Chapter Eight: Mr. The Shark, The Ponies Are Here For Your 5:00 Jumping
Oh, did I mention that I made the mistake of getting on the Awesome Sky Carriage of Awesomness again? Because I did. Which was entirely my fault. I don’t know why I let this happen. But I did. And I wasn’t the only one in for a treat. Because as soon as we lifted off, I realized it was the sunniest of princesses driving this magnificent piece of magichinery. Also, props to myself for epic, on-the-spot word creation.
“No,” I muttered in absolute horror, “What have I done?!”
I could feel the magic seep out of the driver and slip into the A.S.C.A., causing the entire vessel to tremble like a muscle car ready to scare the feces out of every bird within a twenty mile radius.
Why am I so stupid? WHY!
Twilight gave me a strange look, which is all she seems to be good for, before vocalizing her confusion. “What are you on about this time?”
I turned and dived for Celestia’s forehoof in a last-ditch effort to save my already tenuous grasp on sanity.
“No, Celestia, let somepony else drive!” I begged.
She looked down at me and I swear to all that is pony, I could see the sadistic glint in her big, beautiful eye.
“I’m sorry, Stephen, but time is not a luxury that we can afford to squander,” she murmured apologetically just before magically dropping the clutch and snatching us off at breakneck speeds so intense that any normal human would have been shredded to tiny giblets by nothing but pure windshear. Cartoony durability does have its perks, at least.
“PleaaAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!”
You know you’re going WAY. TOO. FAST! … when you are experiencing an actual blue shift. When light is literally blurring in your peripherals because you’re going so fast that the photons colliding with the cones and rods in your eyes are doing so in a stretched-out pattern that makes everything look blue. Hence the name. I mean so fast that the idea of wetting yourself for comfort was passed long ago and you’ve gone straight to fetal-position happy-place ramblings in the back of the corner. I mean, I love to go fast as much as the next guy, but Celestia likes to keep it close to the ground for some damn reason, so hills and trees go from being lovely landscape to lethal obstacles. I can only handle about thirty or so close calls with collision before my mind decides it’s time to take a break in la-la land.
And I wasn’t the only one, either. Underneath all that stubborn, bookish nerdness that makes up Twilight’s outer-pony lies a tiny filly afraid of tight turns and extreme speed. So she was right there with me, screaming like a little pushover because that’s what we really are. A couple of pushovers. Afraid of Mach 20 or whatever absurd velocity we were going. Screaming like little girls. Though I’m fairly sure my scream was girlier. Why? Because I don’t settle for second place.
Deal with it.
Anyway, I could bore you with trivial details about how the trip took forever in my mind, but the fact of the matter is thus: Celestia is a pony with a time budget. The trip that took us an hour or two last time ended up taking, like… I dunno, four minutes? If that? Yeah, she was in a hurry. So suffice it to say, we got there pretty damn quickly, and just in the nick of time to avoid real tears leaking from my poor freaked out eyes.
Oh, and the Sky Archons? Storm Wing and Silverheart? Yeah, they gave zero bucks. They treated the ride like it was some pokey-old sedan getting good gas mileage on the highway. Whatever! Freaks.
“Twilight,” I whispered upon feeling the extreme turbulence die down to a halt. “Are we dead?”
Twilight shivered for a moment, staring off into her own version of la-la land.
“The P-P-Princess is a g-great… d-d… driver!” she stammered quietly.
I frowned before looking back at the rest of the ponies, “I’m calling it here, Twilight has gone nuts. We might as well leash her to the carriage and leave a book with pretty pictures for her to look at while we’re gone.”
“Shut up, Firewall,” Storm Wing huffed impatiently before reaching a hoof over to poke Twilight’s side. When the first poke didn’t render a response, he poked again. Only a little more energetically. And by energetically, I mean he spiced it with some pegasus voodoo, giving Twilight a gentle joy-buzzering.
“Eee!” she squealed in protest, the shock bringing her out of the stupor that had taken hold. “I… Where are we?”
“We’re here, Sunshine,” I pointed out, gesturing at the castle in the distance. “Great things await us!”
Twilight gaped a bit and I could see her eyes lose a bit of focus as memories both heart-warming and bone-chilling began to resurface. “Oh.”
“Twilight, do you want to stay behind?” Celestia asked almost hopefully, likely in an attempt to cash in on Twilight’s emotional rush.
That shook her out of her memory-drenched stupor.
“Oh, n-no, Princess,” she replied.
Celestia hesitated just a moment, likely unsure whether or not she should press the issue. I could tell that deep down she knew Twilight could handle herself, but she didn’t really have this burning desire to toss her faithful student into harm’s way.
Which I don’t get at all. There have been plenty of times that I’ve had the desire to toss Twilight in front of a speeding Sky Archon. Flying books comes to mind, y’know?
Well, to make a long story short, we gabbed it up as we made our way to what I could assume to be the palace… Or what was left of it. Ruins, y’know? Anyway, we had touched down just outside the atrium, so disembarking meant we didn’t have to go far. I felt a slight nagging sensation as the A.S.C.A. ascended all on its own and flew off. Personalized valet parking. So jelly.
“Are we the first ones here?” I asked, looking around to see nopony but us.
“They’re either not here yet or perhaps they are already in the Council Room,” Celestia readily supplied as she made her way towards the central building.
“Or lying in wait to ambush us. That’s always an option,” Silverheart said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Aren’t you cheerful.” Twilight dryly laughed a bit as we all followed Celestia inside.
“She’s about as cheerful as an irritated basilisk. That’s why she’s my Artillery partner,” Storm Wing acknowledged with a smirk as we crossed the atrium and entered into what I was pretty sure was the Council Room, which was surprisingly still in fairly good shape despite its age. It was a large dome building with a long rectangular table in its center and an entrance at every compass point. There were spots specifically shaped to hold cushions for ponies to sit on and though there were no cushions at the time, having a pair of powerful magic ponies makes that an easily overcome obstacle. And by easily overcome, I mean Twilight and Celestia went about flying smack in the face of the Laws of Conservation by creating new matter in the shape of cotton-filled silk pillows for us to rest our pastel-colored bottoms upon. After all the tablespaces were properly cushioned, we all took our seats. For those of you that simply MUST know, the order from left to right was Silverheart, Celestia, Storm Wing, myself, then Twilight.
“So uh... How long will we have to wait?” I asked, getting fidgety after the first few minutes.
“Not long at all, my silly admirer!”
I heard Trixie’s voice and instantly perked up with a huge smile as she sauntered into the Council Room from the same entrance we had made use of.
“Trixie!” I threw up my hooves happily.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie!” she stated firmly, crossing her hooves and holding her head up proudly before noticing the pony sitting beside me. “YOU! You’re that second-rate unicorn that tried to show me up at that backwater hamlet!”
Twilight rolled her eyes before glaring right back, suddenly not so happy she had come along after all. I could tell she was biting her tongue. She and Trixie didn’t get along. People make all these Twixie ships, and while there may have been a flankload of tension between the two of them, there was not a damned thing romantic about it. I felt like I was going to catch on fire and then explode (TWICE!) from being on the sideline of those two glares.
That was when we heard the hoofsteps of an incoming pony. They were loud. As in, heavy-loud.
Only one pony came to mind when I thought of incredibly heavy ponies. And I had no idea what his name was.
“Is it about to get chilly in here or is it just me?” I asked, leaning over to glance over at Storm Wing. I could tell by that pissed off glare of his that he was thinking the same thing I was.
As the hoofsteps got closer they became even louder and out of the North entrance behind Trixie came the largest pony I had ever seen. It didn’t take me long to recognize the monster that had tried to get in our way before when we had come to fight The Nightmare off Luna. The Hoofy Blue Giant, I call him, among many, many other things. He still bore the same black plate and chainmail armor with a helmet that covered his head and mane completely, showing only a pair of blue, glowing eyes that seemed to have a terminal case of resting-bitch-face. Quite possibly the most uncuddly-looking pony to have ever existed. It’s not like you can cuddle something that cold and… big. Because damn, he was big. Hell, even his wings were up there with Celestia’s in terms of magnitude. Nothing about this pony said ‘Oh hey, kids! Let’s have peaceful negotiations and then skip home together as we hold hooves!’ but rather, everything about him screamed something along the lines of ‘These negotiations will actually be beatings and they will involve both you and those you love.’
And I object to those kinds of negotiations.
“You,” Storm Wing seethed, not even slightly happy to see this familiar face show up.
I just do what I always did and made fun of him.
“That’s Frosty the Snow-Pegasus. He got in the way of us when we went to save Luna. Don’t make him mad, he might make a squeaky chew toy out of you. And that would be a big waste of your potential,” I whispered over to Twilight, who snickered despite herself.
“Are you Azure Flora?” Silverheart asked, smirking a bit, “Because if you are, I’m going to need to excuse myself long enough to laugh at your name, big guy.”
Celestia gave Silverheart and I an impatient pair of glances to the two of us but said nothing.
“Of course that’s not Azure Flora, you foal!” Trixie snapped irritably as a second set of hoofsteps belied a second pony entering, these much more soft.
That’s when we saw the villainous Azure Flora. If I had been taking a drink of tea or something, I would have spewed it everywhere with a double take. My jaw almost fell off as I looked at our so-called conqueror. I was not impressed, or rather, I was, but more by just how nonthreatening she looked. She was just a hair shorter than Trixie and a whole lot less intimidating in terms of hostile demeanor. In fact, she was downright timid. She was an Earth Pony with a white coat and a royal blue tail and mane. She looked about as fierce as Fluttershy, in all honesty. Even her brown saddle bags looked like a couple of dainty young women's purses.
“You’re kidding,” I murmured over to Storm Wing as both Azure Flora and her bodyguard (bodypony? ponyguard? You get the idea!) as the two of them walked toward their seats beside Trixie, just across from us, “That’s Azure Flora? I guess we’d be screwed if this were a cuddling competition. Well, you might be, anyway. My cuddle game’s still pretty solid, b-...”
“Where?” Storm Wing’s visage pulled away from The Frosty Mammoth and cast about as though he were trying to find what I was referring to, “All I sense is Trixie and that big guard that I have a score to settle with.”
Celestia, Twilight, and myself all looked at him as though he were blind! Which was not only reasonable, but it was a great set-up for another jibe at Storm Wing’s expense. Haha! He is quite blind. Oh, my sides. Moving along.
“Dude, she’s right there,” I murmured as the second-most non-threatening pony I’d ever seen continued her patient gait to the open space between Trixie and the icy Hulk pony. Fluttershy was definitely still in first place for that title, but there was definitely not a huge margin between the two.
Celestia said nothing, but still arched an eyebrow our way. The visible one, naturally. Yes, I know it’s not always hidden, but she spends enough time using one eye that she has to be able to function without depth perception by now.
“She’s standing just behind Trixie, Captain,” Twilight leaned over to inform him, “You don’t sense her?”
“No,” he shook his head, “I see nothing but those two.”
“Technically, you don’t see at a-,” I started to point out before having to adeptly dodging Twilight’s Rebuking Hoof™, “Hah!”
“Firewall, if you cannot act maturely during grave matters, then I will send you back to the castle,” Celestia warned, not in the mood for shenanigans.
“I... Yes, I’m sorry,” I sighed, reminding myself that this situation wasn’t a joke. A big part of me wanted to whine about how I didn’t actually make Twilight swing at me, so it was totally her fault, but that part of me needed to shut the hell up for once. This might end up being super duper serious and I needed to regard it that way.
“We welcome you, Miss Azure Flora, I presume?” Twilight offered, allowing the newcomer a chance to introduce herself.
The pony in question went to respond but was interrupted by the best of ponies.
“I’m surprised you had the nerve to show yourselves!” Trixie chortled pridefully.
“Please, Trixie, do not antagonize them,” the white pony gently commanded, her voice quiet and pleading.
“I... … Very well, pardon The Great And Powerful Trixie’s outburst,” Trixie looked as though she were going to be sick, having forced herself into an apology, “Let us begin.”
“Agreed,” Celestia agreed agreeably (I agree, that was an excess of agreement.) as we all sat up and paid attention. “I’m glad you’re willing to negotiate peacefully. I am Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria.”
“I am Azure Flora. Nothing more,” she replied humbly, “Forgive the impunity, Princess, but Equestria is in danger from a lurking threat. One that I am sure you are unaware of, at least in part.”
“I see,” Celestia nodded, seemingly taking Flora’s words very seriously. “And where did you learn of this threat?”
“I’ve seen it before,” she murmured, looking down, “This is not the first time this has happened, and I... I think you know that already, your highness.”
That led to an awkward pause. For a good several seconds, no one said anything. We were all pretty content to let the big ponies talk.
“Suppose that I don’t,” Celestia finally countered, her visage fading into slight confusion, “How would you convince me of this threat?”
“Your majesty, there is no proof I could offer. That is why I was preparing to fight for this cause. I... I can not let history repeat itself.” She looked back up at all of us, having steeled herself in determination. “I will not fail.”
“What is this history?” I asked, listening very closely.
She flinched. Visibly. And we all noticed. She then looked at me and frowned sadly. “You are not the first outsider to have come to Equestria.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” I chuckled in response.
And then $*#&@!ING BRAIN FREEZE FROM HELL. Naturally, this is right where everyone’s attention turns to me and all I can do is breathlessly whimper at the sudden lance of icy pain in my head. Obviously my coolest moment ever. Totes obvs.
“You… What?” Twilight poked my shoulder or whatever the pony equivalent is called before taking notice that I wasn’t in the best of sorts. “Firewall, are… you alright?”
“He is not,” Flora piped up, drawing the majority of the attention back on herself. “And it’s his fault for speaking without thinking.”
“He does that a lot.” I’m not sure which pegasus said that, but I was going to kick their plot up past their mane once I recovered from this.
“You see, Firewall, as you call him, is from a different world. And while he has been honest about that, there have been others that were here before him. Some of which he’s already met. I’d ask him to confirm that, but he’s under coercion to avoid doing just that. I’m sure any of you that have spent any amount of time with him may have noticed this happening before.”
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!
Yeah, that sound didn’t actually play or anything, but if it had, it would have been super appropriate apropos the situation. After overcoming the headhurt, I checked the others to gauge their reactions. Surprisingly enough, they weren’t all gawking at me, but rather, they all seemed to be lost in varying levels of contemplation as though they were all trying to remember the last time I had brain freeze around them.
“How do you know this?” Twilight spoke up, breaking the tense moment of silence.
Azure Flora frowned a bit before sighing somewhat, “His being here in Equestria is no accident. But his current situation is.”
“Wait, what part of my situation in an accident?” I asked, still rubbing the side of my head for comfort.
“The one where you’re able to exercise, for the most part, free will.”
“Oh,” I responded, a little taken back, “Glad somebody botched that part up.”
“I’m not,” Storm Wing muttered under his breath.
Screw him. ( S.C.S.W.C.: 8 )
“The last visitor to Equestria vanished over a thousand years ago, Azure Flora. That was part of the agreement.” Celestia interrupted, completely distracting me from retorting to Captain Flankface.
Everyone’s mind was blown. Like super blown. Even Azure Flora was fairly shocked at this revelation. Actually, scratch that. Ice Mammoth was pretty chill about the whole thing. Then again, he had not even blinked since he took his place at the table, so I’m fairly certain he doesn’t count.
“The agreement?” Trixie repeated, her coolness temporarily offset by curiosity.
“This isn’t news to you, then?” I leaned around Storm Wing to look at HRM. “Anything else you wanna operationally blast our perceptions of reality with while we’re dumping everything out on the table, Princess?”
“I will explain later,” she promised, never letting her eye waver from Azure Flora, “So I was right when I thought I had recognized you. I never forget one of my little ponies. You were a gardener then. You made floral arrangements.”
“Yes.” She gave a nod.
“So wait, you’re over a thousand years old!” I pointed an armored hoof at Flora.
“I am,” she confirmed.
“You were there when Luna became Nightmare Moon!” Twilight emulated my gasp. I admit, hers was cooler. That’s what you get when you’re competing with O.P. Sparkle, I suppose. BUT DAMN IT, MY SCREAMS ARE GIRLIER!
“Did you see what happened?” she pried.
“I did.” These two-word answers were getting pretty silly.
I almost wanted to ask her something silly, such as if she had ever dressed up in a colt’s suit or something. Just to throw her off, y’know? I didn’t, though. The tension was so thick here, you could have cut a book-shaped chunk out of it and bludgeon somepony senseless with it. So, I was definitely not going to find out just how quickly I could get magic’d the hell out of there by shattering the heavy mood.
“What happened the day The Nightmare was defeated? What happened to Winter Sky?” Storm Wing slammed his hooves on the table, “You were there, weren’t you?!”
“I was,” she nodded, looking to Celestia, “Shall I tell him, Princess?”
“All will be explained in time, Everypony. Let us conclude this business and then we will all talk at length later,” Celestia looked over at me, Storm Wing and Twilight. We all promptly shut the front do... err... We hushed. “Now, Azure Flora, your terms stated that Stephen had to be present. Why?”
“Because we need him removed from Equestria. As you may already know, The Nightmare is after him and his power. But not only that, but he also has the ability to create this,” she finally reached into her saddle bags and tossed a fist-sized ball of metal onto the table. Trixie glowered at it initially, but slowly became more at ease as it rolled from her and more towards us.
“Inmanipulon,” Twilight gasped, her eyes widening. “And a lot of it!”
Azure Flora glanced at Twilight, her expression bemused. “That’s an… oddly fitting name for it, I suppose.”
I wouldn’t have cared about that line if Twilight didn’t feel it was a good time to shoot me the biggest, shit-eatingest, I-told-you-soest grin she could manage.
“I still say it’s a stupid name!” I harumph’d.
“I’ve always just called it Anti-Magic,” Azure Flora continued, ignoring the side-line shenanigans between us unicorns. “It is a dangerous, malleable substance. It can be metal, it can be wood, it can be sand, and it can even be liquid. In fact, there is very little that it can’t be,” she explained, staring at it with a hint of malice. “Whatever the shape or state it is in, it is dangerous. Not only to ponies, but to the very fundamentals that Equestria’s reality is built upon. Short-term exposure has minor effects that are often ignorable and easily cured. Longer term effects, however, can be far more dire. Mine was the loss of my mortality. I… can no longer age. But also… I am immune to magic. So much so that… I even… lost my talent.”
You ever see the color drain out of a pony’s face? Well, I have. And it’s a little off-putting. But yeah, everypony else in the room seemed to be a little aghast. And then it hit me why.
“I… Dude,” I sat up a little, letting her words sink in, “You haven’t been able to do… y’know… The things you love to do anymore.”
She paused. She didn’t look at me, but when she went to respond, her voice cracked a little bit, causing her to clam right up and swallow hard. It was brutal, her quiet confirmation was. Downright heart-crushing, even. I mean, it struck a chord with me the moment I realized the significance of what she said, losing something so fundamental to your being that your life is never the same again was something I could relate to. But after glancing at the others, I realized it sure as hell unsettled them even more. It was just downright nightmare fuel for the ponies: The idea of one’s cutiemark and special talent just falling apart like that.
You’ve got to understand, the ponies have a pretty good thing going for them. They’re all incredibly talented and their incredible talents make them happy. We all titter at the adorable Cutie-Mark Crusaders, but they’re on a mission for a reason. Cutie marks aren’t just an obvious clue into a brilliant talent. They’re a pony’s calling. Their rite of passage. It’s the rise to adulthood, a college graduation, their one true love, and bar mitzvah all wrapped into one. This not only makes them happy, it makes them complete. And the idea of becoming incomplete, even to me, is harrowing. So I could only imagine how they were taking it.
I wanted to do something like say how sorry I was for her, but it wasn’t going to help and she probably didn’t want to think about it overmuch anyway. So I tried getting us back on subject.
“So… This ball of suck...” I pointed at the eerily dull metal ball of Inmanipulon. “I can make this stuff?”
“Yes,” she answered right away, happy to get off of the doubtlessly painful subject of her lost talent. “And quite a lot of it.”
“Now, this doesn’t sound like something I want to do.” I gave a soft cough before leaning up on my hindquarters and shrugging. “So how do I avoid making it?”
She still didn’t look at me. “I don’t know.”
“That’s… That’s super helpful,” I groaned, dropping my face into a hoof. “What do you know?”
“I know you’re a danger, human,” she replied, still very intentionally keeping her vision off of me. “I know you mean well, but eventually, on a long enough timeline, you’re going to be part of the next major cataclysmic event in Equestria. And I won’t let history repeat itself.”
SEE! I TOLD YOU ALL, IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT ME!
“What does history have to do with this?” Twilight asked, cutting a skeptical glance Azure Flora’s way.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t Azure Flora that answered. But rather, it was Celestia.
“The Everfree Forest was once known for being a pony’s paradise,” she said, her gaze becoming unfocused as she began to elaborate her recollection. “Its original namesake actually came from the fact that the Everfree Forest afforded a pony freedom from the rigors of hard work and unnecessary toil. It provided the ponies with everything they needed, from shelter to food to clean water, and even protected my little ponies from danger. It was my dream to eventually grow the Forest out over the entirety of Equestria and create a perpetual paradise. But it failed when The Nightmare took Luna and the Outsider was forced to help me and Winter Sky defeat her. His methods, while effective, had… terrible consequences.”
“The Everfree Forest reacted horribly to the material you know as Inmanipulon,” Azure Flora cut in. “It no longer recognized us ponies as charges to protect, but rather, it saw us as intruders. The horrible truth is that this forest once lived up to its ghastly reputation, and still does at least to a very diluted degree. I’m all but certain that only a few more centuries need pass before it becomes completely safe for ponies once again. And I plan on living to see it happen, but that will only come to pass if the human goes home.”
I was flabbergasted! My jaw was in a constant state of being hung wide open! I had that feeling, something gnawing at me that me being here was bad. I felt it as soon as I had woken up in the middle of Town Square. I had run to Twilight to see if it was true or if I was just being paranoid. Yet here it was, an ancient Earth Pony staring me down, telling me that history was just going to repeat a tragic event, and only because I was just sitting around, polluting the air with some dreaded side-effect that I had no idea how to control.
“Wait,” Twilight interjected, rubbing just under her horn with a hoof as though she were having trouble processing what was being told. “If he’s shedding Inmanipulon so badly, then why is he able to use magic? And what causes it to appear? What reaction takes place that c-...”
“I don’t know! I just know something about him, or perhaps the world the Outsiders come from stagnates magic!” she cried out suddenly, shaking her head in frustration. “What frustrates me the most is how it’s inconsistent with you. The crater you left from being summoned here was covered in the substance! Yet you’ve been here for days and I’ve not been able to find a speck elsewhere!”
“But that’s a good thing, right?” Silverheart offered, “I mean, we don’t need to jump to conclusions about what has to be done to Firewall. Judging by how little you do know, it would be a little ridiculous to simply assume the worst will happen. Though I’m all for you carting him off.”
Storm Wing nodded. “Seconded.”
“You guys both suck.” I felt they needed to know that.
In an adorable show of endearing fury, Flora slammed her hoof on the table (which created almost zero sound) before bellowing at us with all the fury of an indignant butterly. “I’m not waiting for more to appear! This castle, or rather, what’s left of it, is proof enough that even a grand city such as the one that once surrounded the former capital can not weather the effects of your entropic aura! You have to leave, Firewall. And if you don’t... I... I’ll make you leave. He’s already spoken to you, so you know this isn’t some trick. You knew this was coming.”
You know those shocked looks we were all tossing at Celestia? Yeah, suddenly I was on the receiving end of all that nonsense. Not that I am unaccustomed to ponies looking absolutely baffled when I’m around.
“I have my orders and they will be carried out,” she continued, “and he told me to beg you for your cooperation. But I do not plan to beg. I will give you one chance to come willingly, Firewall, so we can prevent another calamity as quickly as possible. But do not misunderstand me, regardless of whatever you decide, you will be coming with us.”
I paused, a little taken back by the implications of her thinly veiled threat. Still, she felt she had a reason to believe everything was saying. Hell, she was there. Why wouldn’t she have a reason to believe what she saw? Maybe she was right. Maybe humans + ponies = disaster. Just not for the entirely misanthropic reasons that we might assume. And as crazy as this might seem, I believed her. Hell, David, the voice in my head, told me I was part of the bargain. And while I may mistrust him, I had no reason to believe he meant any ill will.
“Okay, I guess. So... How do I get home?” I swallowed, idly running a hoof over the table just to busy some part of me. Distracting oneself, if you would.
That certainly wasn’t what everypony was expecting to hear.
“Firewall...” Twilight looked almost betrayed.
I hung my head a little. “Listen, I don’t wa-...”
“Shut up, Firewall,” Storm Wing snapped at me before turning his head across the table and glaring with all the menacing fury a blind pony could muster. “Listen, I’m sorry, but I missed the part where this stopped being a negotiation and started being a list of demands.”
“First of all, it isn’t much of a list if we’re only demanding one thing. Second, we are negotiating for the safe transfer of Fireball into our care,” Trixie harumphed (Trixie wants me! Yay!). “I, The Great and Powerful Trixie, thought this sort of thing is standard fare for typical negotiations.”
“Yeah, sure,” Silverheart countered with a shrug of the wings. “Typical negotiations. Except we missed the part where we discuss the value of what’s being negotiated, then we forgot to talk about the importance and relevance of the negotiations, and then, somehow, we completely glossed over the part where we come to agreeable terms. But other than that, yeah, typical negotiations.”
“The value is us saving Equestria’s future!” Flora cried out, seemingly shocked that things were not going to plan. “Why are these terms not agreeable?”
“Because we have no reason to believe you!” Twilight snapped, “You yourself admitted that Firewall’s perceived threat to Equestria isn’t even remotely consistent with what you know.”
Azure Flora sputtered for a moment before finally throwing her gaze back to Celestia. “Is that how you feel, Princess Celestia? Are you willing to take this chance?”
Celestia stared long and hard at the questioning anti-threat pony before lowering her gaze to the table between us all. I watched as her eye scanned over its cracked and damaged surface, as though it were a representing reminder for the past that she had struggled to forget. The same past that Blue Flower, or whatever the name was trying to prevent.
After a long, deep breath, she redirected her gaze back to the other end of the table. “Allow me to answer your question with another question. What kind of a ruler would I be if I let fear and caution rule in my stead?”
And Celestia with the logic spike to the face! Praise be. This turn of events was not what the other side of the table wanted to hear, however. I mean, the situation went from tense argument to steam-pressure-rising, boilers-about-to-blow, bypass-all-do-not-blow-the-buck-up-out-of-the-opposition safeguards. Ice pony began to freeze up from what I can only guess would be him standing still for too long, Trixie started glancing at all of us like a Mexican standoff participant, and Azure Flora went from looking completely non-threatening to might-could-stamp-out-ladybug-with-her-rage. It couldn’t have been more telegraphed, really. So naturally this was where I leaned over to Twilight and whispered…
“This is where the fertilizer hits the oscillating wind-motor.”
And you know what, I was right. Unfortunately, Twilight had ZERO clue as to what I meant by that and was sadly unprepared for the angry retaliation of the bad-guy side of the table.
Without so much as much as a second of delay, the ball of anti-magic schtuff suddenly split off into a handful of, and I kid you not, reins complete with bits. Twilight, being slow on the draw, got herself a mouthful of anti-magic ball gag, as did Silverheart. I was, thankfully, prepared enough to flail myself out of the way with moments to spare and Storm Wing’s… Well, his ninja pony training came in handy and he dodged. NOT EVEN CLOSE, BABY!
Celestia did what Celestia does and simply OVERPOWERED THAT TRASH LIKE A BOSS. Seriously, it evaporated before it ever even touched her face and she didn’t even have to blink to get it done.
“Well, that concludes negotiations,” Silverheart snipped before whipping the reins around her head and tearing them off like tissue paper. “Thanks for coming, everypony, let’s never do this again!”
Storm Wing didn’t snark so much, but he did kick the table over onto them, so that was cool, too. It didn’t get far before being wholly smashed into powder by Super Frost over there, which did great things for visibility. Nothing like a thick layer of crushed concrete to muddy things up.
AND THEN THERE WAS TRIXIE SHOOTING LIGHTNING AT ME; THAT WAS A THING.
The only reason I could tell it was Trixie was because of her awesome laughter piercing the fog-like cloud of dust.
“You should have just given yourself up, silly fan of mine.”
“But you’re bad guys!” I whined. “And that’s just not how these things go.”
Through the murky haze, I could see the big frosty pegasus lunge for me, flying like a rocket. He never made it to me, though, thanks to Storm Wing diving into him and using the good ol’ taser hoof. Which, I gotta say, is a hell of a lot funnier when it’s not used on me.
Trixie shot another bolt at me, but Celestia deflected it with a bit of her own magic as Silverheart reared up, flapping her wings and slamming back down to send a gust forth that shoved Trixie back, though Flora’s hair didn’t even get ruffled by the wind. I decided I wasn’t going to wait for something else to attack me and began to rush at Azure Flora. She wasn’t far away and thus I was on her in an instant. When her eyes widened and she fell back out of instinct, throwing her hooves up to protect herself, I lost my nerve. I felt so small when I heard her whimper, and it was like letting the air out of a fight-balloon. She was just another little pony, having been frightened into action.
“Please,” I said, frowning at her, “Just... come with us. We can work this out. I don’t want to hurt anypony.”
For a moment, she looked as though she would comply, but after contemplating, she looked at me with resolve once again.
“Neither did he!” she cried, jumping up and dashing for the exit behind her. I started to chase her, but she haphazardly bucked at me as she screamed for help.
Spurred to action, the frosty stallion finally threw Storm Wing off his back and froze one of his hooves to the floor before dashing after her. He was faster than I thought was possible on the ground because I had to roll out of his way as he thundered by. He called out to Trixie as he passed her, his voice cold and hoarse (That pun was totally intended! Lawl cold horse.), “Trixie. Retreat.”
“The Great And Powerful Trixie does not retreat! She merely allows her opponents to live in fear of her retribution!” she snarled before disappearing in another wink. The cold pony literally closed the path behind him with a wall of ice.
“C’mon!” I shouted, burning the ice down as Storm finally freed his hoof, “Azure Flora has to escape on foot, er... hoof! Remember? She can’t be affected by magic!”
Silverheart and Storm Wing nearly ran me over as they flew out the exit. Celestia paused to look back at Twilight who was having the worst time ever trying to tear off the bridle on her face. I tried not to laugh at her.
“Will you...” she started to ask before being interrupted.
“Yes, I’ll be fine! Hurry, this might be our only chance,” Twilight protested. “I’ll get back to Ponyville and get this dumb thing off of me. Quick, go catch her!”
With that, we bolted out into the ruins of the Courtyard as Celestia whistled loudly, calling in an airlift via the A.S.C.A. (Yes, the Awesome Sky Carriage of Awesomeness™). We hopped on without it ever stopping and took off after them. Shocking as this was, we actually were struggling to catch up to them. Turns out Frosty the Ice Pony was a fast flier, despite that huge frame of his. In fact, the only reason we were able to gain ground was likely due to the fact that he was having to carry Azure Flora. So much for travelling by hoof!
I was wondering where Silverheart and Storm Wing were when they suddenly shot out of a nearby cloud and team-tackled our quarry. They fought to ground him and in the struggle, Azure Flora slipped loose and began to fall. I’m glad Celestia was quick on the turn and had the kind soul to help her enemy, because it would have traumatized me to see anything bad happen to her, misguided as she was.
We went in for a pass and to my shock, Celestia had totally mistimed the catch. Once again, my gut reaction was to jump an unsafe distance to save somepony. My aim was significantly better, fortunately and I repeated the same trick I had done to save Luna. Luckily, the armor took the worst of the hit, but that still didn’t mean it felt good!
We landed in a large clearing just outside of the forest’s edge. I didn’t recognize it as any place significant, though I do remember spotting a few red buttes in the distance, so I figured we weren’t far from the railroad tracks that led to Appleloosa.
“This is becoming... a terrible theme. Next falling pony gets... to take one for the team,” I groaned as I held onto the frightened pony, “You okay?”
“Y... Yes,” she was shivering, scared out of her mind. It didn’t take her long to realize that she was still in trouble and with that realization in mind, she hoofed me right in my damn face before jumping up and sprinting away. Gratitude at its finest.
“Trixie!” she called out, “Help!”
The magician pony appeared with a puff and confidently put herself between me and Flora.
“Trixie,” I warned, seriously conflicted deep within, Lafter and Stoic waging war over whether or not to remove the silly pony as an obstacle, “Get out of the way or you will regret it.”
Trixie laughed, throwing back her luxurious sky-blue mane, “You think The Great and Powerful Trixie would soil her lovely hooves fighting you foals?! The idea is laughable! This negotiation was doomed from the start! But Trixie is kind and therefore, she will leave you a parting gift! It’s my favorite pet! Don’t forget to feed it, LOSERS!”
With that, Trixie’s horn glowed brightly. Like, Twilight “OP” Sparkle bright. Which is extremely bright in first person. Trust me when I say they’re dimming that down a whole lot in the show, because this had all of us (sans Storm Wing, -10 points if you can’t guess why) squinting as though Celestia had scooted the sun a few million miles closer. What came next, I didn’t see coming at me in the least. A black thunderous portal had appeared above us all, unbelievably large and only getting wider. I didn’t think twice when I noticed something starting to come through it, I just ran. I wasn’t the only smart one since everypony made way for whatever was manifesting up in that thing. Even the battling pegasi had broken it up to give whatever was coming plenty of space.
It was big. It was purple. It was kinda glowy and transparent. It was a full-grown Ursa Major. It landed behind us as we continued to haul tail and shook the ground with an impossibly loud roar. My teeth vibrated like I had bit down on a lawn mower engine (not that I’ve actually done that, I just figure it would be as intense as that.) as the sheer volume caused us all to tremble involuntarily.
I looked over my shoulder and chuckled nervously as I channelled a bit of Fluttershy, “Heezabare!”
“I’m sorry. I did not want this,” Azure Flora called out as she looked at us with a sad but resigned visage, sighing remorsefully, “but I must. Equestria is in danger.”
With that, she dumped out both her bags of Inmanipulon and waved a hoof, creating an immensely huge metal cage around us, boxing us in with the Ursa Major.
“Curses,” Celestia spat angrily (at first I was like ‘Curses? Really?’ but after thinking about it, what was she supposed to say? ‘By my beard!’ or ‘Oh me damn it!’) as she tried to dispel the conjuration. “How did she get so much!?”
Azure Flora gazed at us sadly. It was obvious she did not enjoy these drastic measures. That sure as hell didn’t make me like her any more at the moment, but to her credit, she was taking no pleasure in this. Trixie laughed, poofing away as the icy pegasus flew off with Azure in tow. Typical villains! Just assume your traps defeated the Hero! To their credit, however, I sure-as-sugar wasn’t betting on our survival either.
“Great, so we’re in a box with a bear big enough to beat an ancient dragon into the dirt. No, I’m cool with this,” I said offhand, shaking my head in frustration, “So we just gotta trash the two-hundred foot tall bear and then we’ll have all the time we need to figure this out, right?! Storm Wing, you get on that. Silverheart, hold me as I whimper.”
Silverheart didn’t hold me. She hit me in the shoulder instead. I wasn’t comforted by that in the least, however. In fact, I was hurt. Not just my feelings either. She’s got quite an arm... Leg... Hoof? Whatever.
“Shut up,” she said quite simply as the Ursa began making its way to us.
She was right, naturally. I just often faced my fears with nonchalance to trick myself into not freaking out. A small voice inside was telling me that this was a perfectly justifiable freak-out moment, and another part of me was agreeing with it. Just to paint this little scene, we were four ponies trapped in a cage about the size of the Colosseum in Rome with an ill-tempered Ursa Major. The comparison in size alone was staggering, as I was able to see just the barest hint of atmospheric fade. Shadow of the Colossus did not prepare me for this in the least. It was like four little frogs versus a fully grown adult human. Don’t bet your money on the frogs, right?
Just a thought. This is where a commercial would go if this were an episode. Much to my displeasure, though, this was really happening.
“What do we do, princess?” Storm Wing asked, his mane and hooves starting to crackle with power. Silverheart swallowed a bit, obviously intimidated but still holding her cool. I did what I do best: Light a cigarette and play it cool. Cool involving getting ready to wrap a blindfold around my eyes so I don’t tense up too much.
Celestia glared at the cage, then back at the Ursa Major before uttering the most unlikely words I’d ever heard from the pony princess. “We fight. Buy me as much time as you can, ponies. Just be safe.”
All hesitation and second thoughts were instantly dispelled. I looked at Silverheart and Storm Wing, both of which nodded and began to paw at the ground before charging the incredibly huge bear. I looked back at her, smirking as I resigned myself to what I figured would probably be my last day as a pony. Then I took off as well, snorting flame and kicking up fiery chunks of dirt in my wake.
“BEST. TIME OF MY LIFE. PERIOD!” I screamed like a lunatic as we began to close distance. It wasn’t going to take very long, mostly because anything that size can haul big bear butt when it wants to.
Storm Wing took off into the sky, falling back as Silverheart slipped in front, taking flight ahead of him. Ever see two Sky Archons work in tandem? Okay, stupid question. Ever imagine what two pegasi could do when working in tandem? I have. I was grossly underestimating their potential. Silverheart stopped advancing as Storm Wing took to higher altitudes. She began to loop rapidly, swirling the air about betwixt Storm Wing and the Ursa, which was still getting dangerously close to us.
I wasn’t sure what they were going for, but I didn’t like the fact that the Ursa was raising a paw to swat Silverheart out of the sky. So I stopped just under her and I inhaled. When I say I inhaled, I mean I burned nearly an inch off that cigarette sucking in as air much as I could hold. Just before it could swing, I let loose enough fire that it yanked its paw back, quite singed from my little outburst. That little escapade took a lot out of me. The second worst part? I’d received worse burns from roman candles in comparison. The absolute worst part? The damage seemed to fade away after a few seconds.
“Yey, I’m helping~!” I laughed sadly at how much effort I had put into causing a temporary annoyance at best.
Fact was, I was actually helping a lot, I just didn’t know it at the time. When Storm Wing finally got enough altitude, he turned and began to dive at Silverheart, whom had actually been forming a storm cloud. A small, concentrated thundering little beast of a cloud. It shot lightning and everything. Craziest thing I’d ever seen? Not by a long shot. But still quite mind blowing.
“Get’m, Storm!” Silverheart cheered as she veered off at the last second, releasing the cloud. Storm Wing punched straight through it and sucked up every last bit of that lightning and thunder, ripping it right out of the cloud and dragging it with him.
I’ve been to concerts that wish they were as loud as the impact between Storm Wing and the Ursa Major. I actually had to clap my hooves over my ears to avoid being deafened. He connected with it right in the shoulder, literally knocking it back and into the air for just half a second. Bears are not used to getting knocked around, thus I can assume that Ursa Majors experience such sensations with even less frequency. It roared and thrashed for a moment as the electricity coursed throughout it before shaking its head, somewhat dumbfounded that it had just been booted into the air by such a small opponent.
“That should have put it down!” Silverheart protested, not believing her eyes.
“It’s magically protected,” Celestia’s eyes were shut as her horn flashed over and over, “I’m still trying to dispel them all!”
Now, I’m not an incredibly fair fighter. I mean, when I get into fights, it’s not for fun. It’s because something huge is on the line and it’s gone far enough that I’m willing to do whatever it takes for that something. Celestia’s life, Silverheart’s life, my life? Those were important. Oh, yeah, and that other jackpony. What I’m getting at was that I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for it to get back up as a go-ahead to attack. I just galloped up and starting roaring fire at whatever part I could reach.
Ursa Major’s response? Roll over on me. You’ve no idea how incredibly stupid I felt as that stupid bear’s fat butt began to roll my way, going way faster than anything I could have done to escape. So I decided against escaping and tried to fight the tide of purple starry fur rolling my way by rearing up and slamming down, creating a pillar of fire around myself. Remember that whole, ‘expect it and you get it’ trick? Yeah, I owe Luna so much for that.
It brushed against the pillar before roaring again and throwing itself in the other direction. Storm Wing and Silverheart began to roll up another Stormy-Silver-Combo-Thing when the bear finally got back to its feet and spotted them. It wasn’t going to make it in time to stop them, so it just decided to scrape up a pawful of dirt (to us, it was like ripping up a small hill) and chucking it at Silverheart, who barely managed to dodge the worst of it. A bit of debris caught her in the wing, however and she went down, roughly skidding along to a halt, crying out upon impact.
“Man, just go away!” I shouted before breathing more fire at its foot, causing it to roar angrily before turning at me in earnest. It tried to stomp on my sorry plot but uh... I just burned that foot, too. I didn’t know what else to do and I’ll be damned if it didn’t work!
Storm Wing collided with its face, though without the storm cloud, it wasn’t nearly as effective. It roared and swatted at him a few times, driving him away as I spat a fireball (Expect it! Ole~! I expect you to disappear, Ursa Major! (No, that didn’t work, sadly!)) at its face.
“Finally!” Celestia cried out triumphantly as she shot a ray from her horn at the Ursa Major. It hit (like you could miss something that size) it right in the nose and as soon as it did, the Ursa Major changed just a bit.
It grew armor. Not just any armor, but a very specific armor. I’d seen this armor, actually, and very recently, as a matter of fact. It was the same armor that Nightmare Moon had worn, sans the horn in the helmet.
“The Ursa is being controlled by The Nightmare!” Celestia explained, teleporting to my side. “It’s not a pony, so this has to be a spell. We just have to overcome its magic.”
Celestia tried firing another ray, but a purple mist crept forth from within the Ursa and struck the spell away.
Now, I kinda got that ‘OSHI-’ feeling when she said ‘Ursa controlled by Nightmare’ going down all over me. I kinda broke into a cold sweat even. But it was quickly replaced by more feelings of awesome as I realized something.
“The anti-magic crap!” I pointed to the bars behind the bear.
“Indeed,” she was thinking the same thing, “The Inmanipulon.”
“Storm!” I yelled up at him. When he didn’t immediately give us his attention, I spat a couple of small fireballs at him to get him. He didn’t think that was funny, but at least he looked our way.
“What are you doing, you foal! Aim at the armor-clad bear!” he scolded me.
I hated the name, but apparently I had to use it, “The stupid Inmanipulon! Push the bear into it!”
“And how are we going to do that, Genius?!” he shouted back, “Silverheart is down!”
“Ask it nicely?” I shrugged. Damn it, Fluttershy, why aren’t you here when we have a giant monster that needs to get its face told in!?
“I’ve a better idea. Firewall, why don’t you breathe some more fire?” Celestia said with a smirk, her horn began to glow, “I’ll see what I can do to help.”
I watched in confusion as a line of magic lazily drift from her horn to mine. Then, I felt it surge throughout my entire body, all at once. I don’t think there are words for what Celestia was doing to me (Use that out of context and you may be beaten and then handed to the masses.). It was like I had been plugged into a nuclear generator. Ever see ‘Meet The Medic’? Yeah, there was no way they could have made it look this awesome. I could feel heat and fire flowing from every inch of my body and it was only getting hotter. It was a rush like no other. Indescribable, to be certain. My hooves were white with heat, my entire coat and mane were blazing like the sun, and the best part was it didn’t even burn my cigarette. I looked at the bear and considered saying something snarky just to be goofy about the entire ordeal, but I just settled for spitting out the Mareboro and roaring out the largest inferno one could possibly imagine. The Ursa had to be at least half a mile away, but it made no difference because its body was not ready.
The Nightmare Ursa roared in protest as the flames washed over it. It stumbled back, badly singed all over as I began to pant heavily, stopping only to take another breath. The air was shimmering from the residual heatwave still left over from the last breath, and through it I could see it staring at me angrily, this time ready to dodge. I hesitated, unsure if I should take an uncertain shot, especially when the first had left me so lightheaded. Storm Wing was on top of it, though, flying up to lightning-blast it in the nose with a quick pass, distracting it just long enough for me to tag it with another staggering wave of flame. I heard Celestia gasp a bit. This was taking its toll on her, especially within this cage. I could relate. I was barely able to stand after that second one. I even saw those same silly sparkles that let you know you’re about to pass out.
“One more, princess,” I promised, my voice somewhat unstable and melodic with all the power coursing through me. It was obvious that such a small body was not designed to act as a conduit for so much power. The fatigue wasn’t even in my body, it was more as though my will had been drained. Like lethargy on crack or something.
“As many as it takes, Firewall,” she answered, her voice still strong. “Do not stop.”
I didn’t respond. In all actuality, I wasn’t certain I could do one more, much less anything more than that. Taking another deep breath, I spread the volley out a bit to push the Ursa back once more, putting everything I had left into it. I could tell it wasn’t as strong as the last one, and to my dismay, it wasn’t enough.
Its back brushed against the cage a bit, causing it to convulse a bit as the spell faltered somewhat. I then inhaled as hard as I could, knowing that I had to try. Try harder than I ever had. My lungs were aching from so much air (I’m sure smoking had NOTHING to do with that) filling them as I began to let it all out. Just before I did, I discovered that I couldn’t go through with it, after all. I was quaking all over just from trying to stay standing. I began to cough violently and fell to my knees.
“I’m s*cough*sorry, Princess,” I gasped out in between breaths, my eyes watering as my body ached all over.
“You did your best,” she assured me before taking flight towards the Ursa, shining like a star as she accelerated. The Ursa began to move, but Storm Wing was there again, like a bad penny, disorienting it by clapping thunder by its ears and striking amongst the face. It was like watching a fly beat a man about the head and shoulders with a small tack hammer in terms of effectiveness. Celestia took the opportunity to crash into the corrupted monster’s chest, knocking it back that last bit.
The Ursa collided with the cage, causing it to rip up out of the ground behind me as it fell over. The effect was instant, nearly, with an explosive reaction that thrust The Nightmare out of its host. The Ursa lost consciousness as The Nightmare was forced from its body, causing the vaporous fiend to scream in pain and fury. I smiled tiredly, grinning in triumph as I put more weight onto my knees(those are knees, right? Ponies have knees and not some obscure jargon for their leg joints, yes?).
“There it is, Storm Wing. Arrest that cloud,” I chuckled as I shook my head, trying to clear the adrenaline and fatigue out. I was just so tired after all of that and I wasn’t the only one. Celestia flew back lazily, landing with a shaky canter as she panted even harder than I was. We could barely stand up, we were so exhausted. I’m pretty sure the victory rush was the only thing keeping me awake.
“Not bad,” she gave a tired chuckle.
“No *cough* kidding. Eat your heart out, Trixie. We vanquished... the dreaded Ursa... Major,” I laughed a bit before falling over, fading in and out of consciousness, “Beat that.”
“Look out!” I heard Storm Wing cry out to us.
“THIS ISN’T OVER, BEAST!” I heard the furious, disembodied voice of The Nightmare echo as I felt a rush of air blowing over me.
The Nightmare dove straight for me and for a second, I could feel the weightlessness start to take hold just as it had last time. My mind was starting to get all washy, like that sensation that you get when you can’t make yourself get out of bed no matter how badly you need to. Only, like, x100. It almost made me feel ill.
“I won’t allow it!” Celestia bellowed breathlessly before quite literally tackling me back to the ground just as I started to float away. “Release him!”
“GET AWAY!” The Nightmare keened furiously.
I could hear it all and I could sorta see it. But it all sounded like it was being shouted in a large bathroom. Not far away, just… super echo-y and way out of focus.
Then I could feel my hooves started to fight back against Celestia, pushing her away. Not that I was wanting to do that or anything.
“I. WILL NOT. ALLOW IT!” Celestia cried, pinning me to the ground and shining a marvelous green light from her horn that flickered like a strobe light. The agonizing shriek that came from both around me and also my mouth was kind’ve… horrific, really. Like the stuff that people look for in their nightmare fuel fanfiction. Almost like a grown man, a little girl, and a feral beast all crying out in unison.
“THEN I WILL TAKE YOU INSTEAD!” It screamed back.
And just like that, everything snapped back into focus as the Ambiguous-as-hell cloud fluffed out of me and in immediately started in on Celestia. At first it seemed as though this plan wasn’t working. I mean, Celestia didn’t seem to react too much until suddenly her visage was overcome with strain. And just like that she started to float away.
“No!” I shouted as I flipped myself over and scrambled to my hooves.
Celestia was trying her best to fight it off, but I could tell in her weakened state, that wasn’t going to happen without help, “Celestia!!”
“Princess!” I heard Storm Wing shout as he dived down at us, “NO! Get away from her!!”
Storm Wing was just too far away, but I had a chance. The Nightmare lifted her from the ground and my horror was absolute when I failed to grab hold. My hoof actually nicked hers, the margin was so small. I felt sick as I jumped again, knowing there was no way I could have closed the widening distance. It was the single, most difficult thing I’d ever had to watch. I thought I had known fear when Rainbow Dash was being stolen from me. I thought I was afraid when I had faced down an Ursa Major with just three other ponies. But for the first time since being in Equestria, the sensation of absolute terror took hold and gripped me from within.
“At last, I am victorious!” The Nightmare laughed in total glee as more of its misty form vanished into the alicorn, “Equestria is MINE!”
The skies began to shift colors as the sun changed from a warm, beautiful yellow to a threatening dark red. Clouds swirled and formed, thundering loudly within an instant as rain and torrential winds surged forth. The armor appeared, gold and razor sharp on Celestia’s form, adorning her hooves, neck, crown, and wings. Her multi-hued mane and tail shifted and swung low, becoming blood red. She gave one final cry as she lost the battle to The Nightmare.
“CELESTIA!” Storm screamed in futility, making a line straight for her.
“No,” their voiced mixed harmoniously, chilling my blood. “Celestia no longer. I am Nightmare Sol, Ruler of Equestria. And you, Son of Winter Sky, are my subject.”
“Never!” he shouted as he closed the last bit of distance, only to be struck away with a wink of her magic.
“This... isn’t funny anymore,” I murmured softly, swallowing the horrible truth that floated down before me.
“On the contrary,” she replied with a small chuckle, turning to face me, “I’ve never felt like laughing so much in my entire existence.”
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As a pre-reader, I am only paid the weeping and gnashing of teeth of the readers. So if you're frustrated at the cliffhanger, please, be honest with how you feel. It feeds a starving artist*. Thank you.
*Disclaimer: may or may not be an actual artist
Wait, I thought this was going to be Chapter 16, not 8
OMG WHAT?!?!?!?!? I HAD A DREAM THAT MENTIONED THE NIGHTMARE
So the recent update inspired me to reread the entire fic... I've already wet myself and I saw it 15 minutes ago. No I am not ashamed of this fact. I'm a big boy and I wet myself.
I have not even read it and I can tell we have a strongbad fan when I read the description
do I detect ......TROGDOR
http://youtu.be/AoARQRCvpQU
5241471 I only got halfway to 16 before I gave up and said, "Hell, good enough." ;D
-GASP- YAY!! Another rewrite of the old chapters! I had almost given up hope on being able to continue the story due to the glaring disconnect I got trying to read the original Chapter 8 after reading the rewrite chapters before it.
ah okay. i was lost for a moment. rewrite, still waiting for the moon and also chapter 15
Cards, you magnificent bastard
...Is there any reason as to why Chapter 8 comes after Chapter 15.5?
Also:
Should be an "is".
Ok... a little confuzzled....
what's the difference between this version of TtEoAP and the original one from EQD?
I like this one, don't get me wrong, but I still have a sore spot for the old version.
You're still alive?!
Wait wait wait...
So I read this fic, enjoy it immensely and find out you hadn't updated in two years, then force myself to accept this fact.
A week later you update?! GAH Stop playing with my emotions D:
err what?
EDIT: On second thought, I'm gonna shove this into Read Later instead of keeping it in Favorites.
The story must have some changes if Ch 8 is after Ch 15.5, plus the other revisions you did that I didn't bother reading yet.
O0 an update? YESSSS
I am reeling from this rewrite suddenly being alive again. Especially as I had just reread it the other day out of nostalgia.
5241634
People who read the old version voted to have ch 15 written here if I recall correctly. I don't know why, since it's been a while, meaning I should read this golden comedy all over again ^^
5241863
I was asking as to the order, not why chapter 15 was here. If you look at the chapters, it goes 1 to 7, 15 parts 1 and 2, then 8. There are ways to slip a chapter between two already published ones.
5241874 Yeah, yeah, I got it fixed, untwist ya stainless knickers already. :3
5241899
cdn3.teen.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/harry-potter-never.gif
Mother of God, that was awesome!
Yay update,
can't wait for the next 
Well now, look which story at the bottom of my favourites list decided to update itself. This chapter seems much closer to the original than the last few, at least if memory serves me well, so I assume this is more or less where the rewrite starts to consist of less major revisions.
Alright, well cool. Looking forward to chapter 16, but I'm gonna head off and do something else while I wait. See you in 2016 for chapter 9.
So... Ludicrous Speed?
5242860
Nah, it won't be that long. I'm sure chapter 9 will be out on December 31, 2015 at the latest.
5241430 Without angst, there is no art.
Huh... it's back... Its finally updated.
...
*Grabs pizza-burger & milkshake*
Well then, carry on.
See you all in 2017 when the next chapter comes out!
(I jest, I jest.)
5243753
Dec 31, 2015 at the latest.
Firewall is best pone
5242906
*20150
Fixed that for ya :)
It's back! *Dances around, singing* It's back, It's back, It's back, one of the best pieces of fiction I've ever read is back!
When Nightmare Sol started laughing, I thought of this:
It's alive!!!!!!
Good
I swear, I must be getting more sensitive in my old age. Every story I read that involves someone getting possessed by the Nightmare it makes me really actually upset. Even knowing it was coming this chapter of the rewrite it didn't really help.
Not that I'm complaining about the story, I'm just sitting here in a puddle of my feelings.
IT'S ALIIIIIIIIVE!! I love this fic so friggin much. i am so glad to see this fic got updated
5241430
Let's just say it was no less awesome the second time around.
Welcome back to life! I vaguely remember reading the original on google docs, but this is certainly flowing better. I kinda sorta forgot what is about to go next, but I'm not going to spoil myself by not willing to wait for another awesome update
It crawls from the grave! Hallelujah!
see you next year...
It updated! Praise Jebus, it updated!
OMG CARDS IS ALIVE LET THE WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE GLOMPINGS BEGIN!
Your S.C.S.W.C. should be 9 not 8. 8 was last chapter.
5255896
I'm feeling the same. I recall a decent bit about the original, but this is quite a bit better from what I can see.
As official chief of the peanut gallery, I hereby take credit for all of the hilarious jokes in this chapter. I'll magnanimously allow Laffy to take credit for those jokes that are merely good or mediocre.
IT'S ALIVE!
HE'S ALLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Mmm. Progress.
"“Get’m, Storm!” Silverheart cheered as she veered off at the last second, releasing my butt. Storm Wing punched straight through it and sucked up every last bit of that lightning and thunder, ripping it right out of my butt and dragging it with him."
Ah, the greatest part of an app for Google that changes cloud to butt and the cloud to my butt, is definitely reading pone fanfics, especially with Cloudchaser.
5359561 God dammit Mind! Tune in next year for the next chapter!