• Member Since 24th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Apr 5th, 2023

Serenade-Stereo


T

This story is a sequel to Dangan RomPonya


It had been five years since the incident at Hope's Peak Academy. It had to take some time but eventually the prestigious school was open again and with a new twist. Along with the 'Super High School Level' programme, every year it would switch places with a 'Super Middle School Level' programme.

Techno Blast is a young Pegasus that was asked to be part of the first ever 'Super Middle School Level' class at Hope's Peak Academy as a Super Middle School Level Inventor.

He is able to spend a little bit of time to introduce himself to the rest of the students in his class before he realizes all to soon what he had gotten himself into....

A direct sequel to 'Dangan RonPonya' and is suggested that you read that first before this unless you want to be spoiled on that story.

Warning! This story DOES have spoilers for the first and second Dangan Ronpa game, if you haven't played those yet, be wary when reading.

Chapters (29)
Comments ( 49 )

If I hear that a school of killing happen in there, I say fuck that shit I'm going home.

Oh this should be good :pinkiecrazy: also

Why did he turn on the lights...?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuGHonrmJmA
In the corner of the room, a huge blood splatter had been made on the wall, the TV on the shelf had fallen down and underneath in, his body folded over...was the Super Middle School Level Comedian, blood coming from his head.

I feel I should make a joke of this.

Oh I can't wait to see what happens next. It has to be laser who has done this!

The trap has gotten them all fooled.

not sure how to do the bar but i have a feeling it was bud or quick, they were at the market one of them could have snuck off quickly for tools

I thought boom box was innocent but that fooled me. :derpyderp2:

This music plays after the execution

as a picture appears with the main character and the deceased

5070194 And that was just the first one! :pinkiecrazy:

5070200 With Techo sitting at the beach with Boom box making a piece sign and Smile sitting two feet away

5070293 That actually sounds pretty cool.

That part of the game in the sequel really shocked me and I really feel so weird when I got them :applejackconfused:

Time then seemed to stop just like last time.

In the center of the white padded room, in a pool of his own blood. The Super Middle School Level Attorney, Swift Justice laid there, his chest seemed to have sank downwards and there seemed to be drag marks in the blood.

You mean center as there is a typo. Also it seems the killer is a lot more smarter since his talent could be a lot of trouble.

5274945 Wow, you do not trust Laser at all.

Well swift you really hid them good.

Damn and clover seems too nice to pull this off too XD

I kinda hope that the changeling would of been on a little longer but oh well. Lets see what chapter have in stores.

Well, I said in my forum post that I would critique this so here I am. I will start with the two positive things that REALLY took me off guard:
First off, I liked every character, from what little we saw of them. They seemed incredibly lively and unique. Even the obvious expy characters like Laser/Ibuki seemed to have an original flair to them. Not only that, but two lawyers in this game (that I suspect are supposed to be Phoenix and Edgeworth) is something that makes me totally giddy. Secondly, I liked Monokuma's appearance. After he showed up, the writing seemed to take a dramatic increase in quality. Maybe it's just because the scene was more focused, but he felt as real as in the games.

Unfortunately, I do have to be honest about the problems, as I promised. I don't wanna put you down, but there are a lot of them, and I only list them off like this to help you improve.

Rather than giving each character their own intro scene, it probably would have been better to compress it all into one. I know you were trying to emulate the games, but the fact is that some aspects of visual novels do NOT translate well into normal writing. Additionally, when you have more than two characters speaking, ALWAYS denote which one is which in conversation. I was actually able to follow based on context, but it's still bad form. It seemed like you were thinking that we could see the character sprites like in the games, but we can't. On that note, it wasn't a good idea to completely copy the games. To people who have already played them, it will feel like more of the same, and to be honest, this scene dragged on in the game too.

Another couple of problems were more in just what was said. First off, this line:

the orange earth pony that wore the black and white track suit and was hard of hearing.

I don't think Quick Step (and other characters who had this problem) were described before, so 'the' doesn't fit.

Further, when the lawyers were talking,

"Right. Prosecutors could send away the guilty...but there's also the chance of the wrong arrest. Attorneys might be defending the innocent, but on another case, they could be defending the guilty..."
"W-well...honestly, I never though about that..."Pure admitted.
"Me neither...nice one, Techno" Swift smiled.

But this doesn't make sense, because before that...

"Remember, attorneys can defend the guilty"
"And prosecutors can send innocent people away"
"So can attorneys, is they make the wrong accusation..."
"Well, prosecutors would let the guilty get away by sending the defendant to jail!"

Basically, they've "never thought of" the thing that they just said.

Most noticeably, the "letter" chapter was completely redundant. Most of the important stuff was just restated in this chapter. I also feel like a lot of the details were kind of forced, like when Techno said that he was scrawny but built large things. And

Even with those light blue, translucent lenses in your glasses,

was some incredibly forced exposition. No actual person would describe a person's clothing to them like that. Techno already knows what his glasses look like.

Also, anyone who read the first story can already tell that Serenade is Techno's brother. There's no point in dancing around it. Furthermore, if the characters knew about the last Killing Game, I think more of them would have been suspicious of this one. Heck, Techno probably would have mentioned it by name during his paranoia, especially since his brother was in the first one. I know that you meant for the events here to copy the first game, but the details you added make their complete trust unreasonable.

The last thing for now is just basic proofreading. For example, you have "concur" instead of "conquer". Since Quick Step's gimmick is getting words wrong, you especially need to avoid doing it yourself at all costs now. I would go back through and reread this now that some time has passed, just to edit out the little things and maybe work in my other suggestions too if you think that will help.

6619878

Alright, I really do have to thank you that. I'll make sure to use your advice before I publish the next chapter.

If you want to give feedback again at some point in the future, it would be greatly appreciated.

Wow, I have to say, your writing style improved drastically since the prologue. Maybe it was just the slow way you introduced the characters. There were little proofreading issues, of course, but overall, this was a pretty good chapter. I'll read the next one tomorrow. I know that you've already posted the answers, but I'll still take a shot at solving it too.

Well, I have to say, your writing is more than up to par compared to your original story. However, there were problems with the actual mystery. In any given whodunnit story, the reader should have all necessary evidence available before the finish. Sorry to complain, but the killer knowing invisibility magic was NOT the kind of thing a reader would have considered. According to MLP canon, unicorns usually only have a little magic related to their special talent. Invisibility has no tangible connection to being a DJ. Further, in addition to that problem in fairness, logically there should be blood in the kitchen. Cleaning up all that blood would take time that Boombox probably didn't have. Even if he did, there would be evidence that cleaning took place. However, I was a little suspicious, and I did consider what the black shard might have been.

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I couldn't have done it better myself.
Speaking of which, wasn't I the first one to do one of these? Man, I need to get back into this game!

6625124 I think you might have been the first, but, did you really think this one was that good? I didn't think much of it when I published it.

6625169 You mean the execution? Both were great. There was a hypothetical death planned for Sayaka Maizono that had a similar concept to this one, but you did it even better than that one.

Okay, good chapter so far, but if you only remember one criticism in your entire writing career, it needs to be this:

"Say that again..." Paint paused.

"It's probably better if you take your time, y'know? The longer we prevent murders, the better..." Clover nodded. "Hey, why don't we head over together...?"

NEVER do this. In the first one, Aqua is talking and Paint acts. In the second, Techno is talking and Clover acts. When one character is talking, they need to be the only one acting in that paragraph. Otherwise, it will look like the other character is the one talking. I don't wanna hit you too hard with this, but this kind of mistake will ALWAYS break immersion in a story, instantly ruining the whole scene. This is just that important.

Of course, there are common sense exceptions like

"It's probably better if you take your time, y'know? The longer we prevent murders, the better..." Techno said, to which Clover nodded. "Hey, why don't we head over together...?"

but that's a bit awkward anyway.

Hm... I'm going to take a guess that it may have been Clover, based on the dirt and bead, but I'm not too sure. Should be more clear by the halfway point.

Hm, I forgot that changelings could be any race... but I think I'm still sticking with Clover.
That said, I do have to complain about the secret passage. Since we can still change our guesses now it's more justifiable, but a detective should never figure something out by guessing, especially if his train of thought was irrelevant to the immediate situation, like this one was. It's just bad form.

Again, I'm digging these. However, I do have one question: How did Clover know about the ceiling tile?

Also, since it didn't factor into the trial, I guess I have to retract my claim about the secret passage. Regardless, glad I was right this time! X3

Ugh, I don't wanna sleep yet... I wanna read another chapter... but I can't. Suffice to say you've got me to care about these ponies. This is a really good story overall.

6626458 Well thanks for that comment. It's good to know that you like it. Got a favourite character?

6633905 I suppose my favorite is Laser. Memory is a close second.

Friendly word of advice, link to the previous story.

Are you ever going to continue this? This is quite possibly the best Dangan Ronpa crossover on the site (alongside your other one, of course).

I really don't know! Thankfully, the funniest thing about Danganronpa is the fact that most of the truth is revealed during the class trial, so I'm going to read the first part of it before guessing for sure.

I guess that I'm not the best at guessing the culprit because I never choose characters I like as the culprit. (That's why every single trial of this story, you've surprised me and it's also why I was personally so surprised by Mikan's execution in Danganronpa 2)

But, anyways, if I were to spitball a bit here, I think that Pure is the most suspicious. She was somehow able to open two doors on her own. Also, Memory probably used some kind of magic enhancer or something to teleport through walls, as proved by the ring around his horn when Toxic finds him. Considering Memory was allegedly unconscious during the murder, just like Paint, we can only turn towards the only unicorn left: Pure.

Oh, this is hard.

Well, it looks like my ring theory was disproved. A shame. Although, I'm going to deconstruct this little by little.

Oh, for those of you who are reading this from the main story page, SPOILERS AHEAD and I'm too damn lazy to put everything in a spoiler.

So, out of the 4 suspects still standing, it couldn't have been Toxic, since he was locked in a room and it couldn't have been Paint because she was unconcious. Memory doesn't count because character based on Nagito Komaeda and that dude's a god among men. Also, he just admitted to being an accomplice.

So, that just leaves Pure and Bright, right? Pure woke up in her own room, opened Swift and Memory's room, where she found Techno, who opened Rip's room, where the master key was after everyone in there was knocked out. Pure was in Memory's room at the time and left Rip's key in the room.

Speaking of that, in that room, there was 4 people: Memory, Techno, Paint and the culprit.

Actually, now that I think about it, Toxic isn't completely safe, since he could be lying about not finding the key in the morning, but I actually have a theory about him being the serial killer he talked about earlier in the story and considering Rip's body doesn't have the typical calling card of that serial killer, he's out, but I'll keep him in mind.

Now, that only leaves Bright, right? She woke up in Paint's room, which is next to Enterna's room. But, the problem with that is that the culprit apparently passed around her. Since she was in that room, if she were the culprit, she would have passed through Paint's room instead of taking a large detour. Also, if the culprit was working with Memory, who had the master key, why didn't they use it to pass through Enterna's too instead of going around to get to the murder weapon?

So, for now I've only been talking about those who are conscious, but what about those who weren't: Techno, Sprint and Laser. What if one of them is the culprit, but they hurt themselves to seem like a victim.

Let's see, Techno was knocked unconcious in Rip's room and then got injured. Why did the culprit injure him and not Paint? Plus, since all the murder apparently take place after the attacks, why didn't the culprit then use Enterna's key for a shortcut?

Sprint woke up in Techno's room, making him slightly suspicious. In that same room was the two items used to murder Rip: the key and the generator. But, he was clearly knocked unconcious, plus he was right next to Enterna's door, which he could not open (nobody seems to want to open that door, for some reason. I'm sure there was some pretty flowers in there) and Laser's door, which he could also not open, but the culprit could have.

Now, I actually have two propositions. Both of them have faults, yet both of them could be true.

I accuse...either Toxic or Laser.

Toxic says that he couldn't get out of his room, right? But, he could be lying. That's all I have to say.

As for Laser, we didn't hear from her until we found her unconcious in the chamber. This, she has no alibi...except for the fact that she was apparently attacked, but she could be faking it...

In conclusion, it's 2AM and I'm typing a theory on whodunnit in a Danganronpa My little pony crossover fan fiction, so even if I wasn't correct, I at least deserve a medal for all this thinking.

I think the chip may have come from smile's black box, no direct evidence though.

well I was wrong, but by not selecting a suspect I am therefore technically not wrong.

i see that danganronpa abridged thing reference

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