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gamerjay7 1023

Joined January 2012
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    gamerjay7's Stories (1)

    • Slendermane
      It's watching, always watching, staring into your soul with its featureless face.

      2,189 words · 796 views · 23 likes · 1 dislikes
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                                                              Slendermane

                                                              By gamerjay7

    __________________________________________________________________

    My name is Goldheart, I’m writing this now so somepony can know about what has been happening before it’s too late. It all began a while ago when I moved into this new house in Ponyville a while ago with my mum, dad and sister. It was nice, not to far from the edge of town but still far away enough to have a nice, peaceful feel to it, anyway, while I was helping dad knock down some old walls to put in some new ones I found something a bit weird. I hit a hole in the wall to reveal a old room that had been sealed off quite a while ago, it was full of old books and photos that must’ve been taken about 15 years ago. Most of them involved a mare with a white coat and a light blue mane, her cutie mark was of a quill, no idea what it could represent. In a chest I found what looked like a diary, it had a red hard-cover and looked like time hadn’t been to kind to it. A large, golden lock kept the book closed, there was no key anywhere in the room so I just put in a box with the rest of the junk I found. I uncovered it a week later and decided to try and find out what was written inside the diary, after about an hour working away with a saw and a hammer I finally broke the lock off of the old book. Inside was a journal spanning over almost a year, the pony writing the journal was the same one I saw in the photos, it said that her name was Snowflake. The diary started out pretty normal, just talking about every-day riff-raff, but, as time went on, the writing turned a bit …. disturbing. The following is the contents of Snowflakes diary, I warn you, this is not for the faint of heart.

    June 11th: My name is Snowflake, I started writing this journal out of boredom, there isn’t really much to do when you live a half-hour carriage ride from Ponyville. I live with my little brother, Dell, and his dog, Skruff. We’re pretty happy out here, I earn a fair pay farming assorted vegetables and Dell usually just plays near the forest with Skruff. I’m not worried about him playing so close to the edge of the forest, its nothing like the Everfree and has a silent tranquillity to it, it does get pretty spooky at night though.

    June 20th: Today was really good, I sold a whole crate of tomatoes at the market and earned 70 bits! To celebrate I’m buying me and Dell a cake from this bakery that just opened up, I think I’ll buy Skruff a treat as well.

    July 3rd: The 70 bits I earned sure is taking a long time to spend, I still have 15 bits left. I used some of the money to buy a camera for me and Dell to record some memories. Dell is really getting into the whole photography thing, he really like taking photos of the forest, and I have to say, he’s quite the photographer.

    July 7th: Skruff has been acting strange lately. Last night I woke up to him barking at the window that looks out to the fields that lead up to Ponyville, I took him to the vet to see if anything was wrong but the vet said that nothing seemed to be wrong with him except for a small bruise on his side that he got from slipping off the couch. I dunno, I guess he’s just a bit paranoid.

    July 15th: Dell sure has quite an imagination, he makes up a story behind each picture he takes. For example: he took a photo of the small patch where I grow my lettuce and said that each head is home to a family of fairy-ponies. After he told me that I almost felt a little bad when I harvested the lettuce to take to market, silly, isn’t it?

    July 19th: I earned another 70 bits today from selling a sack of potatoes, I asked Dell if he wanted to use the money to go to a carnival that came into Ponyville today. I was surprised when he told me he would rather stay at home and play, that isn’t normal for Dell, he usually loves the carnival.

    August 5th: Skruff was barking in the early hours of the morning again, except this time it was at the window that looked out to the forest. I tell ya, at 2am, that forest is really creepy.

    August 8th: Skruff went missing last night. I found the back door open this morning and he was nowhere to be seen. Poor Dell is in tears, he’s not taking his disappearance well, its good to see that his photo taking is keeping him preoccupied and distracting him from his loss.

    August 10th: I’ve given up hope of finding Skruff, dell keeps telling me that he hears him barking out in the forest at night but I think its just his imagination. Poor Dell, after Skruff ran away the only thing he does is take photos, I think I’ll look through them tomorrow.

    August 11th: Something’s not right with the camera, I think dell using it so much has screwed it up. In most of the photos there’s a shadowy blob of ink that can be seen in the background of photos. Funny, the blobs kinda look like a big pony.

    August 13th: I don’t want Dell taking photos anymore. The stories behind the photos were cute at first but now they’re getting out of hand. Dell says that the black shapes in the photos are a pony. When he started talking to me about the pony he said that he speaks to him when he plays near the forest and that he looks different from other ponies. When I asked what he looks like Dell only said “slender”. Dell didn’t even know what obese meant so you can tell how worried I was. Ever since that conversation I’ve been looking at the forest very differently.

    August 16th: Last night there was a loud knocking at the back door, it scared the living daylights out of me. I went down to investigate but as soon as I came to the door the knocking stopped as quickly as it had started. I think I’m going to buy some extra locks for the house.

    August 20th: Dell walked out to the edge of the forest at 1am last night, I walked outside a hour later and found him just sitting there, on the edge of the forest. I asked him what he was doing and he said “talking to slendermane”. With that I snatched him up and ran back to the house, I suddenly had this terrible feeling that I was being watched, not from afar, but from right behind me.

    September 5th: Every night the knocking gets louder and louder, Dell says it’s the slendermane trying to talk to him. If he’s trying to reassure me its only making things worse. I would go out and see what the banging is, but I don’t leave the house anymore.

    September 17th: I think somepony broke into the house last night. I woke up and found that the window in the kitchen was broken but nothing was stolen. The thing that creeps me out about it is that the window that was broken looks straight out towards the forest.

    October 1st: The house has been very cold for a long time now, candles wont light because of some invisible wind and the knocking. Oh Celestia the knocking. I cant sleep. I cant eat. Dell and I are growing more distant by the day, he wont stop drawing pictures of this ‘slendermane’. The pictures are messy but from what I can see it has un-naturally long legs and wears some sort of business suit. But the face, the face, there was no face. I want to leave, I want to get away from this THING, but I’m afraid that if I leave the house it will kill me.

    October 20th: Dell is gone. I saw him running into the forest, I mustered up all of my bravery and ran after him but as soon as a got into the forest I felt him. The slendermane. It was like I couldn’t breath, like there was a pillow being held down over my head, I made it to the house but I cant leave it again. As much as I want to help Dell I just cant leave the house.

    November 2nd: I saw it. I was in the kitchen gathering food to bring into the study, I decided that I would board myself up in there. As I was grabbing a box of apples I looked out the window, I really wish I hadn’t. Standing on the edge of the forest, it was the slendermane. It was impossibly tall, almost as tall as the trees. Its coat was either a light shade of pink or there wasn’t a coat at all. It wore a suit, like that a business pony would wear in Manehatten, but that face. The horrific pictures could not have prepared me for the full trauma of that face.

    November 19th: I’ve been I this room for too long, but I know if I leave it will kill me. There’s almost no food left and the cold is too much to bear. I’ve been awake for the entire time now, I don’t dare shut my eyes for a second.

    December 5th: The knocking started again. I heard it on the backdoor, then the kitchen door, then the hallway door, and now, the study door. It’s out there, the horrible banging drilling into my mind. It knows I’m here, it wants me. It wont rest.


            This is where it ends, I don’t know if this is somepony’s idea of a joke or if its some ghost story meant to scare foals but ever since I read this journal the forest seems different, its like when I see the forest, the forest sees me.

    Comments ( 16 )

    Ice
    #1 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Intresting, I did something similar with one of my stories but you've nailed it. However, I know the about how Slendermen works and that but I feel you've made this more of a ghost story rather than one about him/her/it.

    #2 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>425987 Well maybe they're going for a more DarkHarvest00 kind of twist, in that it at first sounds like a generic ghost story, but evolves into more.

    That said, not too bad (and this comes from the writer of one of the longer and more well-known Slendermane stories "Ever Watching") at all. The journal style is pretty cool, no serious or egregious errors I can see, and pretty darn creepy too! My only real complain is that it is honestly a MLP fanfic in the weaker sense, in that it is only set in the MLP setting. There could at least have been some reference to canon characters, and it doesn't even have to be the Mane cast! Even an established fanon character would have sufficed, just something.

    But that said, it was still a great fic and gets a definite thumbs-up from me.

    Ice
    #3 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>426110 Fair enough but it still needs some work.

    #4 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    My god. This is kinda creepy.

    The only thing that I noticed os the way you broke the sentences up, or something

    I can't quite place it, but there is something bothering me about those sentences. Maybe ots just the fact that this is the first "dark" tagged story I have read in a while.

    Maybe it's the pacing, but that seemed fine. I don't really know...

    #5 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I really enjoy the story, but I think that there are a lot of punctuation errors in that. Or was that intentional?

    #6 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Hm, I want to find out more, but the entire story had just enough. It wasn't filled to the brim with detail, yet it didn't keep you in the dark. (:pinkiecrazy:) Great job.

    #7 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    You have some pretty serious issues with run-on sentences.  Normally I might attribute this to characterization (this being journal excerpts), but you share the same issues across both speakers, so I think you need to proofread a little more.

    #8 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>426110 About the thing about involving a character, I was going to have a background character instead of Snowflake but i decided i would have a shot at writing about a OC. I'm pretty new at story writing and I wanted to just have a short story that could involve only OCs. Oh, and to everypony else about all of the grammar errors, this is only a short story I wrote while I had writers block on my larger project, so i didn't really pay much attention to that sort of thing because this was only written out of pure boredom. :twilightblush:

    #9 · 62w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>428171

    I think that every part of the story is great except for the run-on sentences and one or two places where a new paragraph seems necessary. It doesn't exactly ruin it, but I feel it takes just a bit out. If you just don't want too/are too lazy too/can't edit it, then I could for you, if you don't mind.

    #10 · 46w, 5d ago · · ·
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    When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back.

    Great story.5/5

    #11 · 46w, 1d ago · · ·
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    "..."

    -Slenderpony

    Nice story! There's an excellent sense of suspense in the journal entries. Still, I can't help but imagine that there's more to it than that. After all, why would she not write for a fortnight if she's trapped herself in her room. For that matter, if 'there is almost food left' on November 19th how has she not starved to death by December 5th? The progression is good, though, like I said, it feels like there'd be more... Meh, I like it! :pinkiecrazy:

    #12 · 45w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>997085

    Hmmm, good point. Perhaps I should edit those bits? :duck:

    #13 · 45w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1016389 If/when you do, I'd love to give it another look over. It's quite the tale! It's always nice to find stories like this that you can read over again and still be able to immerse yourself in the 'world'.

    Oh yeah, one thing that I find odd. One of the Slender Pony names is "Slender Mane" yet the Slender Man has nary a hair upon his head. Wouldn't that mean that Slender Mane has no mane?

    #14 · 42w, 4d ago · · ·
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    I love Slender Man, and yet I am terrified of him. It's like I'm just being drawn towards his amazing and fleshed out story. Added with the fact that this might actually be a true creature (I've done my research), it chills me to the bones and yet I still want to find out more about him. That's why I'm sort of looking for all the most terrifying Slender Man (or in this case, Slendermane) stories I could find.

    ...

    Why am I reading this in a room with broken lighting again?

    Anyway, your story is pretty amazing. One of the best ones I've read about Slendermane yet! Still, I've never known that Slendermane knocks on the door. I thought he just teleports everywhere. Of course, that wouldn't make it NEARLY as scary as your story. Good job!

    #15 · 42w, 3h ago · · ·
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    i really really like this

    #16 · 42w, 3h ago · · ·
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    what thats it no dat cant be it it cant no I GOT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENES NEXT:derpyderp1:

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