The Penguins meet Friendship
Chapter One
As usual, the penguins are going about their business.
Skipper is fussing about Blowhole and his whereabouts, Private’s watching the Lunacorns, Rico’s combing his dolly’s hair, and Kowalski and Pat are working on a new invention.
“What are we doing again?” Pat asked.
“We’re making a new portal to new universes.” Kowalski said.
“Didn’t that nearly end the universe?” Pat asked inquisitively.
“Well, yes, but this time, the portal is much more stable.” Kowalski stated.
“Right… Why don’t I believe you?” Pat said with a bit of sarcasm.
“Just trust me." Kowalski said. Kowalski, then, screws in a few bolts and nuts, making sure they are tight.
“Alright, almost done. I just need the special serum and we'll be ready to go!” Kowalski said.
“What do we need to get for that?” Pat asked inquisitively.
“Just like my time machine, which failed sadly, the serum will give us safe passage. But we need a different kind than the last one I got to avoid any problems.” Kowalski stated.
“Well, got any in mind Kowalski?” Pat asked.
“A special serum called Expo. Finding it won't be…” Kowalski stopped when Rico barfs up a vile with Expo in it.
“What the? Rico! How did you…” Kowalski said, at a loss for words.
“Don't ask...” Rico said, waddling away.
“The stuff Rico has scares me sometimes.” Pat said.
“You're not the only one.” Kowalski said, putting the serum into the machine.
“There we go, and now…” He turns it on. “It works!” Kowalski yelled.
“Finally an invention of yours that doesn't either nearly kill me, or blow up right after it starts up.” Pat said.
“Don't worry. As long as no one interferes with it, we should be fine.” Kowalski said with a reassuring smile.
Right after that, the two penguins begin to get sucked into the portal.
“You were saying Kowalski?!” Pat said in a mad tone.
“I don't want to hear it! Ahhhh!!!” Kowalski, then gets sucked into the portal.
Skipper, Private, and Rico scurries into the lab.
“What in the name of Eisenhower's Oatmeal?!” Skipper yelled.
“DON'T ASK!” Pat bellowed as the portal sucks him in.
“PAT!” Skipper said, reaching for Pat’s flipper but doesn't make it in time as the portal closes. “Darn it!”
“Oh dear.” Private said.
“We need to get this portal running again and save Kowalski and Pat!” Skipper yelled.
“Hello stupid birds!” Julien bellowed.
“Why now of all times? Ringtail, we're really busy right now. Can't you bother us some other time?” Skipper asked.
“Eh, No. Why would the king be bothering you?” Julien said.
“Well, what do you want?” Skipper asked.
“What in the name of the sky spirits are you doing?” Julien asked.
“That's classified information, Ringtail.” Skipper proclaimed.
Marlene, then, enters the penguins HQ. “Hey guys!” Marlene said.
“Oh, hi Marlene!” Private said, giving her a wave.
“What are you guys up to?” Marlene said.
“Classified!” Skipper said.
“Pat and Kowalski were sucked into the portal!” Private told her.
Skipper slaps the back of his head. “Private!” Skipper yelled.
“A portal? A portal to where?” Marlene asked.
“That is what we're trying to find out. Now please, the both of you, leave.” Skipper said.
“Uh, no. The king shall go with you.” Julien said.
“I'm going with you.” Marlene said.
“Negative! This is a penguin only mission!” Skipper said with a scowl.
“I'm going with you, whether you want me to or not.” Marlene said, handcuffing herself to Skipper.
“What the Deuce? Where did you get handcuffs?” Skipper said, a mystified look on his face.
“Where do YOU think I got them?” Marlene said.
“The toy store?” Private said, with an innocent smile.
“I got them from Rico.” Marlene stated.
“Rico!” Skipper yelled.
“Uh, sorry?” Rico grunted.
“He's not giving you the key, unless I get to go.” Marlene said.
“Rico, give me the key now!” Skipper yelled.
Rico almost barfs up the key.
“Don't do it, Rico!” Marlene said, with a bit of rage.
Rico doesn't upchuck the key. “Okay.” Rico grunted.
“Rico!” Skipper yelled.
“Sorry.” Rico said, saying some random gibberish.
“At least he knows how to be a gentleman to the ladies.” Private said.
Rico burps loudly.
“Most of the time...” Private said in slight disgust.
Julien flips a switch, turning the portal on, and sucking the 3 penguins, lemur, and otter into it.
They soon appear in Equestria, falling on an open field near Ponyville.
“Gah! Wha… what happened?” Skipper said, rubbing his face with his hoof, but then sees it’s a hoof! “What the French Toast happened to my flippers?” Skipper said with shock.
“We're some kind of pony.” Marlene said.
Private looks at himself and lets out a huge gasp. “I'm a Lunacorn! And so are you all!”
“Oh no...” Skipper said, doing a facehoof.
“I don't think we're Lunacorns Private.” Marlene said.
“But we look like Lunacorns!” Private insisted.
“HI!” Pinkie Pie said, popping up out of nowhere.
Skipper gets scared by Pinkie's loud hello. “Gah! Who are you?” Skipper yelled, a bit frightened from Pinkie’s hi.
“Oh my gosh!” Private hugs Pinkie Pie. “It’s Pink Balloon! The happiest of all Lunacorns!” Private exclaimed.
“I'm Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie said with a smile.
“Oh, hey fellas.” Pat said, waving a hoof at Skipper.
“Pat! You're okay! Where's Kowalski?” Skipper asked.
“Over there, talking with Twilight.” Pat said, pointing at Kowalski, where he is chatting with Twilight.
“You're talking to a bad movie?” Julien said.
“He's talking to my friend, Twilight Sparkle.” Pinkie said.
“I don't remember the name of that Lunacorn.” Private said, trying to remember the Lunacorns names.
“We aren't Lunacorns silly, we're ponies!” Pinkie blurted out.
“Aww...” Private said, a bit disappointed.
“Kowalski, this is where your portal took us?” Skipper asked.
“Yes.” Kowalski said, nodding.
“Welcome to Equestria. My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight said with a smile.
Rico can't help but to snicker at Twilight’s name.
“Equestria? That's such a strange name.” Skipper stated.
“That's what it's called. Got a problem with it?” Twilight said, a frown now on her face.
“No, it’s just that...well...it sounds…” Skipper stops short.
“Girly!” Rico said, bursting out in laughter, and falls to the ground laughing his tail off to Twilight's name and the name of Equestria.
Twilight zaps both of them with her horn, enraged by Rico and Skipper laughing at her name and Equestria’s name.
“Ow!” Both Skipper and Rico said.
“What was that for?” Skipper said, a bit mad.
“Do not EVER make fun of my name.” Twilight said, with anger.
“But…” Rico stops.
Skipper slaps Rico. “Don't do it.” Skipper said.
“Now, welcome to Ponyville.” Twilight said, a smile coming back onto her face.
Rico snickers again.
“Lame.” Rico said.
“I like it!” Private said with a big smile.
“The first thing you need to know: You four are earth ponies.” Twilight points out.
“Earth Ponies? Lady, we're penguins. NOT pretty little ponies.” Skipper said, a bit annoyed.
“You sure don't look like penguins. You're ponies here.” Twilight said.
“Well that's because you're world changed us into cute ponies!” Private said excitedly.
“I can handle being a cute penguin, but I'd rather go back to eating those nasty fish cakes than be a cute pony.” Skipper said with a scowl.
“Aw come on, Skipper! It's not that bad.” Marlene said, smiling.
“Skipper, it's not that bad.” Pat said.
“Whatever.” Skipper said, a bit annoyed.
“So, what kind of pony am I?” Marlene said, scratching her head, but touches a horn.
“Whoa! I have a horn!” Marlene exclaimed excitedly.
“You must be a horny pony!” Julien said, Pinkie playing a rimshot on the drums.
“She's a Unicorn. Pat's a Pegasus. I'm an Alicorn.” Twilight said, a bit annoyed.
“Oooo… What am I?” Julien asked, looking at himself.
“I have wings!” Julien, then, feels his head.
“And I have a horn! So am I the Allycorny too?” Julien asked.
“So, this moron "king" is a freaking Alicorn... We're all doomed.” Pat said, facehoofing.
“So since I have a horn, does this mean I have magical powers?” Julien asked Twilight.
“Oh Celestia, I hope not.” Twilight said.
“Let’s see if I do!” Julien said, thinking of something to pop up. He summons a huge king crown for himself.
“A brand new crown! Hooray!” Julien exclaimed, as he puts the crown on.
“How do I look?” Julien asked.
“First, you are not a king of anything here. Second, that crown looks stupid.” Twilight said, a bit irritated.
“Shows what you know? I am the King! And I could become the King of Equestmo if I wanted.” Julien said, Twilight glaring back in anger.
“Equestria.” Marlene said.
“Whatever.” Julien said.
“You'd be thrown in a dungeon by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna before you could do that.” Twilight said with a bit of a snarl.
“But what if I marry one of them? Or both for that matter!” Julien said proudly.
“They would never marry someone so... obnoxious.” Twilight said with a bit of anger.
“But my looks will make them forget that.” Julien said with a smirk.
“Hello handsome.” Rarity said, her eyes fixed on Julien.
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4772503 Could you at least tell me what you thought?
4772517
It's something I haven't seen before. You did okay with the dialogue and characterization, but you need a picture to catch the eye. If you're going to make your own character then don't start where you were. Start back to how the character was initiated into the squad don't just throw him out there. It's an okay start I just think you need to put more information in it. If you want any help just tell me, but right now I have to go do something with another story.
Till the next one
-R
4772555 He was already part of the squad. You'll need to read my earlier fanfics on my Fanfiction.net or my dA.
4773174
Some people may not want to go to the other site to read it, so I would reccomend giving some backround.
4773895 I'll try to post something about his background then.
4775244
Sounds good! If you want help with anything just tell me.
4775376 Could you share this too, if you don't mind? I want this to be read some more.
Hmm... well, since you asked for some advice I'll give it to ya. For starters, the main gist of the story is comprised of dialogue and multiple speakers going back and forth. You need some description to go along with this. Include what the setting looks like, what the penguins are doing (such as facial reactions and such). Another poor aspect is the fact that people who don't know about the Penguins of Madagascar will have a tough time following this story. You kind of dive right into it without any sort of proper pacing in mind. The story needs to slow down a bit, build up the action, and then eventually lead up to every major plot point. My advice to you is to fix your pacing issues and figure out a better way to introduce the crossover elements without alienating readers. Perhaps an editor or two can assist you if you search the site groups for one. Anyway, good luck!