I really need to stop reading stories that are clearly going to make me have several feels.

That's one fucked up story. Powerful, but damn... I feel bad now.

none of these are near enough to how i feel right now....im litrally crying a bit now....i especilly lost it once rarity started reading the bedtime story.....

Damn... that is sad... i feel bad now.

...........Wow. That was rather horrid. Next chaptah!!!

I wanna hear more about Rarities emotional state, if I had a request. :P

Honestly I'm surprised at how well this was received...  It originally started out as a vent piece (because i personally HATE the cutie mark crusaders) that i wasn't planning on uploading, but decided i may as well... So i guess it's worth it to announce that Chapter 2 is coming up very soon   i've been working on it all day and the actual writing portion is nearly finished. At the latest i'll have it posted by tomorrow, but i'm thinking it'll be finalized today

Hooray! :D

Don't be too hard on the CMC here; they just lost their dear friend. T.T Not to mention what poor Rarity is going through. I kinda wish that it would have ended with her recovering and Rarity being all emotional, though, just because I've always wanted to see a heartwarming fic involving the two, though I haven't found any, and this is the closest I got. :P

i say take the fact that she feels bad as heartwarming enough because it's only gonna get worse from there

that's why I said this is the closest I got; at least it shows her being grieving over the girl. I expected it was gonna get worse.

..............Okay then. O.o This went from depressing and tragic to just plain old psycopathic. I think you should have kept the original theme going, but your fic lol.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, not nearly as good a fic as the first chapter, sorry.

woot, quadruple post. >.<'

give it time fellas, the psycho-level wasn't supposed to go quite that high (i admit i got a little carried away with the 'slumber party' idea...) but i plan to bring it down and move back toward the softer side... do keep in mind i created this to kill off the CMC gang (because they annoy me) so it was never supposed to be about a loves-lost perspective

wow, just wow

This is the sadest story i have ever read on this site... Good work on making this story.

THE FEELS! THEY ARE TOO NUMEROUS! Oh well, at least you didn't kill Fluttershy.

What a fantastic, well-written, and sad story!

I don't think that she and the CMC are going to the same place.

>>2079420794 Probably true, but in the interest of fairness to all faiths I decided to leave my own personal viewpoints out of this fic.  That would be entirely up to the reader to decide for themselves.  

This....this....this....

I can't stop crying...

Why? WHY?!! Unicorns have healing magic, she could have been fixed...no....no....

I just....this is horrible....

One thing I can say is that despite how heartbreaking this story is, it is well written.

I actually hope she does go where the Cutie Mark Crusaders went...she isn't evil. Even with what she did, inside she's not evil at all. She made a horrible mistake that led her down a dark path, and it made her do things that she never would have done otherwise...I know she's not evil.

R.I.P Cutie Mark Crusaders and Rarity

>>2803428034 I wish I could tell ya a little more, but Celestia hasn't gotten back to me about where ponies go when they die

I wrote this story having wanted to do something dark and horrible, but not just for shock value like the infamous Cupcakes.  So If I evoked any strong emotions one way or the other from my audience I'd say it was a success, despite the low popularity and unimpressive rating of the story itself.  

>>2808128081

Incredibly strong emotions. Fear and despair especially.

Achievement unlocked!

Induce a restless sleep to one of your readers.

Congratulation. Despite I doesn’t felt too much driven away by this story in the first place it was more then enough to let me be wide awake since 5 a.m. and this story being the first thought I had in my head @.@

I don’t cry...much, just an ocassional tear and it’s really hard to express myself now, but I feel I have to or I would not be able to see any episodes with Rarity or the CMC’s for the next few days _._

Alright alright, focus! Just follow the routine...

Introduction: Checked.

Give the author compliments about what was done well.

Bash the author for everything that was made wrong.

Explain your impression of the story over all (boy that will be long I guess @.@ )

Pet the ego of the author again after crushing it with the former critique.

Ending sentences and a huuuuuge cup of sugar and cuteness to get cheered up again.

*Takes a deep breath*

Fine, I always start with the things I liked in a story. Since this is tagged “tragedy” “sad” AND “dark” it proved to be difficult to find anything I liked in the content of the story itself, but that fact that I don’t “like” the story on a personal level doesn’t mean that I can’t like it on a professional one.

*increase the volume to get noise banged with DJ Flyshy’s Blutterfly song*

The present tense and point of view of Rarity was a perfect choice to tell this story. You could have used present and third person narrative, but you sly fox did it on purpose to write out of Rarity’s point of view. Third person would have placed a gap between the characters and the readers. An emotional bridge that is far easier to be crossed, when the reader feels being put themself into the main actor.

(Does that mean you make me kill the CMC’s? ._. I’m now sadder than before Y.Y )

Your narrative allowed seeing through Raritys eyes, all reasoning, what worries her, what she loves and her barely contained stress. But she is a lady isn’t she? She always have to stay cool no matter what. I guess that is the “canon” you’re building it up from. A person who always buries the anger is about to snap at some point for sure.

At least in the first part and to some degree in the third one you stayed amazingly true to Raritys character. Rarity is for sure one of the hardest characters to portrait. At least in my opinion. She is the element of generosity but is mostly displayed as something like you said the “spoiled sissy brat”  I once saw on deviant art a comic where every character was explained in a very good manner. Rarity was described as someone who likes to give more than anything else but she hates it when her gifts are underappreciated or for the matter of fact, ruined. I don’t know if you’ve seen the same comic like me, or came to the same conclusion as the artist who made it, but you kept Raritys character amzingly close to that explanation of her.

You did a marvelous job in showing the twists that Raritys mind were in. She never became truly evil (although chapter 2 was really close to cupcake levels even if it didn’t involved explicit gore and slaughter) and her own actions destroyed her very self. The described emotional wall was perfectly used.  It kind of “is” a natural protection for her own mind to build up a fictive world where everything is alright and lying to herself so her commited crime doesn’t go onto her substance. You kept it so realistic that it was hard to believe, that it wasn’t true what happened there @.@

Now what I didn’t like in this story

.oO(Keep in mind Ratnap you have to keep it professional) *sigh*

First of all that I consider every fiction with that kind of actions (one of the Ponys who goes insane and do really, really horrible stuff) always as “off character”.

This is FiM! Friendship is magic!

Not “Fermention inevitable meme” or something like this >.<

No I’m not inconsistent now because i wrote in the “like” section that you stayed remarkably close to her character. The caon chars wouldn’t be able to do something like this even in their dreams and

ARGH!

Sorry, I’ll keep this for the reflection part later.

When I read a fiction I must be able to “hear” the voice of the actors. Even that it was possible for me to hear Raritys voice for the most parts (even in chapter 2 and 3 as well Fluttershy’s) I wasn’t even remotely able to hear the voice in Raritys head as her own. I tried. I really tried hard but most of that was spoken in her mind in chapter 2 was beyond my imagination.

It is simply because I can’t imagine my facourite characters actually think about such actions not to mention doing it. Make it the next time the voice of Nightmare Moon, discord or a completly unknown unrelated voice but not the voice of the main actor ._.

Okay, that is more like a personal opinion how I would have done it, but... nevertheless .. :/

Apart of this and the occasional missing words, not capitalized I or forgetting to ponyfie “everyone” and the like I don’t have much to complain on the professional side of things.

Oh I have one thing. Keep in mind that not only native speakers read your story and stay away from abbreviations like FUI. On the context, several times I read the sentence again and hard thinking I believe it means “flying under influence” or “driving drunk” in our world, right? It’s not necessary to tune down your vocabulary because of this. We all have internet and therefore a dictionary but abbreviations are far harder to find and stop the reading flow quite much.

The reflection.

I hope you sit just fine?

Fastened seatbelt?

Earmuffs?

Because I can’t make sure that I don’t go on a rant or accusions now, but I try to stay clean and as “calm” as ponyly possible after reading it.

Why did you have to kill the whole gang?!? T.T

As it wasn’t hearth wrenching enough when Rarity hit Sweetie Belle in affect and cause her neck to break. Chapter one alone would be almost sufficient enough for a complete story. It was crushing sad and on some personal level you could understand Raritys motives to give her little sister the poison. Not approving it, but kind of reasonable. I’m not sure if I could see the episode “sisterhoof social” ever again after reading chapter one of the story >.< It starts the same way as if the authors had read your story as well and made it the starting on purpose _._

But on the other hand I can understand that you couldn’t end just at this point and Raritys whole reputation was ruined anyway, so you just put more tense into it, when the other two showed up and were looking for Sweetie Belle. You had to resolve the situation and I cudgeled my head what other possibilitys you might had on that point, but it turned out, that there weren’t much and since you intended to kill the whole gang *big sigh again* it was the right way to go.

Next time you want to kill the CMC’s just make them do something dangerous on one of their adventures where they get killed >.<

It just broke my hearth seeing Sweetie Belle dying in Raritys hooves (as I said her reaction was understandable on some level) and then when she broke the trust the other two had in her and killing them violently and on purpose _._

Her struggle after the humicide was nearly the same struggle I had inside myself. Twisted and sick. Not able to really catch what has just happened and completly destroyed.

Because of some weird reason I liked the last chapter the most. I don’t know, because Rarity settled down? Her conciousness kicked in? Fluttershy appearing? I don’t know, really.

And it was a little bit surprising finding out Fluttershys own little “dark secret” in the course of actions. And I believe you made the right decision to let Rarity kill herself in the end of the story. You had to end it, or otherwise you would have caused so much trouble among the friends that it would have evolved into a whole book what happend afterwards. And Raritys mind finally came to peace. This was as well the part where I wasn’t able to withstand my tears any more, espacially the last few paragrahps when she was already alone with her sister and apologizing at her. I sincerly hope that she gets to see her sister in the afterlife where she isn’t covered above both ears in work and have time to really spent time with her.

Darn, I’m misting up again _._

Conclusion:

I don’t like the story I simply can’t like it because of it’s content. But I have to respect and acknowledge what you achieved with your writing. You invoked a real strong cocktail of emotions. Sadness, madness, denial, hearth ache, strong caring feelings, pity and sympathy. At least for my part. If your goal was to make sompony feel miserable after reading this, well I must compliment you for succeeding there.

As far as I’m concerned every story involving death and sadness for the known Ponys requires an additional warning for everypony with a feeble emotional state. Heck I consider myself mostly as non emotional, I didn’t cryed when my grandpa died or my dog, but this story is close before I start sobbing like a toddler ._.

I expect an apology muffin and a new hearth warming daaaaaw chapter in your other story today because you made me read this story!

Don’t be afraid that I’m mad at you tough, but I really do need something very sweet now, reading some cute little romance fanfics and comedy is exactly what I need now. Your writing was very good here it’s only that I can’t stand this kind of topic in a fanfic.

*waves and goes for a huge pile of chocolate now*

I was worried this would become a story where Rarity becomes annoyed by Sweetie Belle and kills her in a horribly gruesome fashion. However I gave you a chance because Study Buddies was simply amazing. After reading it I am blown away by this story. One of the best I have read.

Please write more stories. Wait if you write more stories then you will have less time to update the ones you have! Gahhh!

-Nikola of Tesla

Head Researcher of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of Technology

Normally I would agree with Ratnap about any story involving ponies going crazy and killing others as being off character. However you make it work in a way I have only seen in Rocket to Insanity. Your treatment of the physiological ramifications of murder is beyond words brilliant. I can see Rarity doing just that. I can see almost anyone doing that. Rarity isn't crazy or psychotic nor is she evil. She just made a mistake and got in over her head. I agree with MLP-Lover; I hope she goes to where the Cutie Mark Crusaders do. In the end she sought redemption the only way she could.  

The ratings flabbergast me. This deserves- I don't know what. Part of me (the part tearing up over the final scene) is calling for you to be banished to the moon for your crimes. Part of me is giving you standing applause and wanting to put you on commission. Personal feelings aside this is an amazing story. The saddest part of this story is there is no more. Thank you for restoring my faith in this genre.

And on a completely different note, Study Buddies has been updated so I am off!

Nikola of Tesla

Head Researcher of Department of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of Technology

>>3155931559 I gotta say thank you very much for the good review sorta made me feel better about doing this one first... I didn't want a cheesy romance for my first story (everyone does that...) so i went a little off the grid for it.  

Either way, I found a new respect for the cutie mark crusaders after writing this one... sorta made me think about just how weird it would be if they weren't there.  They still annoy me, but i don't hate them

Also: probably a weird coincidence, but under the statistics one of the biggest spikes of views i got for this story in its entirety was when the episode "sisterhoof" social came out... those of you who both read this one and watched that know what i'm talking about when i say that's kinda weird

Screw the crying routine. I was laughing a majority of the tragedy.

You should have cut off Scootaloo's head to see if she would run around.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

After rereading this I still like it but have one problem. Rat poison is an anticoagulant that causes internal bleeding. It does not effect the nervous system directly so she would not feel her nervous system shutting down. It is a sign of how captivating this was that I missed that on the first read through. However on account she was severely emotionally disturbed not to mention dying (of internal bleeding) I can imagine that she would not be the most objective observer and could easily mistake her nervous system shutting down. Which it will just after she bleeds to death. Don't change it, as Rarity using her last moments to describe the precise way in which she is dying would steal some of the stories power. Just something that jumped out at me. Still an amazingly powerful story.

Nikola of Tesla

Head of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of Technology

>>6180361803 For the sake of argument let's just say the "Rat Poison" she took was Arsenic.  Arsenic causes damage and interference with the cytoskeleton of cells (among many... many other problems in the body) and could lead to a nervous system shut down before death.  Just trying to justify the choice for rat poison here though I didn't quite think through specifics of how it would kill her when I used that as the medium for death, I just used the first common household toxic item that came to my mind while I was writing it.  Either way, you do have a point, next time I write about poisoning I'll look up my toxicology better.

>>6142061420 The point of this story wasn't to be totally fucked up only a little bit.  If you want me to write a story where Rarity goes on a Cupcakes-level killing spree just organize a petition and I'll get started at 100 signatures or more

The feels oh god so many feels.

Wow... I really don't know why this story isn't more popular.

Loved it!

Image: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0803/absinthetic/funny%20internets/SlowClap.gif

My god. If you ever wrote a full fledged novel, I'd be the first to buy. This tragedy is absolutely amazing.

The first chapter was amazing. I mean, the premise began as typical sibling tension and than manifested into a tragedy unknown to the world. I don't find Rarity's reaction out of character: in fact, it was something any of us might have done in that situation. The spelling and grammar were nearly flawless and the characters were spot-on. It's just...wow, amazing.

(But Sweetie Belle?! )

To sum up the story in as few words as possible:

Horrendously Detracting, but beautiful to the very end.

That is all I care to say.

Well Done.

Oh god I'm crying I'm actually crying!

Still great story though even though it's a tragedy I know I should have expected it to be sad when I saw that but....this story is just so powerful I mean I have to agree with machinistbrony up there if you were to ever write a full fledged tragedy novel or well just any novel for that matter ( your other works are great too) I'd definitely buy it.

How could Rarity kill her own sister?

I cried through every chapter ]

Wow, that was a really depressing story man . I wonder though, hows Fluttershy gonna explain that to applejack and scoots parents. Thats got to be awkward story to tell.

no more cmc

why

Yours is a black heart, and I mean that in the best possible way.

I pretty much agree with everything Ratnap said.

I think this clip pretty much sums up how I feel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmqcFEnbaWM

  That was so sad...

I'm Coming for you Rarity...

Image: http://www.myteespot.com/images/Images_d/d_7221.jpg

Great...now I need a happy story about Rarity and Sweetie before I can go to sleep.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png

RIP

This threw, my feels, into a wall, face first

I asked for A good suicide fic and you gave me one of my dream scenarios Insanity,paranoia, And finally suicide congratulations dear sir/madam you made my day.

>>18653551865355 Good!  I'm glad I could deliver what you wanted.  Grimdark fics are my favorite, so feel free to read my other one Grimoire if you want

i was brought here from the dephs of youtube

and i hear this is a sad fic

lets read it shall we?

>>20173392017339 Holy crap, this made it somewhere on youtube?  I guess that means I've officially succeeded, huh?

mercy killing, i would've done the same thing

via by different means, i didnt know you could die by rat poison so thats good

no physical pain whatsoever(i think)

>>20174482017448 Old School rat poison was arsenic, which was actually a pretty painful death, but rats can taste it and it didn't always work.  that's what i used for this kind of poison.  New rat poison is a blood thinner that takes several days to kill you (and sucks all day every day until you die) but that wouldn't work, and Ponies seem to be in a semi-primitive society.  Both of them are very deadly if you take them, so don't do it x3

a painful death?

thats terrible

and yes, you did succeed

someone on youtube(gameranter)did a reading but only got part 1 uploaded

so im like "fuck it, reading the whole thing"

around here my ever so brilliant brain decides it wants to hear some dead island

so here i am reading chap.2 listening to the saddest tune in the face of the Earth

>>20176142017614 Well I hope you enjoy it so far x3 I'm gonna quit using my comments section as an IM board for now, much as it has been a pleasure talking.

My reaction to this story after reading it:

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_magijs2Kfy1rw2gyh.gif