• Published 29th Oct 2011
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Trip Of A Lifetime - Tailslover13



A normal, everday human male who frowns upon girly things like MLP finds himself in Equestria...

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Chapter 11: Deception Is Bliss

“Evil, heartless, disgusting, and totally rotten! You should be ASHAMED of yourself!”

“Do you even know what you did to my makeup?!?! Just look at my beautiful face!”

“If ya’ll lay one more hoof on ANYPONY, yer gonna feel pain ten times worse than what ah just delivered!”

“Um…perhaps a group hug would work?”

“Could somepony work this kink out in my neck? Having Pinkie launched at me really kinda hurt.”

“I had no idea just how flexible my body was! It was actually kinda fun! Can we do it again?”

Ten minutes later, after Josh had finally managed to roll off Rainbow’s body and the Pegasus managed to lift herself up off the ground, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy emerged from the Everfree Forest to confront the two. They were concerned for Rainbow Dash and were mostly making sure that she was alright, but after doing so, they immediately started berating Josh for his actions.

“Hey…I got kicked in the face by a hotheaded farmer…where’s the sympathy for ME?” Josh moaned, reaching up and rubbing his throbbing cheeks, “My pride was seriously damaged here! Do you know what people back on my world would do if they found out I got kicked by a stupid orange pony with a cliché southern accent? I would be mocked all around Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and everywhere else on the internet! Oh, and probably a good portion of the world itself, too.”

“Despite the fact that I have no idea what any of those things you mentioned are, you deserved every bit of pain issued by Applejack,” Twilight said coldly, “I don’t like violence at all, but what you did to Pinkie and Rainbow Dash…”

“Eh-HEM…” Rarity coughed, pointing to her face, even though there was really nothing visibly wrong.

“…AND Rarity, I think justice was delivered,” Twilight finished, sitting down on her posterior and crossing her forelegs while continuing to glare at Josh, “You know, there’s such a thing called passive resistance when you’re feeling angry. What you display is close to what a certain griffon did when SHE visited Ponyville a while back.”

“Ha…Gilda is a saint compared to Joshy boy,” Dash grinned, once again going right back to mocking Josh. Despite what the stallion had just done to her, it seemed that Dash just never learned.

“Look, I’m sorry for…for…you know what? Screw that!” Josh snapped, sticking his tongue out immaturely at the ponies sitting around him, “I’m NOT sorry for what I did! If you mock me and make fun of me, I’m GONNA deliver swift punishment to your ass! I don’t who or what you are; if you push my buttons, then I WILL snap.”

“You’re totally lying! You DO have buttons!” Pinkie giggled, bouncing up and once again getting her face right in Josh’s, “C’mon, you can tell me where they are; I totally won’t push them! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Josh watched as the pony crossed her heart, made flapping motions with her forelegs, and then poked herself in the eye. He really wanted to find a cliff to jump off after that display of stupidity and nonsense.

“Do you EVER learn?” Josh sighed, “You annoying me about buttons was what STARTED this whole chain of events. It was really your own fault for getting turned into a dodgeball and then having me throw you at this silly flying donkey.”

“FLYING DONKEY?!?!” Dash gasped, her face turning red as she made fists with her hooves, “Oh, that does it, buddy. Put ‘em up! Those are fightin’ words!”

“For the last freaking time, I do NOT hit girls!” Josh snapped, dismissing the bouncing blue Pegasus, “Despite what I just did, I never actually laid my fist…hoof…WHATEVER on any of you. I would never physically strike a female, and I don’t plan on doing it now. Besides, if I did, I just know your obvious lesbian farmer lover over there would kick my ass again with her steroid-enhanced hind legs.”

“Obvious…lesbian…farmer…lover?” Applejack said very slowly, her eyes narrowing tighter and tighter with each word she spoke until they were deadly little slits. If looks could kill, Josh would be a bloody mess at the moment.

“W-W-W-W-WHAT?!?!” Dash screeched again, her face turning an even darker shade of crimson after the newest insult, “F-F-F-FIRST TWILIGHT…THEN FLUTTERSHY…AND NOW AJ?!?!”

“Well, DUH, it’s so obvious,” Josh smirked, turning away from the murderous Applejack and taking his own turn to mock Rainbow Dash, “If you ask me, you would be a perfect mate for most of these dumb friends of yours, but it’s clear that Applejack is your perfect match. You’re both retarded, you’re both powerful in your own rights, you’re both competitive, you’re both brash and annoying, you’re both girls that I would seriously like to throw off a cliff, you’re both always giving each other looks when you think no one else is watching…really, who are you trying to fool? Me, or yourselves?”

A long, awkward, drawn-out silence lingered in the area for what seemed like hours. All 12 pony eyes were staring right at Josh, four of the 12 looking ready to just rip him apart, while the other eight eyes gave looks of confusion, annoyance, and slight amusement. At first, Josh was loving how he was getting under the ponies’ skins, but eventually the silence was starting to creep him out. The looks that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were giving him probably didn’t help his uneasiness, either. Sure, he knew what had JUST happened with Applejack kicking his ass, but due to all the abuse in his life, he was now locked in a mode that prevented him from ever backing down, always speaking his mind, and never once considering any lesson that he probably should learn. Karma never would win over him.

“Josh…listen closely…because I know them better than you do,” Twilight finally spoke, her voice calm and mature as she stepped up to the stallion, “Applejack and Rainbow Dash are about to kill you…well, not literally, but figuratively. Believe me, what AJ just did to you is nothing compared to what she CAN do when she’s REALLY angry, and Dash is possibly one of the deadliest Pegasi that I know. If I were you, I would start apologizing and take back that creepy comment that you just made.”

“Ooh, I’m SO gonna let YOU tell me what to do,” Josh sniffed, reaching over and flicking Twilight on the nose with his hoof, “And I’m REALLY scared of a lesbian farmer who uses her legs to make a point. So, you don’t like violence, huh?”

“Josh…please…I’m begging you…apologize!” Twilight gulped, glancing back and seeing that Applejack was once again starting to paw at the ground and getting ready for a death-charge. Rainbow Dash was cracking her hooved knuckles, along with her neck, and looking like she was Rocky Balboa getting into a fight with Muhammad Ali. Once again, however, Josh didn’t seem scared at all.

“Twilight, allow me to share a line to you that an outspoken fool once spoke back in my world,” Josh smirked, standing up and taking a few steps away from the group, “His famous line was: ‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself’. You see, this is one reason why I don’t fear anything at all; I don’t even fear death. Well, I guess that’s not entirely true…I will admit I have arachnophobia. But, that aside, the point I’m making is to not be afraid and live your life as a coward or a sissy. I refuse to be scared of two lesbian ponies who want to hurt me, because that which does not kill you can only make you stronger. I know for a fact that you ponies aren’t homicidal, so there’s no way that you’re gonna kill me. So, what is there to fear?”

“Fear of having your body completely mangled and possibly scarred for life?” Rarity pointed out.

“Fear of forever making two enemies that you could’ve been friends with?” Twilight added in.

“Fear of making two ponies very, very sad and not being invited to their birthday parties?” Pinkie said.

“Fear of…just being labeled as a bad pony…and making those around you very sad?” Fluttershy guessed.

“Ugh…you ponies really know how to suck the fun out of a place, you know that?” Josh sighed. When he saw that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were just about ready to destroy him, however, the stallion finally went into action. He quickly walked right up to Applejack and gave her a sad expression.

“What…do…you…want?” Applejack snarled, her voice low and dark as she was now pawing out of a huge hole in the ground. It was clear that she was really gonna put everything into this charge; she wanted nothing more than to give Josh a second lesson in pain that would hopefully knock some screws into place inside of his head.

“Applejack…I…I have something very important to tell you…” Josh whimpered, hanging his head in shame and having his tail dip between his hind legs, “You see…after strongly considering Twilight and the rest of your friends’ words, I have come to realize something very, very important…”

“Oh? And just what might THAT be?” Dash growled, flapping over and standing beside Applejack to join in the glaring at the stallion. Even though she still wanted to put a hurting on the stallion, an apology would probably force her and Applejack to stop. They weren’t really violent; they were simply the elements of honesty and loyalty and took their friendship with each other, and the rest of their friends, very seriously. Josh was not gonna get away with continuing to badmouth all of them.

“Well…you see…my heart has finally opened up,” Josh choked out, lifting his head as tears were sparkling in his eyes, “Applejack…Rainbow Dash…would you take a little walk with me? I…I want to say this properly…and I think this will do me good.”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash continued to glare at Josh, wondering whether to trust him or not, but eventually both girls stopped pawing at the ground and making fisted hooves and decided to listen to what the former human had to say to them. He did really look like he was crying and looked like he had a heavy burden on his shoulders. When both girls gave him a curt nod in agreement to go for a walk with him, Josh turned back to the other four ponies that had been watching closely.

“Please…could you all stay here?” he asked, his voice shallow and remorseful, “I’d rather do this in private…I’m not good at open things. I promise it won’t take long.”

Hearing this made Twilight slightly suspicious, and she turned to Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy for help. The four girls whispered with each other for a few minutes, deciding on whether they could let Josh be alone with Applejack and Rainbow Dash for any number of minutes alone. Eventually, the girls agreed that both of their friends could easily handle themselves and wouldn’t need them there if Josh decided to pull something. They also gave Josh nods of agreement.

“Okay…let’s go, please…I have a lot to get off my chest,” Josh sighed, slowly starting to trot along the ground and heading east and away from the Everfree Forest. Applejack and Rainbow Dash both followed after him, one on either side of him to make sure he didn’t try anything. Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy all stayed behind and watched the threesome trot into the distance together.

“Do you really think Josh is gonna start being nice?” Rarity asked, speaking to nopony in particular, “I shudder to think what will happen if he continues down this path of horrid verbal destruction, not to mention attacking us and putting my makeup in danger.” She continued to whimper and pat at her face while she spoke.

“He seemed generally remorseful…let’s just hope that he’s finally seen the light,” Twilight admitted, giving Rarity a gentle pat on the back, “Should we head home or wait here until they get back? Just to be on the safe side, why not stay here?”

“That’s fine with me,” Fluttershy smiled, taking a seat and wrapping her tail around herself as she got comfy, “Um, what should we do to pass the time?”

“Ooh, ooh, I know!” Pinkie cheered, bouncing up and down and showing no effects of ever being tied up into a painful little pony ball, “Let’s sit in a circle and take turns singing songs about friendship!”

While Pinkie Pie began a sing-a-long with her three friends, Josh had continued to walk with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. For a long time, he said nothing and only continued to sob while staring down at the ground. The three made it over a hill, finally making it impossible to be seen from Twilight’s location, and Josh slowly lifted up his head and began to speak to his two pony walking partners.

“Applejack…Rainbow Dash…I’m so very sorry for everything that I’ve done and said,” Josh said softly, turning to his left and addressing Applejack first, “Applejack, I apologize for calling you a lesbian and for attacking Rainbow Dash. That was very wrong of me and I should’ve executed proper self-control over my actions. I seriously must learn to control my temper.”

“That ya should, Joshy boy, that ya should,” Applejack muttered, even though she seemed to accept the apology for what it was worth. Josh then turned to his right and looked up at Rainbow Dash, who was flying along instead of walking, as always.

“Rainbow Dash, I’m so sorry for pairing you up with Twilight, Fluttershy, and now Applejack,” the stallion continued, shaking his head sadly, “It’s so obvious that you do not like that, and I should’ve taken your feelings into consideration. I am also very sorry for attacking you with Pinkie Pie; fastballs are not even my specialty! But, the point is, I really didn’t mean anything that I did or said to you; you’re a very cool pony and I fully respect you.”

“Humph…yeah, well…I AM cool,” Dash muttered, trying to hide the fact that she enjoyed Josh calling her cool and saying that he respected her.

The group of three continued onward with their walk, trotting down a path and not really watching where they were going. Josh remained silent for a while after delivering his apologies, and Applejack and Rainbow Dash didn’t say anything, either. The two females gave each other glances when Josh wasn’t looking, as though silently asking themselves if they should forgive and forget. Deep down, Applejack was slightly suspicious of how Josh had suddenly done a complete turnaround just from having Twilight scold him and hearing her three friends explain their “fears” if he didn’t apologize. Then again, he still had tears in his eyes and he was making no signs of attacking either pony verbally or physically. Perhaps, no matter what caused it, Josh had finally begun to come around.

“You see…you two remind me a lot of…my brother and sister back home,” Josh went on, speaking in a slightly unusual tone, as though he was forcing himself to give another speech, “Back in my world, I have a 33-year-old sister by the name of Jennifer, and a 31-year-old brother named Jeremy. They…act a lot like you two…and I hate the both of them.”

“Gee, thanks,” Applejack frowned, once again starting to get angry again.

“Yeah, especially since you’re comparing one of us to a male!” Rainbow Dash growled.

“Jennifer is a brash, loudmouthed, and rude person…always speaking her mind, but never caring about hurting others around her,” Josh continued, ignoring Applejack and Rainbow Dash, “Jeremy is…slightly mental and bipolar. He’s violent, annoying, and very destructive. Together, both of them make up a part of my family life that I’d rather not ever associate myself with.”

“And…bein’ compared to the two of ‘em makes it sound like an even bigger insult now,” Applejack groaned, “Joshy boy, what in the world kinda point are ya tryin’ to make here?”

“I think…they take after their father, Randy,” Josh muttered, stopping when he saw that they were about to come to a cliff, “My biological father, Joseph, is an evil man who only cares about money and himself. He was so violent and he abused me many times when I was a young boy. My brother and sister, Jennifer and Jeremy, are both honestly just half-brother and half-sister to me, but we were all born from the same mother. None of us…had great fathers.”

“Josh…” Rainbow Dash whispered, dropping down and standing beside the stallion. She and Applejack gave each other an uneasy look, but still Josh continued with his speech.

“Why was I born with the life I had?” Josh whispered, walking right up to the cliff and staring down into the deep gorge below, “I really didn’t want to be like my older half-siblings…or my biological father. They were…they were so evil. Hell, even Jennifer said that she wished I had never been born, since boys are nothing but trouble. The reason…I said that you two remind me of her and Jeremy is because…well, because even though they both piss me off and they’re both rude and selfish, I…I…”

Josh paused and choked a little as more tears appeared in his eyes. He held a hoof up to his mouth and tried to not break down in front of both females surrounding him, but he was failing. His heart ached when he thought about his life on Earth, and just what a living hell it was. He had a memory like an elephant, so much that no matter how much he repressed his past, he would always remember it. He could remember each insult, each punch, each kick, each threat, each horrifying experience…and they were all real. Forever etched into his mind and heart. But, despite that, a certain door was not yet closed inside of Josh’s heart. He was not a monster.

“I…I…I still WANT to like them,” Josh finished, glancing at Applejack and Rainbow Dash with his face soaked with tears, “You both…I WANT to like you both…but, you just…remind me of my past. But…I really don’t want to push you both away…really!”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack were nearly starting to cry themselves. So, THEY were the ones who were hurting Josh without even realizing it? Were they really the ones in the wrong the entire time? Was everything Josh was doing just him crying out for attention? Did his age not matter; was he still a hurt kid at heart? The two ponies now felt very guilty about everything that they had done, and they both gently trotted forward and gave Josh a weak hug.

“Joshy boy…ya’ll really mean all that?” Applejack whispered.

“Well…the parts about my family, yes…” Josh said, an evil grin suddenly appearing on his face, “The rest of it before then…not so much!” Then, just like that, Josh reached out and grabbed both stunned ponies with his two hooves. He quickly forced Rainbow Dash and Applejack to look at each other before shoving a hoof into the back of their heads and forcing both ponies’ heads and lips together. Josh was forcing Applejack and Rainbow Dash to kiss.

As soon as both girls were horrified, embarrassed, and completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, Josh took this opportunity to try some bucking of his own. He shoved Applejack on top of Rainbow Dash, making the farmer pin the Pegasus down and force her to not use her wings, while he quickly ran behind the orange pony. Giving a wicked shout of glee, Josh reared back and tried to mimic exactly what Applejack had done to him not so long ago. He delivered a swift kick with both of his hind legs straight into Applejack’s butt. His aim was perfect.

Since Applejack had been trying to pull away from Rainbow Dash and the forced kiss, she was slightly holding onto the Pegasus. As such, when she suddenly got a taste of her own medicine, this sent both her and Rainbow Dash sailing over the side of the cliff and causing both girls to shriek and instantly embrace each other. Rainbow Dash was so stunned and confused and humiliated by the entire situation that she still couldn’t react quickly enough to spread her wings.

Josh eagerly peeked over the side of the cliff to watch the ponies’ descent. The stallion watched as the two screaming mares ended up smashing down on a large, flat boulder that was jutted out of the side of the mountain that the cliff was overlooking. As soon as they made contact, both girls were instantly flattened into pancakes. Rainbow Dash was flattened as flat as paper, all four of her legs twitching as the squashed form of Applejack lay squished on top of her. The two-mare pancake twitched in pain as they lay in their new flat forms on top of each other, stuck together like glue and not about to go anywhere for quite some time.

“Ah, yes…one thing I can say that I like about this world is the cartoonish actions that can happen that don’t lead to death,” Josh smiled, wiping his front hooves together after a job well done and turning around, “Maybe this place isn’t too bad after all…well, in a sense. But, all that acting and kicking these fools off this cliff has really gotten me hungry. Man, saying all those fake apologies…man, I just want to wash my mouth out with soap! I don’t know WHY I broke down and told them that painful story of mine, but…well, not like they really care. They deserved what they got.”

Snickering, Josh kicked some dirt off the side of the cliff in a mocking way with his hind legs, then started to trot back to Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy. Now that he had taken care of the two BIGGEST annoyances, he would feel a lot better about asking Twilight where he could get some food. After all, taking care of business and putting two loudmouthed and rude ponies in their place always got a guy hungry. Surely Twilight would realize this and take him someplace to get a decent meal.

“I wonder if they have any pizza joints around here,” Josh wondered.