“Sorry about earlier, Spike,” he said honestly, “To be honest, I really do like dragons. But, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Staring at Josh’s hand, the dragon looked back and forth between it and Josh’s smiling face, trying to decide if he should really do this or not.

“Go on, Spike, shake his hand,” Applejack urged. Spike glanced at her, then at Twilight, then eased a little bit closer before slowly putting out his own right hand. Josh looked it, seeing only three fingers, and felt a bit awkward. Regardless, he slowly eased his hand in and grasped the dragon’s own hand, the feeling of his three fingers making the human shiver a bit. He gave the hand a couple of shakes before finally releasing it. As he did, Spike quickly pulled his hand up to his face and stared at it, as though he was checking to make sure Josh hadn’t removed a finger without his knowing.

“That’s…it?”

“Well…yeah, that’s pretty much it; boring, I know, but it’s what we humans do.”

“Humph…whatever,” Spike muttered, tossing a sparkling emerald up into the air and catching it in his mouth. Watching him chew it with ease like ice from a vending machine just irritated Josh; how anyone could just eat such a valuable gemstone was beyond him. However, not wanting to really get the dragon mad at him again, since the little guy DID have much sharper teeth and claws than he did, Josh decided to not voice his opinions on consuming precious gems.

“You know, my favorite colors are purple and green,” Josh said, smiling at Spike and trying to be friendly, “Well, I love yellow and orange as well, but purple has always been number one to me, and green is close behind that.” Somehow, saying this sparked several curious reactions from the two ponies and dragons surrounding Josh.

“Purple is number one to you?” Twilight smiled, swishing her tail around proudly.

“Ya love orange?” Applejack grinned, putting her right hoof over her left in a kind of sly pose.

“Your favorite colors are purple and green?” Spike smirked, stuffing two gemstones at once into his gullet and snacking on them while looking upon the human with a bit of a pleasant expression now.

“Um…yes, to all of the above,” Josh muttered, but since everyone was paying attention to him now, he decided to milk it for all it was worth, “I loved purple from the moment I was old enough to know what colors were; it’s just such a beautiful color that I fell in love with and never lost a passion for.”

“That’s…interesting,” Twilight said, rubbing the back of her head with one of her front hooves and looking slightly embarrassed at that confession.

“And orange is so vibrant…so strong…so amazing!” Josh went on, “I don’t know where I got to love the color, but all that matters is that it’s a wickedly awesome color that I think is cool.”

“Aww, glad to hear it!” Applejack chuckled, although she looked just as embarrassed as Twilight did.

“What about green?” Spike inquired.

“Well, my mother’s favorite color was green, and I wanted to be just like her in most ways, so I grew to love her favorite color, too.”

“That’s so sweet,” Spike said sarcastically, making a soft hacking sound to show that he didn’t mean it.

“Oh, you little wise guy!” Josh growled, but wearing a playful smile, showing he wasn’t exactly mad. Reaching out, he scooped the unimpressed dragon into his arms and held him tightly, yet firmly, to his chest. Then, he made a fist with his right hand and started to give Spike a noogie.

Instantly, the dragon started to yelp and squirm, trying to get out of Josh’s grip, but it was like a poodle trying to escape a weight lifter’s hold. No matter what Spike yelled or did, Josh didn’t let go, and just continued to laugh as he gave the dragon a playful noogie. He wasn’t trying to hurt him or anything; just give him a little payback for his snarky remarks. He wasn’t thinking of what Twilight and Applejack or any other spectators might think of this display, but since they didn’t stop him, he assumed that they didn’t really mind.

“Hey, stop it already!” Spike growled, still squirming and trying to slash Josh’s arm away, but since Josh had cleverly pinned the dragon’s arms at his sides, he couldn’t do a thing, “Ow, this hurts! Stop it! Ouch, my head is hurting! Twilight, Applejack, stop him!”

“Hmm…I believe this is called…giving someone a noogie, right?” Twilight said, ignoring Spike’s pleading and glancing at Applejack, “I read about this kind of playful treatment in one of my books; didn’t you give one to Rainbow Dash one time, Applejack?”

“Yep, sure did!” Applejack chuckled, “She had it comin’, too, fer destroyin’ some of mah apples when she tried makin’ a tornado.”

“You call THIS playful?” Spike screamed, still thrashing hard, “My head is starting to bruise!” Twilight and Applejack both giggled and didn’t do anything to stop Josh, who continued on with his noogie for a few more seconds before finally letting the angry dragon go. “You are SO gonna get it for that!”

“That’s certainly an interestin’ way of teachin’ Spike a lesson,” Applejack chuckled, giving Josh a grin, “Yer quite the naughty one, ain’t ya, Joshy boy?”

“Not always,” Josh shrugged, “It was just an idea that popped into my head. I usually act on a moment’s notice and do things without thinking; it’s why I usually talk off the top of my head, too.”

“Huh? Does that mean you have a mouth on the top of your head?” a young filly gasped, “Can I see? It must be so weird!” Forgetting that all the young fillies had stopped prancing about and had been listening and watching Josh the entire time, the human boy realized he had said the wrong thing.

“Yeah, super weird! Can you eat that way, too?” another filly asked.

“It must be SO messy!”

“Do you eat upside down?”

“Do you drink by sticking your head in a bucket?”

All the fillies crowded around Josh, demanding to see the “extra mouth” on the top of his head. Even though he was highly annoyed and honestly felt like yelling at the fillies to get away from him, Josh knew that doing such a thing would easily invoke the anger of Twilight and Applejack, and possibly even Spike (who, by this point, was just waiting for Josh to do something wrong so that he could get him). So, he forced himself to smile and give a little laugh.

“No, my curious little youngsters, I don’t really have a mouth on the top of my head,” he stated, “It was just an expression. See for yourselves.” At that point, Josh bent his head down and allowed all the fillies to get a good look at his scalp. All that was there was his usual short, black hair and nothing more. Even though the fillies were satisfied with this revealing information, they looked a bit disappointed. It seemed that Josh’s “weird factor” had just gone down. A moment later, as quick as Josh had showed off his ego and his head, the fillies went back to their usual games.

“Ha, sorry about that,” Twilight chuckled, slightly amused after watching the whole scene unfold, “But, at that age…they’ll believe ANYTHING…I wonder if I was ever like that?”

“Oh, believe me, you were!” Spike teased, rubbing the top of his head and smirking at Twilight, “I remember when Princess Celestia went away on vacation and forgot to leave you a letter. I told you a phony story of her finding a new job on the moon and you totally bought it!”

“Thank you for bringing that up, Spike,” Twilight growled, not really looking pleased with the flashback. When Spike started to snicker and look proud of himself, Applejack wrapped one of her front forelegs around his waist and pulled him close to her. With a wicked little grin, the cowgirl began giving the dragon his second noogie in as many tries. While it was a bit different, since she didn’t have hands, it was still just as effective.

“OW! OH, COME ON!” Spike screamed, going back to thrashing and pleading for release.

“Anyway, sorry about the fillies making you do that,” Twilight went on, ignoring Spike and Applejack as she turned back to Josh.

“Eh, don’t worry it, my little pony,” Josh laughed, “Kids are kids, after all. One time, back on my world, this little kid tried to put my head into a windmill because I said that I had a mind like a steel trap!” Despite how deadly that sounded, Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle; it was possible she didn’t even know what he was talking about.

“Well, I’d best not use that expression around them, just in case,” the pony said, “So, are you feeling better, Josh? You can join us at the table, if you want; you can meet the rest of my friends who I haven’t introduced to you yet.”

“Sure, I’ll join you,” Josh shrugged, seeing that Applejack had finished giving Spike his second noogie and had started trotting back towards the table, Spike grumbling and following along behind her with a very sore head. Picking up his tray with his half-eaten piece of apple pie and his empty glass of apple juice, the tall human got to his feet. Instantly, the fillies started to scamper around his long legs.

“How can you walk on two legs like that? Only Spike can do that!”

“Haven’t you fallen while walking like that?”

“Can you hop?”

“Can you also stand on one leg?”

It was hard not to trip over the little fillies as they bounced around in front of and under his legs, making the boy growl and get even more irritated. Thankfully, before he could practice his football moves and punt one of the fillies out of rage, Twilight stepped in to try and shoo the little ponies away.

“Now, stop that, you’re gonna make him fall!” the pony scolded, “Get along, come on, move! Get out of his way! Move, I said!” Unfortunately, she wasn’t making any progress in her attempts to get all the excited fillies to move. Now really struggling to hold his anger inside and not just start kicking the small ponies away from his feet, Josh reached out and snagged the nearest one with his quick reflexes.

“I’ve got you now, you little pest!” he growled at her. Since the small thing hardly weighed more than one of his three poodles back at home, he tucked her under his left arm and was confident that his little outburst and demonstration would stop the rest of them from jumping around him. Not only did it not work, but it just intensified it.

“Oh no, I’m in big trouble!” the little girl under Josh’s arm squealed, giggling insanely as she thought it was just a game, “The big monster’s got me! Somepony, help!”

As it turned out, Josh probably shouldn’t have done that. Thanks to his little stunt, all the ponies thought that he was just playing with them, and soon they ALL wanted to be carried by him. By the time the boy managed to get back to the table, he needed a few more glasses of apple juice.

Comments

[Meta Knight]

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

[Tailslover13]

20577 That's a fair question, and I would blame either ignorance or non-caring on the part of the character. That...and I probably MEANT to say our solar system, but I forgot.

And...yeah, I know there's a lot of stories where a human comes to Equestria...but, from what I've gathered, it always involves the human being there for a reason or being a hero or turning into a pony or something. This basically is just accidental and basically makes a MLP hater see the other side of the rainbow, so to speak. That and...I had already had this written for quite awhile; just didn't know about this place, so I never submitted it, heh.

[dastrdlyW]

First Human in Equestria story I've read and I like it so far. Keep it comin'!

[Sweetie_Belle_Derelle]

Want moar!

[TheWattsMan]

Um, ponies know what handshakes are; Applejack gave Twilight an excessively vigorous one when they met in the first episode.

[SureFreeD]

Aw, the CMC are so playful! Cute that is!

[Peanut]

Which FILLIES? Like, seriously. I can't make heads or tails of which CMC is speaking. That's just a little bit agitating.

[Half-a-Yolk]

If they don't know what a hoofshake is... then what did Applejack do with Twilight when she first met her?
Other than that, really liking this so far.

[hollowcrow]

Apple Jack actually shook hooves with Twilight the first time they met.

[kjaslwod]

I don't know, why I didn't realize that yet, but Spike reminds me somewhat of this:

steelerstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/baltimorebarney.jpg

meh.

[Kablex]

"a new job on the moon" some how I could see that happening.

[Amnistar]

Well the first chapter had an interesting premise, but after this chapter I'm sorry to say that I won't be reading anymore.

The problems, as I see them, are thus:

1.) Your main character has no depth, he is basically entirely comprised of flaws and he has no real emotion as a person. He says things, he doesn't express them, and he, apparently, hates everything, except that which he doesn't hate.
2.) The reaction to the premise, both from the MLP characters and your own, are hard to believe. Randomly transported somewhere, okay let's shake hands with these ponies, but I hate ponies, because ponies are girly, except I love the color purple!
3.) The writing is crushed together with all your sentences being combined through comma splices and run-ons.

I liked the premise, someone that was NOT a fan of MLP, and not a fan of cute ending up in MLP universe, but in execution you did not meet my expectations. I think that you have the potential, but it just needs some work.

[Chrome Masquerade]

“Hmm…I believe this is called…giving someone a noogie, right?”

Also known as a dutch rub

[Kuumatona]

982187

he, apparently, hates everything, except that which he doesn't hate.

Um everybody hates everything except things they don't. Rather redundant.

[Shadow Faith]

I dont know how he is going to survive in Equestria...