Crossword is a Steel Ranger in training. Being born into the Far South Contingent as an initiate, she had only one goal in her life: To don the uniform of the Steel Ranger's and bring order the Wastelands of the Far South and beyond.
However she lacks many of the practical skills needed for a ranger, being better suited as a scribe. She needs the adventure, and the only way to prove herself is to be brave.
Little does she know that the honourable Steel Rangers of the Far South Contingent that she had learned about in books and training, are only a fraction of the actual truth.
What will she discover, what will she become and will she follow her heart?
Expect the same sort of level of gore in the original Fallout: Equestria story, but dulled down to teen level, if there is a demand for more detail, let me know in the comments
Also go easy on the criticism, I really appreciate those who correct grammar and spelling and missing ponyisms, but don’t be too harsh, I'm open to suggestions always
Story inspired by Kkat's popular story Fallout: Equestria. I recommend reading it first before reading the Prologue. It's long, but so worth it :)
Hmmm, this might be worth reading, I'll give it a shot.
pretty good so far great to see more steel ranger fics.
4617743 Glad you think so, I really dig the militarian part of the Fallout Universe, especially the rangers. Thanks for the fave
4618396 I agree that the militarian part of the Fallout Universe has been lacking, were they are ether good evil or neutral, but unless there is one in the group we know little about them, and even when their in the group, their more the outcast. (Steel Hooves, and Glimmer light) the enclave has more in-depth characters then the steel rangers, though I give Project Horizons props for Armstrong, just out of the awesomeness of the chapters he is in.
It's just other then a few stable dwellers their the few groups of pony's that can just pop out of no were and actually survive. Littlepip, and Blackjack are awesome character, but for every one of them, there are 5-10 steal Rangers that could do the same, though with more explosions then Littlepip, but less explotions then Blackjack.
4619612 Well I can tell you that this story will definitely revolve quite a lot around the Steel Rangers and Crossword's 'view' of them. Hopefully my view of them will be interesting to you, I have read plenty of other fictions about the Steel Rangers so I may try to incorporate some of the facts they make so I don't just go off a make an entirely new Steel Ranger's group
4620769 that's good, though it seems that Crossword is not in a Applejack's Ranger type of group, an inevitability of an event that this kind of story will be taking, unless this takes place long before or long after Steelhooves schism, though from the prologue, this my happen far from the events of such. Probably the more confusing prologues I have read ever.
I would not mined thing being in a currently not mentioned steel ranger Contingent other then that, a reference to other Steel ranger Contingents would be good, like with the Trottingham steel ranger being more friendly and protective, the Fillydelphia being more military minded, the Caledonian steel rangers being far more roguish. in a way to give context to the world that Crossword lives in, and why she sticks to her contingent or if she wishes to be transferred to another contingent. she seems to be the kind that would do well in Trottingham defending the locals with cheer.
Personally I'm expecting that the steel rangers that Crossword has grown up with has a history of heroes, or something that is truly inspiring for her, possibly this group being grand explorers with the best track recorded of recovered lost tech. I can see her wanting to discover some herself, fight off evil, and bring glory to her family, not stuck in a bunker studying it all as a scribe, but with the truth being that her contingent make most of their discoverys through thuggish beaver, something will far less honor and glory for thous who value other lives.
But that's just my thoughts, and speculations/
4629744 Well I will go further into detail about the Far South Contingency, which in terms of Equestria is 'far south' of its known canon boarders. As for the prologue, it is meant to be confusing but still holds relevance to Crossword and the rest of the story, but I don't wish to give away many spoilers. I will say that the update order will give a chapter from the Prologue Character and then a chapter about Crossword.
As for the point about mentioning the other contingencies, I will explain them further in terms of the Far South communicating with the others, and the Prologue, well the chapter implies that the character has little knowledge of the Steel Rangers, acquiring this knowledge from rangers that have wandered into the Project #17 base.
The point about Crossword growing up and the growth of her aspirations will also be expanded as time goes along so I have that covered.
I also appreciate the points you raised and it has made me rethink a few ideas I had for the future of the story, thank a lot
4633197 No problem, and it's good to hear that things will be explained as it goes on, it is a good thing that we get to know Crossword before we know about Crosswords story. Getting to know what normal is for a character is probably the best way for us to grow to care about that character, and every rest chapter that comes up is just as much about the characters new normal then it is about giving the readers time to breath. With F:E fan fictions, the prologue seems to be used as a quick rest chapter with chapter one throwing use into the world. you seemed to have done it different, with the prologue being a mystery, and chapter one a nice look into a Steal Ranger knight in training, or at least the attempt of it.
I don't have any other things to throw around, but depending on were this is in the timeline, the nod to other F:E story's can be high, with messeges from Elder Blueberry Sabre, or Elder: Cottage Cheese being sent about events happening form the main story, then their is Elder: Crunchy Carrots and her battleship, and so on. the opportunity are endless, and easily put in as simple chatter that Steel Rangers would talk about, as there is probably not much to talk about.
Noted, thanks alot
Look forward to the next chapter at the weekend hopefully
What happened to the description?!
It burns my eyes out!
Seriously, that doesn't look good. While I can see its necessity (more likely: accept its usage) in parts of your "Log"-chapter, you shouldn't use it in the rest of your "normal" story (and description). Sure, it'll get you some attention, but not of the good kind. Just imagine a real book being all black and white and suddenly bursting out in colors only to get rid of them immediately. Long story short, make your description normal colored again.
I can't really see why this story get so many dislikes. Sure, there are some mistakes in grammar, but nothing that keeps a reader (even a none-native one like me) from understanding it. Just one thing I didn't like: "Project #17" Is there any need for the hash tag in front of the 17?
And you could've thought of a better name for one of the thousands of projects the fandom has spawned. I have no idea what Project "#"17 is about, but call it maybe "Project Braveheart" (considering your story is named Heart of Steel) or something like that, just something else than a number. Imagine a bunch of evil scientists plotting about a plan to genetically engender ninja-samurai and when they talk about the evil experiment's name they call it: "experiment 5". It just doesn't sound special.
Of course, if your story involves the remaining projects 1 - 16 and features them as a cluster of projects, then it's alright. Still could use a name.
A decent thus far.
4651910 Hmm I understand your point about the description, I'll rewrite it shortly.
As for the Project #17, maybe the # is not necessary but as for its name, the number holds relevance and cannot change unfortunately but I understand your points about the names of things. The chapter name will change shortly, I do name projects such as 'Overwing' as mentioned in the Log chapter. I just cant change Project 17's name though, and it would be spoilers to explain why.
Noted and thanks for the feedback
Hopefully that looks better now?
other then being short, I'm going to leave chapter 2 alone, as I assume that this projects 17 is a postwar creation, as the enclave was relatively new when the bombs dropped, and only gained real power after the bombs, possibly remnants of the M.A.S. but to know that one must read the later chapters.
as for chapter one, it looks better, yet in truth I don't seem much of the changes. But I have two new tings to add, from the rereading I see that Crossword is a unicorn (and now that I looked at it agen the word "stub" has me concerned for her) which adds a hole new level to what kind of character she is, and how far she will go to get what she wants, I now expect some crazy stuff from her. Second you use the word "Contingency" twice when I think you meant to use Contingent, both when they first see a ghoul, and the second to last paragraph, me being a bit nit picky, but I thought you sould know.
4653533 I'll give you my logic here on that idea mentioning the 'Overwing'
The timeline on the wiki in which i used to base my ideas mentions the event in the original story when Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity are in the lobby of a ministry building when they are harassed by 3 pegasi. During that same time, an assassin throws a grenade at them. It is suggested that the assassin could be a zebra, zebra sympathiser or an agent of the G.P.E. I am taking the point of view that it was the latter, and the threat from these attacks from the G.P.E were getting higher, alongside the war with the zebras.
Applejack could have signed the M.W.T to work on Project 17 in an act of defensive research to combat any further threats. However as the time between this and the bomb dropping are unknown and up to some interpretation, the amount of time they had to work at Project 17 is unknown.
So the answer following that logic is that Project 17 and 'Delta' (as we learn from the first portion of Chapter 1.5) are being tested and created in the Great-War Era somewhere after the assassination attempt.
Being as this idea is founded upon an interpretation, it may confuse some people such as yourself, but hopefully this clears it up sufficiently. I really do recommend that you read the future '.5' chapters whether it is when I decide to merge the two characters at some point and you catch up, or read them along side each other, your choice entirely.
As for the 'stub' I thought I should make mention to that in the 1st chapter. And I have fixed all the 'Contingency' references, thanks alot
4655014 I understood the Overwing part, a similar thing pop up in "Project Horizons" with project steel pony and it's possible combination with the alicorn project, also it came up in Heros with the cyborg Starscreem, being a unicorn given the ability to fly, but at a hefty cost. So the M.W.T. or the M.A.S. working to give their steel rangers a method of flight, even if limited, is highly possible.
As for Delta, I have it pinged as an android, but as it has not been confirmed I'll wait for the next few chapters to find out.
The big mystery to me is who was running the place after the world had ended, and if it was a M.W.T. or M.A.S lab, why see the steel rangers and invaders? So something went wrong big time, and this delta can't seem to understand this little fact. It will be interesting to see what story unfolds as the mystery unravels. My bets are on that the workers used project 17 as a shelter after the bombs, but after a few short years their food supply's ran out, and they ether left or stayed, but non were around by the time Delta woke up.
4655842 Yep, looks like your on the right track now, hopefully Chapter 2 will answer a few more of those questions when I publish it this weekend
4658024 Well it will be nice to start to see the bigger picture of this puzzle, though with the Overwing there I can see project 17 be something the steel rangers would kill to have, not a figurative statement mind you. But truth be told, I'm more interested in learning bout Crosswords philology, it's not that unicorns can't become knights, it's just that the horn prevents them from using the helmet that is vital for the armor, so to have her horn removed is a big deal, having her loos the very useful ability of magic for the use of power armor, something beyond suborn determination. I can see why the earth pony knights would not be exited about her, but what about the unicorn knights (not much different from scribes)
4658655 Indeed, only time will tell I guess
4660440 true, don't know many characters like that, is she crazy, stubborn, both? I'll have to wait.
4676777 Thanks for the feedback, and ty for the like
.
Indeed you shall enjoy what is to come. Next chapter will be out this weekend fingers crossed
I like this chapter. a fair about of detail, though the explanation about Serial Crack was a bit wordy, but the rest worked out quit well. That's about it, the wall of text that is Serial Crack feels a little like a history lesson, of which it is, but If you were to edit it, the only thing I can think of to to improve it would be to brake it up into two paragraphs; the first one be about who he is, the second about why he is there, and you can add Crosswords on feelings into them.
but this is an opinion, and other then me being nitpicky, you're doing an excellent job at this, so keep up the good work.
4692655 Glad you liked it. The next chapter should balance out the story a bit with some action
Thanks alot
P.S I'll also take a look into organising those paragraphs better, I do want to avoid wordy stuff.
something tells me Crossword gets turned into the robot
4695133 Hmm, I guess we will have to find out ;)
4695133 I doubt it, that would be too off I think, the story would need her to be well her, at most she would go down the Blackjack rout, but ya, I don't thing that would happen. but the mention of another project is interesting, yet It is still a wait and see thing, for all we know she is the dead steel ranger in the prologue, something to think about.
4707179 I guess we need to wait and see then.
Ideas are coming a bit slow to me at the moment
I shall persevere anyways and try to meet my weekend target
Apologies again for being late, I really get disappointed when chapters of other fictions are released late so I always try to keep on time
not bad, could use a lot of editing, and the ending was a bit too abrupt, needs a response from Crossword. Also it kind of felt a bit off with the bits with Hard Harrow, and Serial Crack, not that there bad, but felt unnecessary, one of the things I like about FE is how things happen behind the seens a lot, letting your imagination fill in the gaps, that and it could so easily be moments that are ether something that is explained to Crossword, shown to her, or she herself finds out about it on her own. Also the part were Crossword can move agen, and then makes her way to floor 7B, that can easily be extended, from looking into the rooms briefly, to her testing the armor, it over felt too short.
Other then that, I say good work, if you could get yourself an editor you could be golden with this.
4771658 Yeah, I repeat again from my blog post that my 'idea-tap' was set to a trickle recently, only over the past few days has it flowed
. Sloppy on my part I wrote it down without too much consideration and a spell-check so I could fill the gap I had made
. I'll work on the chapter over time tommorow and rerelease it.
As for an editor, I'm hard pressed to find someone with an interest in Fallout who is willing to do it
, feel free to refer anyone who you think would be interested, it would be greatly appreciated :)
Apologies for my lack of authoring there, feel a bit stupid :D
Sadly I've still been struggling to find an editor/proofreader and I feel keeping you on an incomplete status is wrong, I have put the story on hiatus until I find someone who will be willing to help me out
Hope to update soon
that ok, you have a good idea, and you want it to be at it's best. You could do something different, like doing a bunch of short story's; stuff like a wast-lander trying to stay at least one step ahead of a mantacore, a salve on their way to unity, or of a hero gun down early into their adventure. you could even make it a prologue to this story, With each short story having a character form this one in it, that would be a good way to think up new characters and flush out their personality before they even appear in you main story.
any who, good luck finding the help, and hell, at least you started it, I got my own ideas, but can't even get passed page one with it.
4912849 Ty thanks for the support, and that is a really good idea in the mean time, ill look into it
great chapter still has a few spelling errors but other then that i don't see anything wrong. also did you ever say what crossword looks like i don't remember if you did.
5183131 Your right, my detail into describing Crossword is not worthy of a picture yet. I have tried to experiment with different ways of putting her picture into the story without it sounding corny. So far the only way I have been able to do it is incrementally when it becomes relevant.
If I was to look at describing in bulk in a more reasonable way, it would have to be when I do a perspective shift, which is planned later in the story, or if I run a side-story (another idea I'm fiddling with) which eventually gives me a chance of describing her.
Currently as I've put in the story, we know she is a unicorn with no horn.
As for spellings, please do let me know if you spot mistakes, I've tried my best to minimise them but I can't be perfect all the time I'm sure you can understand.
Thanks Phantom
got to say, I still like it! Feels a bit short, but I'm spoiled like that, but overall a good chapter.
And now the thing I'm looking forward to the most is mute comedy from Shadow step, I mean if you pace it just right, that is going to last you for many chapters. The big joke would be the fact that Crossword would not know how to properly communicate.
another thing I'm interested in, new characters, so other then her friend there will be other pony's going, but what kind of pony are they and why are they being sent to a death trap.
last would be what Serial Crack is planning to make Shadow Step into, I expect it to be helarous, and ingenuous at the same time.
5276206 Yeah, I'm going to see if I can inject some tactical humour in here. I mean I wanted to find something amusing that would give a little more character than the Kkat original, but not reaching the humour in say Project Horizons.
With the chapter length, I'm not sure if you noticed but the word count on average is getting generally longer (mainly from the Prologue and Chapter 1). I mean Chapter 4.5 (currently being written) is at the point of this comment around 6,500 words long and increasing. This is mainly (and criticise my judgement, as I'm probably wrong in doing this, but what the hell) because I didn't want my preliminary audience looking at this story and disliking because of length.
To begin with i'll admit this story was not perfect at all, it still isn't now but I'd like to think it's better in some way. But having a 15,000 word Chapter 1 at the quality it was at to begin with would have turned off all readers. But with all the slowly rising support I'm getting, I'm building a confidence in making these chapters more detailed and longer.
I also wanted to tempt readers into sticking around, which from the sounds of it, has worked for you
But yeah, plenty to look forward to humour wise in the next few Crossword chapters, but next we have a Delta chapter, so until then
5278220 like I said, I'm spoiled on large chapters that can take half a day to read. So keep it up, your doing grate.
5280491 Thanks a lot, I'll keep it up and try an keep the chapters at a manageable length, hope you like em
not bad, though I liked the parts told from Sarsaparilla then from Delta, Delta's though patters just did not seem right for what he/it is. but ya good job.
Now for some nit picking:
fist problem was that the Grand pegis enclave did not exist until after the war ended, but their was a political faction called the enclave, I can't remember if it was in the original book or not, but I'm sure that any text from before the war ended would have described the enclave as a fringe group that was quickly gaining power, but anything passed that would be speculation. So if I were in Delta's position, the term Enclave wound not come up, or at least not used to describe the intruders. It's more likely that Delta would have just called them pegasi, and their armor; pegasi armor. If the descriptive term Enclave came up, it would have involved Delta overhearing them calling themselves part of the Enclave. a good point would have been at the first standoff with Mellow Brook.
Second, I just feel that Delta should have been more descriptive in thought pattern, and because of this near the end just did not seem to work. It's hard to explain, but he/it felt to organic for what he actually was, and so the hole heartache part just did not work as well as it sould, as it felt like he would at lest understand what it was but not why. That is probably what is missing from his thought patterns, a understand of what something is, but no understanding to why it is. But the worst part was that he was boring to read, and made me want to read more form Sarsaparilla's point of view, If I were to gess, you probably have an easier time writing more emotional characters then overly logical character. sorry.
Other then that, good job, we got a new character, unless she is dead by the time Crossword gets to her, and an android who may be feeling regret, or love, I don't know. But we get more Crossword next, so yay.
5345567 I did some research around the matter, and most arguements round it appear to support your point on my time era error on the enclave, I'll go and do some fixing.
It's knocking my head about a bit that I can't explain in full detail why I'm describing him like this. What needs to be considered (according to strong assumptions made in all his chapters) is that Delta's A.I. has never been activated while in the presence of non-hostile ponies. Dr. Redthorn for example is just someone he has come to know about through his books and notes. Otherwise, his A.I. is built from scratch upon his very foundations (that would be his protocols mentioned in the prologue, the books in the library, the steel rangers and now the enclave). There are major flaws upon his programming, such as the realisation of emotion. It is mentioned that he knows what emotion is by referring to it, even being bored and anxious towards the start of 4.5, but he is still relatively unaware to them within himself still. The mixed references to this in the chapter is how I'm trying to reflect this.
Sarsaparilla and Thundercrack are now the only two ponies Delta has actually learned about in detail. Before, he would have just watched the clips such as the one in the prologue with the Rangers, but seeing this in person made some sort of impact upon him, one that he is yet to learn.
I will see where their are any shortcomings to my method of description but I hope that explains things slightly better.
Thanks a lot though for bringing that to my attention, and also if you haven't already, check out my latest blog post for news on the story
5345960 If you ever get your story up and running again, check this out for it's steel Ranger Goodness. H is for Heresy If that is, if you have not already read it.
5860065 I'll be sure to add it to my ever growing list of literature I totally need to read, thanks haha