• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 7th, 2020

Jingle


T

Scootaloo has had a rough life, though she doesn't show it. When some memories came back to her, she confides in the one pony willing to listen to her, Rainbow Dash.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Great story, but it felt a bit rushed, especially where rainbow says scoots can live with her. Don't be afraid to put a little fluff in there, other than that it was very well written and enjoyable!

4656485
Thank you for the feedback! I did get a bit tired at the end so that would probably explain the rushing.

Yes, good story this was. I agree with 4656485 on the rushing, but other than that I liked it.

It's a nice story, and also a nice concept. Nothing really new, but you can never have enough Scoot in your life XD

My biggest concern with this story is that it is a) rushed and b) because of that it is really lacking any emotions. I mean, consider it. Scootaloo was beaten, neglected and abused for years. She lived alone on the streets for maybe longer. But in your story she is more matter-of-factly about it than really showing any real emotions. Also, there was that "the memories are coming back" part. Did she block out them until now? If so, she would most likely be cringing and crying on the floor, possibly even unable to move or she would have mayor problems relaying her memories.

Also, Rainbow seems kind of calm with this news as well. She's like, yeah, no problem, stay here kiddo. I mean, we are talking about motherbucking Ms brash loyalty herself. She would be furious, willing to kick butt big time. Swear vengeance. She would empathise with Scootaloo.

Maybe have a look at that for your next story.

Tadstones right you can never have enough scoots, he's also right about the lack of emotions and it being rushed. For me

Scootaloo, your father and I have decided that you have been nothing but a disgrace and you are harming our reputation

completely broke the story. For what is supposed to be a terrible moment it reads more like a bad performance review. There's some good stuff in here but this needs a hefty dose of polish.

When the mom sat on the bed, I was thinking she was going to try to Sumter Scootaloo.

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