Featured In20

More Stories17

  • T Switchaloo

    Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo swap bodies. What could possibly go wrong?
    4,094 words · 3,527 views  ·  266  ·  6
  • E Favorite Pupil - Brightest Star

    When a villain succeeds and all hope seems lost, Twilight Sparkle proves her worth.
    1,790 words · 892 views  ·  78  ·  1
  • E Wrong Address, Bright Eyes

    Some packages are sent to the wrong addresses. What's the worst that could happen?
    3,145 words · 7,229 views  ·  155  ·  5
  • T The Power of Popularity

    A unicorn's magic is a mysterious thing.
    4,814 words · 718 views  ·  82  ·  3
  • E Double Rainbow

    Rainbow Dash is behaving strangely, and Applejack is very confused.
    27,166 words · 18,852 views  ·  411  ·  32
  • E Dash's Date with Destiny

    Written for January /fic/ write off. Prompt - One-Way Ticket.
    2,401 words · 1,392 views  ·  62  ·  2
  • T The Whole Tooth

    Lose tooth, receive money. It's so easy! Isn't it?
    3,650 words · 475 views  ·  32  ·  0
  • E Friendship Camp

    Equestria stands ready to defend itself with the help of specially trained squads of ponies. Ponies who receive lessons on Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Loyalty, and Magic. Ponies who learn... to be friends.
    7,350 words · 357 views  ·  30  ·  0

Blog Posts42

  • 28w, 1d
    Hello there!

    Not too long after this post goes up (more than a few hours, but less than a few days) there's likely to be some extra traffic to my page.  Hello, people who otherwise might not have come here!  I figured an influx of people is as good a time/excuse as any to update this thing, like I really should be doing more frequently than I am.

    The state of my works today in the most honest terms I can give it - including when I would like (but can by no means promise) each thing to update and/or finish - is as follows:

    1) TBaG still only has about 7k words put down (out of a planned > 100k), despite having been "in the works" for literally years now.  The outline gives broad strokes about the three-or-so most important things that need to happen in each chapter for the entirety of the story, so it's not a matter of not knowing where to go.  It's... a messed up kind of perfectionism, I guess.  I don't feel like much of anything I've done is good by the standards I seem to think of as objective, and I wanted this story to be the one to break that.  I wanted to make something not just good, but great.  I have actually, truly lost count of the number of drafts of the first chapter I've gone through.  The second chapter has had only a dozen or so, but mostly because I keep turning back to the first one.  I'm never, ever going to hit my original quality goals, though, so the sooner I can let myself call a "suboptimal" chapter finished the sooner we can all get going.  We'll get there someday.  I hope I can get this moving by early/mid July.  Finishing it... we'll worry later.

    2) Friendship Camp, like TBaG, has a handful of super-important events outlined for each chapter.  The third chapter is at... ~250 words (out of a planned 3-5k, with a planned REDACTED chapters to follow that).  It's relatively high up there in terms of writing priority (which roughly follows the order things are listed in here), but there are other things in my life that need attention before writing gets my time.  I hope I can get you folks the third chapter this month, and a finish by the beginning of July.

    3) A Ball in the Hoof is Worth... Nothing You Idiot (Working Title) is at ~1k words (out of a planned ~4-8k), with a very very vague outline.  What is it?  Well, we'll leave specifics for when it's up, but it's a fun little one shot where Rainbow Dash gets frustrated at just how bad most of her friends are at sports.  This, we might be seeing sometime in May.

    4) Tooth 2 - Tooth Harder (Working Title) is at ~1k words (out of a planned ??? words) with some ideas and fluff and no real outline to speak of.  It's a sequel to The Whole Tooth.  How ridiculous do you think it is?  It is five times as ridiculous as that.  This will probably wind up being pounded out in a single night when I find myself unable to work on other things.  Let's say... the next four weeks?

    5) NO TITLE (Working not-yet-title) is at ~3k words (out of a planned 10-20k) with a wispy outline that fills out toward the end.  It follows the daughter of Apple Bloom and the son of Sweetie Belle finding weird junk going on in Ponyville.  Definitely a darker tint to this one.  I HOPE to finish it around the end of this month, but we'll see.  There's a lot to be done.

    6) Orphan (really-really early working title) is at 0 words and has no outline.  It is ideas I like too much to let go, so I keep them in a pile that I will sort into an outline at some point.  It is not about the standard things you'd expect from this title.  It is instead a sadder take on the standard things you can expect from me when I decide to mess with causality/the universe/time.

    7) Rainbow Dash Dating Game (really early working title) is at 0 words and has a vague outline.  It is a dumb idea that I like anyway, but that won't be happening soon.

    8-13) Non-pony words I will link to IF AND ONLY IF they are finished and "published" in the right place (which is not under my direct control).

    14) It's not even words.  What is it?  Who knows!  Unlikely to ever be seen around these parts, for one.

    15) That Mystery I've Wanted to do Since MMMystery on the Friendship Express but Haven't Gotten Around to Starting (working title) is at 0 words with less of an outline and more of a pile of clues and red herrings I want to use.

    So there you go.  Those are the things I'm trying to make, in roughly the order that they currently matter to me, along with the timeline of when things will move that I'd like to pretend we'll see happen.  It's not likely that timeline will be accurate.

    And just for those wondering, no, I'm probably not deleting that thing.  It is a source of too much amusement.

    Oh yeah.  One last thing.  This person right here translated this thing right here into French and that's pretty neat.

    1 comments · 136 views
  • 47w, 5d
    Out of the cave, and then right back in

    So... remember this?  No?  That's alright.  I almost didn't either until the second chapter fell on me.  You can have it, if you want.

    ALSO - still marching toward getting some stuff out this year.  Three different things in the works, one should make it, another could and would be nice, all three seems unlikely.  But that's not what this post is for.  It's for that thing up there.

    0 comments · 140 views
  • 63w, 1d
    Wait, two MONTHS?

    I have nothing of particular importance to report to you all...

    that can be given any kind of date.

    However, if you're still interested in abstract hope for the future, I have a few bits to toss into your face.  One is that I'm not dead and haven't quit the fandom or whatever.  I just disappeared again, like I tend to do from time to time.  I'm a busy fellow, sometimes fulfilling social obligations, sometimes working super duper hard for five or six twelve+ hour days (and without even getting any overtime!), and sometimes playing a buttload of video games because that's been one of my primary hobbies since the age of five.  The last week or so was catching up on games (I'm pretty sure most people own fewer games total than I own that I haven't even played once).  Today was working (deadlines!).  Tomorrow is social obligations (no, mother, there's no need for you to see any part of my apartment but the living room I assure you it is all spotless please turn around and don't open those doors please let me just show you around town or something instead NO DON'T LOOK IN THE KITCHEN).  Such is life.

    BUT!  But but but!

    A while back, I made some important decisions regarding that one project of mine that STILL hasn't surfaced.  I know what I want to do with it now, I've come to terms with certain realities, and I can promise you 1000% that the only delays on it from here on out will be in getting it written down.  There are no more barriers but my own time management.  I have a super solid draft of the first chapter, a decent-ish draft of the second, a nifty outline, a gigantic bucket of little ideas to sprinkle around, and even pretty much the most perfect ending ever all planned out.

    IN ADDITION!  That other, more recent thing that was pretty interesting?  That's got some good stuff brewing as well.  I plan on delivering the remainder of that story before years' end, and getting the ball rolling on the big one in a meaningful way before that (a buffer so that you needn't suffer droughts!).  We'll see how well I can actually stick to a schedule of even that much vaguery, but hey, it's good to set goals.

    1 comments · 141 views
  • 71w, 3d
    You like these monthly nothings?

    I feel... weird.  I was never exactly a permanent fixture around here, swinging in and out as I found the time to be a part of the community, but I always came back.

    It just hit me how long I've been on the outside.  I've missed quite a lot of developments, and I'm stumbling around questioning who I am in relation to this whole fiction thing.  What am I trying to do?  What am I actually getting done?  What have I written in the last 24 hours?  The last week?  The last month?

    Why am I here?

    It's practically an existential crisis, it is.  I don't know how to put what I'm feeling into words (a sentiment I express far too often for a writer) and I don't know the answers to the questions, or even if they're the right questions.

    I suspect what's happening is that I keep pushing other projects off because I "should" be working on the one I really want to succeed, but that I can rarely (if ever) muster up the will to touch.  That first chapter has been through so, so, so many drafts... I'm not sure it'll ever be finished.  I've been sitting on the first chapter of a different thing for two or three weeks now, you know.  I tell myself that I have a decent enough outline in my head and it's not that long and so I should just wait until it's finished instead of tormenting folks with a slow chapter drip.

    I was having tons of fun writing the first chapter, and then I just... stopped.  I don't know why I did.  I don't know exactly why I'm venting in the blog, other than that you guys deserve some sort of acknowledgement that I haven't forgotten you.

    Or have I?

    Maybe this is me paying my debt to the universe and releasing all the overwrought angst that was supposed to show up when I was a teenager.  Delayed psychological puberty.  I dunno.

    Maybe I'm falling out of the loop because Steam is installed on a different computer now that isn't always on and I'm not always checking, and that was my tie to my pony friends.  Maybe I'm avoiding popping up in pony places and not realizing it.

    All I know for sure is that if I want to be a part of this thing, I need to get back on that saddle, and the most important part of it is to write more.  I'm going to submit the thing I've been sitting on.  It's just the one chapter, and it hasn't been edited to hell and back, and it's pretty terrible, but it's something.

    Then, once it's up here, I'm going to give myself a deadline.  I've done that before, I know, but this time it's more important.  It'll be like a time bomb strapped to the saddle.  I HAVE to stay on the horse, or lose it forever.

    If I don't submit a second chapter for the thing I'm about to submit the first chapter of before the fourth of July, I'm freezing (not deleting) this account and dropping out of writing until such time as I can make it important enough in my life to actually happen, because clearly if I can't make the time to write a few measly thousand words in just under a month, I'm not trying hard enough.  If I pass, I'll set up another deadline for the third chapter, one that's not longer and perhaps shorter, and so on for the fourth and the fifth...

    I'm hitting submit now, then showering, checking some emails, and going to work.  I might be going out with a few friends after work (there I go doing other things again) and might not be back here until pretty late, but I'll blerg again when the night is done and see how a day of thinking about this has made me feel.

    3 comments · 145 views
  • 75w, 3d
    Another month, another cup of shattered dreams and/or excuses for my inactivity

    Or something less wangsty, because things are good.  They're just busy and full of many fewer words than I'd like.  I'm only even doing a blogamajig to remind folks that I still exist and am not dead.

    In good news, though, as of today I'm actively working on something at a pace greater than two or even three snails.  It's certainly different, but whether it's good or bad it's something, and producing a story is better than not producing a story.

    I'm far enough along (and not polishing to hell and back for infinite delay points) that I COULD guarantee you something by the end of the week, but I'm not sure I want to.  I think this thing would work better if posted all at once.  We'll see where I am at the end of the week and where I think I'll be at the end of the month and go from there.

    Would you like a stupidly vague idea of what it's about?  Too bad, you get one anyway.

    Six ponies (who are not the mane six) are sharing a cabin, and something bad happened a few years ago.

    I'm actually feeling motivated and "into it" and such, so yay.  With any luck, after this wears off and everyone (rightfully) downvotes the result, I'll still have enough chutzpah left to strap on my spelunking gear and go back into the pile of things I started/am ostensibly writing and pull a shambling corpse up to the surface.

    2 comments · 126 views
  • ...

Where DO foals come from?  The Cutie Mark Crusaders don't know, but they intend to find out!

First Published
28th Oct 2011
Last Modified
28th Oct 2011
#1 · 156w, 1d ago · 9 · ·


#2 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Now THAT was a fun read. Awesome!

#3 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·


#4 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Very good! Just the kind of trouble one would expect the CMC to get into! :scootangel:

#5 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

That's was pretty good.

#6 · 156w, 1d ago · 1 · ·


#7 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

lawl. that was great. If my kids brought bees into my house i would run...i hate bees. So. much...

#8 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

:twilightoops: Bees, bees everywhere!

#9 · 156w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

This was incredibly stupid, funny and STUPID! Storywise, it was VERY well written. But the CMC! And the mane six! HOW CAN THEY BE STUPID ENOUGH TO DO THIS?! I mean, yes, it was incredibly funny, but i facepalmed so hard, i hit the back of my head against a wall! And laughed a lot too. The story was amazing, yes, but the whole idea, though possible(in fact, i believe this is how it would've worked in the show if they ever had the chance and will to dos something like this), was STUPID! AND STUPIDITY IS HILARIOUS! :rainbowlaugh:

(Also, i'm kinda hoping a Mature or Teen rated version that depicts Pinkie's explenation, for the sake of laughter. :pinkiecrazy:)

#10 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Also, i'm very aware that the whole comment jumps from insulting you to praising you, but believe me, it was a positive comment. :pinkiehappy:

#11 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

I can imagine celestial being like Wheatley from portal 2 with he birds... BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD KILL IT AGH AGH Ahhhhhhh!!!! xD

#12 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

cool shit bro

#13 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

ok, that was excelent, soo funny :rainbowlaugh:

#14 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

I'm picturing Celestia asking Luna "Do you like birds?"

#15 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

This was fantastic.

I could totally see this as an episode.  Thumbs up- err, hooves up, bro!

#16 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

...and that's the story of how Equestria was founded!

Tomorrow, I'll tell you how foals are made.


#17 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

...and Twilight was horribly hurt, as in any average real episode!

Real nice story - and nicely shown just why and how various ponies won't just pony up and tell the girls about the making of the foals, instead of simply "you shouldn't tell little kids". That would have made the story far more boring. :)

#18 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Not the bees! AHHHHHHH Ahgarbulagabah my eyes! my eyes! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHhhhurgh!

#19 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

"Ah will end you"

best line ever.

#20 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·


Oh well. Great story overall.

#21 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Really funny. Generally great story.

#22 · 156w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

“Sorry, squirts, but I’ve gotta fly.  I’m actually of on my way to go make a foal right now!  Later!”  :rainbowlaugh:

#23 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

I laughed till I cried.

That's truly all I can say on the matter.

#24 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Typical ponies digging themselves deeper over nothing.  I suppose telling them to ask their parents wouldn't have cut it for a story.


Exactly what I was thinking of when I got to that scene.  :rainbowlaugh:

#25 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

The first two scenes seem completely pointless. The rest is fairly good though.

#26 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

A short, good and funny piece. I liked it, though the part about Rainbow Dash not knowing where foals comes from seemed rather farfetched.

#27 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Hee hee.

This was a pretty fun read. The CMCs are their customary blend of foalish wonder and horrific mayhem, and the Mane Six are nicely in character.

...And I lol'd at the Brick Joke at the end. :rainbowlaugh:

#28 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

This is the funniest fanfic I have ever read!! Keep it up good sir/madam!:rainbowkiss:

#29 · 156w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

This story was so good it made me pregnant.

#30 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Lol, hilarious story! Except for sme small grammatical errors, it was perfect! Would've expected Rainbow to kno a bit more :rainbowhuh: but oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles.

#31 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Now this is exactly the kind of goofy fun fic I love. :pinkiehappy: If it weren't for the content, I could see this working as an episode of the show!  All the characters - especially the CMC - feel true to the feel of the show and the comedy is great.  I love the repeating theme of the birds and bees.  And I guess it comes as no surprise that Pinkie would know about all this stuff, though dare I ask where she gets her vast knowledge from? :twilightblush:

#32 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Awesome story. I wish I could write stories this popular.

#33 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·



Oh man, My lungs hurt


#34 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Celestia: "Get the bird! Get it kill it kill it kill it kill it!"

Luna: "LOL" :facehoof:

Anyway, great story. I can picture Celestia being scared of birds :rainbowlaugh:

#35 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Wow. This just kind of revels in insanity. Way to go on the "Relax-o-Vision" section of Pinkie's explanation.

#36 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·


Well, there WERE lots of birds and bees in it. :pinkiecrazy:

#37 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

omg...im about to bust a gut in laughter XD

#38 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

That was fantastic :rainbowlaugh:

#39 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

at first i was like :trixieshiftright:

then i was like :rainbowlaugh:

#40 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Good story, but a little disappointing that the situation with Lyra and Bon Bon is left unresolved

#41 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

This is best story. You are best pony.:heart:

#42 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

I just fell of my chair laughing :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#43 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Pure genius! Great fun to read thank you!

#44 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

THAT WAS JUST BEAUTIFUL :pinkiehappy:I loves this TOO MUCH[

#45 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

I got kind of a Portal 2 vibe from the bird thing. OH MY GOD IT'S A BIRD, KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT :pinkiegasp:

That was a really fun read. :twilightsmile:

#46 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

This is so stupidly funny I cried laughing :twilightsheepish: :pinkiehappy:

#47 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Oh man, this was great! Loved it!

#48 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

Pyros Overall score for Birds and the bees by theworstwriter : 5/5

Fricken Hilarious !

I expected Fluttershy to freeze up like that

and Rainbow Dash not knowing how it happens.

Pinkie pie being the only one who didn't have any

problem explaining the whole process of birth

#49 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

This was pretty funny, :rainbowlaugh: i'd love to see more of your work! :pinkiehappy:

#50 · 156w, 1d ago · · ·

I do believe we have found a good foundation for a sex ed episode.

0 1983 5401
Login or register to comment