Lovely new cover art courtesy of Dilarus.
Octavia Melody is in a bit of a spot. Life on the Manehattan Space Station isn't easy for most ponies to begin with, but when your BitCard balance is zeroed out and you're living meal to meal? It starts to feel like things couldn't get much worse.
The problem is that that sort of thinking only invites more trouble.
When Octavia suddenly finds herself stuck in the middle of a plot that could destroy the whole of the Grand Equestrian Empire, the source of her next meal is going to be the least of her concerns. Now she must find the Elements of Harmony, unravel the secrets of the Empire, save the universe, and, just maybe, find a way to make some friends.
Quick thanks to my group at the Artist/Writer Collab panel at BABSCon. Without us bouncing ideas around, this story wouldn't be happening!
Also want to thank my stable of pre-readers/editors. So yeah, thanks to The P-Man, Alun Aleriksson, Jack of Most Trades, and Sir Alex. Y'all are wonderful.
Featured on Equestria Daily 12/10/2014! Couldn't have done it without all of my lovely pre-readers, and, of course, my lovely readers.
I was going to read this story when I noticed it had Octavia playing a prominent role.
Then I saw the words "Space station" in the description.
I have a weakness, and it is space and spaceships. I am SO looking forward to spaceships with best pony!
EDIT: I should probably mention for prospective readers that from what I can tell in the first chapter, it's competently written and enjoyable.
Though it could use more space ships. There's never enough space ships.
This shows promise, yes. I'm anticipating seeing the "Ponies... IN SPACE" aspect take a bigger, more prominent role in future chapters, as I am definitely somewhat of a sucker for sci-fi.
^ May want to fix that typo in the synopsis. I'd hate for someone to bypass this gem because of some minor grammatical errors in the intro, the way I almost did.
4584124 And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you also run your synopsis through a beta reader. I'd originally had that sentence arranged completely different and my brain just derped over changing what version of "your" I was using.
Thanks for pointing it out.
Hot damn. I agree with Jonny here; more spaceships would be awesome, but this sounds fantastic. I'm seeing all sorts of different character and plot buildups here and I'm very excited. I've been looking for another bigger story to get into and this is exactly the kind I'm looking for. Space-themed sci-fi? National conspiracies? And of course the quest of a low-tier character to save everything ever? All of my yes. Vinyl and Tavi are best pones.
Love this.
Hmm this is a good start. It makes me wonder if Lyra is going to get in trouble trying to uncover these possible secrets in those books.
Anyway keep it up, something is bound to happen and I'm itching to read more.
4622352 Well, my plan is to try and maintain fairly regular updates, so hopefully that itch can be scratched soon enough.
This sounds amazing, but I'll have to read it latter.
Wow, this. Is. Perfect! And has definitely been a more productive read than doing silly job-related work. Anxiously waiting for more!
Aw man that was fantastic! Some fast-paced action in the second chapter? That's what I'm talking about! This is looking better and better. I can't wait for chapter three! Not just because of my VinylTavia bias, either
4655402 Hopefully it lives up to your expectations when you have the time to read!
4661816 Well, I certainly wouldn't call it anywhere near "perfect," but I appreciate the sentiment. Don't get fired because me of though! It would break my heart. Or inflate my self-esteem to dangerous levels. One of those two!
And I'm hoping (at least until I fine employment again) to maintain a biweekly schedule. So you won't be waiting too long!
4663444 Always got a deliver with a little punch after the first chapter! Hope I continue to deliver!
OK OK this is definitely a good start... now onto the next chapter
OK! Wow... This is good!
I hope for more updates soon! I'll be waiting.
That. Was. Awesome!
Oh and I hope what vinyl is saying turns out to be foreshadowing... that would be a very interesting thing!
Beautiful! I'll try to be patient for the next part...
Oh and I'm happy that I can't find grammar mistakes, you do really well with your Work!
Hows th progress on this coming along?
(just wondering, its really good sofar afterall)
5173192 The long and short of it is: well!
Revisions of Chapter 1-3 (crossing fingers that they please EqD this time around) are seeing pre-reader edits currently and I'm wrapping up Chapter 4 as we speak! Crossing my fingers that revised 1-3 will be up this weekend and 4 will be end of next week at the latest.
Thanks for asking though. Means a lot to know people are still interested in reading!
Aw yeah, new chapter.
Slowly the behind-the-scenes plotting is revealed and the major players assemble. I sense big things looming and it is exciting.
I reread the previous chapters to refresh the story in my mind because it has been a while. There are a few places where I preferred the original text, but overall the new version is much improved. I did spot some patches of weird phrasing where it looks like sentences were chopped up for editing and not pieced back together quite right, though. I can go hunt those down for you when I have a free moment amidst my other editing duties, if you'd like.
-Chimera of Team AngelFang
5309254 Yeah, sure, would definitely appreciate it. If anyone ever spots anything that looks off, please feel free to let me know and I'll correct it. Even between me and prereaders, weird stuff sneaks through sometimes, especially when I start taking a machete to previously "finished" material.
And thanks for the kind words. Hopefully things will only continue to get better!
Oooh the plot thickens
Awesome!
Uh also going back to chapter 3, is that chapter supposed to be mostly in cursive (italics? whatever you call it in english)
Bit harder to read like that
5310916 Italics is correct. And no. I failed to close a tag, it turns out. Thanks for pointing that out! Fixed now.
Hmmm, I must say that I am really happy to see this updated, it really made my night better! This is one of my favorite stories on here and it always makes me smile to see it update!
The story is getting better and makes me want to read more but alas I must wait for the next part... I'll try to find another story to hold me over in between chapters.
5315004 Thanks. It means a lot to hear people say that.
And as a small reward, I promise you won't have to wait three months for the next chapter!
5321462 awsome, I'll be waiting. Can't wait to see what all happens next.
All of my yes!
Earlier today, I was literally thinking about how much I was wishing that this story would update soon, but over the course of Thanksgiving I was forced into a fimfiction hermitage.
Once I was finally able to reacquaint myself with the internet, I discovered to my immense satisfaction that this marvelous masterpiece had updated!
And it did not disappoint. You never do.
So, as always, I am eagerly awaiting more.
Ah you got this featured on EqD
Well done, now go bring us more great chapters!
5328236 Hey, thanks. It means a lot. It is kinda surprising how much little comments like this provide warm and fuzzy feelings.
5366792 Can't I celebrate by just playing LoL for a bit? Or by finding gainful employment? =( Seriously though, I'm pretty hype. And Chapter 5 is progressing!
5367240 What can I say? In my opinion, Equestria Exiled is becoming one of the best stories on Fimfiction- an incredible diamond in the rough.
On a side note, when I saw that you had replied, did I, a serious and professional adult drop my work on molecular biology to fangirl a bit? Why yes, you can bet your bit I did.
A very entertaining read. This deserves more love. Expect a review from me sometime soon. Hopefully that'll bring you more readers. Keep it up.
5368210 Aw. I'm super flattered. It means a lot to hear. It never really occurred before just how much a difference an odd comment here or there can make. Hopefully I can keep delivering.
5368640 Super appreciated! Lemme know when it goes up so I can bask in adulation/weep as my flaws are laid bare to the world.
Is this, like, "Outlaw Star" but with ponies?
And the Leyline is the Elements and can grant then any desire but they must first fight off space pirates led by Nightmare Hazanko and her Anten 7: Sunset Shimmer (who, like Shimei, decides to turn good) Trixie, Gilda, Sombra, Chrysalis, Discord, and Tirek?
And when they get to the Leyline they decide they desire Friendship and the Leyline of Harmony gives them friendship powers and they blast Nightmare Hazanko to bits, which reform into Luna?
Aaaaaaand I just came up with a perfect crossover...
5370418 But pony grappler ships would be hella ineffective.
5373025 Unless they modeled the grapplers off of griffon talons or dragon claws or minotaur hands...
I'm glad this made EQD because I'm not sure if it would have otherwise come to my attention, and that would have been a serious loss. Very entertaining so far.
5373932 But it is way less funny that way.
All jokes aside, I wouldn't be surprised if some Outlaw Star shines through. It is one of my favorite anime simply because I like Adventure/Slice of Life mix stories, and not too many shows really really do that.
5376338 It's tough to balance it well.
"Outlaw Star" manages it better than the favored "Cowboy Beebop", because "Outlaw" never has 'episodic amnesia' as 'Cowboy' suffers from. 'Outlaw' always knows that there's a central and very important search going on, and thus everything relates to that search in some way.
"Cowboy Beebop", on the other hand, goes from the highly dramatic "Ballad of Fallen Angels", and then seems to forget about the central, looming conflict for several episodes. It's a wonderful series, episodically. But the order of the episodes and the central plot is rather scattershot.
Another anime that handles it well is "Trigun". Any 'forgetfulness' is deliberate, in that it's Vash trying desperately to get away from the central conflict. Meryl and Milly, however, once they learn of Knives never forget the stakes and thus balance the 'slice-of-life' by reminding Vash and the audience of the inevitably approaching climactic event.
Something has rewritten history and radically altered their timelines... I suspect Pony Davros!
Hmmm.... Trixie is now a commander... and now she's basically Cartman with 'authoritah'.
Yep, something truly evil must be behind this! Like, Hitler or Satan!
Hmmmmm...
Davros is definitely involved. He must have teamed up with the cherngelerngs to rewrite time and imprison the Doctor in pony form while the cherngelerngs invaded past Equestria!
IT... MAKES... SENSE!!!
My brain is going mad trying to figure out who has rewritten history and imprisoned the Bearers, as this is clearly what's happened.
Only Discord, or Tirek once he'd stolen all the magic, would have that level of power in canon. I can't rule out an outside power, since the ponies have technology none of the villains of the show would have access to, and it simply had to be introduced to them somehow. Sombra might know and is likely working with the culprit. They must capture and brutally interrogate him until he spills his guts... literally or figuratively, I'm not particular.
so far, so great! love the use of background ponies, especially in such a topsy turvy setting!
What a strange world you've built up here.
I wonder how it relates to the 'real' world, and what the original bearers' roles will be.
*Fave'd*
Yikes, Sunset, that was one rough experiment.
Hmn. Assuming this is going to be among other things an alternate Element Bearers story, at the moment I'm guessing Magic for Lyra, and Generosity for Hooves on account of hm being so helpful. No clue about Vinyl, but given Lyra's comments in the chapter about the Bearers collecting up together I'm guessing she's probably one too.
5488702
Loyalty is the obvious choice for Octavia. Hooves has been described as generous more than once and Vinyl seems to exhibit a fair bit of kindness.
5490490 Yeah, I meant to mention Loyalty for Octavia, it's pretty obvious for her considering the events in the chapter and the description of her past behavior. I could get on board with Kindness for Vinyl.
Damn I wish I could express how much I love this story... though... it could update a bit more, right? No? Okay
5491558 Well, it always helps to hear it. It has been a nice little confidence boost to see people honestly enjoying the story. So, I guess just knowing some people enjoy it is more than enough of an expression!
And I'm working on turning chapters around faster. Unfortunately, looking for gainful employment/making money interferes, as does the fact that I'm a bit spastic and unfocused at times. The obvious answer is I just need to become so beloved that I could somehow make a Patreon work, but I'm not thinking that's paying my bills right now.
Anyway, I'm honestly hoping to get new chapters down to every 3-4 weeks or so. So just hang tight!
5491335 5490490 I'd tell you guys what I think, but that feels unfair. >_>
5497365 yeah it blows my mind that this has only 41 likes, this deserves to have so much more! But yeah I understand that life happens, hell I'm at work right now (on lunch), so I know what it's like looking for and needing a job... I hate money...
either way I'll be happy to wait for the next chapter as long as you don't quit this story!
It's an interesting story that leaves one wondering if this is truly an alt-universe, or one twisted and mutilated by the utilization of vast evil power.