Happy B-Day Vinyl?
The sun was just beginning to set on Ponyville. Numerous ponies began closing up their stands and carts after a long day of selling their wares. Most of the customer crowd had dissipated with only a few customers trying to catch a last minute deal. The mint green colored unicorn racing down the streets, however, was not one of them.
"How could I have forgotten the mushrooms!" Lyra scolded herself as she dashed passed another vendor stand that was being closed up. The few earth ponies still closing down their stands shook their heads. This had been the third time in the past hour they had seen the unicorn come racing past them.
Lyra had a tendency to get a bit forgetful when she was excited, but today had been one of the worse days she could remember. First she had forgotten to pick up the sparkling apple cider. A quick trip to the Sweet Apple Acres stand solved the problem and she was back to the house to continue setting up. Once it was chilling in a pail of ice chips, Lyra had decided to get the cake out of the fridge. A failed scavenger hunt later, the unicorn was racing back out the door towards Sugarcube Corner.
After waiting impatiently in line, paying, and stampeding back home, the musician had the cake finally resting on the counter, ready to be cut and served. With another crisis diverted, she had stolen a quick glance at the clock. With it being almost six o'clock, She should be home in less than an hour, Lyra thought as a small shiver of excitement ran through her, she had wanted to re-toss the exquisite salad she had prepared and start getting it ready to be served. As she shifted through the various greens and vegetables she could not help but notice something seemed to be missing. That's when it hit her like a bouncing party planning Pinkie Pie on a sugar rush. Lyra took off like a rocket out the door with her saddlebag, her sights set on mushrooms.
"Come on Lyra you silly pony!" she berated herself slightly as she picked up the pace after getting the mushrooms. Using her magic to open and close the front door, the unicorn charged into the kitchen and tossed her saddlebag onto the floor. Half afraid of what it might tell her, Lyra peered up at the clock on the wall, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was only a quarter past six and she still had time. Quickly rinsing off her purchase, she levitated a knife and cut the mushrooms into bite sized pieces before tossing them in with the rest of the salad.
Sweat and dirt covered, the sea foam maned pony collapsed into a kitchen chair. The salad was dished out onto two plates, the cider was set up in the middle of the table, and the cake was cut and ready to be served. With still a few minutes until her marefriend got home, Lyra took a quick shower, ran a brush through her mane, and then made her way into the living room. As if on cue, hoofsteps could be heard just on the other side of the door. A few heartbeats later and the door swung open, and in stepped her marefriend.
"Happy Birthday Vinyl!" Lyra cheered with a large smile at the white unicorn with the music note cutie mark. Stumbling in the door, the DJ's face was flushed but her posture and scowl were not trademarks of surprise or happiness.
"Sup," she responded coldly as she brushed past her marefriend and made her way to the kitchen. Blinking in confusion at the unexpected response, Lyra's nose recognized the smell of alcohol as Vinyl walked past her. A lot of it. Today must not have gone very well for her, Lyra couldn't help but puzzle over what may have happened as she followed Scratch into the kitchen. The musician knew that the white unicorn had been having a tough few weeks, though whenever the subject was broached the DJ would quickly change topics or find an excuse to leave the room. Not wanting to push too hard, Lyra had never pursued the issue but now she was second guessing that course of action. "What's for dinner?"
"Oh," jolted out of her pondering, Lyra smiled. "I made up that salad mix you told me you loved from your tour last year." the sea green pony had thought the idea an excellent one, as Vinyl has talked her ear off a few weeks back. Apparently while on tour, the DJ could never find a restaurant that served a decent plate of greens.
"Yeah, that was a good year," Vinyl replied simply before she sat down and started eating without exchanging another word.
Not wanting to press for too many details just yet, and still wanting the evening to go well, Lyra sat down and quietly ate her food. The pair sat in silence for almost fifteen minutes when the white unicorn noticed the cider in the center of the table. Popping the cork with magic, she brought the bottle to her lips, and drained half of it before Lyra could say anything. Setting it back down into the pail, followed by a belch, the DJ refilled her plate and sat back down.
"So, how was work?"
"Fine," she spat out without looking up from her plate. "Teach any talentless hacks today?" Lyra's topaz colored eyes went wide at the bluntness of the question. Sure some of her students weren't the next Mozhoof, but they were students after all.
"I didn't have any lessons this afternoon," she responded after a few seconds. "I spent it putting together this little party."
"Sure looks like you went to a lot of trouble," Vinyl responded dryly. Lyra couldn't help but feel like she had just been slapped in the face. Tossing her plate into the sink, the DJ left the table and headed for the basement door.
"You're not going down to work are you?"
"Yeah. Figured I might be able to throw something together and make today not a total failure," she responded coldly.
"But it's your birthday Viny. I thought we could spend some time together," she had not wanted it to sound like whining, but Lyra quickly realized it was going to. "I mean there's a coconut cake, and I know it's your favorite. I picked out some movies we could watch together..." her voice died in her throat as the blue maned unicorn raised an eyebrow.
"Wow. That sounds really boring," Lyra's eyes went wide for the second time that evening. "I'll be in my studio," and without a second word Vinyl descended into the basement leaving a stunned Lyra at the table.
As her steps took her into the basement, Vinyl Scratch flipped the light switch with magic. What she referred to as her home studio or "home office" was little more than a portable ten foot soundproof cube with a small fortune of music equipment jammed into it. Part of her contract with the music company she worked for was that she wanted one area or "office" away from the main studio that she could work on.
"Inspiration can strike at anytime," she had lectured her manager. Up until a year ago her portable studio had been in whatever apartment or hotel room she was staying in, usually paid for by the company. When she had moved in with Lyra, the sea green unicorn gave her the go ahead, and Vinyl's studio had been moved into the basement. Just as she was about to drown out the worries of the day with music, she heard the door at the top of the stairs open.
"Vinyl, sweetie, what's going on? What's gotten your tail so twisted today?" stopping with a hoof on the handle, the white unicorn turned and looked into topaz eyes that showed both love and concern. The cold reflective surface of the DJ's goggles gave no impression as to what she may have been feeling or thinking.
"At the moment? The fact that somepony is keeping me from working," she ground her teeth together as more of her frustration began to seep out. After the day she had had, Vinyl swore that she was not going to take it out on Lyra. Several shots of moonshine, courtesy of an old friend from Manehattan, had only soured her mood and lowered her ability to control her tongue.
"Viny, I'm really trying to be supportive right now. I know the last few weeks have been hard for you, even if you tried to hide it, but I know we can get through this."
"There is nothing to get through okay? Nothing happened today, so just shut up and leave me alone," Lyra's face hardened into a scowl matching her partners.
"Don't tell me if you don't want to, but don't lie to me. For the past three weeks you've been distant, locking yourself down here away from me. And now tonight you come home smelling of that swill and you expect me to think nothing is wrong?" the mint green unicorn gave her hoof a firm stomp to punctuate her point.
"Oh Lyra, you don't want to do this right now," Vinyl warned, but Lyra wouldn't let it drop this time.
"No! I really do. What happened today that was so tragic that you decided to come home like this?" Vinyl's face was now completely flushed with anger as she tried to keep her mouth closed. For weeks she had tried her best to bottle up this anger, but Lyra was dragging it out of her.
"They're not putting me on the local circuit this year!" Vinyl shouted. Regarding the DJ with shock, Lyra found that even though she opened and closed her mouth, no sound was being made. After a few moments Vinyl continued, "A few weeks ago they told me that since I'm refusing to do any of the larger venues away from Ponyville, that they were considering renegotiating my contract. Every DJ knows that spells trouble. And today they told me that they're not wanting to sink money into anything local if I'm not willing to play to the larger crowds."
"Well your still going to be producing for them in the studio right? They aren't firing you are they?" the concerned musician asked once she regained her ability to speak.
"Not yet! But if I won't do the big city gigs and they keep me from doing anything closer to home, it won't take long for them to have a reason to let me go!" Lyra's head drooped a little as the realization of the situation hit her. Vinyl was a very popular DJ, and up until a year ago she had toured most of Equestria with her shows. There was really only one reason she chose to stop doing those bigger tours.
"So you see why I might be just a little ticked off with somepony who shall remain nameless," Vinyl tacked onto the end. Lyra could hardly believe what she was hearing. She was ready to take some of the blame, but to hear it from Vinyl was too much.
"So it's my fault your career is going down the sewer?"
"Well I'm not the one who would 'miss you so much while you were gone'," Vinyl shot back venomously. "You could have just stopped giving these little music lessons and went on tour with me!"
"Just stop giving 'little music lessons'?" Lyra stressed. "You know that I'm one of the only ponies in this town that can even play an instrument well enough to teach. Half the young fillies and colts in this town are taught by me."
"Yeah, I've heard some of those lessons. Might as well be dragging their faces over the instruments far as I can tell. Not a big loss to the music community. If you can even label that noise as music."
"They are students Vinyl. Stu-dents. Just because it isn't all flashing lights and smoke effects like one of your shows, doesn't make it not music,"
"Oh, because you'd know something about my shows! Never mind that it's been a few months since I put one on, when was the last time you even went to one?" the DJ asked coldly.
"You know I want to make them, but I can't be out till Celestia knows what time during the week. I have a job too!"
"So that is the reason we never go out. Ever." Vinyl said in mock realization as she threw her hooves in the air dramatically, "Little Miss can't stay out past nine o'clock any night of the week. Just last week there was a rave I wanted to go to, but did we go? Nope. We just stayed home on the couch!"
"You didn't even mention it to me," Lyra threw back defensively.
"I'm Vinyl Scratch. DJPON-3! I'm supposed to be out late at parties," Vinyl shouted back as though it were an unwritten rule. "Thanks to you I've become some boring, stay at home, kept mare."
"I've made you into something boring? I thought you wanted to get away from that life style? All the drugs and drinking. Didn't you say you were tired of it? And then you come home smelling like a liquor store and acting like a some completely different pony and blaming me for all your problems," Lyra's rant was silenced as a white hoof slapped across her face. As hoof connected with cheek, everything in the room seemed to freeze. With her head still turned, a red mark slowly formed on Lyra's cheek. After what felt like minutes her head slowly turned back towards the DJ.
"I think I'm going to go upstairs," her voice was completely flat and devoid of emotion, as was her face. "I'm sorry to have bothered you," turning around, Lyra made her way up the staircase.
"Lyra I'm-" Vinyl's voice died in her throat, her words doing nothing to stop Lyra's ascent.
"And I think you should sleep on the sofa tonight," Lyra's emotionless voice called down from the top of the stairs just before the door closed, leaving Vinyl Scratch alone with her thoughts.
A heavy bass pounded in her ears, followed by an extreme metal guitar solo that would have had even minor metal enthusiasts head banging like there was no tomorrow. The music was her life blood. She had a deep connection with it, like how some earth ponies swore they could talk to their plants. Vinyl swore that the music spoke to her. It had always been there for her even with everypony in her life had abandoned her. She had always felt that, so long as the music kept playing, she could get through anything. Now the music played in an almost limitless playlist, but it did nothing to console her.
"I hit her," even though the volume that surrounded her was deafening, the words still shook the DJ to her core. Something inside of her felt broken as she replayed the event over and over in her mind.
Through her years of partying she had developed a strong tolerance for alcohol. So much so that the amount she had earlier, which would have put several large stallions on their backs she was proud to say, had only ruffled her mane and caused her to not know when to shut her mouth. Slapping Lyra had instantly sobered her.
"I hit her."
The only pony who had ever cared about her as an individual. Her parents had been non-existent while she was growing up, and only took an interest when they discovered their daughter was making more bits in a week then they made in a year. Her fans only cared about her as an icon, something to worship when they got what they wanted from her. Vinyl's manager had doted on her in the earlier portion of her career, but she had been his golden goose. No one had given a damn about her, least of all herself.
Drugs, alcohol, sex, and endless parties were how she lived her days back before she met the wondrous mint green unicorn she had just assaulted. Vinyl had spent most of her days somewhere between hung-over and completely smashed, depending on what time it was.
That had all stopped when she started dating Lyra. For the first time in her life, somepony cared if she had eaten anything solid that day. Somepony asked her what she wanted to do that day. Somepony asked her why she looked like she had been crying.
It had been her manager that broke the news to her about touring. Vinyl had stopped in to drop off a few new tracks when she had been called up to his office. The overall decision hadn't shocked the DJ. It had been his reasons.
"Something about you has changed Scratch," he had started off. "When you're at the gigs, you're not drinking." the way he had said it made it sound like she had stopped eating or showering. Adjusting his tinted glasses, he put a hoof on her shoulder. "What happened to the mare that kept the party going till the sun came up? The DJ who use to flirt with every mare in the club? If we've noticed it, you can bet your fans have noticed it. If it's that unicorn your seeing-"
"Hey!" Vinyl had shot him a death glare. "You leave Lyra out of this. She has nothing to do with this part of my life," Her manager shook his head.
"I'm just saying, as a manager and as your friend, that if you keep this up, the image and career we've built is finished. Your image is just as important as your music Scratch. If you're not gonna play the part, then I'm not gonna risk putting you out into the local trek. Give it enough time, the fans will stop supporting you, and the bits will dry up," he stood up and returned to the high back chair at his desk.
"Now ask yourself: Is one mare really worth it? What matters to you Scratch? Some mare your having a fling with, or a career you've spent years building? What really matters?" with that question hanging over her head, her manager had waved her out. Feeling like her career was spiraling out of control, Vinyl fell back into an old habit she had stopped when she got together with Lyra: drinking away her pain and misery.
"But it didn't go away," she reminded herself. She had only bottled it up and brought it home. The words echoed through her mind, "What really matters?"
Thinking back to their argument, Vinyl felt a few tears slide down her cheek. Whipping her head, her signature goggles flying, her wet eyes glistened like rubies. It was true that the DJ had agreed not to do the large touring venue because of her relationship with Lyra, but Vinyl had to be honest with herself. She agreed that she would miss her partner too much to spend months at a time away from her.
The music continued its endless loop as the white unicorn sat on the cold stone floor lost in her own thoughts. Her manager said she had changed, and Vinyl couldn't argue against it. But was it really a bad thing? Thinking back on the early portions of her career, back to the parties and raves that helped make her career, was she happy then?
"No," she said after several minutes of reflection. The money was good. The alcohol and drugs were good. The sex, what she could remember of it, was awesome! But she had never really been happy. It had all been an illusion. When she was on stage she was the invincible DJPON-3. Once the music was gone, the drugs wore off, and the fans went home, she was alone. Half the time when she would wake up after a night of partying, she wouldn't know who was laying next to her or where she was. Waking up next to Lyra every morning, on the other hoof, filled her with a happiness that could not be rivaled by any memory she possessed.
"And even though I don't get to party as much,", she reasoned, "What am I really missing?" she thought back to some of the best raves and parties she had been to. A lot of times, even though she wasn't the scheduled DJ, enough of her admirers would convince her to do 'just a quick song'.
"And you've got to give the fans what they want," she would often find herself muttering. Even though Vinyl loved mixing music, some nights she just wanted to be on the receiving end of the music. And if she played one song, the fans would scream for another. And then another. How many times did she end up DJ'ing the rest of the night after a request for 'just one song'? Once she had tried to step back down and put the scheduled DJ back to work. Her fans had responded unkindly, to say the least.
"Lyra never makes me do something I really don't want to do," she frowned. The two had a very good give and take relationship. Sometimes they did what the musician wanted to do and other times what the DJ had in mind. And even when Vinyl did give into the other unicorn's plans, she never could say she completely hated what they did because she enjoyed just being with Lyra.
"What really matters?" the question rolled through her mind again, but this time it seemed a lot less complicated. Getting to her hooves and determined to act, she switched off the power to her studio and made her way to the staircase.
A quick search of the ground floor led her to believe that Lyra may have left, but a faint sound from an upstairs bedroom tipped the DJ off. Approaching their bedroom slowly, Vinyl stopped and noticed the door was slightly cracked. Peering inside, the scene broke the mare's heart.
"She loves you. It's going to be okay. She loves you. It's going to be okay," it was Lyra sobbing on the bed, her hind legs dangling over the edge, with tears streaming down her face. Upon closer inspection, Vinyl could make out a small cassette tape in the unicorn's hands. She was hugging it to her chest. The DJ recognized it as a mix tape she had made after they had been going out a few months. Vinyl had long ago agreed that she sucked when it came to voicing her feelings, unless a bottle of alcohol was involved, so she let the artists on the tape convey her feelings for the other unicorn. A small light bulb switched on in her head. Vinyl rapped her hoof against the door frame.
"Lyra...baby..." she called timidly from the hallway. The weeping unicorn looked up, her eyes red and puffy, and sniffled.
"Do you need a pillow or something?" she asked weakly as she sat the tape next to her. She hoped the blue maned unicorn hadn't seen it.
"You know I'm really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean any of it," Vinyl took a few steps into the room and stood at the foot of the bed. Lyra turned her head away sadly, the red mark on her face now a visible bruise, and looked down at the tape.
"No. If you want to go on tour, I shouldn't stop you from living your life and saving your career. Its selfish of me," she sniffled again as a few more tears landed on the bedspread. Fearing that if she kept talking she might push Lyra further away, Vinyl levitated the tape away from her marefriend. A pained expression turned to one of puzzlement as the eyes of the musician followed the floating tape into an old player. With an audible click, the tape started to play.
Just a small town filly, alone in a world so chilly
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city colt, born and raised in South Detrot
He took the midnight train going anywhere
Vinyl put her front hooves on the bed and pushed herself up until she was looking Lyra in the face. The musician's face turned away again, but Vinyl brought her hoof slowly to sit under her partners chin. Gently, she turned Lyra's face. Ruby and topaz eyes met. Now forced to look at her, a small smile crept up on the green unicorn's face as she noticed the tears that had started to fall and mingle with her own.
"I love you and I'm sorry," her voice was barely above a whisper, but Lyra heard it. Throwing her hooves around the white unicorn, Lyra pulled her into a hug as they fell backwards into the soft mattress. With the musician on her back sobbing into Vinyl's blue mane, the DJ slowly stroked Lyra's mane as tears continued to fall from both their eyes.
"Oh Viny!" Lyra cried as she wrapped her hooves tighter around her love. "I'm sorry too."
"You have nothing to be sorry about," Vinyl's voice was soft as she brought Lyra's face to hers and kissed her gently. Lyra smiled, blinked away a few tears, and then kissed her back. Rolling the DJ onto her back, Lyra leaned in and continued their kiss. It wasn't until they both felt their lungs burn with need that they disengaged. With Lyra's head resting against her chest, Vinyl wrapped her hooves around the green unicorn and tuned out everything but the feeling of warmth she felt in her chest.
As the music wound down and silence engulfed the pair, Vinyl ran her hoof over the red mark on Lyra's cheek.
"I'm so sorry. For everything," she repeated weakly. Lyra only nuzzled her face in the DJ's white coat. After a few minutes Lyra asked a question.
"Do you know what you're going to do about the music company? I don't want them to fire you,"
"If they do I'll deal with it," Lyra gave her a puzzled look. The musician knew how important Vinyl's career was to her. Vinyl let out a sigh. "I don't know exactly what I'll do, but today they drew a line in the sand. They asked me what really matters? My career or you?" the DJ felt a tear roll down her cheek as she recalled how foolish she had been today. The green unicorn looked into Vinyl's eyes, and as the DJ lovingly stroked her mane, Lyra already knew the answer.
"I don't know why it took me so long to figure out, but the only thing that really matters to me is you."
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First story submitted. Always looking for 'constructive' criticism. Don't like the pairing? Take your flame-wars else where.
All I have to say is that it was actually a good read. Definitely not a pairing I would have expected, but that was probably the most interesting part. Good job mate.
AAAAAAGGGGHHHH! THE CHANGE!
I DON'T LIKE CHANGE!
I just read a fic where Vinyl was secretly a famous composer of classical music, and now a Lyra/Vinyl fic?
But I liked the fic, so yay.
429317
THE CHANGE! Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Peoples are reading my story and I haven't exploded yet! That makes me..."THE HAPPY"!
429253
The pairing will probably get some hate (not that you did) but for how I wanted this to turn out I REALLY didn't want Octavia for it. I felt like I would have had to change her or the ending to much. But.......
My goodness, this story blows mine out of the water.
You have some real talent man.
I eagerly look forward to more from you, and hope that we both continue to write and enjoy writing fan fiction.
I would leave one of my long reviews and some constructive criticism but as far as I can tell there's nothing to criticize and I'm not in the habit of leaving long reviews on 1 chapter stories.
But nevertheless this was phenomenal.
5/5
for you.
Devilblade out.
If this is truly your first story, then I must say that I am absolutely amazed at your sheer raw ability. This story was amazing in how well you fleshed out the entire situation in under 5,000 words whereas some stories struggle to do the same in 10,000.
I will go ahead and say I am a die hard Octavia/Vinyl and Lyra/Bon-Bon fan, so naturally I was hesitant in reading this, but man oh man, am I ever so happy that I did
. The interactions between the two were very organic and I felt like this was a meant-to-be-shipping (not an easy feat for me).
As far as grammar is concerned, this was immaculate to my read through (normally I'm easily distracted by misspelling and continuity errors) but you passed with flying colors
.
Now for the content:
) as well as that last line.
Like I said before I'm a Octy/Vinyl and Lyra/Bon-Bon fan so you first had to lure me out of those pairings and sell me on this one, which you did very well.
Lyra's reaction to Vinyl's situation was completely realistic: empathetic, forgiving, then onto the hurt and shock from Vinyl's lash-out. Then, the logic in Vinyl's reconciliation was presented very well and was rather touching -good job on that. Then the confrontation, I liked the method that was used to convey emotions (for spoiler reasons I won't go into much detail, but nice ponification on that
So to wrap it up, you have truly impressed me especially considering that it is your first story. You have earned my thumb, and a favorite.
...Not to mention your first follower
. Keep it up and you might just place yourself on the same level as Ballad of Twilight Sparkle someday.
-Trust me, I'm a Doctor
24th Flavor Out.
Truly stupendous for a first fic, excellent job! As for errors, I only saw one and it is rather minor - when you said "Now ask yourself: Is one mare really worth?" I think it should read "Now ask yourself: Is one mare really worth it?" Other than that, you have a very well-written and very emotionally-convincing story.
443124
Thanks for the comment and the error. Fixed it.
Don't stop - believin'
Hold onto that feelin'
Simple story that it is, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Congrats on your EQD feature.
"And today they told me that their not wanting to sink money into anything local if I'm not willing to play to the larger crowds."
Should be "they're". Good read, though. I do wish it was a bit longer. There's all sorts of extra story that could be told about these two.
Vinyl X Lyra, first time I've seen it and proberly the best I'll see of it.
How could Vinyl hit the best pony ever.
LOVED IT. That was amazing. Faved, thumbed up.
And to think, it's a VinylxLyra...
Nice! I thought the shipping was a little odd at first, but you did a very good job with it. Also, I liked the personality you gave Scratch! It was refreshingly fleshed out for such a short story! I'll be keeping an eye on you! (and that guy over there)
So I catch the description going by. Two of my favorite background ponies, together? Okay, this ignores common fanon and implied canon, but cool, I could see this working out....
And then awesome happens.
Very good. Very good indeed.
I have read other stories with VinylxLyra and this, I have to say, is one of the best.
You have got some talent and I'm eagerly looking forward to read more from you. Keep up the good work
As I Am - Dream Theater
444705
Thank you for the edit note. Fixed.
Everypony else:
...I'll be in the corner squee'ing till my heart stops! *explodes into party confetti*
In all honesty I like it when peopel shake up the usual mechanics of the Lyra/bon-bon and Vinyl/Octavia relationships, as much as I like those pairing they're alittle too all consuming.
I loved this story, it was short, sweet, and beautiful and I can't really say much else, there's nothing for me to criticise and I'm not going to rag on the pairing because there's no reason to do so.
As for the song, well honestly I'm kinda sick of Don't Stop Believing but I won't dock any points for that because it was well used and only the first few lines.
I like it. It was different, a different shipping couple, different premise, I really had a ball reading it. Just one thing though, something that really says something about my personality.
I'd choose the career and booze.
Just sayin'
Sweet mother of Celestia so AWESOME! X3
Vinyl/Lyra.....its different. i like different.
give this man a mustache.
And many manly, mare tears were shed this night
Loved it, good job. I loved the emotion that came from this story!
Well then. There are three stories that have made me cry (manly tears) for various reasons:
My little Dashie
FOE: Project Horizons
And this.
You sir have done well. Now do it again.
Amazing :) I think I like Lyra and Vinyl more than Lyra and Bon-Bon tbh
I never really have anything interesting to say so I'll just say this. Well done sir, well done.
Pretty good, it's well written and I only have two potential problems:
The first: doing gigs in towns other than Ponyville shouldn't be a problem, since even the clingiest of ponies could stand being alone for a day or two. which in turn devalues the whole reason for their argument.
The second: While you've portrayed the conflict very well, the reader isn't given enough time to really identify with the characters so the overall impact of the story is lessened (I know what I'm talking about I have a lot of problems with this aswell
)
Overall though, good job, looking forward to seeing more (and why keep this at a one shot story? you have a new shipping pair here! explore!)
448796
In response:
The first: It is indeed correct that she could have been able to do a show or two in other towns, my wording should have been more along the lines of "not touring" which is what I meant. That is to say, going on the road for weeks or months at a time and performing shows in large cities and promoting a new album. This is where the bulk of an artist's money is made, so I've been told.
The second: It is true that in shorter stories the overall ability to relate to a character and their situations may be difficult. Time constraints do that. I was aware of this factor. As this was a "one-shot" in my opinion, the idea was to really just build a bit off of the character's already established backgrounds (get it, cause they are 'background' ponies
) in the fandom. So, while I agree someone knew to these characters may not a great understanding of what is going on, it really wasn't designed for them. I hoped that I any differing minor personalty quarks or required information could be explained, I didn't want to spend most of my time explaining everything that I think most people will already be familiar with.
I concur that one-shot stories do get under my skin (nothing beats the long, well developed trek of a 100k story IMO), this was really just to get my feet wet in writing about ponies. Also, my brain would not let me sleep until I wrote SOMETHING about Vinyl Scratch.
Any who, thank you for the comments (as you can tell, I take peoples 'legitimate' questions and concerns seriously) and I do hope you enjoyed it.
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All I can say is: I hope this does not remain a oneshot, you could do a lot with what you've set up here.
Please keep it up.
You actually made me cry
Vinyl Scratch is my favorite pony, and I never thought of paring her with Lyra. I loved this and now I need a tissue.
I like it. I realy do.
At first I wonder about the pairing but now I think it's a real good one. I'd like to read more of yours.
excellent excellent excellent work my friend.
View 1001 :D
Nice story
Wow that was a fantastic story
Review: [Link]
The change was... refreshing, I don't really have any ships (background or non background) in my head-canon, so I don't really care.
Nice story, 8.89/10
Hello there. I did a review of your story. I hope you don't mind, and if you have any questions, feel free to contact me.
You can find it here: http://supremestfanfictionreviews.blogspot.com/2012/06/review-what-really-matters.html
This story is actually rather spectacular. Great job!!
I mean, Don't Stop Believing is a great song, but I personally got more of a 21 Guns feel from the story