First part down, many to come.

DAT PICTURE.

I was honestly expecting a crossover with Cry Of Fear or Afraid Of Monsters.

Those two Half Life mods are awesome. It was the picture that drew me in. A bit disappointed but I don't really care.

>>458873458873

Way to be rude. Cut him some slack, will ya?

While I usually find second person to be a pain to read, this story is doing a good job. I like it.

TRACKING

“Umm, partner, you feelin’ alright, cause you got a weird look on yer face.” Applejack said with a hint of concern in her voice.

With this you snap back to reality, “Oh yeah, sorry, I just have always liked cooking, the smell of good food,

and his eye is facing the other way.

Image: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/me-gusta

ME GUSTA

I like this story. Second person is a bit weird yea, but I can read it pretty easily. I also like the choices of music in the previous chapters. Those are also some of my favorite songs. I've listened to KoRn and Avenged Sevenfold for a while. I even have a few of their albums. When I ran into you and your music choices I thought 'FINALLY! Someone who has a good music choice besides me'...no offense to those who disagree. But overall really nice story. It's also quite interesting. Also, I am an animal lover as well. I like all types...except spiders...I hate spiders ...there's just something about them...I believe it's the eyes...yea..the eyes...that's it..or maybe the fangs...I don't know..but I also have a cat. I've had him for 3 years, and he's the most hyperactive cat I've seen. I swear sometimes he acts like a human the way he lays down. Unlike most cats he actually likes to have his belly rubbed, which I thought was odd. Still...having a pet snake and lizard. That's kinda cool. I can also understand dealing with a cat that's mostly blind as well. My cousin has..well...had...a kitten that was actually born without one of it's eyes and was blind in the other. It didn't live long sadly...but it did put up a fight. Still...I hate it when animals die, especially when you're attached to them. It's like a part of you dies with them. Oh well...enough typing. I'll be waiting for the next chapter

Haven't gotten a chance to read it yet, but damn that cover art is creepy. Tracked for later.

I have to thank you for having the thought of the flesh wound reference in there since a part of the chapter would be missing without it in my opinion haha! Keep up the good work and I am eager to see how this goes.

>>458873458873Fair enough

>>458899458899 nah brony its cool it's his opinion afterall

>>458562458562 the creepy picture will make sense later i promise you that my friend

honestly i never expected anything less from you, great is all i can say with the second person point of view it shows a more different outtake on the story really making wait and see what will happen next and how it will continue.  You've explained to me how this will turn out yet even this is what i did not plan to read from what you have told me, and now im even more excited to see this through to the end old friend.

A python named Monty perfect monty python reference

And the story is really good

>>461021461021 Eyup and thanks for the compliment, due to me being sick at home for a while i will be able to write a little more XD at least you guys get something out of this

>>461363461363 Yaaaaaaaaaaaay~

And now when i think about it the he did say "tis only a flesh wound" Black knight from Monty Python

>>462034462034 Eeyup also the pirate mode activate thing i thought would be funny too ^_^

>>462055462055 Well you did a good job And funny it indeed was.

>>462076462076

It is pretty interesting. It's just everyone are overly friendly, even Rainbow after a bit, but ah well.

>>466023466023 yea sorry but i thought that if you saw someone who was so different and who had a tough time so far they would try and make him feel welcomed. did i convey that too much in how they acted? if so sorry. Still learning but criticism is appreciated because it helps me improve.

Great job! Like it so far.

Remember, guys, give us any feedback you can! If you like it, tell us why so we can keep doing that right and vice-versa!

oh boi funeral this is going to be fun  

I'm definitely enjoying this so far. I spotted a few grammatical errors here and there, and it seems just a tad bit rushed. However, you mostly made up for the latter by stating (in you reply to Silent Breeze) that "I thought that if you saw someone who was so different and who had a tough time so far they would try and make him feel welcomed", and the fact that it was the Mane 6 that found him, it makes sense. In my opinion, that was a clever move. Also, try to use more detail in some areas as they seemed a bit black-and-white, if you know what I'm saying. So overall, it's going pretty well. I hope to see more of this, my good man!

chapter 5 up and loaded :D

hot damn the gollem impression :D

also refrencing lyra and the human tactics XD

you my friend gain 5 moustaches

hehe yea...wait.....that didnt come out right...

"sitting like this alot"

Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/176/345/ALOT2.png

>>471940471940 yay :D

Review Time!!!

Wow, this one is jjuussttt on the fence for me.

Criticism...

1) I know you've stated about your editors, but I feel the whole thing is just a little loose, a little shambled. There's a few instances where a thought process is going on, and dialogue somehow wedges itself in there. Dialogue isn't commonly included in thoughts to a character's own self, unless they're reflecting on a situation gone by that the reader knows about. I found this a little odd, and it really threw the reader off from reading. I would just once-over the final format, because in my eyes, there's a few sloppy mistakes.

2) There's a lot of charming references in here, that did make me laugh. Yet I feel there's too much. The whole comedic aspect has been audibly thrown in at un-fitting places. Yes, I do understand there's a 'Comedy' tag for your story. But when you're trying to get the reader to really feel for a situation, or get engrossed, randomly throwing in funny bits can detract the real meaning. It sounds picky, but it's something of a little pet-peeve.

Okay, sorry for sounding mean!

1) Everything is entertaining. In its own way, every part of the plot and every scene has something that can appeal to an array of genres and preferences. Although it's a little wide-spread, this fic can now adjust to anyone who wants to read it- even if they were lured in by just the cover picture! And it may be contradicting one of the criticisms, but whatever. All you have to know is that you deserve a 'bravo' to the diversity portrayed here.

2) Not only do you convey a lot of feelings, but you do it well. Most of the time its hard to juggle so many components at once, but you handled it well. The detail you put into every paragraph makes transitions between ideas smooth and easy to follow. While doing this, though, you manage not to make detailing too complicated! I love when authors do that. It makes it an easy yet descriptive read.

THE RATING... (teehee)

.5

3.5/5 Scoots!

.5, you ask? Yes. You solidly earned 3 Scoots, but I wasn't too sure about bridging over to 4 yet. I think this story, and you as an author, have great potential. The description and genuine appeal are great in amount, but there's a few sloppy grammar errors that bring down the value. There's also the measure of balancing mood. I think when you're trying to juggle so many emotions in one story, keeping a feel for each dedicated scene can be hard.

GiddyOnUp

>>472580472580 thank you for the review! it helps a lot and I am sorry I will take your advice and tone down the jokes a bit, butit won't be serious all the time ^_^ and as for the dialogue that's my bad all the way. I will make an effort to improve on the points you listed and thanks for reading and rating! have a good day

Really good fanfic funeral. Thanks for taking the time to make such a great fic.

Well “Because. . . I made you.” thas is Epic ^^ i like that ^^

>>473957473957 thanks and i enoy itt but i write it for you guys ^_^

>>475349475349 glad you liked that XD

>>467072467072 and ty for understanding ^_^

this is so great im rereading while rewatching the season finale of mlp ......now we w8 for season 3 in the fall.... that is such a long time from now..

>>479808479808 i know :( /ponywithdrawl

the last picture is broken, but great chapter

Yeah good chapter, plus awesome taste in music. Though something seems a bit off/different then it should be on this chapter... Can't place it.. Oh well.

>>480796480796 no idea what you are refering to but i hope you still liked it

ROCK N ROLL!

Image: http://www.gifflix.com/files/5818f7e21511.gif

true the romance was brought up abruptly but cut him some slack this is his first fic.

>>484060484060 plus for the love of all that is holy I am a grim/dark writer XD I am bad at romance but I will try my best

just...huh?

also, FIRST!!!

>>485283485283 confused about something?

>>485336485336

is he gonna be kenny?

>>485344485344 no the dieing jokes stop here and it gets a bit darker as the story progresses but that's not for a while

D'aaawwwwwww, that's adorable.

>>490688490688 what part did I do right?

>>490703490703 I dunno, i just found the part with trixie to be adorable.  I do like this fic alot and cant wait for future updates.

>>490723490723 thanks, i am new to anything besides dark humor/gore so it's good to know i am improving ^_^

Wow, he really is good at comforting these girls

also HAREM +1

Image: http://www.troll.me/images/joseph-ducreux/swag-on-infinity-thumb.jpg

>>490818490818 eh I have not decided but he will end up with 1 girl. . . 1 no 3 way things, the love rhombus is hard enough to do as is for me

Heavvy: YES eHHI LIKE DIS

>>490828490828

It's pretty standard for a romance tag to have the MC end up with 1 girl no matter how many want him.

Occasionally there's a sharing agreement between two but it's understandably tricky to pull off.

Still, should be a fun ride until he ends up with "the one"

>>490851490851 flutter yay!

>>490853490853 well the 3  will fight in the thunder dome to decide who gets his heart! jk i wish

Great chapter, i really like this fic, but something weird seems to have happened with this:

“You never intended anypony to get hurt, you were simply trying to earn a living. Even though it wasn’t in the best of ways, I

don’t blame you for it. If you were as mean as you said the other ponies think you are, then that must of been a different mare.

This Trixie seems sorry for what she did.”

it has a bunch of random returns in the actual text

I really hope you don't couple him up with Fluttershy, there are like a million FluershyXMC fics.

I would be happy with ether of the other two.

>>490985490985 I don't understand what you mean, explain please.

>>492293492293

it reads like:

“You never intended anypony to get hurt, you were simply trying to earn a living. Even though it wasn’t in the

best of ways, I

don’t blame you for it. If you were as mean as you said the other ponies think you are, then that must of been a

different mare.

This Trixie seems sorry for what she did.”

>>492792492792 yeah it's kind of like her trying to redeem herself here. she feels bad for all the problems she caused and wants to try to make up for it, but it took her going through hell to come to this conclusion and now my character is giving her a chance

>>493756493756 I MEAN WHY IS THERE A RETURN AFTER THE WORDS 'I' AND "mare"

i know what's going on

>>494586494586 oh crap I didn't notice those, thanks for telling me. I fixed em and sorry for the inconvenience

>>494614494614 not sure if or

this chapter needs to be sent to seth immediatly :P

>>494627494627 i think both as in facehoof for me doing it and yay! for you helping me fix it. I do appreciate people correcting my mistakes. helps me learn

colt is so freakin dense

on th' cat thing, i have a 18 year old siamese who acts like a kitten.

Randomly found this story, read one chapter, LOVE it. Then I read the rest of the chapters, adding to my "addicted to" list. I look forward to more, keep it up good sir.

>>497475497475 D'AWWWW

>>498616498616

This fic its wrealy god

Image: http://s15.postimage.org/78h3imdg7/3a40a9ba50fda4a490cd2615598e8895.jpg

sorry for short chapter, school is wrapping up and getting hectic.

Short chapter is better than no chapter. Yay for Colt emasculating jerks!

>>501006501006 yea sorry i just been tired lately and getting ready for college and erg >_<

What i wanna see is when they find out just really happened when he stepped out of that plane.... I mean, i like seeing Colt being the totally oblivious lady killer he is, but I want it too happen SOOO bad!!

>>501013501013 BLARGH!

Image: http://twentypercentcooler.net/data/sample/9a/f5/9af51f82aa7b5724f700650fb738732b.jpg?1332076533

No, there was no reason for this post.

Bringing in a new love interest. Being (mostly) unaware of their true feelings. Emasculating and threatening somepony

every time he goes out into Ponyville. It all adds up to one thing.

Image: http://i41.tinypic.com/2ynfede.jpg

>>501167501167 well there may not of been a reason but it was funny

>>501145501145 when the time comes young one, he has only been there for a few days he won't drop the ball that soon.

I have only one thing to say.

YOU BETTER SHIP HIM WITH TRIXIE!

Mostly becouse Human x Trixie is very rare, at least I found none.

SO GET TO IT FILLY!

-Sixteen, The Binary Scourge

>>501239501239 Eyup

oh boi there will be a bunch of hearts broken......and in more ways then one.... so sayeth trollestia hehe w8.....even she... :I

>>504972504972 nah not to many, I hope

I cant Belive He Is So Oblivious To The World Around Him

>>513584513584 ch 9 is almost done but trust me it will surprise you hehehehe. . . .

>>513602513602 Oh Celestia...

>>517092517092 This always gets a laugh out of me XD

I'm assuming neither of the thugs was nice Mr. Davenport correct?

Also, excellent fight scene. I look forward to what happens next.

>>517102517102 no davenport isn't there, just rich's thugs. I may be violent but only when necessary

>>517105517105 Good, I always liked Davenport.

Destroy the one who threatened those you care about, Colt!

>>517111517111 Don't worry I will do worse then that remember I started as a grim/dark writer, depending on how I deal with rich the rating may go mature.

Well... This is really good buddy! I'll admit, the way you talk about yourself gave me hope for your potential as a writer, and you have very much so fufilled it. I love what you've done with this story. Very good. You have earned the Sharky seal of approval. Instead of my walrus of condemnation.

>>517122517122 lol well can I keep the walrus? I mean he came with a bukkit!

Image: https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRhN55DY-jo-EakfQGkqRdzVdrcaRjtY-THfAjppXZ-EFNt0YiDsA

>>517125517125 Sure! He'll be my walrus of approval as well. you earned them both.

>>517145517145

>>501145501145 Hi Spiffy! Another ship teasing author? Wow, you must have amazing patience and restraint.

>>497135497135 ... Clearly you haven't met me...

>>517150517150 NICE CHOICE OF MUSIC

i twitched all the way through while having a bloodthirsty smile and laugh on!

yeah

lets just say the next song will be  just as fitting