Equestria is locked in a three way tie. The Earth ponies pay tribute to the Pegasi so that they will control the weather and the Unicorn's receive tribute to raise the sun and moon. All three factions distrust and even openly hate the others to a point where anypony found outside of their realm is persecuted. A series of events brings six young fillies from all three different worlds together, and as they spend more time together, they realize that not everything grown ups say is true. But how can they be friends in a world on the brink of all out war?
Chapters (8)
First comment suckaz!
I didint read the story, but i love that picture.
Its so awesome.
>>Julyah
Haha well thanks!
This is my first fanfiction I have ever written. I do hope everyone enjoys this first chapter!
noooo
SHES GONE?!
This isn't too bad. There, have a like.
430970
The picture is wrong, Pinkie Pie's hair is flat before she sees the Sonic Rainboom, and they all meet when they are fully grown up.
Her hair can't be like that, because they didn't know each other then.
431216
I claim alternate universe and storyline, so her hair can be that way.
431222
Fine by me, I will give your story a read soon, and give you an in-depth review. Sound good?
Can't wait for more!
Twilight is gone?! Where did she go!?
. I only found one spelling error:
Twilight took her times, making sure her notes were safely tucked away in her saddlebags for reading later that night when she felt a bump on her flank.
'times' should be spelled as 'time'.
431356
Deal! And thank you Fluttershy-yay123 for pointing that out. I though I had gone over it with a fine enough comb
Good story, can't wait for a follow up chapter. Judging by your description, this is gonna be a long story - great :)
432216
After I fully wrote out the storyline, I realized that indeed, this shall be a long story! Just put up chapter number two. Yes, two different ponies but I promise it will all come together!
That's so cute!
I absolutely LOVE fluttermac :) I had to add something of them in there
Fluttershy!
You'd think there would be regulations regarding teaching teleportation to 10 year olds for precisely this reason. I mean they're lucky she merely got sent hundreds of miles off course into one of the other two kingdoms, instead of being the leading star in The Fly.
I'm actually kinda surprised RD didn't pull off her signature move trying to rescue her friend.
I am liking this so far.
As far as editing goes, there are a couple of places where I would've put a line break. I didn't notice much in the way of grammatical errors. Also, I think this story fits the definition of "Alternate Universe", so you might want to indicate that.
Thumbs up and a track. Don't disappoint me.
Great story so far! Totally worth my like and tracking
434627
Thank you to you and everyone else for liking the story! I'm having a great time writing it! I will add it under "Alternate Universe" as well :)
I went through and tried to categorize my outline into plausible chapters. It's looking like between 16 and 20 chapters, depending on which events I group together.
Hope you guys like to read!
Can't wait for the next part, so I think I'll check if there is any way to freeze me for a couple of weeks tomorrow.
Really good thus far. I just can't help but get the feeling that this will turn out to be a Romeo-and-Juliet-esque story, where the families (or, in this case, races) hate each other so much that it takes the death of their kin to have them reconcile...
Been loving this story so far but there is one thing that confuses me. If the trbes still hate each other then what happened to the Windigos?
439708
I did not plan on bringing in the Windigos. Having to find a way to defeat them would extend an already long story and would create problems within that story that would be harder for fillies to overcome than full grown adults So for my brain's sake, they do not exist here.
Well, what I wanna know is, what is the Pegisi view on the other two tribes?
I'm sure it'll come out soon.
441600
It will indeed! Actually in the next chapter....
Well, this is a short chapter.
It was a bit shorter than the others, and I felt bad leaving it that way XD. Added a few more lines of dialogue in to help beef up the interaction.
New chapter! This one is just a little piece to show the reactions of the various factions to losing fillies, and the feelings toward one another. It is a bit shorter than the others, but I hope you all like it anyway!
Uh oh...
Nothing better for a war than misconceptions...
Although, just wait until those six foals are all like, "You all are stupid, we're foals and got over our differences and you all are adults! What's wrong with you?"
Calling it now.
514134
You're doing a good job, my friend. Truth be told, if I was writing this, I would have done a Romeo & Juliet ending, if you know what I mean...
This doesn't look good in the slightest.
Now what we have here is a failure to communicate.
...
What? it had to be said.
First let's talk about the premise of your story. This basically is a huge what if plot taking the past of the three races and using it as the setting of the story.I can't tell if your going to bring the Hearth's Warming Eve's incident into this story, but I guess I'll find out later.
To be honest I find the idea of six kids, each from different countries that dislike each other, to become friends a pretty good idea.
The only thing I have to wonder is why not use OC's? 
It just seems kind of a waste of possibly having six or less friends coming together of your own design. We already know the characters and how they interact with each other, but it would have been more interesting to see original ones with their own personalities and the chemestry between them.
The exposition to the world is done in a pretty common, but effective way.
Twilight and Rarity do act like what I can imagine their filly counter parts would act like. I'm sure somebody will say "Oh, Twilight's suppose to be anti-social and not yet have friends until she meets all the other five"
. But I think, in this case, her anti-social behavior doesn't need to be applied her. I get the feeling that Twilight only became anti-social after being accepted as Princess Celestia's personal student and the drive to impress her teacher made Twilight into the non-friend making pony she was. Without the sun princess, Twilight is now a book worm and isn't against the idea of being friends with others, but might be unsure how to do this.
One question that I do wonder about is how she became friends with Rarity, but that can be explained in later chapters. As to the ending of this chapter, I kind of have mixed feelings.
I suspect that Twilight is going to be teleported to the land of earth ponies and I guess you can argue the "magic is her special talent" card on this one. If this is how she's going to meet Pinkie Pie/Applejack, I'll be a bit disappointed, but not even close enough to stop reading.
Overall this chapter gets a 3/5.
It's a nice start and played with pretty well, but I also feel more detail could have been given on how unicorn society works more.
Uh, okay. That was a bit unexpected.
First off, I need to address three things and it's about your writing. You make your paragraphs way too big. Break them up once and awhile in order to help break down the actions of the characters better. Creating a huge body of text just kind of makes it a bit of a bother to the reader, it's easier when you make your paragraphs no fewer then three and no bigger then five or six sentences. In your first paragraph you have 12 sentences. 
Second, there are a few sentences that can be shortened and too the point. Take this from a guy learning his own mistakes, the best sentences are the ones that are quick, to the point, and give enough detail with as few words as possible. With those words holding a strong meaning to the action taking place.
Finally, you should use something as a breaker. *** or something to tell us when the scene ends and shifts to an other view.
Now let's talk about the other stuff. First off, Dash's hotheadedness was done pretty well and I kind of am glad she only attacked him after he insulted her. While we do see one of her well known negative traits, we also see her noble side when she dives after Fluttershy after she falls. Speaking of which, I was really happy to see Fluttershy suggest the idea of interacting with other ponies and wondering why they have to be enemies.
Next to Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy is the most likely pony to actually think the idea of being friends with others outside their race. Why? She represents kindness of course. 
It did take me for a surprise when it was Big Mac who showed up instead of AJ.
Him helping Fluttershy is a very nice ARK (act of random kindness) and I personally think Big Mac is the type to not judge people based on appearances.
As for the short description of the pegasi's version of events I'm not surprised what you did there. It makes sense that each of these races is going to have their own version on the accounts of how they were treated by the others and it's good you didn't go with an overall historical lesson of the pegasi version like the unicorn's did.
Overall I give this chapter another 3/5. It's a good start with the characters being in character, but again my earlier comments are kind of what bothered me a bit on this chapter.
And now we see the racism come into play. I'm not going to go on about the technical stuff I mentioned before since I already did that. Let's start with where Twilight ended up. I think you did an okay job showing it was the Everfree Forest, especially with the part mentioning the trees. If the trees are magic in Canterlot, then chances are Twilight is bound to know the differences between magical trees and natural trees.
The reaction the crowd gave Twilight really sold in my opinion. The fact Twilight, an innocent filly, is only trying to find her way home and asked one question is quickly thought up to be a spy and demanding of them and I was kind of worried for her saftey.
Hell, they were even looking to drag her out kicking and screaming.
I get the feeling that I'm going to hate a lot of adults in this story, but that's the overall premise isn't it? That to over come hatred, the younger generation must learn not to make the mistakes of the older generation and improve. They are more likely to challenge the old ways and change the world while the adults are stuck in their own opinions and views. They might change, but it's harder to do that for an adult then it is with a kid.
Pinkie Pie remains in character and there is nothing else to be said other then I think she's very daring for going against her family for bring in a unicorn.
Overall I give this chapter a 4/5. The town's reaction to a single filly unicorn appearing in their land really gave us a hands on example of just how deep the hatred goes. I'm going to stop her for tonight and get back on this fic later. Rated out.
Rarity's boutique?
a) They're not adults yet
b) Aren't the ponies still at each other's throats?
nice job
598636
I was wondering about that as well. Barring a massive coincidence that particular building existing is essentially impossible.....
That aside, yet another awesome chapter. I've been waiting for this to update FOREEVEEER
. And now I'm curious what's been going on with the others. Dash and Rarity have been wandering in the woods for a month and Twilight has been living in a closet.....
598636
Haha I didn't even think about that! XD I'm such a fail! I was thinking Brass Button's shop that was mentioned earlier, but I was watching the FIM show at the same time and it totally slipped in there
Thank you Rated PonyStar for those amazing text walls! I have a few things to change, and will get on those right away!
Aziraphael, I apologize for the delay in this chapter. I've been working on it a little at a time inbetween work shifts and it took a little extra time than I anticipated. Thank you for keeping my story in mind though! ^_^ All I can say about Rarity and Dash wandering about for a month is that they definitely are going to be worse for wear for it! And Twilight will forever hate small spaces.
I wanted to send you a latter, but Applejack said that I shouldn’t go into town.
letter*
Yeah, other then that, nice to see Dash and Shy reunited. Now... Now we just have to find Twilight...
And then they show up everyone by becoming best friends and destroy racism once and for all! What, you know it's going to happen.
They will all be together soon then the real challege of keeping thier new friendship together despite what the grownups think.
Thanks for telling me bout that typo :) I'm glad you guys read my story!
One does not simply fall from cloudsdale...
Unless one is Fluttershy.
So adorable... It's just not fair! Please take my fave and stop giving me those darn puppy eyes!
All joking aside this fic is good enough for a fave but I find this whole "on the brink of war" situation a little ridiculous. If this was all it took to set this chain of events off why hasn't it happened before? Surely other weak fliers have fallen from Cloudsdale in the past or unicorns glitched out in their magic.
Tensions have been building for years, which is why there is so much hostility, even to children.
I also might be commenting on the ridiculous reasons that countries decide to dislike eachother/go to war. Or ya know, I'm taking after a kids show. Kids shows always have the best reasons for an all out battle. Cookies going missing is my favorite.
Looks good so far. You get a like and a read later.
FINALLY! AN INCIPIT OF FLUTTERMAC THAT HAS SOME SENSE! NO ONE SUDDENLY FALLING HEAD OVER HOOVES, NO FLASH REALIZATIONS! PACING! BACKGROUND! THE TWO ACTUALLY BEING IN CHARACTER, BUCK DAMN IT! ... And it could all be for nothing if this doesn't end up containing FlutterMac. Still, TAKE A LESSON! Don't just drop 'oh, they lurv each other so much' on us, GIVE US SOME BACKGROUND AND TAKE IT SLOW! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
... Ok, I'm done. Next chapter...
Meinos Kaen
818821
Thank you for that
Just totally made my day!
Heya , I'm here from the "Useful Feedback" group.
This story has a really interesting premise, and I enjoyed that you're using Mane Six ponies in an AU setting. Since you mentioned dialogue specifically, I should say that I think the biggest area of improvement that I see would be in making it a bit less formal. For example, in the line "Aw, I was just showing her this cool beetle. How was I supposed to know she is afraid of them?", I think it would read more naturally and less stiff if it was changed to "Aw, I was just showing her this cool beetle. How was I supposed to know she's afraid of them?" Most individuals use contractions pretty freely in their speech--and speak much more informally than they would write--and this is especially true for children.
Hope this is helpful! Write on!