When a popular pegasus is kicked out of the popular group, he tries to change his life completely, but while he tries to accomplish this, he finds himself the perfect mare.
Chapters (3)
Windigo
Joined 8th May, 2013 ·
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I wanted to like this, the pairing alone hooked me. It's one of the many unusual ships I really want to see more of. It's just going way too fast and that's killing any emotional investment.
4570102 It's one of my first real fictions, this didn't take long to make, sorry that you don't like it enough.
My father married the mailman's daughter.
(Longer story: the mailman of his childhood home. He has since passed 1998/99 - just before my sister was born, cancer)
This story is adorable
While I don't believe in love at first sight, I really liked this story. Thumbs up. But there was one thing that didn't seem to make sense.
Note Worthy asks, "So you're with Sparks now?"
That sentence implies that he's asking if they are dating because they weren't before. But then it says he asks the two if their married and he asked that AFTER Special Delivery said their dating. If he was told that they were dating, why would he ask if they were married? Was he joking or something?
The first part of this story isn't bad, and I was interested in Special Delivery's misadventures. It's let down by the actual romance part, though -- as mentioned by another commenter below, the pace is off. I mean, who asks a mare he's only recently met, "Do you have any bedrooms?" or talks about a dinner date after a night of passion? There's an interesting story buried in here somewhere, but it would need quite a bit of work to bring out. Since you haven't been here for two years, sadly that doesn't seem very likely!