Space Captain Pinkie Pie

by terrycloth

31: Going Batty

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were locked in a deadly struggle when The Great and Powerful Trixie happened upon them. Twilight had a look of focused determination in her eyes as she struggled to hold back Rainbow’s desperate surges with a perfectly measured response. It was useless, however – even as Trixie approached the two, Twilight was overcome, her fetlock slammed against the table. “Ha!” she said, triumphantly “I lost!”

“It wasn’t really a fair test,” Rainbow Dash said. “I am the Iron Pony.”

Twilight snorted. “And I’m not any stronger than I was as a unicorn. Any correlation between athleticism and tribe can be explained by the choice of profession and hobbies.”

“It’s a terrible shame to interrupt this fascinating and completely appropriate conversation,” said Trixie, interrupting, “but Rainbow Dash’s presence is required to prepare for tonight’s show.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there on time,” Rainbow Dash said, waving at Trixie absently.

Trixie held her nose in the air. “You’re already late. You need to get into costume!”

Rainbow Dash cringed.

“It’s okay,” Twilight said, “I should probably go wash up anyway. Still haven’t quite gotten the hang of using soap.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “It’s not okay, Twilight. Have you seen the thing she wants me to wear?”

“Not yet!” Twilight said cheerfully, and headed back into the castle as Trixie dragged a struggling Rainbow off to her fate.

Halfway up the thirteen flights of stairs between the garden and her room, she had to stop to take deep breaths, wait for the spots to clear from her vision, and bemoan her lack of the stereotypical earth pony endurance. She lifted her gaze to see a pair of creepy yellow eyes staring back at her from the dark-furred face of the incredibly silent bat-winged pony sitting on the torch lit landing before her, blocking her path.

Twilight squeaked in shock, but managed to sit down in surprise instead of taking a step back and falling down the stairs.

“Luna requires your presence in the observatory at your earliest convenience,” the night guard said in a quiet voice.

“I was just going back to my chambers to wash up –“ Twilight started, but the stallion’s gaze unnerved her. “But this is probably more important! Lead the way, sir.”

“I have other duties,” the night guard replied. “I trust you know the way.” Twilight scowled, but before she could retort he’d vanished with a quiet flutter of bat wings.

So she headed to the observatory. The good news was that it wasn’t as high in the castle as her previous destination; the bad news was that it was in another tower, so she had to go down three floors and cut through the frantically busy servants’ quarters to a little-used skybridge before heading back up five more flights of stairs. She took the whole thing at a trot, though – it wouldn’t do to keep the princess waiting. Especially Princess Luna, who’d been in a foul mood lately, for reasons which were almost entirely Twilight’s fault.

She skidded into the observatory, backpedalling to avoid piling into the princess, who was waiting for her just inside the door. Gathering what decorum she could salvage from her entrance, Twilight turned her graceless collapse into a sort of bow.

“There is no need for formality, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said in a neutral voice, which was much better than the angry shouting she’d expected. “I’ve called you here not only as your princess, but as your friend. We are still friends, are we not?”

Twilight blinked, and tried to smile. It didn’t quite work. She accepted an offered hoof to pull her to her feet, and replied, “I’ll admit I was worried that you might not want anything more to do with me, after – after everything.”

“You have seen ancient secrets that ponies were never intended to set eyes on again,” Luna said, glacing up at the sky through the open aperature in the observatory’s dome. It was still light out, but the sun would be setting soon. “Is not such… intimacy a cause for the deepening of filial bonds, rather than their dissolution?”

Twilight advanced to stand next to the princess, under the arc of her half-spread wing, and looked at her face from the side. “What was that place, Luna?”

“The forsaken relic of a time long past,” Luna replied. “As would I be, if my sister was to have her way. A beloved keepsake, but nothing relevant to Equestria as it is today.” Her gaze was hard, but softened as she remembered herself. “I cannot fault her for that. If she sees no place for me, it is only because she would not force me to change. But she forgets which of us was always the agent of change!”

Twilight kept her tone innocent, as she asked, “Discord?”

“That clown?” Luna shouted, outraged. She took a step back to stare indignantly at the lavender earth pony beside her. “Your jest is in poor taste!“ She stopped short, noticing the grin on Twilight’s face. “Hmph.”

“So you plan to be an agent of change,” Twilight prompted, looking around the observatory. It was empty, aside from the usual complement of star maps and telescopes. Deserted, at the moment, since most of the astronomers worked at night. She looked up at the hole in the roof, which at the moment was positioned to show the peak of the Canterhorn. “Are you planning to re-open the city on the moon? Some of the enchantment there was remarkable!”

“No, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said. “Ask Celestia if you wish to know the reasons why those techniques were abandoned, but suffice to say that those reasons were sound. My inspiration does come from the moon, however.” Twilight looked at her, and Luna smirked conspiritorally. “Come with me, and I’ll show you what we’ve been working on.”

“Right now?” Twilight asked, nervously. “Princess Pinkie Pie’s Premiere Party starts in less than an hour.”

“The Pink One’s party shall last until dawn,” Luna said, dismissively. “I wish to make my offer to you before she ensnares you in her foolishness.” When Twilight looked uncertain, she added, “Please, Twilight Sparkle. I have few ponies that I am willing to trust with these secrets, and most of them I trust only because I know I am useful to their own ends. You, I ask as a friend.”

“Fine,” Twilight said. “I was really looking forwards to see Rainbow Dash dressed up for Trixie’s show, though.”

Luna’s mane extended into a swirl of starry blue mist and enveloped her, and Twilight fell into a cold abyss. She hung helpless among a sea of stars, as her body slowly dissolved around her. She lifted a hoof, only to see spots along the edges shine like a constellation–

--and then it was over, and she sprawled on the floor of a dimly lit cave. “That was…,” she started to say, as she pulled herself to her hooves and looked around. In front of her was a suspiciously featureless square corridor leading deeper into the mountain, flanked by narrow viewing slits that betrayed the presence of a guard chamber accessible from beyond the choke point. Behind her, the cave entrance shimmered with the illusion of a blank stone face, nearly transparent from this side, with the walls and spires of Canterlot spread out below. “…very…” she continued, struggling to find the right word.

“Fun?” suggested Luna, passing Twilight to walk fearlessly into the corridor.

“I was going to say ‘terrifying’,” Twilight said, following on the princess’ heels, glancing down to see if she was stepping on any particular tiles.

Somehow, without looking back, Luna noticed. “Do not worry, the traps here are currently disarmed. We have secrets, but none worth a pony’s life as of yet.” Soon they emerged from the corridor into a series of familiar rooms, the walls decorated in pictograms and old equestrian runes.

“This place looks just like the moon,” Twilight remarked, pressing a hoof against a symbol that, on the moon, would have opened a doorway into a secret tunnel. Here, it did nothing – the runes were inert, at least for the moment.

“I built it long ago, when my tastes still ran along these lines,” Luna explained as they travelled through the dimly lit galleries. Twilight could hear ponies moving around up ahead, laughing and talking in low tones. “This was the barracks for my troop of night guards, and on many nights it was – and is – my retreat from the aggravations of the pony world. It is remote enough to offer a degree of privacy, even with the court so much closer than before my banishment.” As she finished that sentence, they walked out into a larger room, outfitted as a lounge, where three night guards were chatting and playing cards with a pair of unicorns.

“We call it the bat cave,” said one in a voice that sounded just like Chance. Twilight decided to take that as proof that it was, in fact, Chance, transformed into a bat-winged pseudo-pegasus, as she’d suspected since seeing an extra two night guards at the trial.

“No we don’t,” said another one who sounded suspiciously like Tess. Alone of all the ponies, she was holding the cards in one of her cloven hooves, wedged between the halves – the other night guards were using standard earth pony card holders, and the unicorns were using their magic, of course.

Since the remaining night guard was female, it had to be Warp, but before Twilight could trot over and ask what exactly she’d done to the reactor on the Here to Help to make it explode, she realized that she knew both of the unicorns present. One was Moondancer, an old acquaintance from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns – not surprising, as she’d heard that Moondancer had taken a job as Luna’s hoofmaiden. The other was – “Dad?”

Crescent smiled weakly. “Hi, sweetie.”

“What are you doing here!” Twilight demanded, pointing at him.

“At the moment, providing rudimentary magical assistance so that Moondancer can save her energy for the complicated spells,” he replied. “In the long term there’s going to be some fascinating astronomical work. And of course, there’s the opportunity to work closely with a Princess. Not the Princess, but I normally work nights anyway, so I might as well have Luna as my patron.”

“We can use every unicorn we can get,” Warp said. “We’re starting with the ones who already know too much.”

“We’re going to rebuild the ship,” Chance said. “Or, well, a ship.”

“Sufficiently powerful Mending spells should be enough to rebuild the basic structure,” Moondancer said. “But Warp gave a thorough run-down of everything we’d need to do to repair or replace the rest of the systems –“

“We’re talking ten to thirty years of building up the infrastructure to the point where the sort of manufacturing we need is possible,” Warp explained. “We’re not starting from zero, but you don’t even have microscopes good enough to see some of the machines we need to build.”

“So we’re going to cheat!” Chance said. “With magic. And as a side effect, revolutionize the Equestrian economy. How’d you like to get in on the ground floor?”

“It’s, uh…” Twilight said. “Tempting. After all, heh heh, doing magical research is the sort of thing I’ve spent my whole life studying for.”

“And we’ve got the liiiibrary,” Chance said, grinning at her.

“No reader for it,” Tess noted. “Except for your wireless access.”

“But you’re working on it, right?” Chance said. “That’s your first priority!”

“Uh huh,” Tess replied, unenthusiastically.

“Besides, it must be stressful enough losing your magic without having to worry about where you’re going to find a new job,” Crescent said.

“What.” Twilight said, staring at her father.

“I mean, with your… condition…”

“Dad,” she said. “My job is an internship as the Ponyville librarian while I study the magic of friendship. Neither of those need me to be a unicorn!”

“Maybe they don’t need --“ Crescent started, but Twilight interrupted him angrily.

“The previous librarian was Cheerilee, an earth pony -- another earth pony – who managed to fit the duties in in her free time while also working as an elementary school teacher.”

“Just be reasonable, Sparky. Here you’d have me and Moondancer to cast any spells you thought up,” Crescent said. “And help you with, you know. All those other things. I heard how much trouble you were having with the soap –“

“Are you seriously proposing that I move in with my father and have him give me sponge baths?” Twilight snapped. “NNNNYAAAARGRGH!” She turned away and galloped out of the room, heading back towards the entrance, past a stony-faced Luna.

===

Tess found Twilight sitting just inside the illusion covering the cave entrance, watching the fireworks light up the darkening sky over Canterlot as Trixie put on her show. After a pregnant pause in the pyrotechnics, Rainbow Dash leapt from the unseen stage into the air, and a sonic rainboom exploded overhead – only to unravel under the influence of Trixie’s rainbow spell into a barely-controlled river of light, on par – visually at least – with the Elements of Harmony. Rainbow Dash, trailing a rainbow of her own, swooped around to land on the rainboom and ride it around, making a show of forcing it to miss the buildings and spectators until it dispersed in a shower of colorful sparks.

“Wow,” Tess said. “Now I’m sorry I missed the show.”

“Me too,” Twilight said. “What are they doing back there, anyway? I expected Luna or somepony to come get me ages ago.”

“They’re arguing about who they should get to replace you,” Tess said.

“What?” Twilight asked. “Replace me doing what? I mean, you’ve already got Sparkles – oh Celestia, you didn’t lose your implants again when you got turned into a bat-pony, did you?”

Tess laughed. “No, no, we’ve got Sparkles. She can only really talk to me, though, which makes her a poor choice for project manager.”

“Ah,” Twilight said.

“Of course, she’d be a pretty poor choice anyway, since Crescent is apparently her father, and neglected to mention that to anypony until you blurted it out.”

Twilight sighed. “That’s just like him.” She shook her head. “I’m glad I turned you down, then. I don’t want to go into management. I’m going to learn earth pony magic if it kills me. And then,” she said, standing up proudly, “I’m going to write it down so that nopony else has to suffer through all this stupid cryptic nonsense about how ‘earth pony magic doesn’t exist’ despite the ridiculously blatant examples I’ve seen with my own eyes!”

Tess nodded. “I feel the same way about these hooves.” Twilight glanced at her. “I’m going to figure out how to use them properly, and how to design tools to work with them. Whatever we do, we’re probably going to need to have ponies on our crew, so using stock designs that assume the user has hands is just a bad idea, even as an interim measure.”

“Speaking of hooves... I was a bit surprised to see you and Chance as night guards,” Twilight said. “It’s a big change, and I’m not sure it was really necessary. Obviously, Warp and Wolf wanted to keep a low profile, but everypony’s going to find out about you four now. I wouldn’t be surprised if Pinkie Pie was telling the story to a crowd of hundreds as we speak.”

“She’ll call us moon ponies,” Tess said, waggling her bat wings. “We’re certainly not pegasi. But it’s not as big of a change as you think – this armor comes off.” Twilight looked confused at that, so Tess spelled it out. “And when we take it off, we turn back. I’d demonstrate, but it gives me a nasty headache every time I shift.”

“Oh!” Twilight said. “That’s fascinating! Is there a unicorn version?”

Tess laughed and shook her head. “I asked the same thing!”

Comments

[Rowyn]

Twilight as an earth pony still seems very odd. I do like her reaction to her father treating it as a disability, though. It's not a disability! No one in Equestria talks about earth ponies like they're inferior to any other kind. n_n

[Phazon]

The hell? I thought Trixie and Rainbow Dash's contest ended in a tie. Why is Rainbow her assistant now? Perhaps I didn't quite understand the conditions of their bet and the results of the tie.