• Published 8th Apr 2012
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Through The Eyes Of Another Pony - CardsLafter



Stupid Human takes a trip to Equestria. But not the Equestria that he was wanting.

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Chapter Nine: That Moment When You're Getting Attacked By The Darkness

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I stared at her as my heart continued to sink. Sorrow and horror alone had caused me to break into a cold sweat; not that you could tell, what with the torrential rain pouring down on me. I had seen it with my own eyes and still did not want to believe it. Numbness had settled in all over. I took a step back as Nightmare Sol landed before me gently, smirking down at me arrogantly. Her pink eyes were now golden, draconian in shape and staring right into mine, the corner of her mouth upturned in a way that just screamed self-assured superiority. Terrible possession aside, Celestia had lost none of her regality. And when she snapped her wings open, a shrill ringing pierced the thundering storm, instantaneously quelling the blustering squall.


“I don’t suppose you just... want the day to last forever or something?” I asked with a nervous chuckle.


“You’re not that lucky,” she said as she cantered forth. Her voice was deeper, carried more breath. It would have been seductive if it weren’t so clearly veiling an ocean of malice.

I watched as her flowing red mane lazily trailed behind her. It was almost hypnotic. But not so hypnotic that I forgot just what it was I was looking at. “No, I’ve much greater, much grander designs. Oh~ho~ho... Yes, plans that would make you cringe in terror.”


With that, she lifted a hoof to softly stroke the side of my face, “And it’s all thanks to you, my terrible human. My little… herald of destruction.”


I struck that hoof away from me, suddenly no longer in the mood for humor. “Bullshit.”


“Did I not tell you? I believe I told you and Luna both.” she asked with a laugh, less insulted and more amused by my reaction, “I certainly remember something along those lines. Hah, I imagine she’ll regret not disposing of you herself.”


She sounded so calm. Not nearly as feral and insane as The Nightmare was when it had no host. Made sense, though. Nightmare Moon was quite coherent. I guess Nightmare Sol gets that perk, too. The silver lining here was that I didn’t have to listen to that enraged disembodied shrieking, though no amount of optimism could have helped at that particular moment.


“My name is Firewall,” I spat, snorting a bit of flame in anger.


“No, it isn’t. Do not lie to either of us. Though in reality, I should ask you to continue fooling yourself. It got me where I am today,” she pointed out, laughing all the more, holding up a hoof up in front of her muzzle to emphasize her mirth. “So go on, then, ‘Firewall!’”


“What are you talking about? And how is it that you’re working with Azure Flora?” I snarled, cutting a glare at her. “I can’t really believe that she ever wanted to hurt anypony!”


“She believes what she is told. She doesn’t have to know that I brought you here, she only needs to know that you’re the cancer that is plaguing Equestria.” She gave a shrug as if to say she was helpless in that regard, “You, on the other hand, seem to do whatever it is you please, despite my warnings back at the ruins. I said that you coming here would bring it all crashing down, and it did. And you were there to help make it happen. If you had listened from the start, this wouldn’t have happened. If you had simply forfeited that body of yours, we could have gone our separate ways. But you’ve been more than a distraction. And though the hour of my vengeance draws close, I will make you regret crossing me.”


“You’re still speaking as though I’m a monstrous demon, yet I‘m the one that spared your life, and YOU’RE still the one actually causing ALL of this!” I growled at her, already sick to death of this conversation.


“Oh, I suppose I’ve been outsmarted again. Your logic is so strong and flawless! Oh, very well. Perhaps I should let you roam free as I show you what I’ll do with you beloved ponies now that I have control of their great leader. What do you think of that, ‘Brave Firewall?’” she mocked, pouting her lips at me. “Should I let you go?”


“I think that has got to be the worst and most cliche villain mistake ever. And you’re stupid for even considering it,” I remarked, giving her a derogatory snort of laughter.


“And you’re a foal for having fallen into my trap. And the best part? I didn’t even need Celestia. That just made my task so much easier.” She leaned down and smiled brightly at me. “If only you had done as I had asked, it wouldn’t have had to come to this. Really, I’ve no interest in this world, but you… you’ve brought this down upon all of Equestria. It would be sad if it weren’t so laughable.”


“You want to know what’s even funnier than that?” I asked before trotting up to her, getting a hoof full of dirt on the sly. “Here, I’ll sum it all up for you. When this is all over, ponies and humans are going to read about the terrible things that I’ll have done to you. It’ll be biblical, I promise. You think you’re The Nightmare, but you’ll be the one begging to wake up when I get a hold of you! I swear to you, Celestia will be free and you’re going to curse the name of whatever created you long before it’s over! I’ll make all your fanciful delusions of misanthropic humanity look like a bedtime story! Do you hear me?! You’re dead, Nightmare!”


“Ah, so you’re not so defeated. I’d call that admirable if I liked you. Which I don’t. And in that case, I had best take care of you right now,” she frowned, no longer amused by my threatening rant. “I’ll put that beautifully passionate threat on your grave as an epitaph. I wouldn’t want to waste such heartfelt poetry.”


“You’ll have to catch me first,” I murmured softly before showing that I still don’t play fair. Remember that dirt I got a hooffull of? I had been pumping as much heat into it as I could without being caught. And without a moment’s hesitation, I chucked that hoof full of superheated dirt right into her pretty serpentine eyes before turning and sprinting off. Yes, I know, that’s terrible of me, but I was in no shape to be taking on ponies of my caliber, much less possessed demi-god-ponies. So instead of a fight, she got a load of fiery sand to the face. “STORM WING! WE ARE LEAVING!”


I looked over to see Storm haphazardly stumbling back to a standing position. He’d seen better days, but he was no worse off than I was at least. Using that bit of magic just to heat up that sand had taken more out of me than I had expected, even in this state.


“But Celes-...” he stammered, shaking his head.


“AGGGH! I will scour you from this world! ALL OF EQUESTRIA WILL BURN!” I heard Nightmare Sol scream furiously behind me, showing her true colors.


I looked back to watch her fire off a few random spells in different directions. Judging by the damage they were causing, I don’t think I would have lasted very long if I had tried to take her head on. I ran over to Storm and gently nudged him with a whisper, “Look, if you want to go try and save her right now with us the way we are, be my guest. Actually no, that’s stupid. I’ll save you the time and tell you that she’ll just kill you or worse. I need you to fetch me the Sky Carriage, wherever it is. I’ll take care of Silverheart. Go. Now!”


When he didn’t immediately comply, I bucked at him which forced him to dodge into the air. I really just wasn’t in the mood for waiting and I certainly wasn’t in the mood for consolation. After another second, he got the idea and sped off, leaving me to run over to the incapacitated shiny silver pony. I looked over to see Sol rubbing at her eyes, still crying out in pain, and I knew I didn’t have much time. I threw Silverheart over my shoulder and began to gallop as fast as I could. It didn’t take much longer for her to wake up and start looking around lazily. I was bolting back into the Everfree Forest since it was the only thing with any visual cover nearby. I don’t think I would have made it to Appleloosa if I tried that route. It was only a few days away by hoof, so yeah. Hop, skip, and a jump, right?

“What have you done?!” an annoyingly familiar voice bellowed.

“Oh, Christ, like I don’t have enough to deal with,” I muttered before tilting my head upwards towards the sound of the offensive whine. “Tissy, could you take a number? I’ve already got one self-important mega-fiend on my case, and I don’t want her to fill out a bad survey because I failed to give her all of my attention.”

Yes, indeed. Stupid Bird floated just above me, hovering backwards (perched on nothing in particular) to keep pace. She looked upset, which, at the time, was so low on my list of priorities that I very well may have discovered entirely new areas on said list. Hers was filed under the ‘refer to in dire need of suicide’ section.

“How could you let this happen?!” She snarled at me.

I… became genuinely pissed at that. Like, so pissed that I almost forgot to keep running. “How could… What?! Listen up, you feather-lined piece of s-”

She interrupted me with a motion from her wing, drawing my clamp shut very forcefully.

“I’m sure whatever you had to say isn’t worth hearing. But I suppose you’re not entirely to blame, nor does it really matter who is. Just… Get back to Canterlot; we have some damage control to run. Where’s Storm Wing? Ah, there he is. Hmm, he’s quite a ways away. Still, I think he should be able to find you. Silverheart is like a lighthouse of electromagic, and he cares enough about her to actually rush. I don’t… think I’ll be needed. Try not to get in a situation where I am, though. I’m way too busy to be cleaning up after you. Alright?”

“I hate you,” I seethed as soon as motor control over my mouth was relinquished back to me.

“I’m aware. Let that motivate you into living to see the day where you might get back at me,” she mentioned nonchalantly. “Best of luck. By the way, your cargo is waking up.”

And before I could respond, she vanished. God, I hated that bird. I hated that bird so hard that the amount hatred mustered up could very well disqualify any attempt at labeling me as lazy. But rather than spend my time thinking of the ways I would burn the feathers off that little varmint, I instead slowed down to glance over at Silverheart, who was indeed stirring. After a grimace, she opened her eyes and dreamily looked about.

“Did we win?” she asked with a blank expression on her face.


“Yes,” I said with a nod, “That’s why we’re running our sorry plots away as fast as we can.”


“So we didn’t win,” she replied with a wince.


“Not much gets by you, darling,” I confirmed with a snarl. “Also, if you hit me, I’m dumping you out here and leaving you to The Nightmare.”


“Oh.” She shook her head as we finally slid into the sanctuary of the forest. “What happened?”


“I’ll tell you when I’m not angry, how about that?” I snapped, already feeling bad for having taken out some of my frustration on her. “Can you walk or fly?”


“Lemme s-Ow... Um. No,” she answered after an experimental movement. “Why?”


“Because we might have had to split up,” I groaned irritably.


“Why?” she continued to pursue.


A beam of energy that screamed like nails on a chalkboard immolated the tree right beside us. It wasn’t a small tree, nor was it a small beam. In fact, the tree was one of the biggest I had seen in Equestria (And so was the beam for that matter!). But it turned that tree into a burnt match in a real quick hurry.


“Oh,” she stated with a nod. “That’s a pretty good reason.”


“I’d like to think so,” I concurred with a sigh, crestfallen with the realization that Nightmare Sol knew where I was. I wasn’t particularly fast, and Nightmare Sol could fly, had better magic, and was not burdened by a passenger. I was still going to give it my damnedest, I told myself. That in mind, I sprinted amongst the trees, dodging in and out of them as I moved, making myself an evasive target as I galloped, hoping that landing a hit would be more difficult that way. It was when I spotted an incredibly huge tree that had fallen down in front of us that I cursed aloud. I had to veer to the left which led to a small gorge. Small or not, though, I wasn’t going to make that jump with Silverheart on my back, and I had the feeling turning around was going to lead to my premature, but no doubt lovely, funeral. I imagine there would be flowers, some crying ponies, some jackpony singing ‘It’s A Great Day To Be Alive’ by Travis Tritt, and a heartfelt eulogy by some pastor that would struggle to define and describe me since he had never met me in person. At least the song would have been lovely.


“Keep running,” Silverheart commanded as she wrapped her hooves around my neck. “Jump as hard as you can!”


I didn’t know what else to do, so I obeyed. Just before the jump, I felt a surge of lightness, and my jump propelled me incredibly far. For a moment, I thought I was flying, and if I had any wings, I’m pretty sure I could have done just that. I almost became not unhappy (SUFFER, YOU DOUBLE NEGATIVE GRAMMAR NAZIS!) as I realized that Silverheart had just given me a taste of pegasus magic, and that our chances of escaping were starting to look a little better.


“Nice one,” I exhaled upon landing on the other side of the gorge. “Got any more tricks?”


“Such as what?” she asked as we both looked back over our shoulder to see Nightmare Sol in the sky, scouring the trees for us.


“Fog. Lots of it,” I suggested with a whisper, as I rounded a tree and took small break. “Like... I want the forest to be impossible to see from above.”


“No can do. I have to be able to fly to create the vortex that condenses the water enough to make clouds. Duh,” she said with a shake of her head.


I stared at her like she was mutating into a platypus or something. She had just given me a scientific rebuttal to my request for magic. It was like asking if one could solve a math problem, but was told no because their grammar was bad. Hell, magic was like... the antithesis to science, right?! Silverheart was spouting complete nonsense, in my opinion!


“But magic... ponies... you just science it... AGH!” I shook my head in frustration. MAGIC Y U NO WORK?


“That’s common knowledge,” she gave me a skeptical stare, mirroring my incredulous attitude.


“Oh, it’s common knowledge, is it?! Just shut up. I’m going to pretend we didn’t have a conversation about this,” I replied with a sad laugh, my mind still reeling from the blow to my universal perception.


Before she could reply, Nightmare Sol suddenly landed with an explosive crash just meters away from us. I’m pretty sure I nearly wet myself in shock. Don’t even try to judge me.


“This chase is over, barbarian,” she seethed, aiming her horn at us and glaring with both her eyes. If I wasn’t scared out of my mind, I would have noticed that sooner and vocalized my fascination. However, I was just frightened. Shrieking-little-girl frightened.


For no apparent reason, Silverheart threw her hooves over my eyes. At first I thought she was trying to spare me the horror of death by pony. (As if the cupcakes nightmare wasn’t bad enough.) As it were, though, I heard a thunderous clap as though lightning had just struck mere inches from me. I jumped like a scared bunny and dared a glance. Today was not Nightmare Sol’s day for seeing very well. From what I gathered, Silverheart had caused a lightning strike right in front of our pursuer, and was successful in blinding her as I had done. Pegasus flashbang! I’ll put it this way, it was still bright even through her hooves.


“I will destroy you both!” Nightmare Sol roared angrily as she shut her eyes, rearing up and shaking the ground with a thunderous stomp.


“Run, you idiot!” she shrieked, hitting me in the back of the head with her hoof as Nightmare Sol vaporized a boulder right beside us, crying out in anger. That had to be frustrating. She was probably going to need glasses if this kept up much longer. Wouldn’t that be silly? She could get tape to hold them together after they get broken! We could call her Nightmare Bifocal!


But I digress. I didn’t argue and took off as fast as I could. Everything from my back, to my neck, to my legs, and I’m pretty sure even my poor tail were all aching from exhaustion. I listened to the thunderous skies that Sol had summoned and thought of Storm Wing. Just how long was he going to take?


“We have to hide; we’re not going to outrun her,” Silverheart pointed out, watching our backs as I tried to put distance between us and our attacker.


“We just have to wait... for Storm Wing to find us,” I answered, starting to pant heavily.


I looked back and felt a modicum of relief as I did not spot Nightmare Sol in the sky or on our tails. I continued to run, grunting with every soft beat of my hooves against the dirt. The toll it was taking on my body was starting to be more than I could handle. I began to lose speed, and while I could simply order myself to speed back up, at first, it wasn’t long before my hooves were going on strike and no longer taking orders.


“You’re slowing down,” Silverheart pointed out. “What’s wrong?”


“I... I’m not... I’m just too,” I literally slowed down to a canter, finally running out of steam. I looked forward to spot another ravine and groaned in exasperation. What the hell had happened to the stupid Everfree Forest? It had more cracks in it than a dropped egg! Almost like some terrible calamity had… … … Oh right. I guess there was a terrible calamity after all.


“Son of a whore,” I wheezed.

“You don’t have the strength, do you?” she asked, to which I slowed to a stop and shook my head, panting like a dog.


“You’re... too fat.” I couldn’t help myself, okay!? I was about to die, so I had to get one last laugh in! It was totally worth the bitchhoof (Pony bitchslap, fyi. Yeah, I know. Unnecessary profanity.) that I got to the back of my head, too!


“You are the most immature, undisciplined, stupid human I’ve ever met!” She wasn’t amused by my nonchalant nature. I mean, I really didn’t want to die, but at this point, I’d had a chance to brohoof Dash, glomp Trixie, squeeze Fluttershy, hug Twilight, kick Blueblood in the face, and fly throughout the air. My bucket list was all cleaned up a long time ago.


Yeah, that’s actually all a bunch of nonsense. I was simply in a complete state of inner panic, and my trigger reaction for calming myself in bad situations is... well... humor. Laugh it away. Worst thing that could happen is you die laughing, right? I make fun of horror movies, I giggle at awkward situations, and I make bad jokes when I was looking at purchasing the farm (which is slang for dying, for those of you that don’t get that age old adage.). It’s a stupid self-defense that keeps me from losing my cool, simply because my mind simply stops working when I lose my cool. I’m one of the sheep after that. I don’t like being a sheep, and if that involves laughing in the face of death (that actually sounds pretty badass) then so be it.


“I’m also the... sexiest... coolest one, too,” I pointed out, reminding her that I was the only one she had ever met.


“This is how it ends,” she gave a groan as she began whining in frustration. “Couldn’t have just been slowly eaten by a dragon or something, could it?! No, it had to be stuck with you!”


“I’ll make sure you don’t suffer long,” Nightmare Sol’s lovely and sinister voice came from behind us.


I turned and scampered back a few steps, unintentionally putting myself dangerously close to the aforementioned ravine. I looked down at the river at the bottom and... really, I didn’t feel like taking the shot. It was a long way down, and I don’t think there was any point in taking a jump when your pursuer could just fly down after you.


“Quite a merry chase you’ve led me on,” she started to gloat with a sadistic smile as she began to emit a flashing green light from her horn. A very familiar green light. Silverheart tried flicking her tail, but nothing happened except for a tiny spark. She was blocking out our magic “Too bad it couldn’t go on f-”


“Oh, God, please... do not... monologue me to death,” I groaned in between breaths, rolling my eyes and shaking my head.


“Silence!” she snapped angrily, not appreciating my lack of appreciation for the situation. “You’re in no position to make demands!”


“For once, I agree with him.” Silverheart shook her head. “I’ve no intention of listening to your drivel before it’s all over. Get it over with.”


Her eye twitched furiously for a few moments before she quickly brought herself back to sensible thinking. She coughed and nodded before simply smirking.


“Very well. Consider it your final request.” She lowered her horn at us as it began to illuminate the entire area.


My mind flashed to my family, my friends, the girls back at Ponyville, Luna and Celestia, Storm Wing (Screw him for not being here! (S.C.S.W.C.: 9 )), Lucky’s god awful luck-sapping aura, and finally back to a lovely stack of pancakes that I never got to enjoy. That actually made me snort out a laugh as I shut my eyes. I was starting to mentally crack all over as I realized that the merry chase and the beautiful dream had all come to an end. I was only consoled by the fact that I wouldn’t be causing some small cataclysm by shedding off that anti-magic crap.


“Hey, Silver, I just want you to know, I...” I started to crack one last line, sweating all over as I felt tears come to my eyes. Yeah, I know. Not the most dignified thing to do, cry right at the end, but in all honesty, I was sad that I didn’t get more time in Equestria.


She hit me in the back of the head yet a third time, not in the mood for another joke. I’m glad she did, because in all honesty, I wasn’t in the mood for one either.


It was then that Storm Wing did the COOLEST thing I’ve ever seen a pony do. You remember the Sky Carriage? The A.S.C.A.™? He saved the day with amazing amounts of awesome and justice and glory. It was pure art watching him work, and if you blinked, you missed it all. He swooped in on the Sky Carriage, turned it sideways as he came up from behind Nightmare Sol, and used it like a dragster to fishtail that alicorn right into the ravine behind us, sending her clear over our heads. It was an 11 out of 10 on the awesome-random-silliness scale. For a few seconds, we all just stood there, shocked at what had just happened. Even Storm Wing seemed blown away by the epic maneuver. I heard a monkey chatter in the background, adding to the whole sensation of ‘what the hell just happened’ that we were all stewing in.


“Captain, will you marry me?” Silverheart broke the silence, coughing out a gracious sob as I decided to stop dawdling and threw myself up onto that damn thing.


“Get in line, hooker!” I snapped, brohoofing that bastard in the shoulder. “Time to fly! God, I’ve never been so happy to see you! I could kiss you!”


“You do and I will throw you off this carriage,” he warned me in all seriousness as we took off. I don’t know if Nightmare Sol was knocked out, or if she was just dazed, but I couldn’t care less. Nopony here wanted to take the risk, and nopony able to appreciate the situation could have blamed us.


I set Silverheart down, giggling at her with a big smile. “I’ve never been so happy to be alive!”


“Agreed,” she said with a laugh, her eyes wide as though she couldn’t believe it. “I hope this thing is faster than the Princess.”

I was rather divided on that issue myself. On the one hoof, being faster than Celestia means we had a much better chance of not being magically vaporized, which was aces in my book. On the other hoof, it meant going faster than the Princess and, well… I don’t exactly handle that sort of speed very gracefully, if you might recall.


“It is with me driving,” Storm Wing assured us.

God help me, and Screw Captain Storm Wing (S.C.S.W.C.: 10).

“Hold onto something,” he growled, his voice cold and distracted.

I grabbed Silverheart. She hit me. I whimpered, but didn’t let go. Good times.

And then my eyeballs slid into the back of my skull. Too many G’s. Way too many G’s. I cried a little. But it was a manly cry.


“Firewall!” Storm Wing yelled.

Sorry, Storm Wing, Firewall is not available at this time. Please leave your name and number after the emasculating scream.

“FIREWALL!” He bellowed, kicking at me with a back hoof to get my attention. “Where are we going!?”

“Oh! Uhh… Canterlot!” My mind raced as it slid into my backside from the aforementioned G-forces, but I eventually remembered that I needed to think about the big picture. “Actually, Storm, you need to go to Ponyville. I need the Carriage to get to Canterlot.”


“The Elements of Harmony!” He didn’t understand right away, but it didn’t take long to dawn on him what I was getting at. “We could purge The Nightmare from Celestia!”


“Hey, someone’s keeping up!” I nodded back. “I need you to get over there and find Twilight Sparkle at the Tree Library south of Town Square. Hopefully she’s already made it there. If she hasn’t, look for Rarity at the Fashion Boutique. It’s the big house with pink lace.”


“Um, Firewall,” Silverheart coughed. I was confused for a moment, not understanding their hesitation before slapping a hoof over my face.


“You don’t act nearly blind enough for me to treat you like are, okay!?” I cried in self-defense, “Fine! Start creating a storm or something, and Rainbow Dash will fly out and kick you in the face! That’s the element of loyalty, so you’ll get along with her just fine!”


“I’ll see what I can do.” He rolled his eyes and tossed control to me, though not literally in either case. It was more of an event where we started to plummet until I grabbed mental control of the carriage. “Why are you going to Canterlot?”


“Princess Luna,” Silverheart answered, interrupting me before I could say it.


“Yeah, Sol might see her as a threat, so on the off-chance that she goes for her instead of the elements, I want to help get her to safety, as well as warn the other Sky Archons. Silverheart also needs medical attention,” I pointed out, trying to seem nonchalant about the whole thing, though after thinking about it, I was starting to wish I had been the one to go help gather the Mane 6. I was not cherishing the idea of being the one to give Luna the bad news. “Where should we meet up?”


“You tell me,” Storm Wing shrugged his wings because he knew deep down that I envied him for that. (Maybe not, but he sure as hell did it enough that I had reason to believe so!) “It needs to be somewhere we’re both familiar with. You’re the newcomer, not me.”


“Appleloosa,” I said with a nod after a moment of consideration. “Far enough away, yet we both know how to get there.”


“Fair enough.” He gave a nod before turning to jump off.


“Stay safe, Captain,” Silverheart’s voice betrayed her uncharacteristic worry. Red flag, kiddos~!


“Storm Wing,” I called out, causing him to turn his head towards us somewhat to let us know he was listening. “This isn’t over. We’re going to get her back and make The Nightmare pay for this.”


“Count on it,” he swore to me, jumping off and tearing up the sky in the direction of Ponyville.


I watched him as he soared away and started to nod off as the adrenaline began to taper down, earning myself a poke from the prone Silverheart. I shook the exhaustion from my head and pulled out a cigarette. I lit up and gave her a glance as I began to move towards Canterlot, puffing on the cigarette like it would be my last. (I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that it could have actually been the last one, I was just... excited!)


“Here, let me fly. You rest,” I heard Silverheart pipe up. “You’re barely able to stand.”


“I think I’m okay,” I tried to reassure her, though my voice sounded weak, even to me.


“Your back legs are shaking,” she informed me, causing me to look down to confirm her statement.


“That’s just ‘cause I’m so overcome with giddiness?” I chuckled tiredly.


“Firewall...” Her voice was actually full of concern and not irritation.


“Okay,” I sighed as I released control, flopping down as I puffed the last of the magical white smoke that makes me function properly.


She was much quicker at picking it up than I had been, likely due to being adept at pegasus magic. I tossed my cigarette over and laid my head down.


“How long?” I murmured.


“Forty-eight minutes,” she said with a smile aimed my way. “Rest a bit. You’ve earned it.”


“No, I haven’t,” I gave a sad laugh as I drifted off to sleep almost immediately.


I don’t remember what my dreams were entirely, but it kept going back to how I wasn’t able to give enough. I couldn’t catch Celestia, I couldn’t out-run Nightmare Sol, and I couldn’t push back the Ursa Major. It was as though I was playing my own personal fail montage dedicated to me, by me. Quite pathetic, I can assure you.


I kept going back to the words of The Nightmare. Her talking about how it would all come crashing down and ‘I would be part of it all.’ I knew that I had not caused all of it, but I could not deny that things would have probably would have been going much more swimmingly without me. Would the Nightmare have been able to pull off its trap (which, I’ll admit, I think it was just full of nonsense and trying to make me think it knew what it was doing.) if it did not have me as a motivational catalyst to spur Azure Flora into action? Then I remembered that it very well might have brought me here to do just that. Maybe I was just the ball that triggered the elaborate mousetrap, and it was proclaiming my presence as its herald simply because it used me to start the entire process. No doubt the worst part about dreaming, though, was where I was predicting how telling Luna about her sister would go. How I had just fallen short of what I needed to be to prevent it all from happening. In my nightmares, she cried and I wasn’t able to help this time because I had been the cause.


In my contemplative sleep, I didn’t wake up from Silverheart’s pokes and prods. Much to my displeasure, she gave up on regular prods and moved right on up to cattle prods. By cattle prods, I mean she used her damned taser hoof. I jerked and thrashed as I realized we had landed in Canterlot at the courtyard of the royal palace.


“Aaghghghghg!!” I cried before rolling away from her. “W-What is wrong with you!?”


“Behind you!” she cried, causing me to roll back over and spot a large, dark pony rearing up to trample my sorry plot into the ground. I gave a shocked, not-so-manly shriek (I WAS BOTH SURPRISED AND ELECTRIFIED, OKAY?!) before blasting it with a huff of fire. It evaporated as though it were made of a gaseous, sand-like substance and dissipated almost instantly.


“Oh. Thank Celestia. I thought you’d never wake up in time,” she breathed in relief, giggling a tad. “Nice scream. I think my little sister sounds more masculine.”


“I’ve got no problems leaving you here,” I warned her, blushing brightly as I got to my feet/hooves.


“She’s also very large, strong, and eats metal rivets for breakfast,” she assured me, nodding enthusiastically. “The pinnacle of masculinity.”


“You must have been a fine example for her to aspire to.” COUNTER SASSED! Silverheart just didn’t know who she was messing with, obviously!


“Nice. Now cut the smart-horsing and let’s get to the palace. No doubt Starlight will stage it as her base of operations,” she said, holding her front hooves out imploringly, silently asking me to help her up and out of the A.S.C.A.™


I stared at her for a second, taking that image in. She looked absolutely adorable, to be honest. I resisted the urge to channel my inner old lady and pinch her cheeks or something before giving her a grimacing smile, lifting her up and helping her onto my back. Her back legs looked pretty beat up, but I had a feeling the way of handling such things wasn’t the usual ‘pony is lame, gotta put’r down!’ response. I made a quick mental note to get her to a reasonably shotgunless doctor pony before I did anything else. Plus, I was looking for any excuse to delay speaking to Luna. Just thinking about it was taking the wind out of my sails, and they didn’t have much left to begin with!


I couldn’t guess the time due to the storming clouds above us, but it felt later in the afternoon and possibly nearing night time already. Thunder crashed all around us as we made our way back into the palace and much to my disapproval, our welcoming committee involved a Sky Archon tackling me. He had actually put himself in a precarious position, specifically behind me. I took advantage of that when I had heard Silverheart cry out in pain from having been dropped roughly. See, I had pent up a rather large amount of frustration by this point, and hearing a friend cry out because some pony was being stupid and/or paranoid had given me all the reason I needed to let some of it out. This release of frustration involved a fiery snarl and a back kick in said Archon’s face. A really hard one, surprisingly enough. He was out cold.


“Stop, stop!” Silverheart cried out as more of the less-than-lovable military ponies descended upon us, “Friendlies!”


Fortunately, they backed down. Which was good, because I didn’t want to get my sorry plot beaten into the dirt by some stupid ponies! Which is totally what would have happened! Promise.


“Lieutenant Silverheart,” one of the male pegasi called out as he approached. He was dark red with a spiky black mane and tail, sporting a set of narrow blue eyes, “You’re in no shape to be of any use. That’s… unfortunate.”


“No kidding, Hot Shot,” she huffed irritably as I helped her back up, “Thank Luna you’re so observant! And getting thrown onto a stone floor doesn’t help!”


“Hah!” another male pegasus laughed as he descended. This one was dark violet with a matching set of golden hair and eyes. His tornado cutie-mark was exposed with him having not worn any armor like the other Archons. “Poor Blue Rain got clocked the hay out! That’ll teach him to leap before looking!”

It took me a moment to place where I had seen this purple guy. He was one of the guards that Luna had used to try and keep me out before sucking up the internet like a damn data hoover.


“Shut up, Whirlwind,” Hot Shot ordered before nodding at us, “Bring Commander Starlight up to speed inside; should be in the Ball Room. If there’s anything we need to know, she’ll see to it that we’re informed.”


“Alright, I’ll handle that. Where can we get Silverheart some medical attention?” I asked softly, offering to help her onto my back again, though she didn’t seem to want to show such weakness to her comrades. How cute~!


“Nurse Tendercare is with the other wounded Archons in the kitchen,” he nodded at the Southern Hallway that led to the Ballroom. I nodded and began to simply help Silverheart hobble along by offering her something to wrap a wing around, even though I knew this was really a massive waste of time. As impatient as I could be at times, I would really take any excuse I could find to put off speaking to Luna. So naturally, I didn’t say anything and just let her lean on me for support.


I nodded as we approached the kitchen, and sure enough, there were a few Sky Archons laying on counters and tables. They looked perfectly fine except they all had black marks that resembled paint-like smears covering them. One had an entire wing covered in the stuff, and it had warped his wing to look sharp and jagged, almost. I noticed Cookie in the corner, feeding one of the patients to help make her more comfortable. I remember praying to whatever power listening out there that Sugar Dust wasn’t anywhere nearby. I really wasn’t in the mood to withstand being yelled at.

And after closer inspection, I realized the patient he was feeding wasn’t a Sky Archon at all. It was an Earth Pony. And she was covered in whatever that black inky crud was. Watching that really made my heart ache quite a bit. Even though I’d only been in Equestria for a few weeks, I can definitely attest to how much it bothered me to see unhappy ponies. And not only that, but Cookie was my bro. I mean, he and his sister hated my guts in a very special way, but he also fed me and that elevated him to the status of bromance. In fact, had I not been interrupted, I would have taken the time to become furious. Such was not meant to be, though, as I was quickly distracted by the sudden on-comer that was both eager and busy.


“Oh dear, an actual patient I can work with!” a red unicorn with a white mane galloped up to us and levitated Silverheart off my back, “Oh dear, that wing will need to be set, oh dear, oh dear~!”


Oh dear, indeed.


“Nurse Tendercare, I presume,” I asked as I followed both her and the floatingly irritated Silverheart.


“Yes, yes.” She nodded as she laid Silverheart on a nearby counter and began to examine her legs. “Oh dear, it’s not looking great, oh dear no. At least nothing is broken here, but... oh dear, I don’t see you walking for a while, my dear. Oh dear, I hope that doesn’t upset you.”


“She’ll be okay at least, right?” I was insatiably curious to see how ponies performed medical procedures. Do they operate? Do they cast a spell? Do they combine such techniques, creating magical icepacks and thermometers? Perhaps just a magic pill?



“Get outta here,” Silverheart groaned irritably waving me off, “Starlight is still waiting, genius.”


“Right!” I gave a grimace as I remembered what I was here for, procrastinating nonetheless.


Tendercare nodded before moving producing a large pill so large that I half expected her to tell me it was a suppository from absolutely nowhere in particular (pony magic is so subtle) and holding it out to Silverheart’s face, “Let us begin! Say ah!”


Silverheart gave a frustrated roll of her eyes before complying and getting a pill shoved in her mouth. This pill was pretty cool, simply because it made grumpy ol’ Silverheart go right to sleep and look adorable again. She was so pretty when she wasn’t scowling. I would say I wish we had pills like those back on Earth, but we do. They’re called Rohypnol or in a more technical setting, Flunitrazepam. Derps to you if you didn’t think of those right away.


“Best of luck, doc!” I nodded to her as I turned to leave, pausing only to glance back at Cookie.

Against my better judgement, I decided to trot on over to him and, y’know… just say hi. Anything to delay my dreaded confession with Luna a moment longer, right? He spared me a half a moment to nod at me as I approached, but said nothing as he continued to feed the poor pony covered in the ambiguous ink. Whatever that gunk was doing to her, she really wasn’t enjoying it. Her eyes were sorta glazed over and her breathing was shallow enough to be compared to the kiddy pool.

“Hey, Cookie.” I set a hoof on his shoulder. “You okay, bud?”

His lips tightened, but he didn’t say anything. He merely nodded and gave me an appreciative glance.

“How’s Sugar Dust? She okay, too? I know we don’t get along, but… y’know, doesn’t mean I don’t care and stuff,” I pressed a little more.

He blinked once, digesting that before turning to look away, seemingly crestfallen. “Ask her yourself.”

I thought he was being standoffish at first and really just wanted me to go away, which I started to do until it hit me what he was saying. The painted up pony that he was feeding. I didn’t recognize her through all the gooey black stuff. But it was Sugar Dust. Staring off at nothing in particular, only half-heartedly chewing the food served to her.

And that’s when it sorta hit me. That things were bad. I mean, I knew things were really bad before, but seeing it affecting somepony that I knew… I mean, I was struggling with guilt before, but that’s the point where my stomach just about turned over. This massive… failure of mine had consequences. Fallout that was quickly spreading to those around me.

Damn, that… that was a rough feeling. And I’m no stranger to harsh realities, trust me.

“You should probably go, Firewall,” Cookie murmured. “I heard Silverheart mention that Madame Starlight is waiting.”


Without another word or wasted moment, I took his advice and quietly slipped out of the room. I continued down the hall and yawned loudly despite the current heavy thoughts currently weighing my mind down. I had to blink several times to rid myself of the watery haze I had just inflicted upon my eyes, though I honestly wasn’t really paying attention to where I was headed. I just couldn’t get the image of Sugar Dust out of my head. I was so focused on what I had just seen that I didn’t even realize that I had walked right into the Ball Room, which was fortunately where I needed to be anyway.

“Welcome back, Firewall,” Starlight called over.

I blinked again, her voice snapping me out of my haze. I blinked a few more times and noted Starlight standing over a dining table nearby with a few maps spread out across it’s polished surface. She was in full armor and staring at me with an uncharacteristic concern.

“Huh? Oh. Hey, Starlight.”

“I… take it the situation is worse than we thought,” she surmised, letting out a sigh, “Seeing as you aren’t bouncing around like a filly.”

“Yeah, it’s… It’s pretty bad.” I coughed with a nod.

She frowned. “How bad, though?”


“Bleak. Dire. Grim. Here, uh… I’ll just give you the quick version. Trixie is working with an immortal Earth Pony by the name of Azure Flora as well as The Nightmare. Negotiations went nowhere and while we ran Trixie and Azure Flora off, The Nightmare has possessed Princess Celestia. It now goes by the moniker of Nightmare Sol,” I recapped, neglecting certain details that I felt did not matter for the moment. The more I spoke, the more shocked she seemed to be, “Captain Storm Wing is headed towards Ponyville to gather the ponies that defeated Nightmare Moon, and hopefully we’ll be able to reverse the effects of the possession. I’m here to gather Princess Luna and rendezvous with him at Appleloosa. Now what’s wi-...”


Interrupting me oh-so-rudely were a trio of pegasi crashing through the northern window. They quickly oriented onto us and dived in, shaking us both out of our dour stupor. They looked as though they were completely made of pitch and shadows with bright glowing golden eyes and wings made of razors instead of feathers. What was truly frightening was that their cutie marks were all like Celestia’s, only blood red in color.


I began to inhale to breathe at them, but Starlight blew them all away with a flap of her tiny pony wings, following up with a series of lightning bolts that were pulled in from the same window the intruders had crashed through. After each one convulsed for a moment, they puffed into a dusty black cloud that faded unnaturally fast. I blinked, now quite well aware just why Storm Wing had chosen Starlight as his Commander.


“Nicely done.” I nodded with a smirk.


“Been an Artillery Archon for a few hundred years. You pick up a few tricks.” She smirked right back. “These Shadow Ponies don’t seem to understand though, that they simply cannot have this palace.”


“Are they the ones causing those black marks on the ponies in the kitchen?” I nodded, smirking at her arrogant nature.


“Yes.” She nodded, her chagrin showing plain as day. “The black marks fade with time. They only last about ten or fifteen minutes, but they’re incredibly painful while they’re there. Also, if you get covered in the stuff, you... turn into a bigger, stronger version of the same thing.”


“That’s... creepy.” I grimaced, my mind going straight to zombies (Z-Z-Z-Zoooombie ponies?!), “Is it permanent?”


“Far as I know it doesn’t just fade with time, but it can be reversed,” she answered with a nod, “Cookie knocked one out with a frying pan earlier. It was his assistant that got... changed. Sugar Dust, I think her name is. Anyway, when she came to, she was just thrashing and resisting at first. She was one of the first to get caught by the Shadow Ponies and ever since then, he’s been lovingly fussing over her like a mother hen. Last I checked, the black stuff has been fading off of her and she’s been slowly changing back. When she started speaking again, we went ahead and untied her, but she’s been fading in and out so I really don’t know what to make of it.”


“Huh.” I tilted my head. “By the power of love?”


“Hay if I know.” She gave a wing shrug to show she was equally confused.


“How long ago did they appear?” I asked, narrowing my eyes as an idea formed within the back of my mind.


“A little over an hour ago,” she replied, biting her lip as she started to realize the very same thing. “That... was when... The princess...”


“Yeah. If I had to guess, I’d gather that these are from Nightmare Sol.” I let out a groan, nodding in agreement with her. “Just another reason to get out of here. You and the other Archons should come with us to Appleloosa.”


“Maybe eventually,” she countered shaking her head immediately, “We’re under orders to guard the palace and that should double as a distraction to the pri... Nightmare. Besides, most of Canterlot’s residents are in the library, hiding away from the Shadow Ponies. We have to protect them, especially with the Equestrian Guard at our borders. After we’re certain that the city is empty, I suppose evacuation will be our next order of business.”


“Oh, sh... I didn’t even think of the citizenry!” I coughed out an embarrassed laugh, “Okay, yeah, no, that makes sense. I guess... All I need to do is get the princess and rendezvous with Storm Wing, then. Silverheart will be remaining here until she has recovered.”


“I’ll spare you a few Arch-...” she started to offer before I interrupted her.


“I’m not trying to say they wouldn’t be an amazing asset to have, but it looks as though you’re having enough troubles on your own,” I pointed out, shaking my head to emphasize my declination. “The only thing that could likely stop us is Nightmare Sol and I don’t think a few Sky Archons are going to be of any help there. You would make better use of them than we would.”


She blinked before shrugging with a smile. “Very well, sir. I’ll trust your judgment.”


“Don’t call me sir, please?” I asked, grinning sheepishly.


“Don’t wear an Officer’s suit of armor.” She shrugged her wings (Ahhh... Nostalgic jealousy.) and winked. “Looks good on you, I should add.”

“Actually, I just look good no matter what I’m wearing. Just so you know.” I replied with a chuckle.

She let out a short laugh and socked my shoulder. That helped. Just making a little joke and seeing someone smile really took the edge off the burden that was plaguing my mind. With that, I took a deep breath before looking down at the armor and sighing wistfully. “Yeah, as cool as it is, could you... help me get it off? I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be doing a lot of running and this only makes it that much harder. Not to mention I’m running on just an hour of sleep.”

Then came the reality check.


“And while she’s doing that, you can tell me everything that has happened,” I heard a distant voice call out softly.

That good feeling that I just described. Boom. Gone. With one sentence, Luna had sent me right back to a world of worry and anxiety. I glanced her way as she began her descent from the highest balcony, her wings fluttering a tad as she landed.

I was happy to see her and all, but I certainly wasn’t smiling in the slightest. Her expression was one of worry and fear, as though she could tell something terrible was amiss and that all she was waiting for was a confirmation from me, “Start from when I went to sleep this morning, Firewall.”


At first, I was just going to summarize everything for her, but she stopped me and had me go into detail. Starlight was indeed gracious enough to help me out of the armor as I recalled everything that had happened. I spoke of Trixie and her short-lived attack, but it wasn’t until I told Luna about Azure Flora and the Inmanipulon that she began to show worry. When I told her of how she demanded I be sent home or dealt with in some other fashion, Luna scoffed, seemingly insulted by such a demand. Finally, I got to the Ursa Major, how The Nightmare was magically controlling it, and eventually getting to how we had lost the battle when Princess Celestia became Nightmare Sol.


“Which is why Storm Wing is in Ponyville, and I’m here to collect you. I was going to bring the Sky Archons, but they have to protect Canterlot and its citizens, especially with Nightmare Sol creating all these Shadow Ponies,” I finished, my voice flat and lacking inflection. A cripplingly numb sensation had set in, and I could hear a soft ringing in my ears as I spoke, muffling all other sound. I was avoiding looking at her, feeling considerably at fault for being unable to give more in the fight. I was certain that Celestia wouldn’t have been so weakened if I had just been able to push the monster back a bit further. I would never know for sure, of course, which gave me no real comfort. I simply had a feeling that I had fallen short of what was needed, and the consequences were dire. I was glad I had Starlight to focus on as she helped me out of my armor, but her task was not indefinite and eventually, I had no reasonable excuse to not look at the pony I was speaking to. So naturally, while the sensible thing to do would have been to look at her, I did not. I simply stared at the floor instead.


“Firewall?” She knew something was up. Hell, I wasn’t being very subtle by that point.


“Yep?” I gave a small snicker, watching one of my hooves scrape at the floor. I think I might have some crossed wires upstairs, because all I was doing was finding the dark and terrible humor of the situation. Funny thing about dark and terrible humor? It’s not funny when it’s real. My laughter sounded hollow, I know, and Luna wasn’t buying it. That didn’t stop me from laughing, though.


“Firewall.” she took a step closer, causing me to involuntarily take a step back. “Why won’t you look at me?”


“Well, you know. It’s just funny, is all,” my voice cracked right there at the end, “You know, it’s... It’s Equestria. A great place to be, right? I mean, every guy like me just has that dream, even just once in passing. ‘What would it be like to actually go to Equestria? I bet it would be fun! No responsibility, no nagging family, no bills, no killing. Just good times, fun jokes, silly shenanigans and all around utopia, right?’ Nothing serious ever goes on here.”


“Firewall.”

She took another step forward, causing me to once again take another back from her. I didn’t want to face her. I was struggling so badly with what I was saying and how inadequate I felt that it quite literally affecting me on a physical level. The ringing was getting louder and the desire to just stop existing right away was peaking hella bad.


I finally rounded off the pity-party with the big guilty admission. “At least... At least, not when I’m here, right?”

I know it was stupid, alright? I know deep down that I wasn’t directly responsible for everything going on. I know that The Nightmare was purposefully causing all of these things to happen. I know that I should not be letting Nightmare Sol get to me. I knew it and all that knowledge meant nothing. I still played my part.


Rather than take another step, Luna just jumped forward and caught me by my neck, wrapping her wings and hooves around me as I fell to my knees, “Stop it. Just... take the good with the bad, remember? And don’t let the bad get to you.”


I don’t know if this happens to everyone or not, but have you ever just been holding it all in? Just squeezing down this big emotional weight and been doing a perfectly good job of it until someone who gives a damn happens to come along and ruin it all by doing something small? Like maybe setting a hand on your shoulder? Or patting you on the back? Or just hugging you and telling you it was going to be okay? Because, despite your ability to hold it all in, that dam of emotion shatters because you just subconsciously realized that the someone that broke it is going to help pick up the pieces while you let it all out? It’s happened to me a few times, to be sure, and being able to see it coming only makes it twice as hard to experience.


Twenty-three, just a few days from twenty-four years old, and I was doing nothing but burying my face into Luna’s shoulder as tears poured out. I was silent except for the occasional sniffle. I had only cried like this once before in my life and that was when my mother had to tell me that I can’t help people that don’t want to be helped. For what seemed like the next half hour, I just quietly cried, soaking Luna’s fur coat and shivering with every shaky breath. Not my proudest moment, I’ll admit. I will say though, that having somepony that could understand what I was going through allowed me to actually get through this without curling up and wishing myself away. Luna’s entire perception of life had been shaken apart by seeing my world, having been unaware of the consequences. The only differences for me was that it was taking me longer and hitting me harder.


After I began to wind down, Luna decided to make an attempt to cheer me up, “I think that’s one you can mark off the brony checklist. ‘Cry on a pony.’”


I snorted, a tad unprepared for the levity before nodding a bit and standing back up as we broke apart. After a few seconds of composing myself, I decided to give her a counter-joke, “Achievement Unlocked: Thiiis~ is Cryyyyiiiinnng~~!”


Luna gave a snicker before gasping, “Oh! We’re going to meet the rest of them, aren’t we?”


I blinked before smiling tiredly and nodding. I looked around, wondering if Starlight had watched the entire breakdown and was somewhat relieved to discover she had taken her leave, though she was likely nearby in case we came under attack.

“Yeah, but... You’re not upset about Celestia?” I murmured, sniffing one last time as I wiped at my eyes.


“Of course I am.” She glared at me as though I had asked her the stupidest question ever (Okay, so it might have been quite up there.). “But the last thing I need to do is fall apart. Especially since the one I keep around to fall apart on is falling apart on me. And being possessed by The Nightmare doesn’t mean she’s lost. It just means we have to gather the Elements of Harmony and thrash The Nightmare.”


“It... just feels really horrible.” I mumbled pathetically.


Luna gave a snort before hugging me one last time, “Good with the bad, remember?”


“Right!” I nodded and swallowed that sadness down like a dry peanut butter sandwich before rearing up and yelling out as I slammed my hooves down, “Hah! Time for a cigarette!”


She rolled her eyes, “If it will help, I suppose. How soon are we leaving?”


I turned to look back at her dumbly as I considered the question, a Mareboro having already made its way to my mouth, “Ummm. As soon as you’re ready. Or after this cigarette. Whichever comes last.”


“Well, unlike humans, we don’t have to pack for every little thing,” she said with a laugh and a nod, following me out to my favorite garden bench.


“Oh, so you’re a reference guide to human culture now,” I teasingly mocked before lighting up, “Did you google that or something?”


“I can’t google anything,” she said with a raspberry.


“Oh?” I took a long, relaxing drag before tilting my head, “How’s it work then?”


“Basically, it’s like I have access to an archive of the entire Internet from that date.” She gave a wing shrug, “What, did you think I received updates?”


“Maybe!” I laughed for a bit, “You could have jumped onto some pony blogs or something! Maybe set up your own authentic AskPrincessLuna blog!”


“Oh, and start doing crossover asks with other AskPony blogs?” she suggested, smiling brightly at me.


“Maybe AskBerryPnuch, even!” I had almost forgotten about all the terrible things that were happening, just having a fun time talking about such trivial matters. I started laughing in earnest, finally letting the dark thoughts that had been clouding my mind flow out of me.


“Want to know the worst part? I can’t see the new stuff he puts out!” she began to giggle with me, “Seriously, I still struggle with the reality that we’re just a television show to humans.”


“Hah. ‘Just a television show?’ I can think of several bronies who would take offense to that,” I replied, sitting on the bench with a yawn and being struck with a pressing question. “Serious time, Luna. I need to ask you something.”


“Hmmm?” she narrowed her eyes a bit inquisitively, but nodded nonetheless.


“Which is your favorite pony?” I asked with a huge smile. “Most people pick one of the Mane 6.”


She blinked before laughing out loud, somewhat caught off guard, “My favorite pony? Heh. Well, it’s not one of the Mane 6, though if I had to choose one of them, I’d definitely go with a tie between Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.”


“That’s not choosing one of them at all,” I pointed out with a smirk. “So which one is your favorite, then?”


“I thought that would be an easy guess.” She looked off into the stormy skies, smiling ever so slightly. I thought she was trying to get me to look up there with her, but when I began to turn, she just laughed at me.


“You’re losing me, Princess,” I stated with an overly serious nod.


“Maybe this isn’t the best time to talk about it.” She started to look guilty of all things, biting her lip and looking down.


“Why? What’s wrong?” I tilted my head, now looking a bit concerned, “Is this about... Celestia?”


“Well, it... I mean, I don’t want to seem carefree. I’m just doing as you said.” She sighed, looking up at me, “Not letting it get to me.”


“And doing a better job than I am, too.” I took a drag and nodded, “It’s not as though we can do anything right this instant. As horrible as it is...”


I looked up at the thundering skies and sighed softly. Grimacing, I found myself just wondering what could have been different. What could have been done to change something. Anything, really. But I quickly shook it off, taking my own advice for once. My mind steeled, I looked back at Luna and scowled to show my resolve.

“We won’t let this be the beginning of the end.” I said.

A short nod from her and a scowl later, she murmured, “Of that, you are right, Firewall. I can promise you that.”

I suppose this is where the big heroic speeches go, but uh… Yeah, I’m not fast enough on my feet or my hooves to get that kind of ball rolling. I always know generally what I want to say, but not precisely if you catch my meaning. Instead I just sort of stood there, scowling at Luna, who, in turn, scowled right back. I’m not sure how it turned into a scowl off, but it did. Just the two of us, standing there, scowling harder and harder, stepping a little closer each time. It got to the point where if I arched my brow any further, my face was either going to get stuck that way or my eyebrows were going to break loose and fall all the way down to my chin. But Luna? Whew! Talk about scowl master. I swear, if she squinted any harder, her eyelids were going to end up pushing those big pretty eyes of hers right into her brain.

So yeah, that went on way, WAY longer than it had any right to. Just imagine two people, standing around for about forty seconds or so having the absolutely derpiest staring contest ever and that should about sum up that entire situation. Eventually, one of us cracked, we won’t say who because I never crack, and it devolved into a fit of laughter, surprising no one. Which also took a while, but to be straight with everyone, it was sorely needed. Upon winding down, we both continued to just sorta… stand there, somewhat winded but certainly uplifted.

“I think, we may in fact, be the silliest ponies ever,” I pointed out, rubbing away at the moisture all that laughing had accumulated just under my eyes.

“I won’t disagree,” she replied before letting out one last chuckle. “Well, at least we can always laugh, even in dire straits.”

“Pretty sure that’s the best thing we can do at the moment,” I pointed out before pausing at hearing my own words. “Unless… We shouldn’t be goofing around and should instead be making with the leaving.”

As though we had conjured up the purple pony of impatience, Twilight appeared with a flash and what sounded like a whip being cracked. I jumped a little, just saying.

“Jesus!” I wheezed, “You got a volume knob on that thing, Twi?”

“Yes!” she nodded enthusiastically, shaking off what seemed to be disoriented spacial leap lag (not to be confused with jet lag!), “Come on, we have to leave right now, you two!”


“Why the rush?” I said, hopping up as I glanced back and forth between her and Luna, “Is something wrong?”

“You mean besides the shadow ponies, my sister possessed, and your emotional breakdown? No, I can’t say much else could be going wrong at the moment,” Luna droned sarcastically, “Twilight Sparkle, I take it you’re here to fetch us?”


Starlight suddenly struck down beside us with a thunderclap. I was blinded, deafened, and pretty damn irritated after I got my heart to settle back down after it had jumped up into my throat.


“WE HAVE COMPANY, EVERYPONY!” she shouted as the entrance to the palace bursts open.


“Oh no!” Twilight cried out as a few dozen Shadow Ponies poured forth, barrelling straight for us.


That’s when Mister Freeze the Pony stepped out from behind them, his glowing blue eyes aimed directly at us from behind his helmet. My blood ran cold (I sense a recurring joke) as I turned to look at the others, “I’m going to run. The rest of you can make up your own damn minds about this.”


With that, I took off for the courtyard on the far side of the castle. Sure, we would have to run all the way around, but I figured that was better than trying to fight off thirty or forty Shadow Ponies plus Frosty the Snow Pony. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought this was a good idea, because the others were hot on my tail. Except for Twilight. Do you know why? Because she had suddenly remembered she could teleport. So rather than spend her time running about, she simply began to blink forward several yards and cover our retreat with spells. One day, if it were at all possible, I was going to get her to teach me how to do that.


“Capture the Human! Capture the Princess! Convert the rest!” I heard his voice echo out above the commotion. I looked back at Luna as she flew by my side and grimaced. I had no clue why they wanted us, but I did not want to find out, either.


Starlight put a hoof to her mouth as she kept pace and whistled loudly, the shrill sound echoing over the chaos. I glanced back to see Freezey the Pony closing in on us way faster than I’d have ever guessed, just to be grounded mere seconds out of reach by a red and black pony. Hot Shot had literally dive bombed that sucker right into the ground going at speeds that I had only seen pulled off by Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. Suffice it to say that Chilly the Frosty Grey Giant seemed out cold (Ahahaha~! I kill myself!). I could relate, having been soundly trounced by Storm Wing. Sky Archons just have this tendency to not give a damn just how big you are as they’re beating the hell out of you.


“Gotcha, you giant freak!” Hot Shot shouted before stomping on the back of his head and leaping off into the air before the surrounding Shadow Ponies could take hold of him.


“Nice one,” Starlight called out, smiling back at her partner. I know, I never mentioned that, but that didn’t come up until much later.


I loved the Sky Archons for being so cool. Had I not turned to look ahead and spot a second crowd of Shadow Ponies headed my way, I would have cheered as enthusiastically as a trailer park on day one of NASCAR. Predictably, though, cheering was the last thing on my mind.


“We’re very popular today,” Luna said with a groan as we all came to a halt, “I really wish you could fly.”


“Me too!” I agreed before breathing a wall of flame between us and our interceptors, “Now what?”


I looked back to watch Starlight begin to crackle with energy as she covered our backs, unleashing a barrage of lightning from her wings and forcing the pursuers away, lest they be destroyed in her furious display of power. After several seconds of this, both us and our attackers were at a stand off. The Shadow Ponies couldn’t approach without being destroyed, and we had nowhere to run without... … leaving me. Damn, I am like the Buzz Killington of action scenes, am I not!?


“The question still stands!” I called out, turning to fry a shadow Shadow Pony that was able to survive a leap over the fire.


That was when that massive frosty bodyguard got back up, shaking his head a bit before growling and approaching us, slowly at first. The Shadow Ponies scrambled to make way for him as he picked up speed, and those unfortunate enough to not react quickly were crushed and dissipated by his determined charge.


“There is no way!” Hot Shot cried out as he landed beside Starlight, “I practically dented my armor when I hit him!”


“You’re supposed to dent him!” Starlight gave a snort before slapping his flank with her tail, “Run him over, Sword Archon!”


Hot Shot seemed a bit hesitant at first, but nodded after considering it for less than a second, “Affirmative.”


And suddenly the game of pony chicken was on with two pegasi running at one another in complete disregard for their own safety! Starlight took to the air just behind Hot Shot and quickly threw a powerful gust of wind that blew all the Shadow Ponies out of the way before diving at the two pegasi still aimed at one another. She tucked into a spiral and within seconds, was trailing a storm-like tornado she passed onto Hot Shot just before the collision.


Today was a day for loud noises and bright flashes in great abundance. I’m desensitized to them these days, to be perfectly honest. You can’t go anywhere with a Sky Archon (much less two) without a pair of sunglasses and a set of earplugs unless you planned on going without two of your five senses. I bet you they sell those in package deals for unfortunate ponies that have to spend extended amounts of time with them. If not, then I have a grand business idea that everypony needs to invest in right now. Anyway, I’m way off track; the point is that the collision was loud, bright, and epic. All ponies had been knocked back by the force of the collision. I was fortunate enough to catch Starlight. And when I say catch, I mean she crashed into me as though she had been shot out of a canon.


“Had to be me. You couldn’t have fallen on Luna, could you?” I groaned as I pushed her up off me and got to my hooves before staring at the result of the collision, which was most definitely not epic at all. Both Hot Shot and Ice Pony had been knocked out. The difference was that the bigger of the two got back up and the smaller pegasus was already being swarmed by Shadow Ponies.


“No!” Starlight tried to go after him, but I caught her by the tail. I was going to tell her that it was a lost cause, but she started the conversation by kicking me in the face after realizing what was stopping her, “Let go of me!”


“We have to leave!” Twilight shouted as she portaled away an oncoming group of Shadow Ponies.


Now, I don’t seem to learn my lesson, because I didn’t let go, and she kicked me in the face again. I still didn’t let go, and had I been less dizzy with hoofprints, I’d have considered making the Shadow Ponies the least of her worries. As it were, though, I was so close to being knocked out that I could hear children laughing and Santa Clause proclaiming a merry Christmas to all.


“Commander Starlight! Stop!” Luna shouted as Twilight shielded us all in a lavender transparent shell, allowing me to let go finally.


“Hot Shot!” she screamed as the Shadow Ponies began to back away from him. When they parted, there was a Hot Shot shaped Shadow Pegasus in his place. A large one that still wore the armor of Hot Shot. Everypony watched as the Shadow Pegasus stood upright before staring down at its hooves. It then threw its had back in an emphatic, yet inaudible cry, calling black lighting to strike down all around. The icy pony approached, looking down at it for several seconds before speaking.


“Shadow Archon,” he said with an approving nod.


“Can we all stop watching!” Twilight begged loudly, shaking us all from the frightening scene.


“Well, what do we do!?” I cried looking around as the Shadow Ponies began to close in, “I keep saying, ‘Now what!’ but I never get an answer!”


“Now, we get creative!” Twilight said with a nod, lowering her horn and creating a magical shimmering violet bridge over the Shadow Ponies. Luckily, these seemed of the Earth Pony variety, so our only concern rested with Ice Hoof and his newly minted Shadow Archon.

“MOVE, STARLIGHT!” I shouted at the Commander who continued to stare, horrorstricken at Hot Shot. “You’ve still got a princess to protect! Not to mention me!”

When she didn’t immediately respond, I bit down on her mane and started forcibly dragging her. It didn’t take long for her to finally start making tracks, but it didn’t come before a choking sob squeaked out of her. Luna and Starlight took flight as I jumped onto the ramping bridge and ran for dear life.


I was charging over it as fast as I could, wishing I had been in better shape for all this running. Fortunately, not wearing all the armor did help tremendously and it was also a forward moving bridge, like one of those flat escalators that roll you forward. The best part was that Twilight allowed perhaps twenty or so of those ponies to jump onto the bridge before she dropped what was behind her, causing them all to crash to the ground. Even through all the fear and excitement coursing through me, that was very amusing to watch.


I continued to look over my shoulder and spotted both the Shadow Archon and Freezy McFrostPony take flight. They were closing in, and fast. Fast enough that I started to say something, but Starlight looked at me and must have seen my panic. Immediately, she spun about and began flying backwards and flapping a torrent of wind their way. Maybe they could have flown through it if they were more prepared, but nopony expects (the spanish inquisipony!) a hurricane gust out of a small pegasus.


“Starlight!” Luna cried out, as she whizzed past me and Twilight, “Come on!”


Starlight ignored her as she continued to cover us our retreat. I stopped to turn and yell, but Twilight was quick to jab my plot with her horn.


“Don’t you dare stop! Move it!” she ordered, refusing to look at what was distracting me. I guess this is why they always say to not look back. It’s definitely distracting.


The Shadow Ponies jumped at us in futility. They weren’t even close to closing half the distance, but you had to hand it to the persistent little bastards. They knew what they wanted. They were so focused on getting at me that they didn’t even spot Twilight, who had teleported ahead of everypony and began focusing, causing her horn to glow brightly. This, in turn, caused the bridge to fade away, causing me to wonder just what the hell she was thinking as I plummeted.


If I had been paying attention and looking forward instead of down, behind me and everywhere else except forward, I would have noticed my salvation long before it got to me. As it were though, I was entirely caught off guard by Luna the SuperPony. I’m not sure why she doesn’t wear a red cape to show how heroic she is, but that was all she was lacking when she whipped around the corner of the castle with the A.S.C.A.™ and caught me mid fall.


“Starlight!” Twilight cried out, her eyes shut as her horn began to flash like a beacon, “M... Out of the way!”


Starlight looked back, her eyes widening as she suddenly bolted out of the way. As soon as she was clear, Twilight unleashed a wave of multi-hued light that washed over the Shadow Ponies, dissipating them as it moved. As luck would have it, both Frosty and the Shadow Archon formerly known as Hot Shot flew out of its path. I did note that they did not chase us at least, having given up for the moment. I flopped down and rubbed my eyes, wondering if this was when I would finally get a chance to rest.


“I’ll never look at ponies the same again,” I said with a tired sigh as Starlight landed on the carriage with us, “What about the other Sky Archons?”


“They’re evacuating the citizens,” Starlight said with a nod, turning to watch the opposition fly away, “They’ll be alright. I... … Hot Shot.”


“We’ll get him back, Starlight,” Luna said, setting a hoof on Starlight’s shoulder.


Twilight teleported onto the Carriage, panting heavily, “That was very... very scary. I thought running from a hydra was scary. That was...”


“Would that it were just a hydra,” Starlight laid down and shut her eyes.


Twilight grimaced a tad, looking to us for support. Mostly to Luna, though. I was busy fading in and out of some much needed rest.


“Wake me when... it’s my turn to drive,” I told everypony with a loud yawn, only to be spooked by a thunderous crash of the dark clouds above us, “D-Damnit!”


“Here,” Luna took us up through the clouds as Starlight flapped her wings, pushing a hole in them. A few moments later and we were beyond the tumultuous racket. The night sky was beautiful from up here. I’d seen it a few times while flying coach, but in the Sky Carriage, it just seemed so much more... real. Like I could reach out and touch it.


“Not a bad job with the night sky, Luna,” I said with a tired, yet mystified smile, “Mmmm... Goodnight.”


I heard Luna snort a bit before feeling a hoof stroke my mane a tad. I’m sure I purred or something, because I heard them laugh at me. With a yawn, I finally began to submit to sweet, sweet slumber before taking one last glance at the lovely scenery surrounding me. I spotted a rainbow up there, prancing through the sky and snickered tiredly as I shut my eyes.


Then I realized what I had just seen, “What!?”


I jumped up and dropped my jaw as I stared in complete shock.


“I’ve never seen that before,” Twilight commented, following my stare, “How long has that been there?”


“That’s a recent addition,” Luna informed us all proudly, “Just last night, actually.”


“Luna, is that what I think it is?” I asked, too blown away to think about sleeping for the moment.


“I dunno, Firewall,” she replied, stifling the urge to snicker, “What do you think it is?”


“It looks like a pastry with a cat head leaving a rainbow trail,” Starlight observed, arching an eyebrow, “That was intentional?”


“Jesus H. Christ, you put Nyancat up in the Equestrian sky?!” I cried before bursting out into a fit of laughter, “What is wrong with you?!”


“You don’t like it?” she seemed genuinely upset by my reaction.


Fortunately, she realized my mirth was not of mockery, but was of appreciation which caused her to smile happily. For the next several seconds, I was laughing until it hurt all over. This was a good hurt. I liked this kind of hurt, though, even if I was the only one experiencing it. Luckily, I have an infectious laugh that soon had both Luna and Twilight giggling, and even had Starlight chuckling softly before too long, shaking her head at me. After I wound down, I dropped back to the floor of the carriage and sighed.


“Thanks, Luna,” I gave one last yawn, “I needed that.”


“Anytime,” she answered softly, giving one last snicker as I laid down my head..


“Goodnight, everypony,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes.

And just like that, I was out. But not before getting a subtle message from a certain Stupid Bird.

“Well done, Stephen.” I heard Tisiphone whisper as though she were right beside my ear. “We’ll speak soon.”

Oh goody.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading, fillies! TOTES APPRECIATE!

Don't forget! We are streaming a hilarious run of Season 2 Hardcore Diablo 3 on at http://www.twitch.tv/dunktimusprime @ 9:30 EST / 6:30 PST