What if Spike had been home when Tirek destroyed the Golden Oaks Library, and had been killed? What would Twilight do? More importantly, who would be able to stand in her way and stop her when she delivers retribution to those who have caused her to lose everything? After she defeats Tirek in combat, she turns her focus on all of Equestria, and those whom she lays blame upon for the death of one she held dear to her.
With the combined powers of all the princesses inside of her, and a deep anger within her soul, can she be stopped, or will all of Equestria answer to her wrath?
Written for the Twirant's Kingdom Competition in the Tyrant Sparkle group.
Proofreading and editing done by:
DustyPwny
Chapters (3)
Equestria is doomed.
... Dissy?
If you can pull this off well, I will be most impressed...
The creed demands more.
4496556 looks like I shall be working on the next chapter while I am up at Dunkin Donuts.
4496602 and that will be?
With both perpetrators of Spikes death taken out Twilight should revert to grieving over spike.
I would have dropped the show and left the site, then cried in the corner.
Also, this needs an AU tag.
This sounds Asura's Wrath or God of War inspired.
4496610 At the DD now. Getting ready to crank out pony words
4496629 Yeah... I thought of that as well... I'll be adding the AU tag
Oh... my
Only thing i can think of when Discord dies is... Well... fuck...
I was going to make a thread about this but forgot. This turned out pretty good. In a world with no magic, Twilight Sparkle lets off steam for losing the anchor in her life. If she wasn't blinded by fury, she COULD bring him back to life right? I mean he died like what, 15 min ago?
4497334 I would ask something of you. Before you try telling a writer how to write his story, please make certain that you, yourself have at least more than one story written...
Thank you.
NOOOOO MY FEELS ALREADY WHY
Whelp, Equestria's f
ed.
Yes.
4497388
Ya have a really nice story going here.
But ya personally lost me when you decided to be a jerk about criticism.
Congrats on the feature!
Finally a Story where Twilight goes on a Rampage.
And I don't think they will survive.
4497388
How do you know they don't? Ok, they may only have one MLP story written, but that doesn't mean they don't have other, non-MLP things written elsewhere(this site is only for MLP fanfiction so it's not like they can post other stuff).
You don't need to have written things, or even have a lot of things written to be able to offer constructive criticism.
Nor did you need to be so rude about. I mean, geeze, they expressed an opinion and idea, and without being rude I might add. There's no need to get pissy about it. You acted worse than they did.
4498014 It got featured? SWEET!!!
Well, if you have your account set to NOT show Nature... then yeah, it's in the box lol
4498672 where's the end of the world song when you need it?
Holy shit, this is what should have happened!
Also,
is missing 'he' I assume.
4498863 lol, even with people checking it over... that got missed. thank you.
A tiny, singular change, and the whole of Equestria and the lands beyond are doomed to a blazing death at the hooves of a right pissed mother. A mother that, we must remember, currently possesses the combined magical strength of four Alicorns.
Yeah. The world is fucked.
Go get 'em, Twilight.
4496602 When Discord died...
DAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNN
so i'm guessing the whole thing with the box wasn't needed
4499798 I guess not...
Damn, that's some epic, dark stuff here. Can't wait to read more and see how Twilight will... Well, I dunno what exactly she is up to but I think that's gonna be some evil stuff.
I give you four out of five moustaches.
I was interested, but the 'gore for free' (Spike's death, and Discords' should warrant a Gore tag by the way) and the moment when Twilight says "F*** YOU" ruined it for me.
Interesting, though the writing style makes it feel more like a documentary.
Twilight indiscriminately kills her friends off in graphic ways. Not buying the concept even for AU story.
man, this is interesting, also, this song seems to fit the begining and fight with Tirek, along with with his explosive death.
Anyways, they're all screwed, even if my OCs were in this story, they're all still be screwed. KA BOOM! BLAM! EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND WILL HAVE TO BE PEIECED TOGETHER IN HELL!
Goku can
you know, someone did die in that tree house. Pee wee died.
4500904 Pee Wee was shown the same episode in montage form being released back to the wild.
if any creature died, besides the tree itself. It was the bees.
4497388 ... Yeah, with that attitude, I'm no longer interested in reading.
Your attitude is the same as some artists on DeviantART that make me sick. Just because you can't draw yourself doesn't mean you can't see things that need improving, or see things that are wrong with the picture. Now, was the comment somewhat blunt, and acting a little superior? Yeah, but it's up to YOU to decide how to react, and if you act like an elitist prick... You're not gonna have a ton of readers much longer. Just some friendly advice.
Eh, no. Lots of loud screaming, profanity, impotent anger, and overall just a sloppy design.
People don't read stories like this to see someone scream and kill everything. We want to see the emotional turmoil, the dark path they walk as their sanity slowly starts to slip away, and they cross the line from grief to rage. A good tragedy should have a slow decline of the hero towards their end, like rolling down a hill.
Instead, Twilight just fell down a cliff and we got to see her at the bottom. There is no progression, no mood building, no...really anything at all. Twilight goes mad with grief and rage, blames everyone else, and cuts a swath of destruction across Equestria.
Also, because your prior comments suggest this may be the case, don't let a feature go to your head. There is always much to learn, and being known as someone who cannot accept criticism well is not a reputation you want to cultivate.
-Lumino
4497388 seems like someone don't know to get critics. Don't let a feature get over your head kiddo.
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Also, I don't think Twilight would act that violently. Sure she would be angry, sure she would be full of rage, but she wouldn't go to killing others- especially Discord, her friend. I just thought she'd shout at him, maybe try to attack him, but be restrained by her friends. I also doubt that she would kill Tirek, maybe maim him, but certainly not kill him. Eh.... maybe I'm just nit-picking... but I don't think Twilight would be entirely murderous, just... I dunno, just not... that. Maybe she could have stabbed Tirek, weakening him, making the others fall free, and her friends restrained her, and Twilight makes a remark of 'He's not worth it...' and walks away. Also, possibly some build up to her mental breakdown, instead of it happening instantly? I mean, she could go through the 5 stages of grief, except the anger slightly heightened, and maybe after, her going right back to Spike's body.
theprospect.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/LocnessDesignsdotcom.jpg
Maybe it's just me... Just giving a little criticism... Sorry...
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4501148 You have just given a much better example of a constructive critical comment. You gave an example of what you felt was off, and gave an example of what you feel is a better way. THAT is helpful.
The comment I replied negatively to, he came across as just trying to tell me how to write my story. There IS a difference.
Thank you for being constructive.
As for me hitting the box. I was trying to express that I was pleased. That is all. The box is nice, but the story will be written with or without being featured.
4501452 A badass that will piss in your Cheerios and steal your candy!
4501115 I do not remember that.
...Uh, I'm sorry, where's the gore tag in this?
4501610 You think it's enough to warrant it?