Lead Hearts and Feathered Wings

by maddox078

Acceptance

Rays of late morning sun filtered in through the slatted blinds and highlighted the dust and filth floating in the air of the gloomy room. In there, a pegasus lay in fitful slumber. She yearned to wake up from the nightmare enveloping her, but could not discern the dream from reality, as it accurately reflected the pain and frustration she had come to know as of late.

A disagreeable reprieve soon greeted her however, as she shook from a fit in her sleep and rolled off of the bed. The corner of her nightstand proved to be quite solid as her skull made waking contact with it. Dash's eyes opened mere moments prior to her embrace with the wooded floor of the bedroom. The aching sound had no trouble filling the quiet, messy room. Rainbow swore loudly as she pushed herself up, taking a moment to look around the room through shut, groggy eyes.

This was not going to be a pleasant morning.

After a moment of cursing her existence, she dragged her sluggish hooves to the connecting bathroom and splashed lukewarm water over her face. The displeasing sensation served well in restarting the rusted clockwork of her mind.

Dash stared at her reflection for a good long while, the strain of her nightmares showing in the dark pockets under her dry eyes. The sight further eroded her mood and caused her to spend a few minutes fixing her mane before assessing herself once more in the grimy mirror.

Once again, her inanimate projection managed to beat her down, the sight being no less pitiful than before. She let out a sigh bred from a mixture of frustration and suppressed sadness before turning away from the mirror and heading for the stairs.

Nearly a week's worth of dirty dishes closed in around her as she emerged from the stairwell and into the bright, natural light filling up the kitchen. The pegasus ignored the feeling of disgust that even she felt at the sight of the decaying food lining a tower of plates and glasses precariously tilting out of the sink and various surfaces around the room.

Rainbow made her way to the tall refrigerator adjacent to the odorous sink and picked out a cup of yogurt while filling a glass with water. She carelessly tossed the two onto the table in the corner bench at the front of the room. Her eyes drifted to the wall-lining windows, taking in the sedating sight of countless individuals addressing their errands for the day. Some carried bags in their mouths, others sat at the outdoor tables of restaurants, and more than one pony was trying in vain to wrestle their children back to their side. The whole sight was unbearably banal, irritating in its consistent flow despite her own life recently screeching to a halt.

When she had finished her breakfast, the sullen pegasus left the remains at the table and listlessly cantered over to the front door, donning a magenta scarf before reaching for the handle. Upon stepping out into the street and hearing the latch click behind her, she felt an alien sense of freedom wash over her; her troubles seemingly confined to the ensnaring walls of her home.

The sky-colored mare had no destination, no goal in mind. It was a liberating sensation to accent her mood.

She decided to set off down the packed road towards the center of town, all the while taking passing glances in the windows of homes along the street. In many of the glass portals she passed, she spotted happy families jovially sharing their morning with each other, usually over a big home-made meal. Her envy of the sight eventually managed to stop her in her tracks; feeling the recurrent loneliness falling back on her. It began threatening to take over her mind and drag her back down, but Dash was determined to have this day as her own, not to be weighed down by heavy thoughts.

After a few blocks she turned down another busy street that merged into Everfree Plaza, hopeful to find emotional placation in aimlessly inspecting the wares on display in the market square. Once there, she let her attention be commanded by the numerous bright colored tents all around her, drifting between everything from grocers to pawn shops. She took note of nothing that lay before her, instead being distracted by the recurrent hollow feeling that engulfed her like the heavy breeze spilling the chilled autumn air over the marketplace.

Wanting a break, she trotted over to the fountain in the center and took a seat on the damp edge of the stone basin. She buried her face into her scarf and resigned herself to simply enjoying the soft sounds of the feature's flowing water drowning out the dozens of voices around her.

Dash relished the isolation the knit fabric afforded her, much as she had been growing to love the absence of others altogether lately. The blue mare sat idly for a while, content in observing other ponies frantically run about with their fleeting objectives in mind. She always loved being lazy and watching others run themselves ragged while she kicked back. Heck, on more than one occasion she had watched her co-workers buck clouds all day while she rested on a nearby but out of sight tree on her day off. The masochistic grin didn't leave her face that entire day.

Despite fleeting attempts by her heart to relapse into her misery, Rainbow was enjoying the serenity, finally feeling like there was a life for her beyond what had happened. True, her love was gone, and when it was uprooted from her heart its snaking tendrils took with it the love she held for her dreams and passions. She hadn't taken to flight in ages, her lead heart pushed her down to the earth each and every time the urge for freedom rose in her chest. But she realized there was a cunning solace to how her world and those around her were ever-changing; there is no permanent salvation and no permanent damnation for anybody. Through this, time can and will heal all wounds. Dash was far from 'healed,' but seeing the joy she now derived from simple pleasures like walking through the leaf-blown streets on a bright afternoon gave her an emerging sense of calm, and quite possibly even hope.

The first smile in a week's time began to spread across her features, venting the poison of sorrow from her veins as she re-emerged from the cotton cocoon of her scarf, leaving her smothering isolated 'comfort' behind. It was likely, she thought, that keeping herself busy would be the ideal painkiller while the ends of her wounds stretch tirelessly towards each other, yearning to close the vulnerable hole in her core being.

So, her mind started to shift back into a familiar groove as she now tried to tackle her favorite kind of problem: what to do with an empty day? The pondering pegasus hadn't been allotted even a full minute of thought before a familiar sound redirected her concentration.

"Hey, captain, over here!"

Her magenta eyes scanned the surrounding area for the voice vying for her attention. She soon spotted a dark purple pegasus sporting a sky blue bodysuit with prismatic accents on the ends of the hooves and neck. Rainbow instantly recognized the pegasus as one of her top recruits for the Renegades.

"Oh.....hey Amethyst," Dash replied in a listless tone, unintentionally conveying her distaste for the chance encounter.

The stallion paid no mind to his superior's tone of voice, however, and simply looked at her with a quizzical expression.

"Um, I know it's not my place to question your decisions, let alone your personal life, but where have you been this past week? You haven't shown up to practice at all and me and the others were starting to get really worried.......but none of us particularly wanted to go knocking on your front door and disrupt....whatever it is you've been doing."

Amethyst attempted to speak with confidence and dignity, but failed to prevent his fear, or 'respect' as Dash liked to call it, from saturating his words and causing him to hesitate noticeably.

Rainbow wasn't as irked about his question as she was that he had shown up at all. She hadn't given much thought to the team the past week, and now she had to think on her hooves to prevent her image from slipping in the eyes of one of the most important fliers on the team.

"Look recruit, I admit I should have contacted you all about my absence, but you had it right the first time in saying that my personal life is none of your business. Everything's fine, I've just been feeling a little ill. That's why I'm here to begin with, I'm going to visit a friend of mine in the Everfree to get a remedy and be back as soon as possible. You are to convey this message to the others on the team and resume regular practices under your own guidance. You're a strong and smart leader all your own, I'm certain this won't be a problem?"

Her subordinate blushed slightly at the compliment, a goofy and surprised smile adorning his features before he regained composure.

"Ma'm no ma'm!" He shouted a bit louder than Dash would have preferred. She nodded her head, accepting his answer, before turning to leave and continue walking about town.

"Um, Ms. Dash?" The voice from behind her leaked its trepidation once more. "For what it's worth I uh, do already know what happened; news about a high-profile individual such as yourself gets around. I wasn't going to say anything unless you did though, but now I just want to let you know that I hope things work out for you. Me and the others know why you ride us so hard and yell all the time, and we want you to know that we don't hold anything against you. We're damn proud to have you as our leader.....and friend."

Silence became the wind swirling around the two of them as thoughts raced in their respective minds for something to say. Rainbow remained with her head turned back over her shoulder to regard her recruit. The silence began screaming for her to answer, to say something, anything to put the young stallion's mind at ease.

"Yeah," was all she managed as she turned away and walked out of the market.

The sun had progressed much faster through its course than Rainbow had wanted. Her day out, her day of healing, was winding down noticeably. For the past half dozen hours she had done nothing but drift through the stone streets, letting her eyes take off in all directions in a manner of freedom that still somehow eluded the rest of her.

Her legs had moved her heavy mind under automation, focused only on making negligible decisions of which way to turn at each intersection. She was an ant scurrying through the winding nest of her city, hopelessly searching for something to please the angry and demanding queen that her anguish became.

The needs of her body were the only things that successfully broke her free from the auto-hypnosis that had made a vagabond of her for the better part of the day. The desires of hunger loudly voiced themselves in her mind as she broke from her nomadic trance. Seeing as she was only a couple blocks from the Plaza which she started from, Dash decided to head back there in hopes that something would catch her attention this time around.

She still could not take flight, and resigned to walk the way back over there as if she never had her liberating wings to begin with. It was hooves on a chalkboard to her, knowing she held the capacity to fly, to be free, but a dead weight intangible to her wrapped itself around her neck and relentlessly tried to pull her underground. Fortunately, these haunting thoughts were quickly denied an audience once she had arrived at her destination.

Rainbow looked from end to end of the market for any stall or tent suggesting edible wares. Her eyes found nothing of the sort, or at least nothing that wasn't boring hay or bland grass. Throughout the din of nearly a hundred other ponies, Dash's ears picked up another familiar sound from somewhere nearby. She decided to follow it until she came upon two ponies, one recognizable, one not, laughing heartily at some inside story.

"Ah just couldn't believe what he'd told me. An' so ah said to 'em, 'if that's how yah milk a cow, ah feel sorry for your wi-..........' Oh, howdy Rainbow."

The country pony turned to where a prismatic mane had entered the corner of her vision. Her reaction was an off-putting mixture of both genuine shock and some faint degree of elation. The stallion accompanying her picked up on the increasingly stale air between the two mares. He could tell their impending conversation held much more weight than him standing around listening to the earth pony's farm anecdotes.

"Um, well hey AJ, I'm gonna go ahead and get going. I'm sure my brother's gettin' mighty worried now since I ain't at the table."

Applejack's anonymous friend waved goodbye to her as he turned and trotted off in the direction of the now setting sun. Rainbow hadn't seen the appreciative nod the farmer gave to her acquaintance, silently thanking him for allowing them privacy. After a moment of watching him go, Applejack dejectedly sighed and faced her recently elusive best friend.

"Well......there ya are....How've ya'll been doin' sugarcube?"

Her voice attempted to convey her sympathy, but not insult Rainbow by treating her like an injured animal. Unfortunately, the attempt had failed, as her pegasus companion narrowed her eyes in disgust before replying.

"You of all ponies ought to know that I'm not about to talk about my 'feelings.'"

The earth pony nodded her head and gave an expression to show she understood and accepted that, for now. But she wasn't about to give up there; the fallout from the events of last week had created a schism amongst the group of friends. No one blamed Fluttershy for her actions, especially since they had advised her to do just as she had. But neither did anybody want Rainbow to be hurt, only for her to see what she was becoming and hopefully change. They had all agreed that the shock and indignation of the non-mutual separation would be a wake-up call for the brash pegasus. It was instead doing nothing more than drown her mind and mute her heart, if the infinitely tired expression on her face was anything to go by. But AJ knew that to rebuild someone, you had to break them. There was no doubt in her mind that Dash could take such a treatment.

"Well Rainbow, ya'll are right about that one. But ah don't think ya'll should jus' be isolatin' yerself, it ain't healthy. Why don't ah swing by yer place after dinner and we can jus' hang out like usual?"

Dash wasn't sold on the idea, and was about to decline until her friend added on to her offer.

"We jus' finished a whole new batch of cider today, but then again ah guess you wouldn't want nothin' to do with that. Oh well, suppose ah'll just go give it to Twilight so she can show me some of them fancy dance moves of hers."

Both mares paused for a moment after that, before bursting into raucous laughter. Rainbow completely let her guard down as she tried in vain to wipe the tears forming in her eyes, barely able to choke out a reply.

"I-I swear, watch-watching Twilight dance always manages to make me f-feel better about any embarrassing thing I've ever done! Hahahaha."

A malicious grin tugged the corners of Applejack's mouth.

"Oh really? What about the last time we all went out for a drink and ya'll got up on the table and started tryin' to sing some Sapphire Shores song? Well, If you could call that painful wailing noise 'singing.' Heh heh, I didn't even know glass really could break from somepony's voice, thought that was jus' an ol' movie gag."

Rainbow's face burned at the painful jab, but it secretly made her feel better. It all gave her a sense of returning normalcy, in a way that only best friends could do: harassing each other.

"Oh filly, you want to play that game? 'Cause I got loads of ammo for you, like at Twi's Hearth's Warming party last year? Yep, gonna be hard to top when you-OW!"

The orange farm pony smacked the pegasus in the back of her head before calmly continuing.

"Ah take that as a, 'Yes Ms. Applejack, ya'll can come right on over when ya please.'"

Rainbow snickered loudly, "When have I ever said 'ya'll'?"

With the same calm grace and dignity as before, AJ slapped the back of her friend's head.

"Ow! Hey, what th-"

"See ya at seven, Rainbow Crash?"

Dash rolled her eyes, but still managed a sincere smile.

"See you at seven, Applesmack."

Upon arriving back at her home, Rainbow passed out on the aged couch in her living room. It took mere minutes for the late sunlight's deep shadows across the cozy room to push her mind out of reality. Her rest this time was less fitful, but felt uncomfortably empty and blank. She awoke a couple hours later, only to realize she really ought to clean up before having company. Dash hastily looked at the clock hanging across the room; Applejack was going to show up in fifteen minutes, and the sorry sight of her current living conditions was likely going to betray her true emotional disarray to her friend.

The pegasus rushed to make her home presentable, but hadn't accomplished much by the time she heard a firm knock on the door. The frantic mare winced visibly at the sound, seeing she was too late to cover up the widespread mess. She slowly trotted over to let the earth pony inside from the escalating winds, which blew leaves and other floral debris up and down the streets wildly under a harvest moon.

"Thank ya," the blonde mare spoke between her chilled stuttering. "And as promised, twelve bottles of Equestria's finest."

She reached around to her saddle bags and pulled out two wooden cases, each holding a half dozen simple glass bottles sporting large red apple labels. With the cases set on the counter, the two took their seats at the island bar. Neither mare uttered a single word until their first bottles held nothing more than a sticky, alcoholic residue on the inside. As AJ finished her bottle, she brought it down on the granite countertop and wiped the lingering dribble from her muzzle with the back of her hoof. She then slowly raised her head, a pained and earnest look in her emerald eyes, and spoke in such a soft manner that it nearly let itself be drowned out by the howling winds pressing to get inside.

"Now ya'll better understand that ah didn't walk all the way over here in this weather to listen to you spout nonsense about bein' ok."

Rainbow wasn't about to press the issue, she had acknowledged to herself that she was going to have to speak up about her problems sooner or later. It didn't make the idea more appealing to her, but her first drink served well to unwind the dense knot in her head regardless.

"So, honest to Celestia, how're ya holdin' up, Dash?"

The pegasus' ears betrayed her internal desire to bottle up as they clasped down tightly on top of her head. She found immediate and meaningful satisfaction in picking at the apple label around the bottle, not fully being prepared to interact with the Apple sitting beside her just yet. But, after a stern glare from her friend, she sighed and slowly shook her head as she spoke words from the quarantined corners of her mind.

"I mean, what else would you expect me to say, other than I'm a wreck? I mean, Celestia, just look at this place. I didn't even know I owned this many dishes."

Rainbow shifted uncomfortably in her seat, eyes still fixated on the bottle's plastic wrapper, wrinkled up by condensation.

"I still can't wrap my head around what Fluttershy was even thinking. She told me I wasn't treating her right; she said that I had changed and she didn't love me anymore. The only insight into her decision she could offer me was that I was too wrapped up in my team. Can you believe that? The damn mare knows it's been my dream to fly with a prestigious aerobatics team since before we even met, and when I finally got somewhere with that foal's pipe dream she just walks out because she can't handle my late hours! What is that? What kind of 'supportive' partner does that?"

Her aggression rising, Dash reached for another bottle and brought it down along the side of the counter, launching its metal cap to some forsaken corner of the room.

Applejack took only a short moment to digest her friend's words while she rapidly downed the new bottle of cider, but spent far longer trying to delicately prepare her retort. She wasn't here to simply let the mare vent; this was her opportunity to open her eyes to what she really had become.

"Hun, ah need ya'll to listen very carefully to me. You may not want it, but ah'm about to show you some of mah honesty, cut an' dry. But despite what ah say, ah expect you to show me yer loyalty, and not ignore or resent me for what ah tell you."

She didn't wait for any kind of reply, she simply let out a heavy sigh before looking up and making unwavering eye contact with the mare next to her.

"Sugarcube, 'Shy ain't no villain here, she's got a damn good reason fer leavin' you high an' dry. To put it bluntly, Rainbow: you've become nuthin' but a real ass." Only Dash's expression changed as AJ continued on. "Ya'll did focus way too damn much on yer team, and not a single one of us knows how you didn't manage to see it affectin' the pony closest to you. Now if anypony can tell you the problems of workin' yerself to death, that'd be me. Ah do it all the time, but the difference is, ah don't let that kinda thing seep into mah heart and start changin' who ah really am. You kept tryin' to scrap yer own life and use the parts to build some hideous monument to yer own insecurities. Ah know, well we all know, that bein' part of some fancy flyin' team has always been your dream. But yer crazed obsession with recognition and prestige took over yer life and made you nuthin' but its slave. And what was the price for yer 'dream'? The pony you loved. Right now, ah'm pretty sure ah know which one you'd rather have, but it's too damn late, hun."

Applejack relaxed her stern gaze, attempting to observe any perceivable affects her words may have had. It at first seemed as though Rainbow's tough exterior negated even the harshest things she had to say, but her resolve soon shattered like the now empty bottle she swatted off the counter in anguished frustration.

"Why are you telling me this?! Do you really think I don't beat myself up enough already?" The pegasus' eyes became laced with a heavy layer of hot tears, and her quavering voice conveyed a degree of vulnerability that none had ever seen from her before.

An orange hoof nervously brushed stray blonde locks out of emerald eyes as the earth pony struggled to deliver her bitter medicine to her broken friend. In the attempt to not falter on her convictions, she inadvertently turned her hesitation into defensive aggression.

"Ah ain't finished, Rainbow!" Dash could only look on in dismal horror. "It ain't enough that you sabotaged your relationship for this team of yours, but you also went on to just forget about all of us, all of yer friends. That ain't no symbol of loyalty. We tried to stay by your side at first; ah want you to know just how darn excited we all got when we heard ya'll had finally formed yer team and got a gig flyin' at the Summer Sun Celebration. Many of us showed up to yer practices too when we had the time, but none of this seemed to register with you! Within months you'd 'bout near stopped talkin' to all of us, and whenever you did, it was always about you. Yer a grown mare Rainbow, you ought to know that friendships ain't just about takin'; you gotta give back to those who sacrifice for you, not cast 'em aside like trash!"

The sky-blue mare was shaking by this point, her wailing almost successful in drowning out the hostile words assaulting her. Applejack paused to look at her destroyed friend; she had broken her, that much was clear, so now it was time to rebuild. Love and encouragement would surely lay an unbreakable foundation for her healing. Her and the other girls would be there to show their loyalty to her, so that maybe she might remember her own, one day.

The sight was now utterly unbearable, so Applejack delicately wrapped a leg around her friend while she wept. The physical consolation of the hoof petting the back of Rainbow's head seemed to press the remaining shame and woes back into the pegasus' heart, to lay there as a reminding scar deep within. After a few minutes, Dash had cried herself out and lay silently looking off into nothing, her own eyes revealing to be equally blank. AJ continued to provide her close presence as she held her friend and spoke up once more in a soothing tone.

"It's ok sugarcube, the hard part's over; now ah just want to tell you that ah know what a wonderful mare you can be. You've long since been mah best friend, and ah only told you what ah did because ah care about you. Sometimes friends just have to be brutally honest with each other when they've lost their way."

Rainbow maintained her lifeless stare, beginning to feel the emptiness of her home pouring into her mind through her puffy eyes. The trance enveloped her for several minutes, concerning her friend greatly until she finally spoke.

"I-I'm going to go to bed now."

Applejack regarded her questioningly until she slowly rose from her seat to take her leave.

"Uh, well, alright sugarcube. If that's what you need right now ah ain't about to keep you, ah said 'bout all ah needed to."

She turned to leave but kept hesitating, feeling something greatly amiss in ending their talk in such a manner.

"Y-ya'll know where to find me, an' the other girls would really like to see you so......um."

The earth pony found her companion's silence greatly disconcerting, until she finally gave up and sighed heavily in defeat. She made her way back to the shattered pegasus and gave her a suffocating hug.

"You know we all love you dearly, sugarcube. Take care of yerself, please."

After letting go, Applejack drifted to the door and out into the tumultuous night outside.

It was a long while before the hypnosis of the dark home relinquished its grasp of Rainbow's fragile mind. She couldn't remember much, feeling as if she had just woken up. She saw that she was now alone, but the feeling didn't afflict her like it usually did. Her only concern at the moment was to get back into the disconnected mental state she had been in during the latter half of Applejack's talk.

She didn't want to be awake anymore.

Feeling the exhaustion of her long day, Dash removed herself from the bar and started towards the stairs. But before she could make her way up to the bedroom, her eyes drifted to something resting on the counter. She saw the cases of cider Applejack had left behind.

Rainbow stared long and hard at them before walking back and sorrowfully indulging herself until that numbness returned to her.

Author's Note:

Well, sorry that took so much longer than expected. I had a great deal more trouble writing this chapter than the previous two, even though I'd had it more fleshed out in my mind before starting. Anyway, hope you enjoy the story so far, and expect an update in about the same amount of time!