Once upon a time, there was a very young filly named Twilight Sparkle who went to the beach and met a very young colt named Rex.
They played in the sand, looking for sea shells and making sand castles all day long.
And found something neither of them expected.
Finalist in the Most Dangerous Game Contest
Editing assistance by Peter, Tek
If you liked this story, you may also like A Simpler Time by DJLowrider. Enjoy.
Picture Credits on DeviantArt:
Filly Twilight Sparkle by zomgmad
Good Pace by SilverVectors
Derpy Hooves Flying by SierraEx
Princess of the Beach by dm29
Beach Backgrounds Clipart from 3906 HD Wallpapers
Chapters (3)
First comment reserved for the author.
Ah, young love. This is my G-rated submission to the Most Dangerous Game contest, and I hope you all like it (except for those first two downvoteeverything people. Are you two stalking me?).
Also welcome to those of you who wound up on this page by googling 'sapphirina copepod.' There isn't much scientific information on the cute little critter in this story, but you may find it entertaining anyway. Enjoy!
If asked, Princess Cadence will deny any knowledge of the events, or any schemes to bring these two together.
Downvote already!?
End was a bit abrupt. Also, I never really got the sense that young Twily felt anything for him beyond the most fleeting of crushes. That's all well and good, but her actions and attitude at the end point to it being some kind of long-lost love that she'd been pining for for ages. I would rather think she'd get more excited than anything else.
Eh, a minor complaint in the long run. This had your usual cuter-than-heck feel to it, and I think it will probably place high in the contest.
4546915
The secret downvote cabal?
I would have liked to have seen a lot more story, this is a great prologue. Understand it is for a challenge, but would not mind in the least if sometime in the future you decided to expand on this.
For one thing, can't say there won't be big complications, just think of the political excrement storm that is about to hit the fan.
4546915
At least you know they care enough to never let a story get by without two expressions of their undying
hatelove.Really cute story :)
4546915 Maybe you stole their waifu?
Silly Twilight. This is why you should maintain one of your book caches in a privately-accessible pocket dimension. Ask Pinkie; she can show you.
(Though in this case, I suppose the outcome was acceptable.)
Seriously, though, this was fantastic. Petulant Twilight is adorable at any age, and the day at the beach had the sort of innocent, eggheaded charm found in the more frolicsome parts of Letters From a Little Princess Monster. Clearly, you are a master of Twilight/OC shipping, regardless of who the original character is, not that that comes as much of a surprise.
Thank you for this. I'd wish you good luck in the contest, but frankly, I doubt you'll need it.
4556380
She was always in love with
EastasiaOceania.Adorable and well-written. I approve of this ship. Best of luck for the contest!
4556255 Yea! I've always hoped to become famous enough to get stalkers!
4556380 Well, I've been known for the cliffhanger chapters and endings.
4556420 Something on the order of half a year there, half a year back, or Same Time Next Year where they can only spend a week together each year? (Yes, I know the comic has her turning the sea captain into a form with gills, but this would be for plot.) Yeah, hundreds of Royals of various families across Equestria all wanting a Princess for an in-law, and she falls for a fish. That would stir the pot. It's bad enough I'm doing that to Green Grass in the third 'Tutor' story.
4556473 But they never even send me flowers...
4556523 That explains the dreams of the sea that required her to get new sheets in the morning....
4556541 Well, technically it's a sunken ship
Oddly (or maybe not so oddly) reminiscent of Monster. I kept expecting book to be spelled buk.
Nicely tied up, though I see where Jake is coming from in his comment about the ending being a bit quick.
Still, pretty cute.
4556958 4556420 4556380 All right, all right, you slavedrivers. I'll make a short third chapter. Sheesh.
There. Now it should be done. Better?
That was quick! Love the story either way.
4558113
YES! This was a perfect bookend, dude. Made me d'aww hard.
Though you might want to change the status to completed. Unless, of course, you WANT to write more.
I ain't gonna stop you.
4558170 Oops, got it. Thanks!
Clover? Hurricane? Pegasi kites? I love it.
That was so cute. Love the ending.
4558218 There will be a pegasi kite in Letters sometime soon. Rainbow powered.
4558358
I still want that Cake story about the spoons...
4556380 meh, her "heart's desire" might've just been to see an old friend again. After that "well shit, he's hot" takes over.
Edit: oh hey, another chapter that wasn't there before...
I absolutely adored this one! Twilight freaking out over having her books taken away was delightful to read about, and Rex was a pretty fantastic character -- charming and not over the top. You did a really good job at avoiding all the usual clichés with OC love interests.
I'm really torn with the two different endings though (I understand you added an extra chapter?). On the one hand, I think the original version ended at just the right place -- I didn't think it was too abrupt at all, and it left me feeling satisfied that the story was over whilst also leaving me wanting more. On the other hand, the extra chapter was lovely, so there's that as well.
If I did have a complaint, I couldn't ever imagine Twilight thinking bucking this and bucking that all the time, especially as a filly. It kept drawing me out of the story. Although I'm being very nit-picky here.
I hope this one does well, it deserves it. Best of luck!
This story is rad cool. I approve.
Adorkably analytical filly Twilight is adorable.
So syrupy but still so pleasantly sweet.
Because no one else has mentioned it, I have to: Corny for a nickname, well played.
The first chapter was alright.
The rest was meh.
I wish there was more romance. ;_; This was cute.
4613207
Pretty much this. It was a good setup for them, you know, making kissy face later on, but it didn't really get there.
I'll be honest - when I first read this story, I thought it was going to be a cute thing about Twilight as a little filly ending up with a crush on the OC, and thought that was a pretty decent subversion of the contest. I was a bit sad that it was not, as the follow-up chapters were far too short to really justify anything.
4618607
You bring up a good point about those last two chapters. This could have stood alone as cute SOL fluff as just the first chapter, maybe with a "and then later, they meet again and gosh" at the end.
I accidentally forgot there was more than one chapter to this (only story in the top 5 of the contest with multiple chapters), read the first chapter, and, it being the last one I hadn't read, went and voted. Oops...
I was very much stuck between switching this one and "Far From The Tree." Debated placement back and forth for a good couple minutes. Don't know if reading the next couple chapters would've changed my decision. It works well as just the first chapter. The second and third get more cheesy, but each gives a sort of closure. Look, they find each other through improbable circumstances and Look, the shell gets passed on, isn't that sweet? Well-written regardless. Second only to For Whom We Are Hungry, but I don't generally enjoy Romance-tagged stories, and I have a giant man crush on Cold in Gardez.
That was amazing, I loved it. The first chapter was so sweet, and I love reading stories from filly Twilight's view. The last two chapters were really sappy, but they provided some nice closure. The second chapter was kind of funny as well.
ALL MY D'AWEs!
Completely all of them. I have no more left. I'll have to go to Costco tomorrow to restock my inventory.
Trixie's favorite book?
Jokes apart, the only reason I'm reading this is because of the contest; I tend to dislike shipping. This being said, the quality of the writing is, for the most part, outstanding, though I do have one gripe: for a piece using filly Twilight as the point of view, I find the amount of higher learning references to be exaggerated, almost as if filly Twilight was intentionally being pedantic with her inner voice.
I liked the first part way better than the rest, truth be told; I would have enjoyed the fic more if it was just the first chapter, both because I see the first chapter as better produced and self-contained enough, and because the later ones got a bit too shippy for me. But even then the fic as a whole is still worth a like
A clump of guilty sand nearby desperately needed punished
needed to be punished; or, needed punishing; or, needed punishment.
Amazing story.
The only thing is that after the first chapter - the second one feels rushed. Or rather it leaves you feeling 'MOAR!111'
Thank you for the story :)
I can see why InquisitorM complained about this fic, but I thought it was really cute. Cutting it down to only the first chapter probably makes for a better story, though. That would remove any feelings of abruptness, and the Sea Sapphire wouldn't go to waste because it still serves to bring them together in a way
I thought the first chapter was incredibly cute, and would hold very seem on its own. The second and third chapters were also sweet, but they could probably use a bit more development, I think. I just found them to be too short to have the impact it maybe should have.
Still, I like this story quite a bit.
Hey, I wrote a review for this story. It can be found here.
Overall, I'd say it is a cute story, and that you managed some nice chemistry between the two, but I absolutely despised the dialogue. It felt forced and expository, and sadly brought me out of the fic.
This was a cute story, thanks for writing it.
There is enough adorable in this story to make up for any errors I might have been able to find. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go find my cat and glomp her.
Take them! Take my DAWS!
The adorableness has been covered so far, but I wanted to praise the portrayal of a very pregnant Twilight as well. I'm reminded of a scene from Fargo where Marge bends over with her hands on her knees.
Having known pregnant women before, this is quite accurate, and rarely covered in media. Much like the mention of shedding season in "Traveling Tutor and the Diplomat's Daughter," which was the first time I've seen it mentioned in a story. Rather odd when writers have taken the time to learn all kinds of horse anatomy (fetlock, hock, etc) but ignored the full coat of hair.
Its the little details that really make the story.
5153442 Well, I have experienced both a wife who was pregnant with twins to 38 weeks (ow) and a lazy housecat who can be tracked by the trail of fine white hairs, so combined, they made a nice bit of experience. I am reminded of a radio commentator who once said that any opinion a college student might claim could be justifiably ignored, as they did not have the life experiences to be able to put together a valid opinion on complex real-world issues, and I feel there may be a thread (or loose hair) of truth in that. Expect more pregnant Twilight experiences in The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam coming soon. (on Chapter 19 now)
4744208 I'll confess, I could have put much more length into the second two chapters, but they would have covered the exact same period of time (except maybe #2 would have run longer to build her frustration level). Perhaps next time.
That was a sweet little chapter. The romance accentuated it without being to corny (hello irony).
Lovely.