It's Vinyl's birthday and Lyra has been busy preparing a quiet party for her marefriend. But after a hard day in the cutthroat music industry, Vinyl comes home reeking of booze and bad attitude. Will Vinyl fall back into her old ways of living or fight for her current lifestyle? Will she choose fame and fortune or loyalty and love? What really matters Vinyl??
Added an image cause.....Well there yeah go.
Lyra Revctorized image made by Kna (deviantart)
Sad (oh so very sad) Vinyl Scratch image made by namelesshero2222 (deviantart)
Chapters (1)
First story submitted. Always looking for 'constructive' criticism. Don't like the pairing? Take your flame-wars else where.
All I have to say is that it was actually a good read. Definitely not a pairing I would have expected, but that was probably the most interesting part. Good job mate.
AAAAAAGGGGHHHH! THE CHANGE!
I DON'T LIKE CHANGE!
I just read a fic where Vinyl was secretly a famous composer of classical music, and now a Lyra/Vinyl fic?
But I liked the fic, so yay.
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THE CHANGE! Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Peoples are reading my story and I haven't exploded yet! That makes me..."THE HAPPY"!
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The pairing will probably get some hate (not that you did) but for how I wanted this to turn out I REALLY didn't want Octavia for it. I felt like I would have had to change her or the ending to much. But.......
My goodness, this story blows mine out of the water.
You have some real talent man.
I eagerly look forward to more from you, and hope that we both continue to write and enjoy writing fan fiction.
I would leave one of my long reviews and some constructive criticism but as far as I can tell there's nothing to criticize and I'm not in the habit of leaving long reviews on 1 chapter stories.
But nevertheless this was phenomenal.
5/5
for you.
Devilblade out.
If this is truly your first story, then I must say that I am absolutely amazed at your sheer raw ability. This story was amazing in how well you fleshed out the entire situation in under 5,000 words whereas some stories struggle to do the same in 10,000.
I will go ahead and say I am a die hard Octavia/Vinyl and Lyra/Bon-Bon fan, so naturally I was hesitant in reading this, but man oh man, am I ever so happy that I did
. The interactions between the two were very organic and I felt like this was a meant-to-be-shipping (not an easy feat for me).
As far as grammar is concerned, this was immaculate to my read through (normally I'm easily distracted by misspelling and continuity errors) but you passed with flying colors
.
Now for the content:
) as well as that last line.
Like I said before I'm a Octy/Vinyl and Lyra/Bon-Bon fan so you first had to lure me out of those pairings and sell me on this one, which you did very well.
Lyra's reaction to Vinyl's situation was completely realistic: empathetic, forgiving, then onto the hurt and shock from Vinyl's lash-out. Then, the logic in Vinyl's reconciliation was presented very well and was rather touching -good job on that. Then the confrontation, I liked the method that was used to convey emotions (for spoiler reasons I won't go into much detail, but nice ponification on that
So to wrap it up, you have truly impressed me especially considering that it is your first story. You have earned my thumb, and a favorite.
...Not to mention your first follower
. Keep it up and you might just place yourself on the same level as Ballad of Twilight Sparkle someday.
-Trust me, I'm a Doctor
24th Flavor Out.
Truly stupendous for a first fic, excellent job! As for errors, I only saw one and it is rather minor - when you said "Now ask yourself: Is one mare really worth?" I think it should read "Now ask yourself: Is one mare really worth it?" Other than that, you have a very well-written and very emotionally-convincing story.
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Thanks for the comment and the error. Fixed it.
Don't stop - believin'
Hold onto that feelin'
Simple story that it is, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Congrats on your EQD feature.
"And today they told me that their not wanting to sink money into anything local if I'm not willing to play to the larger crowds."
Should be "they're". Good read, though. I do wish it was a bit longer. There's all sorts of extra story that could be told about these two.
Vinyl X Lyra, first time I've seen it and proberly the best I'll see of it.
How could Vinyl hit the best pony ever.
LOVED IT. That was amazing. Faved, thumbed up.
And to think, it's a VinylxLyra...
Nice! I thought the shipping was a little odd at first, but you did a very good job with it. Also, I liked the personality you gave Scratch! It was refreshingly fleshed out for such a short story! I'll be keeping an eye on you! (and that guy over there)
So I catch the description going by. Two of my favorite background ponies, together? Okay, this ignores common fanon and implied canon, but cool, I could see this working out....
And then awesome happens.
Very good. Very good indeed.
I have read other stories with VinylxLyra and this, I have to say, is one of the best.
You have got some talent and I'm eagerly looking forward to read more from you. Keep up the good work
As I Am - Dream Theater
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Thank you for the edit note. Fixed.
Everypony else:
...I'll be in the corner squee'ing till my heart stops! *explodes into party confetti*
In all honesty I like it when peopel shake up the usual mechanics of the Lyra/bon-bon and Vinyl/Octavia relationships, as much as I like those pairing they're alittle too all consuming.
I loved this story, it was short, sweet, and beautiful and I can't really say much else, there's nothing for me to criticise and I'm not going to rag on the pairing because there's no reason to do so.
As for the song, well honestly I'm kinda sick of Don't Stop Believing but I won't dock any points for that because it was well used and only the first few lines.
I like it. It was different, a different shipping couple, different premise, I really had a ball reading it. Just one thing though, something that really says something about my personality.
I'd choose the career and booze.
Just sayin'
Sweet mother of Celestia so AWESOME! X3
Vinyl/Lyra.....its different. i like different.
give this man a mustache.
And many manly, mare tears were shed this night
Loved it, good job. I loved the emotion that came from this story!
Well then. There are three stories that have made me cry (manly tears) for various reasons:
My little Dashie
FOE: Project Horizons
And this.
You sir have done well. Now do it again.
Amazing :) I think I like Lyra and Vinyl more than Lyra and Bon-Bon tbh
I never really have anything interesting to say so I'll just say this. Well done sir, well done.
Pretty good, it's well written and I only have two potential problems:
The first: doing gigs in towns other than Ponyville shouldn't be a problem, since even the clingiest of ponies could stand being alone for a day or two. which in turn devalues the whole reason for their argument.
The second: While you've portrayed the conflict very well, the reader isn't given enough time to really identify with the characters so the overall impact of the story is lessened (I know what I'm talking about I have a lot of problems with this aswell
)
Overall though, good job, looking forward to seeing more (and why keep this at a one shot story? you have a new shipping pair here! explore!)
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In response:
The first: It is indeed correct that she could have been able to do a show or two in other towns, my wording should have been more along the lines of "not touring" which is what I meant. That is to say, going on the road for weeks or months at a time and performing shows in large cities and promoting a new album. This is where the bulk of an artist's money is made, so I've been told.
The second: It is true that in shorter stories the overall ability to relate to a character and their situations may be difficult. Time constraints do that. I was aware of this factor. As this was a "one-shot" in my opinion, the idea was to really just build a bit off of the character's already established backgrounds (get it, cause they are 'background' ponies
) in the fandom. So, while I agree someone knew to these characters may not a great understanding of what is going on, it really wasn't designed for them. I hoped that I any differing minor personalty quarks or required information could be explained, I didn't want to spend most of my time explaining everything that I think most people will already be familiar with.
I concur that one-shot stories do get under my skin (nothing beats the long, well developed trek of a 100k story IMO), this was really just to get my feet wet in writing about ponies. Also, my brain would not let me sleep until I wrote SOMETHING about Vinyl Scratch.
Any who, thank you for the comments (as you can tell, I take peoples 'legitimate' questions and concerns seriously) and I do hope you enjoyed it.
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All I can say is: I hope this does not remain a oneshot, you could do a lot with what you've set up here.
Please keep it up.
You actually made me cry
Vinyl Scratch is my favorite pony, and I never thought of paring her with Lyra. I loved this and now I need a tissue.
I like it. I realy do.
At first I wonder about the pairing but now I think it's a real good one. I'd like to read more of yours.
excellent excellent excellent work my friend.
View 1001 :D
Nice story
Wow that was a fantastic story
Review: [Link]
The change was... refreshing, I don't really have any ships (background or non background) in my head-canon, so I don't really care.
Nice story, 8.89/10
Hello there. I did a review of your story. I hope you don't mind, and if you have any questions, feel free to contact me.
You can find it here: http://supremestfanfictionreviews.blogspot.com/2012/06/review-what-really-matters.html
This story is actually rather spectacular. Great job!!
I mean, Don't Stop Believing is a great song, but I personally got more of a 21 Guns feel from the story