This man is the hero that fimfiction.net deserves.

GENIUS!!! Lucid is best Draconequiis/Alicorn hybrid. ^_^

oh this is great. pinkie messing with celestia from the other side

Very interesting!

also first

wait its been 200 thousand years and twilight sparle is still alive, and so is pinkie? did the princesses make them immortal? and why was princess cadence acting like a hippy?

Interest Levels: 98 Percent and Holding.

Character Design Flaw Scans: All turning up Negative at the moment.

Entertaining Enjoyment Levels of Joy: Holding at safe levels.

....

Sorry, but I had to get that outta my system. Being technical and all, I just had that on the brain. And when I mean character flaws, I mean how close to Mary-Sueish is your character. Lucid seems to be well designed. I wonder, is she going to meet Sweetie Belle? And if so, is she going to create a Canterlot Branch of the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Because, that would be totally awesome.

On another note.... Wouldn't that mean (I realize that NMM is another part to Princess Luna's personality, and that she's another totally different character but I still have this question), that Discord is with Princess Luna on the side?

>>12411701241170

twilight's magic might have grown so massive it rejuvenated her youth.

Wow so much funny

Also how is Twilight still alive or is it her decadent

And now we know how Supernatural Equestria ends

Not bad. Supernatural Equestria reference there at the end?

Lion King Reference.

You win.

You just win.

And I KNEW there would be a Sparkle involved in all of this!

>>12410541241054 Uh no.

>>12412041241204

As far as I know Thorax we don't know how Supernatural Equestria ends.

We only know how royalty said it had ended.

One little thing. I just found one sentence that is... awkward.

Half an hour later, two dead toasters and one broken door they were ready to leave.

Shouldn't it be...

Two dead toasters, one broken door and half an hour later they were ready to leave.

Or maybe...

After half an hour, two dead toasters and a broken door they were ready to leave.

Aside from that this is going to be good.

>>12416351241635

Good point BUT we do know a part of how it'll end or towards the end

"Hello class, my name is Miss Sparkle. I'll be your teacher this year."

Does she have a long white beard or is she still using the charm to look older since Celestia likes underage filly's.

This outta be fun...

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

I take a note from Relevant Heavy Metal and post this:

"So pound the drum and strike the chords of chaos. And scream unto the skies: Of chaos and eternal night!"

Ooh, this is promising.What time is this set in?

>>12411701241170

maybe shes just in family with her i mean, i dont think twilights family would grow away from the princesses, as for pinkie discored did mention that not even the dead can escape celestia, so yeah. but then again you never know

>>12420191242019

Um... Dunno. Maybe 200 years later from previous story. It is not like it is said so in description.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Story so far:

>>12417051241705

No not realy. I think that the tartarus incident could be just the beginning.

>>12421601242160

OH never thought about it that way because they made a statue for it so I was assuming it was the end or the climax of the story

Im rather enjoying this. May i ask if you have an update schedule?

>>12422261242226

Not really, with College starting recently I don't usually have much time to write. Though, if I were to give a rough estimate maybe a new chapter every 2 weeks.

>>12411701241170

>>12412011241201

>>12412041241204

Think Powerful Wizard, though I'll explain further in the future.

>>12420191242019

Roughly 200 Years after the events of Season 1 & 2

>>12417051241705

>>12412061241206

>>12416351241635

Don't worry, things will be explained eventually

>>12414681241468

I was trying to figure out how to start it, my original plan consisted of the entire intro to Circle of Life but then I got bored.

>>12414921241492

It's okay, it doesn't count if they aren't actually first :P

>>12411751241175

Hmmm, I never thought about that. Could actually use that in the future for a couple of jokes.

I thank all of you for taking the time to read the first chapter, I know it might not seem like much and I've already noticed a few who Disliked it,

I don't really have that much time to work on stories lately (This entire thing was wrote in a Lecture Hall) Hopefully, I can improve the chapter quality with a little more planning.

When I return, I'll do my best to answer any more questions in future chapters.

Thank you all once again.

Looks like you made the featured box.

So apparently some people think this story is okay, and that it deserves a spot in the featured bar.

No.

As soon as I started reading this, I noticed that the grammar was very, very off. Commas were in places that they shouldn't be, they weren't in places they should be, and half of the sentences are run-on and describe things in a weird, unnatural way. A few sentences don't even have a period at the end of the sentence, which makes me feel like the author either doesn't care enough, they need practice, or they aren't a native English speaker. An editor could easily help get rid of all the grammatical problems, though they'd have to work really damn hard to work out the insane amount of kinks in the story.

Next up, this sentence: Tip toeing across the room, the filly managed to navigate her way through the objects scattered about without managing to alert the targets.

Is it just me, or does the wording imply that her goal was to alert the targets? Because if she "didn't manage" to do something, it means that they were trying to do something and failed at it. Which is the exact opposite of what I was supposed to understand from that sentence.

I wouldn't take issue with this story if it wasn't for the fact that everyone is applauding this story as genius. If anybody can shed some light as to why this is the best thing since sliced bread, then please, by all means, tell me.

(Oh god, I hope I don't sound a complete ass-hat. I'm not that good at correctly typing the right tone.)

>>12424841242484

Meh, you don't sound like an Ass, I'm well aware it doesn't deserve a feature.

I write stories out of boredom and don't actually have any background in writing.

If anything I should feel like an asshole, there was story on the front page earlier that easily deserved the slot more than this one.

>>12425631242563 that doesnt tell me why you made cadence sound like a hippy with that one-liner

>>12425631242563 You are a really nice guy.

>>12425771242577

It's an older meme

Image: http://i1083.photobucket.com/albums/j381/Lil_Copper/Reaction%20Factors/feels-bad-man.jpg

>>12425881242588 thats a creepy picture, and i never heard of an alicorn hippy as a meme

>>12425821242582

I'm just being honest, I would have to be a pretty big douche to call you out on the truth.

The story that was on the list before mine was easily better than most of the stuff that flows through here on a daily basis. Sadly I believe the only reason he didn't get the feature he deserved was due to my story showing up after his.

I'd also be an asshole if I argued against you when I know that you're correct. I don't put as much care into my stories as other authors, I don't plan ahead. I think of one joke and base the entire story off getting to that point, usually only giving it a few hours.

The real people who deserve the slot are the ones who take moments out of their lives and plan the story. The authors who think the story through and don't shape the story to fit the joke, but instead the joke to fit the story. I know I shouldn't have a slot as it takes away from those authors, the ones who put all their effort into their work.

Tasteless. Without point. Bad grammar. Every character is out of it, even though the back story is fine. You seem to lose the exact point of how a filly thinks, five hours before you thought of it, and above that, it just doesn't fit together.

Listen. The idea is wonderful, in fact, I've gotten somethign similar not too long ago. But. No, you can't just easily do something, and think it will be liked.

This is the hardship of a writer. If you pass this one stage, and eventaully, become better, I will congratulate you.

Flaws here: Everything, ranging from grammar, to the very filly that was made by the two.

>>12426141242614

No, Feelbad.jpg (The image I posted) is the Meme and that's usually the quote "Feels Bad Man"

>>12426241242624

Good thing I didn't copy any other links eh?

Image: http://i1083.photobucket.com/albums/j381/Lil_Copper/Reaction%20Factors/feels-bad-man.jpg

>>12424071242407

In the end it is your fault that I think it could not end there.

Your stories remind me of many good cartoons and animes ("Fairy tail" for example) so it comes naturally that it came to my thoughts that if those two 'sacrificed' themself or whatever to close the gates of tartarus they may just be stuck in there.

You know playing cards ,dealing with the devil ,headbutt deamons or play board games.

>>12426331242633

You have posted something in no relation to what I am saying. Meaning, you are either oblivious to keeping one point together, or you are not explaining yourself.

Advance towards me brethren.

>>12424071242407

They weren't though.

>>12426451242645

I mostly posted that as a joke.

Have some quotes from my answer to another persons correct criticism

Meh, you don't sound like an Ass, I'm well aware it doesn't deserve a feature.

I write stories out of boredom and don't actually have any background in writing.

If anything I should feel like an asshole, there was story on the front page earlier that easily deserved the slot more than this one.

Second Response

I'm just being honest, I would have to be a pretty big douche to call you out on the truth.

The story that was on the list before mine was easily better than most of the stuff that flows through here on a daily basis. Sadly I believe the only reason he didn't get the feature he deserved was due to my story showing up after his.

I'd also be an asshole if I argued against you when I know that you're correct. I don't put as much care into my stories as other authors, I don't plan ahead. I think of one joke and base the entire story off getting to that point, usually only giving it a few hours.

The real people who deserve the slot are the ones who take moments out of their lives and plan the story. The authors who think the story through and don't shape the story to fit the joke, but instead the joke to fit the story. I know I shouldn't have a slot as it takes away from those authors, the ones who put all their effort into their work.

Trust me, I write out of boredom and for fun. I have no intentions of being the next, Kit or Pen Stroke. I don't have the time for that kind of deal.

I'm aware most of my stories are bad and when I read them, I usually end up hating myself for most of them.

When I write, I have no intentions of ending up with a featured story. I'm also well aware there are so many stories that deserve a featured slot much more than this one.

>>12426651242665

Aye. Understood.

I, too, write out of boredum, but never without a good storyline. I have 5 original storylines that I have started on, three which have the ability to be posted, but none have been spell and grammar checked, yet.

Love this, but I have two questions is she bipedal like her dad or quadruped like her mother, and who's horn(s) does she have?

Um... I read the description and my brain farted.

Wait. If Lucid is calls Celestia Aunt, what happened to LUNA?!

Well now I have to make fanart.

>>12409361240936

Aliconequis?  Draconicorn?  Alicodraconicornonthecobequiis?

Regardless, yes she is.

>>12431151243115 Granny ^_^

>>12431151243115

Well, I would say that technically speaking Nightmare, being a former part of Luna, is Celestia's sister as well.  That makes Luna and Celestia Lucid's aunts.

>sees romance tag

>sees lucid is a filly

I'm both extremely afraid and excited to know what the shipping will be.

(unless the shipping happens between some other characters, in which case I'm less terrified)

>>12435111243511 So, Luna and Nightmare Moon are separate from each other in this story? If so faved!

>>12437401243740

Yes.  Read his earlier stories to get the background as to why that is and why Discord is good.  Also, Chrysalis will probably show up, too.  It will help with the why of that as well.

>>12438841243884 Thanks!

>>12411701241170 The Elaments?

I can't even... I can't even...

How do convey... I don't...

Dese gaiz...

Internet-wise, I believe myself to be one-fourth grammar nazi. Is there any save of before the grammar was fixed? Personally, I don't see grammar to be too much of an issue as long as your readers are nice people who try to help you with it and teach you what you don't know/what you made a simple mistake on/what you forgot...

Also, if I were to split my current thoughts into an "angel" and "devil" sort of thing, well...

(In relation to story)

Angel Side - The timeskip is a bit disorienting, but the concept is good and the characters are amusing!

Devil Side - Oh, joy. An OC. A child, no less. One from the womb of two canon gods. Joy. (thatwassarcasm)

(In relation to comments)

Angel Side - These people have a problem with the story, but they're explaining why and it doesn't seem like bull.

Devil Side - Slander removed - Extremities toned down - There's nothing that resides here that made it past the filter. All I can say is that it was directed at the author and at two specific commenters, and that it may have involved a bird nest, some portals, and intestines. Also something sarcastic about grammar being "srsbusnes bro" and some other thing about "duprershun". Dammit word, y u no fit into previous line, you're hitting my OCD button.

>>12432131243213

All of my yes and some of Discord's as well

>>12437401243740

Yes, through the power of science. We have both Nightmare and Luna.

>>12437111243711

Romance will be for Discord and Nightmare

>>12442841244284

Image: http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/SCIENCE+.+DR.+INSANO+MWAHAHAHAHAH_d242d4_3854754.gif

>>12429971242997

bipedal like Discord, however I might have her shift over time

(Almost typo'd "shit" not this time, not this time.)

>>12430841243084

I wrote it, you should see my brain. I'm still cleaning little pieces off the roof.

>>12440511244051

Oh, joy. An OC. A child, no less. One from the womb of two canon gods. Joy.

Well in all fairness, I tend to only work with Discord/Celestia/Nightmare and Luna, so it was the next logical thing to do.

>>12442841244284

Okie-dokie-lokie!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png

Oh please Cadence, just because your husband has probably been dead for at least the last houndred years, doesn't mean you have to be so depressing.

>>12444131244413

Don't worry, Cadence can also rustle the jimmies of the dead.

>>12409331240933

This man is an idiot who needs to edit his work.

Missing words, incorrect grammar, technical mistakes.... Hell, the only things missing are misspelled words.

I'm not saying a word about everything else, because I'd go into a long rant about it all if I did.

I don't know why this crap got featured, but this sort of thing tends to send my faith in my fellow bronies into a death spiral.

Thorax, I have but one suggestion: Get yourself a goddamned editor.

>>12444281244428 So, your telling me that they can interact with the dead at any time they want.

Well, they already have a failsafe for when Celestia drops the sun. Alright, fine.

But now I'm curious on how this death interaction goes. Is it like a seperate realm? Ghosts? A temporary ressurection of the original corpse? Your making me use this head hurty thing!

My theory on why Twilight is still around is that she is the element of magic, in other words she is the physical embodiment of magic so as long as there is magic Twilight will live.  Discord did refer to Twilight as the element of magic once not the wielder of the element of magic. Though she could be a ghost or some form of undead, and it is possible she is simply a descendant.

>>12444281244428

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7535-134459562580.png

"Hello class, my name is Miss Sparkle. I'll be your teacher this year."

...Miss.....Sparkle

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3894-RD_ARM_WIGGLE.gif

You make me proud i can guess that the elements could keep our heros younger out of about a thousand ficts ive never seen this move

Dat Lion King reference.

Here's another:

Image: http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/7/27/be82b1e8-7569-44a6-88c1-763ff2da1e42.jpg

>>12426241242624

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw542_131218359455.jpg

Have you given the story this came off of a read?  This actually is the most logical step but meh your open to your own opinion.

>>Thorax Ok that clears that up and no doubt I'm following dis shiz!

>>12449011244901

Bitch, I will bitch slap you like a bitch that won't quit bitching about how I bitch, bitch!

Best bitch sentence I ever made! Beat my record by 1 bitch!

AWSOME, but it needs more Rainbow Dash,

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li7pnh1xDk1qafrh6.png

200,000? MY GOSHLESTMARECORD!

Only one word: Urgh.

hu you made me drop my fork i was eating cheesecake with when i read the name of the teacher ........ now what will i eat my cheesecake with you heartless winch

I really like the story so far.  It has its errors, but it's still interesting.

Lucid Dreams is 2nd best Draconequus/Alicorn hybrid.  (Rust's Disarray is the best one, for he is The Almighty Referencer and Bringer of Da Lulz.)

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png

That better not be Twilight of the Sparkle family?

Is it even the sparkle family?

Or does her first name just consist of a first name and a last?

But, I digress. What sort of funky gypsy magics is going on here?

Or did she just sell her soul? And if so, to whom?

>>12449391244939 that was also the best sentence i ever read.  Kudos to you.

>See this fic

> "What the hell is this?

>See it's by Thorax

>.???

>

>>12409361240936  Possibly even better than Disarray.

>>12449391244939 Daum calm down and read something this is not what i wanted to see this morning  

DESCEDANTS

PURE GOLD

>>12411701241170 Cadence wasn't acting like a hippy, She is Celestia's niece as well.

she was replaced and it felt bad

>>12471431247143 oh

WOH WOH WOH WAIT, Sparkle....as in Twilight Sparkle>? I love you can i have your babies

>>12467551246755 Well I wouldn't go THAT far, I mean I still have to get to know Lucid, but she seems like the best Draconequiis kid ^_^. Disarray is like a teen/young adult in comparison

>>12444891244489

Well that's possibly the harshest criticism I've got. You're aware you can give me criticism without calling me an idiot and you don't need to tell me my stories crap. I'm well aware of its quality and I'm equally confused as to how it got featured.

>>12445001244500

Afterlife kind of deal, don't worry it'll have its own chapter at some point.

>>12447961244796

Bingo, magic is what keeps her going so strong.

>>12448031244803

Yay!

>>12449391244939

That's a bitchy comment right there.

>>12449711244971

I can bust out a ghost if the need comes up

>>12456491245649

Can I have a link? I've seen "Disarrays" name pop up a few times now.

>>12460931246093

You know the selling her soul concept never came up in my mind. I might have to do some rethinking, "Loses her soul to Celestia in a game of poker"

>>12467071246707

>>12467551246755

I still have no clue who that is :<

>>12472481247248

Yes, and maybe

>>12475991247599  Look up 'The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog', Disarray is the son of Celestia and Discord and is, basically, a slightly insane heroic warrior known as 'The Patchwork Prince'.  He'd been locked up for 2000 years by Discord because he decided being a hero was more fun than being a villain.

He's also hillariously awesome and awesomely hillarious.

Hooray! Congrats on getting featured

>>12475991247599

"I'm equally confused as to how it got featured"

I'm not saying it was changelings.

But it was changelings.

>>12475991247599

strip soul poker

>>12477561247756

I don't know what you're talking about

Wink wink

>>12478311247831

Celestia now owns the souls of

Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Donut Joe

However, Spike currently owns Celestia's Soul

>>12478631247863

Does that come with free donuts?

Or only 25% off?

>>12478791247879

Depends if you have the proper coupons.

>>12479651247965

She should ask The Queen of The Donuts if she has a coupon she can use, she should have 3 or 4.

>>12479851247985

She'd never share her coupons.

I should know, asked for a coupon ended up in the moat.

Did you know they had crocodiles in there?!

>>12479951247995

Oi, the bits it most cost a year to keep them, let alone feed them.

They don't do a damn thing but sit there and eat, they don't even work.

Oh well, can always feed the Changlings to the crocodiles, write it off as them not learning how to swim.

Probably reading into things to far here. But the statue and danger most did not know exist bit. Is that a "Empty Room" reference or just a coincidence?

>>12481611248161

No, it was a reference to another one of my stories (Supernatural Equestria) I haven't written more than the first chapter, but I thought it would be neat to hint at the ending.

>>12475991247599 Sure, here it is: The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog

This is the story that inspired and spawned the Chessverse (Chess Game of the Gods).  It also has a sequel.

I knew you wrote this thorax. I've read enough of your "Equestria's Crazies" To know