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DeiStar 17593

Joined April 2012
962 followers

    DeiStar's Stories (17)

    • Rarity's Bad Mane Day
      Sweetie Belle pulls a prank on Rarity, dying her mane green.

      7,007 words · 8,491 views · 749 likes · 16 dislikes
    • I Feel Fine
      Rarity is sick, so Applejack goes over to take care of her.
      4,522 words · 4,429 views · 420 likes · 9 dislikes
    • In My Life
      Celestia speaks about her life with Twilight in the hospital
      1,732 words · 7,089 views · 791 likes · 22 dislikes
    • Honey Pie
      While on a picnic, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle share a delicious honey pie. Soon, they find each other talking about something they never thought they would talk about. Foalhood is like honey pie.
      4,253 words · 2,344 views · 292 likes · 9 dislikes
    • She Came In Through the Bathroom Window
      7,112 words · 10,012 views · 884 likes · 39 dislikes
    • Tomorrow Never Knows
      4,699 words · 1,990 views · 275 likes · 9 dislikes
    • Journey to My Imagination
      94,438 words · 17,323 views · 1,785 likes · 92 dislikes
    • Lyra Heartstrings: Ace Attorney
      16,621 words · 2,261 views · 197 likes · 6 dislikes
    • Sister Love
      6,531 words · 6,990 views · 600 likes · 30 dislikes
    • Mistress Twilight
      3,755 words · 9,930 views · 846 likes · 57 dislikes
    x

    Chapter 5: Endless Night (Part I)

    *****

    Pinkie happily bounced out of the library, leaving her friends with confused looks on their faces. Twilight turned her head to Lauren, who was softly munching on the daisy sandwich she had in her mouth. She then turned her head towards Rainbow Dash, who was too ashamed to look Lauren in the face. Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity were only sitting there, contemplating the whole situation. Spike had finished re-organizing the books, so he joined his mare friends.

    “Rainbow,” Twilight called. Rainbow raised her head, looking at Twilight. “Don’t you have something to say?” she said, tilting her head towards the alicorn.

    “I uh…” Rainbow muttered, looking at Lauren. “I am sorry for, you know… tackling and yelling at you,” she softly said, rubbing one hoof against her leg. Twilight smiled, satisfied with Rainbow’s answer.

    Lauren removed the sandwich from her mouth with one hoof and smiled at Rainbow. “Don’t worry Rainbow, it’s okay,” she said, waving one hoof around in the air. Rainbow smiled back at her, glad to have her apology accepted.

    “All right!” Twilight giggled. “Everything better now?” Both Rainbow and Lauren nodded.

    “So um…” Lauren looked at Rarity. “I’m sorry, what was your name, again?”

    “Why, it’s Rarity, dear,” she said, tilting her head upwards. Introducing herself was one of the things she enjoyed the most.

    Even though Lauren had no need to ask Rarity for her name, no one else had mentioned her name since they all arrived. She had to stick to her story, it was for the ponies’ sakes.

    Lauren smiled. “Oh it’s a pleasure to meet you, Rarity. I think we haven’t been properly introduced. My name is Lauren.” she said, pressing a hoof against her chest. “I must say, I absolutely love your mane!”

    Rarity looked up to her mane, waving it with her hoof. It was already common for her to receive compliments about her gorgeous mane. “Why, thank you! And the pleasure is all mine.” She kept waving her mane around with her hoof.

    That curly mane! Oh, I had the hardest times drawing it! But it’s really lovely, even more so when I’m looking at it in person. “So, where did Pinkie Pie go?” Lauren asked the mares, who stared back at the alicorn. She placed her daisy sandwich back in her mouth, giving it another bite. Suddenly, the lights went out and the entire library was shrouded in darkness.

    “Hey, who turned off the lights?” Rainbow asked.

    “Ow! Hey, that’s my hoof!” Twilight cried.

    “What? I didn’t step in anything!” Applejack replied.

    “Hey! Who pulled my mane?” Rarity squealed.

    “Oh, goodness…” Fluttershy muttered.

    The lights quickly came back, revealing the chaos inside the library. Twilight was rubbing her hoof; Rainbow, Fluttershy and Applejack were staring at each other in confusion, while Rarity was fixing her mane with her magic.

    “Whoa!” Spike exclaimed. Around the library, there were several streamers and balloons adorning the walls and ceiling. One table with a big cake on it had appeared out of nowhere and a record player on another one. They were both relatively close to each other.

    “What’s this?” Lauren asked to nopony in particular, gazing at the adornments.

    “Well, duh! It’s your welcome party!” Pinkie chimed from outside of the library. She opened the front door, walking inside while dragging her party cannon.

    Oh my, the party cannon. But… how could she set-up all these decorations in a matter of seconds? Lauren looked at Pinkie, who was trotting towards her friends. Well, this is a cartoon after all…

    Pinkie shot the cannon. Several streamers and confetti of all colors came from it, scattering all over the library. “Let’s party!” Pinkie exclaimed, putting a party hat on top of Lauren’s head. The other ponies laughed, nodding in agreement.

    “Oh, uh, okay,” Lauren said, looking at the hyperactive party pony jumping around the room. Well, I guess this is going to be fun.

    Pinkie turned on the record player, which began to play a very familiar tune. It was the same loud tune that played at Twilight’s birthday party at Canterlot. She turned back to her friends, who began to dance at the sound of the music. “Come on Laury! Shake that flank!” Pinkie said, bumping her own flank againts Lauren’s.

    Lauren laughed, starting to dance with her new body. Laury? Oh my, that’s a… weird pet name, but cute, I guess. As expected from Pinkie Pie. She giggled, shaking her flank at the rhythm of the music. Although it was an awkward sensation for her to dance as a pony, she didn’t mind improvising.

    Rainbow and Fluttershy were flying only a few centimeters above the floor, waving their hooves around. Applejack, Rarity and Spike were dancing around in the middle of the library; although Spike was more interested in dancing near Rarity than everything else. Meanwhile, Twilight was awkwardly dancing, hopping around on her hooves, and softly shaking her head. Pinkie and Lauren continued with their flank shaking.

    “Alright, let’s do the pony-row!” Pinkie said. The ponies gathered around, forming a line, which was lead by Applejack. Fluttershy placed her hooves around Applejack’s flank; then Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Twilight joined them. “Come on, Laury!” Pinkie called her. Lauren raised her front hooves and placed them around Twilight’s flank. Spike hopped on Applejack, waving his arms around. The ponies began to advance, moving to the beat.

    Walking on two legs… feels a bit more… natural. Lauren chuckled, advancing along with the ponies.

    After a few minutes of dancing, the ponies and Spike gathered around the cake. Twilight used her magic to slice the cake in eight equal pieces.  She gave everypony one slice, placing them on their plates. Everypony gave their slice a bite.

    Delicious! I've never had a cake like this! This is far more delicious than the one from my last birthday! Lauren used her magic to levitate the cake to her mouth; she felt she could levitate objects with much greater ease than before. She munched her cake, identifying the flavors with her mouth. It was a chocolate cake with strawberry frosting, with little pieces of walnuts inside. Pinkie is a really good baker. She kept on eating her piece of cake.

    The ponies kept partying. They danced some more, played some games, such as ‘pin the tail to the pony’. It was a whole new experience for Lauren; she never thought she would be partying with ponies.

    “So, Lauren, do you know how to fly?” Rainbow asked. She was flying while holding a balloon with her hooves. “You’ve got wings, right?”

    “Fly? Um…” That’s right, I got wings now… and I can even move them, but fly? “Nope, I guess I forgot how to fly as well.” Lauren chuckled.

    “Well then, what are we waiting for?” Rainbow tossed the balloon to the floor; it began to softly fall until it landed on Fluttershy’s back. The balloon startled the timid pegasus. “Come on, I’ll teach you how to fly!” An enthusiastic Rainbow said, landing right in front of Lauren.

    The other ponies didn’t pay attention to Lauren and Rainbow, who were standing at the other side of the library. Pinkie was dancing with Spike, while Twilight and Applejack were drinking some grape punch. Rarity and Fluttershy were only talking, laughing between sentences.

    “Okay, how do I do it? Flap my wings?” Lauren asked, opening her wings.

    “It’s more than flapping your wings, you know,” Rainbow said, looking at Lauren’s wings. She approached closer, taking a good look at the pair of cream colored feathers on them. She grabbed both wings with her hooves and began to move them around. “Yeah… these are very good wings,” she said, moving back in front of Lauren.

    “Um, thanks,” Lauren replied. Well, if anyone can teach me how to fly, who better than Rainbow Dash?

    “All right, open you wings!” Rainbow ordered.

    Lauren did as instructed; she opened her wings as wide as she could, feeling her new muscles stretch. It was indeed a weird sensation, to have a pair of wings on her back. “Okay, now what?” she asked.

    “Now, quickly flap them,” Rainbow said, flapping her own wings without soaring into the air to show Lauren how to do it.

    The alicorn began to sloppily flap her wings, although she was still standing firmly on the floor. “Uh… I can’t,” Lauren sighed.

    “Of course you can! Just time your flapping correctly, and make sure your wings are in sync,” Rainbow explained, flapping her wings slowly so Lauren could see. “The trick is to push both your wings with strength when you flap them.”

    “Okay, okay, I got it,” Lauren hesitantly said, attempting to try again. She focused on her wings and began to softly flap them at the same time.

    “Yes, like that.” Rainbow said, looking at the alicorn. “Now that you got it, flap them faster.”

    “Okay,” Lauren responded, increasing the speed and power of her flaps. Suddenly, she could feel her hooves leaving the floor. She lost her focus, landing back on the floor, almost tripping. “Whoa.” She pressed her hooves firmly on the floor, trying to keep her balance. “Oh my gosh! I did it!”

    “Yeah! Well… almost,” Rainbow chuckled. “You only raised yourself from the floor.”

    “Well, let me try again!” Lauren exclaimed, opening her wings again. She flapped them one more time, trying to do it as before. She kept flapping, until she finally raised herself from the floor. Oh my! I’m doing it! I’m flying!

    “Yeah! Now you’re flying!” Rainbow chimed, flying in front of Lauren. The other ponies noticed the flying alicorn, cheering her on from around the room.

    “Yee-haw! Way to go Miss Lauren!” Applejack cheered, waving one hoof in the air.

    Lauren began to lose altitude, slowly descending back onto the floor. “Wow! That was amazing! I’ve never flown before!” she exclaimed.

    “Oh, I’m sure you have, you just forgot how to, remember?” Twilight said, walking towards the alicorn. The other ponies approached her as well.

    “Right,” Lauren quickly replied. That was close! I have to be more careful next time. “Uh, it just felt like a new experience for me.” Lauren softly laughed.

    “Hey, everypony!” Pinkie yelled from one side of the room. “Let’s take a photo to remember this party!” she said, holding a purple, shiny camera with her hooves. “Everypony gather around Laury!”

    The other ponies nodded in agreement, gathering around the alicorn. Fluttershy sat in front of her, while Twilight stood right next to her. Applejack and Rarity stood next to Lauren and Twilight respectively; Rainbow flew above Applejack and Lauren, and Spike sat next to Fluttershy.

    Pinkie placed the camera over a table and pushed a green button on top of the camera. She quickly bounced back to her friends, standing behind Twilight and Rarity. “Everypony, say… cupcakes!”

    “Cupcakes!” everypony said in unison, and the camera flashed, taking the picture. They all laughed.

    *****

    Luna slowly opened her eyes. She was lying on her bed, and the time at which she raised the moon every night was rapidly approaching. She raised herself from the bed and yawned, rubbing her eyes with her hooves. The royal blue alicorn climbed down from her bed, sticking her hooves into her crystal hoof-shoes. She levitated her black crown from her nightstand, placing it on her head. “Okay, all set,” she whispered to herself.

    Luna opened the doors of her room, where a Royal Guard, who was standing outside of her room, greeted her. “Your Highness,” the guard said, bowing before the Princess of the night.

    “Good evening, guard,” Luna greeted him. The guard stared back at her in surprise; the Princess didn’t usually greet the guards. “Please tell me, have you or any of the other guards seen my sister?” Luna asked, looking at the surprised guard.

    The Royal Guard snapped out of his surprise to answer the Princess. “Eh... I’m afraid not, Your Highness,” the guard said, looking at the hallway. “Not since yourself and Her Majesty, Princess Celestia, left this morning.”

    “I see. Thank you, guard,” Luna said, walking away from the guard.

    The guard bowed again. “My pleasure, Your Highness.” he said, but he didn’t get an answer this time. He saw Luna walking away from him, turning left towards the Moon Balcony.

    The royal blue alicorn arrived at the Moon Balcony. She spread her wings, raising herself up into the orange sunset. It looked as if her wings were growing, first slightly and then dramatically as they swept out over the sky from where she hovered. An aura of midnight blue seeped from her horn, surrounding her body, glistening silver on the edges. She was ready to raise the moon, her beautiful moon.

    As the sun moved out of view, Luna’s wings seemed to spread across all of Equestria, covering the land in a veil of shadow. Her wings reached up into the sky, brushing against the sky to paint the color of the night. Luna’s eyes glowed, gazing upon the horizon. She was about to conclude her ceremony.

    Slowly, the moon began rising from the horizon to take its place in the sky. The beautiful silver light shined down on the land below. With a final beat of her wings, Luna descended back to the balcony. “There is no doubt,” Luna said to nopony in particular. “It seems like the third alicorn legend was true after all.”

    *****

    “Ah, it has been fun,” Applejack said, “but it’s getting late, so I better go back to the farm,” she added, walking towards Lauren.

    The party seemed to be over, and the music had stopped playing. Fluttershy had to leave because she had to feed her pets. Rainbow left some minutes after her, because she had to wake up early the next day to clear the skies above Ponyville; but she promised Lauren to meet her tomorrow to teach her more flying tricks. Before leaving, Twilight made both pegasi promise that they wouldn’t say a word about Lauren. She told everyone else not to say a word about her as well. Rarity, Pinkie and Applejack gathered around Twilight and Lauren.

    “I wish I could stay a little longer, but I simply must finish my dress,” Rarity said, “It has been an absolute pleasure meeting you, darling.” She looked at Lauren with a smile on her face.

    “Oh no, the pleasure has been all mine,” Lauren replied, returning the smile.

    Twilight looked at Spike. Princess Luna had told her that she only wanted her and Lauren at the library, but she just couldn’t tell Spike to get out of the library.

    “Well then, I shall be on my way,” Rarity said, turning back to the front door.

    “Wait, Rarity!” Twilight called, looking back at Spike. Rarity stopped and turned back to Twilight. “Spike, why don’t you go with Rarity back to her place?” Twilight asked the purple dragon, who smiled right after that last sentence. “You don’t mind, right Rarity?” she said, looking back at the white unicorn.

    “Oh, not at all!” Rarity giggled. “I would actually like if he could come with me.” She winked at Spike, who blushed more than ever.

    “Okay then,” Twilight added, looking at Spike. “Go now.”

    Spike walked behind Rarity, who was walking towards the door. “Very well then, see you later, girls,” Rarity finally added, walking out of the library with Spike. Everyone else replied with an unison ‘bye’.

    “I gotta go too,” Applejack said, looking at Lauren. “It was nice meeting you, sugarcube,” she added, taking off her hat with her hoof.

    “Nice meeting you too, Applejack,” Lauren replied, still smiling.

    “You should stop by the farm tomorrow; I’ll have some of the finest cider you’ve ever tasted waitin’ for ya!” Applejack enthusiastically exclaimed.

    “Sure thing!” Lauren answered. Applejack nodded, turning back towards the door. “Good night, y’all.” she added, walking outside of the library.

    “Oh! I have to go too!” Pinkie suddenly said, giving a quick hug to Twilight, then another one to Lauren. The alicorn felt Pinkie’s body, it smelled like cotton candy. “Goodbye, Twi! Goodbye, Laury! See you tomorrow!” She dashed outside of the library, not even letting Twilight or Lauren reply to her.

    “Well, that’s Pinkie Pie!” Twilight chuckled, looking at Lauren, who chuckled with her. The unicorn walked towards the middle of the library and gazed upon the party’s mess. She sighed, turning back, walking to the kitchen. Now she had to clean the entire mess since Spike went with Rarity. Twilight entered the kitchen for a few moments.

    Lauren stood there, analyzing the entire events of the day. She remembered the daisy sandwiches she had in the morning. She thought about how she went out in Twilight’s dress to meet her friends, about how she meet Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and about how she learned to use magic. She walked aimlessly around the library, staring at it one more time. She chuckled a bit as she stared at the wall where she had collided with Rainbow Dash.

    Everything seemed like a dream to her. Appearing out of nowhere in a cartoon, meeting its characters, and the sole fact that she was transformed into one of those characters. It had to be a dream, but the whole thing seemed real enough for her. Even if the details weren’t as realistic as in real life, they still felt real. The cream colored alicorn kept walking around the library.

    Already night time, and they still don’t know where I am. Lauren sighed. I wish I could at least tell them that I’m safe… but there’s no way to do it, is it? She sat down on the floor, resting her chin on her front hooves. I… I just want to go back… I want to go home… The alicorn’s eyes began to get teary, until she finally shed a tear from her right eye. But how? How am I supposed to go back? Am I going to be stuck here forever? Both eyes began shedding tears. Lauren sobbed, wiping the tears from her face with her hoof.

    Twilight came out of the kitchen with a broom and a plastic bag levitating right next to her. She quickly noticed the crying alicorn on the center of the library. She dropped the broom and the bag and approached to her. “Lauren? Are you okay?” Twilight gently asked, looking down at her.

    Lauren looked at Twilight’s warm smile. Somehow, her face made her feel a bit calmer than before. “Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, wiping away the tears from her face, again. She tried to raise herself from the floor.

    “Why are you crying? Is something wrong?” Twilight asked again, helping the alicorn to stand up by holding her hoof.

    “It is nothing, Twilight, really,” Lauren lied. She stopped sobbing, smiling at Twilight. “Mind if I help you clean?” she happily asked.

    “Sure! Thank you!” Twilight giggled, turning her head back to levitate both the broom and the bag with her magic. “Can you hold this bag with your magic?”

    “Yeah, I’ll try.” Lauren replied, focusing her mind on the bag. Suddenly, her pearly white magical aura replaced Twilight’s magical aura around the bag. She was getting used to use magic.

    “Perfect! You hold it right there and I’ll clean all these streamers and confetti from the floor,” Twilight said, starting to sweep the floor with the broom. “Princess Luna should arrive shortly. She already raised the moon.”

    Oh, that’s right, Luna said that she would come tonight to talk with both of us… Lauren moved the bag near Twilight, who levitated the pile of swept streamers into the bag. She said that Celestia was hiding something from us. I wonder what she could mean with that.

    *****

    “The third alicorn legend… I don’t remember much about it,” Luna said to herself, flying across the night skies of Equestria. She felt the cold night air hitting her face as she flew around, vigorously flapping her royal blue wings and leaving a few shiny sparkles in her wake. Tia… what was that all about?

    *****

    Lauren was still holding the bag; it was getting a bit heavier thanks to all the trash inside of it, but she was still holding it with the same ease as when it was empty.

    “Well, that’s it,” Twilight sighed, looking at the clean library. She had cleaned every piece of confetti and additional trash from the party. She carefully placed the cake plates and the punch glasses on the kitchen sink. “Thank you, Lauren,” she said.

    “No problem, Twilight,” Lauren replied, putting the bag down to the floor. She walked next to Twilight and stared at her. “So, what do we do now?”

    “Wait for Princess Luna,” Twilight answered, levitating a book from one shelf. She opened the book and began to read it.

    “Um, alright,” Lauren said, looking around the library. It was the perfect opportunity to read one of Twilight’s books. “Twilight?”

    “Yes?” Twilight stopped reading, focusing her eyes on the alicorn.

    “Can I borrow a book to read?” Lauren asked, looking around the several bookshelves around.

    “Oh, of course!” Twilight exclaimed, “feel free to take as many as you want.” She pointed her hoof at one shelf in specific. “That’s the spells bookshelf, and over there is the flying bookshelf.” She moved her hoof towards another shelf. “Just grab whichever you want!” she chimed, resuming her lecture.

    “Okay then,” Lauren said, examining the spells bookshelf. Hmm… Classic Magic, Advanced Magic, Elemental Magic. She kept looking at the book titles, until one of them caught her attention. Magic for beginners? I think I could use that. She pulled the book out of the shelf with her magic, opening it at the first page.

    “Levitating for beginners, Basic transformations, Teleporting…” Lauren read the index out loud. She was about to start reading when somepony knocked the door. Her eyes immediately stared at the door.

    “Ah, that must be Princess Luna,” Twilight affirmed, quickly putting down her book on a table, softly walking to the door.  Lauren approached, keeping her distance from Twilight. The unicorn enveloped the door with her pink magic and opened it, revealing who was behind the door.

    “Good evening, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna greeted the unicorn. She glanced around inside the library to check if no one else was around; naturally, she saw only Lauren, who was looking at her. She returned her stare back to Twilight. “May I come in?” she asked.

    “Of course,” Twilight replied, moving away from the door so Luna could enter. She joined Lauren in the middle of the room, waiting for Luna to join them.

    “Thank you,” Luna quickly said, making her way in. She closed the door behind her with her magic, and finally stood in front of the two ponies. She took a deep breath, trying to rest from her long flight. “It’s pretty cold out there, isn’t it?” The royal alicorn commented.

    “Yeah, it’s been feeling a bit cold since sunset,” Twilight added, looking through the window at the beautiful night that Luna rose a while ago. She felt the cold weather through her skin. “But anyways, Princess, what did you want to tell us?” she asked, looking back at the blue mare.

    “As I told you earlier today, it’s something that has been bugging me about Tia,” Luna responded, sitting down on the floor to get a more comfortable position. “It’s something that I noticed earlier, when we came here.”  She looked at the small alicorn.

    “That’s weird. I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary about her.” Twilight placed a hoof on her chin, recalling what Celestia said in her mind. “I didn’t notice anything,” she said again, turning her head to Lauren. “Did you notice something weird about Princess Celestia?”

    “Uh, no, nothing,” Lauren answered, immediately remembering what she noticed about Celestia. Wait, I did notice something. It was that faint smile she gave me! “Wait, actually…” she added.

    Both Twilight and Luna stared at Lauren with curiosity. “What is it?” Twilight asked.

    “Actually, I don’t think is important, but, when Twilight told her that if my name or my memory loss meant anything for her, she kinda smiled.” Lauren nervously explained, trying to fully recall what she saw.

    “She smiled? I didn’t see her smile when she replied,” Twilight claimed, looking at Luna who suddenly interrupted her.

    “Smile as in… a very faint smile, right?” Luna asked Lauren, who surprisingly looked at her.

    “Yes! A very faint smile, like if she were hiding something from me,” Lauren eagerly answered. What is this all about?

    “Well, did you two hear something… like a ‘crack’ noise?” Luna asked.

    “A crack noise?” Twilight confusingly asked. “No, I didn’t hear anything like that.”

    “Well, you see. Earlier today, Tia was acting odd since she woke me up. During our flight towards Ponyville in the Royal Chariot, she nervously jumped in her seat,” Luna explained, catching her breath to continue speaking. “Later, right here at the library, I heard two faint crack noises coming from her, along with a mouth twitch,” she confessed.

    Crack noises? A mouth twitch? Seriously, what’s going on? Lauren worriedly looked at Luna, trying to assimilate what she just heard.

    “Well, what do you think that means, Luna?” Twilight rapidly asked, “Is something wrong with Princess Celestia?”

    “I told you, I’m not sure about it, but I think this has something to do with… the third alicorn legend,” Luna looked at Lauren at that last sentence.

    Both Twilight and Lauren exchanged stares of confusion. “Third alicorn legend?” both ponies asked.

    “Yes, but I don’t remember much about it,” Luna said, “but I believe that somehow, Celestia knows more than she claims to know.” She looked at the floor.

    “So, you think that Celestia is hiding whatever she knows about Lauren from us?” Twilight asked. Luna softly nodded. “But why would she do that?” she asked, with a confusing tone.

    “I tell you, I don’t know why Celestia is hiding whatever she knows about your friend,” Luna explained, once again. “But I think that for the time being, it would be better if you keep your distance from her.” she said to Lauren, who was still listening to the whole conversation in confusion.

    “She agreed to help us, it makes no sense!” Twilight exclaimed, “if she knew anything, she would totally tell us, and not keep it to herself!” She stood up from her seat. Luna stared at her with a blank expression on her face.

    “Hmm, well I said what I had to say,” Luna said, standing up from the floor. “You’re free to believe me or not.”

    “I’m sorry Princess, I didn’t mean that… is just that I…” Twilight apologized, trying to order the words in her mind. She couldn't believe that someone as kind and honest as her mentor could hide anything from her own, most precious student.

    “It’s okay, Twilight Sparkle, I know it must be hard for you to hear, but I’m positive about it,” Luna firmly said, looking at Lauren, who was still silent. “Don’t you have anything else to say?” she asked.

    Lauren looked back at Luna, shaking her head in denial. Hiding something from me? What is this? This isn’t the Celestia I know. As Twilight said, she would tell us anything to help us.

    Suddenly, somepony knocked at the door.

    “Oh? It must be Pinkie Pie, who forgot her camera,” Twilight said, looking at the purple camera over a table, which Pinkie left after the party. She levitated the camera with her magic, moving it right next to her. She walked towards the door. Luna and Lauren stared at her.

    Softly, with her magic, Twilight enveloped the door lock, gently opening the door to greet her hyperactive friend. Her eyes went wide open as she noticed the visitor right in front of her; it was not Pinkie Pie at all. She gasped, trying to hide her surprised reaction. She tried to talk, to mumble, but she was too shocked to do so.

    “Good evening, my faithful student,” the visitor kindly whispered.

    Comments ( 121 )

    #1 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 
    #2 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>549214

    I agree, this is going to be So, Awesome!

    #3 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549250 You don't even have to read it to know it's awesome.

    But um...

    I need the proof. :trixieshiftright:

    #4 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549256

    Exactly!:pinkiehappy:

    #5 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549264 Is it just me, or are the lack of swarming comments on this chapter really... lacking?

    #6 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549272

    Yes, yes it is.

    :rainbowlaugh:

    #7 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Awwww yeaaah, next chapter should be gooood:pinkiehappy:

    This chapter flowed so smoothly when I was reading, it was perfect!

    #8 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    ohhh, cliffhanger:pinkiesad2:, you evil evil pony:twilightsmile:

    Great chapter, I  never would have thought that the cracks had something to do with Celestia until last chapter, but for "her" to return right at the end after mentioning the cracks and Twi's reaction... evil I say!(also intrigued by the title, at first I thought something along the lines of NMM:twilightoops:)

    #9 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    The Third Alicorn... oh boy things are going to get epic

    #10 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This isn't the part where it turns out that Celestia's the real villain, is it?

    ...

    Sorry, that PMD2 line from a previous chapter just kept bothering me.

    #11 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Moar chapters please, pretty please, with some sugar on top! The suspense is killing me!

    #12 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Third alicorn? I suppoe Cadence does't exist here then…

    I'm still wondering why Lauren isn't alicorn size.

    Well, lead on!

    #13 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    why you no write faster

    #14 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    yaaaaaay~

    i love this story

    #16 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549280

    of course!:pinkiegasp:

    #17 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    this is the part when she kills us! (in GlaDos's voice when a potatoe)

    #18 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549328

    Who knows? Only way to find out is to stay tuned. :trollestia:

    #20 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Dem Cliffhangers, you drive me to think!

    #21 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Eh, Lauren's personality is still sorta bland, and the longer it stays that way, the fewer options there are on future personalities that wouldn't conflict with her previous actions. My advice: have Lauren make a few mistakes to express some characterization, both in the mistake and what she does about it. For example, the bit with Rarity's name would have been an excellent opportunity if she hadn't realized she wasn't supposed to know Rarity's name yet.

    #22 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Somehow i knew who knocked at the door before she spoke at the end of this chapter :applejackunsure:

    #23 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    dun dun dun?

    keep up the good work man.

    #24 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    ...And then Celestia unexpectly huged Lauren in happiness and said: I thought I would never be able to see you again... Mother

    #25 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549417

    If you remember, Lauren made a mistake like that at the prologue. :twilightsmile:

    Suspicion will raise in Part II

    #26 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    As M.night shamalan once said "what a twist"

    Sincerely the Doctor

    Fin
    #27 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Oh gee a part 1 that just screams cliff hanger :raritydespair:

    Again awesome chapter keep it up! :pinkiehappy:

                                             ~Fin

    #28 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    BAD AUTHOR! :twilightangry2: I SAID NO CLIFFHANGERS! :flutterrage:

    #29 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549458 Yes, she did mention Twilight's name without being told it in the prologue, but no one noticed and she didn't try to cover it up, so there wasn't really any characterization that took place. Besides, it isn't a good time to work on characterization when the character in question is in shock.

    In fact, come to think of it, I don't think it's ever mentioned how suspicious it is that one of the few things a supposedly amnesiac pony is able to remember is the name of a librarian she's never met.

    #30 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Diastar my "Shits about to Go DOWN" Meter go off the charts>>549458

    is it correct

    #31 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549556

    Yes, I'm going into that. Somepony will start to analyze things.

    And the air will be filled with suspicion.

    #32 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549575 I understand, but still, suspicion is not characterization. My point is that alicorn Lauren needs a personality soon, or she'll be forced to be a bland, one-dimensional character forever to maintain consistency with her past actions (or lack thereof).

    But then, this is your story and I have no right to say what you should and shouldn't do. Just trying to give you some advice.

    #33 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    yay whens the next chapter?

    #35 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549603

    Yes, I do realize Lauren has been feeling a bit bland, I guess I could use the "she was just teleported to a cartoon" as an excuse and start developing a more fluid characterization within the next chapters.

    I really don't know her in person to totally match her personality, but I could use some of Frankie's personality from Foster's Home, since her character was based upon her.

    #36 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Wouldn't Lauren be going through the table of contents, not the index, to skip that quickly from B to T?:twilightsheepish:

    #37 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    shit's about to go down.....

    #38 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    lol, DeiStar. You are a master of cliffhangers.

    #39 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I need moar chapters... they are too short and too far between. :flutterrage::flutterrage:

    #40 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    What is Celestia up!? Ugh Cliff hangers a good bane of my existence.

    #41 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I wonder how Luna's gonna explain to Celestia why she's already there. Or maybe Celestia just followed her there in the first place.

    #42 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    The drama level IT'S OVER 9000! (Crushes Scouter) :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

    #43 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    wat

    #44 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    #45 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Error... Report? Maybe?

    “I didn’t notice anything.” She said again, turning her head to Lauren. “Did you notice something weird about the Celestia?”

    I'm making an assumption here, but is this a mistake? Part of me says yes, especially considering that this is Twilight's dialogue, but on the other hand?

    The Celestia.

    Awesome. :rainbowkiss:

    #46 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>550265

    Oh, I think I changed "about THE PRINCESS" for "Celestia" but I just forgot to delete "the" :derpyderp1:

    thanks, I'll fix it. :raritywink:

    #47 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>549761 what he said ^^:rainbowdetermined2:

    #48 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Another cliffhanger...:ajbemused:

    WHY:raritycry:

    Oh well. We just have to wait then.:twilightsmile:

    #49 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    you know you're enjoying a fan fiction when your first response is:

    :pinkiegasp: OH GOD YESSSS!!!!!!:pinkiehappy:

    Great job DeiStar.

    #50 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Oh come on!

    #51 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·
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    “All right, open you wings!” Rainbow commanded.

    Yes Lauren, open you wings! Rainbow commands it! :ajsmug:

    #52 · 54w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    #53 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    #54 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    i found this on another story, i feel the need to post it here

    #55 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    First I was like: HOLY -Buy Some Apples- it's Celestia!:twilightoops::trollestia:

    Then I was like:A Cliffhanger!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:flutterrage::pinkiegasp::raritycry::rainbowhuh::twilightangry2::ajbemused:

    #57 · 54w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    #58 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>550314

    Don't fix it! Calling her "The Celestia" is awesome!

    #59 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Oh Jesus that was good. *insert rainbowdash fan squeal here* WHY A CLIFFHANGER? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh well, either way, keep up the brilliant work.

    #60 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    What a :twistnerd:!

    #61 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    #62 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Um...I expected everything after the party...NOT somepony unexpectedly showing up!..Then again, reason why this is a two-parter right?:pinkiehappy: Also, nice chapter. I liked how Luna is going a bit out of her way to try and find out what is going on with Celestia , considering she wasn't that subtle, and especially in front of Twilight. Also, don't worry too much about how the real Lauren is. Try to portray her as YOU think she should be portrayed in this story (although, I just found out that Frankie was based on her, that CAN be a base for you to use). However, characterize her as you think you should, mnore importantly, so you'll feel more comfortable when writing her, and especially, so yu won't trouble yourself much over that point:twilightsmile: Anyway, see you on the next chapter!:twilightsmile:

    #64 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>550841 Yeah, I always found it a bit bogus that they'd add a bunch of extra characters who'd never appeared before in the final episode, one of whom was an alicorn. :facehoof:

    #65 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>552186 If my suspicions (and SCIENCE!:pinkiecrazy:) are correct, the reason Candance doesnt' exist (yet) is because Lauren hasn't created her yet in the first place, so I somehow suspect that at the end of this series, by using the lejend of the third alicorn she will create Candace so her own pony form avatar won't get somehwo invloved and with her experinece in equestria she finishes writting the two chapters of "The Royal Weeding"


    >>552052 That prase couldn't be more fitting for this situation, if we could somehow add "One Winged Angel" as background music, then we would be in the prescence of a scene of AWESOMENESS:trollestia:

    #66 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>552467 But I thought Lauren had already left the show by season two.

    #67 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!:rainbowderp::rainbowderp:

    #68 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>549648 Wait, Frankie is based on Lauren? I didn't know that, although come to think of it, I suppose the two of them do have conspicuously similar hair color. I had sorta expected you to give alicorn Lauren a completely original personality, but drawing inspiration from Frankie is a much better idea.

    As she is now, she is the Wikipedia definition of a Mary Sue character, but while it is still possible to blame that blandness on shock and trying to cope with recent events, just remember that stronger personalities tend to overcome shock and confusion faster than weaker personalities. I wouldn't go so far as to say her personality options are limited to Fluttershy-level assertiveness and willpower yet, but a personality as powerful as Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie is probably out of the question.

    Still, above-average story so far. I'm certainly curious where you plan to take the plot, and you are doing fairly well depicting the personalities of the Mane 6. I just feel as though Lauren's only purpose is to drive the plot forward, but has nothing else to do except stand around and look pretty. This story could reach a whole new level of awesome if Lauren gets some proper characterization and starts revealing some quirks and flaws.

    #69 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    I was looking forward to reading this and now I have to wait to read more.:twilightangry2:

    #70 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>552565 Read Chapter 1 again

    #71 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    The shoe is currently in free fall! I repeat, the shoe is currently in free fall!:pinkiegasp:

    #72 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    this is :rainbowkiss: can't wait to see more . will we be seing laurn's husban anytime soon or his p.o.v.

    #73 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>549404 Complaining about one-key errors and going through the effort to find two pictures for them?

    >>552636 She would obviously be a Mary Sue, because she created the enitre universe.

    #75 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>552467

    Only way to find out is to stick to the story. :ajsmug:

    >>552126

    Yes, I'm also trying to give her a bit more of "original" personality and characterization.

    I'll try to develop her character these next chapters.

    >>552636

    I know Lauren feels a bit bland at the moment, and it's just like "ok" with everything.

    But I plan to do some interesting things these next chapters.

    So far I've been able to greatly characterize the mane 6 (or at least, people have said so.) but I get hard times characterizing an outsider character. I'll try my best. :trollestia:

    #76 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    BAD AUTHOR.

    You take so long to write chapters (Not that that is a bad thing!) and now a CLIFFHANGER?

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- :twilightangry2::twilightangry2::twilightangry2:

    #77 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    "Third alicorn legend?" Perhaps that means Princess Cadance's conceiving is a bit like the case of Pound and Pumpkin Cake. Neither of her parents were alicorns, but Princess Celestia is a relative. …Right?

    >>549337

    She does. She's just not a "legendary" alicorn like the Princesses. I think she's of lesser descent, just like what I have written above.

    #78 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>552636

    Well, to characterize Lauren would be difficult as nobrony knows what Lauren herself would indeed do, or is even close to knowing her on a personal level. And Lauren doesn't read fanfics, so it'll be impossible to ask her.

    #79 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>557148 I realize that, which is why I had said I had expected DeiStar to give her a completely original personality. After all, the general rule with fanfics is "If you don't know something, just make stuff up." Why would not knowing what Lauren is actually like prevent that rule from applying here?

    >>553968 I'm not entirely sure I see the relevance of fridge brilliance here. I already knew that MLP was Lauren Faust's brainchild, and I know she's brilliant at what she does, but why does that mean DeiStar has to write her as a Mary Sue?

    #80 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    "Now flap faster..."

    *misreads*

    "Now fap faster..."

    :twilightoops::twilightsheepish::facehoof:

    ~Jack

    #81 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>559322

    Okay. I get the point. Are you a troper?

    #82 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>560041 "Troper"? I've never heard that term before, so I can't answer for sure. Is that someone who wildly throws tropes around, or someone who tries to create tropes, or someone who enforces tropes with the intensity of a Grammar Nazi, or what?

    #83 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Cliffhangers flip my shit, man. Can't wait for more.

    #84 · 54w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>560633

    Oh, sorry. I meant it to be someone who visits TV Tropes a lot.

    #85 · 54w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>561857 Actually, I haven't visited TvTropes in years.

    So no, I'm not a troper.

    #86 · 54w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>561879

    Oh sorry. It's just that I don't associate "fridge brilliance" to anything else.

    #88 · 54w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>552636 I really don't see why you're calling the character a Mary Sue. Does she have some of the traits? Yes, but that doesn't mean it's a mary sue right off the bat. In fact I've seen less mary sue characters that actually fit the bill and more people throwing the term Mary Sue at characters. Sometimes I can see their reasoning and at other times I can see the accuser is just acting pissy. Heck did you read the criticism of the Mary Sue concept on the article you provided?

    Out of curiosity, what about Lauren's character makes you think she's a Mary Sue? Being an alicorn?

    #89 · 54w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>563036 No, her lack of personality and characterization. Let me put it this way: right now, if you were to describe the personality of alicorn Lauren, what adjectives would you use, and what examples would you give of her acting that way?

    #90 · 54w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>566760 Um, lacking personality and characterization does NOT make for a Mary Sue alone. It makes for a phenomenally dull character, but the author is working on that.

    #91 · 54w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>566820 Oh, I see. I think we must be thinking of different things when we use the term Mary Sue, because to me, that IS a Mary Sue character.

    #92 · 54w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>567709 You're using part of a definition to tag a character with a stigmatic label. Why not just say it's a bland character instead submitting to the knee-jerk reaction to label it a Mary Sue? What people think when they hear Mary Sues are characters that are usually bland self inserts that god-mode their way through the plotline, never encounter any real challenges and never develop a character. Half the time they have relationships with characters, either familial one with main characters or they're the missing princess who are better at everything than everyone else, often times showboating and doing some characters job/hobby better than the character themselves i.e. outfly Rainbow Dash, move the sun and stars better than Celestia and Luna combined. No other characters ever call them out on this and the MS's word might as well be God's word. That is the label you're trying to push here.

    #93 · 54w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>568446 Well, to me, "bland self-inserts that god-mode their way through the plotline" is a self-contradicting statement. My definition of a Mary Sue is "a character designed to allow the reader to imprint their own personality onto that of the character's". It's a bit more sophisticated, since it doesn't cover ALL bland, generic characters, and while the character can encounter challenges and stumble a bit in the plotline, they still never receive any characterization from them. I'm also not saying that's a bad thing when done properly; after all, that's how I believe the Twilight novels got to be so popular. It's just that this isn't the right kind of story to have a Mary Sue.

    #94 · 54w, 1d ago · · ·
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    :trollestia:

    #95 · 54w, 6h ago · · ·
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    Okay, Celestia is back. Cliffhanger, yes. But leaves me wanting more!

    #96 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    dude cliffhangers are the bane of my existence, however it's a great story can't wait for the next chapter

    #97 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    a>run update.exe

    #98 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    #99 · 53w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Sorry for the long wait, I was busy with my oneshot fic, and pre-reading, and stuff.

    Right now I'm also playing Phoenix Wright games, so I haven't had time to write.

    But I got 70 words so far now! :trollestia:

    #100 · 53w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Just letting you know that I got banned, it's a shame.

    I'm not sure how things will turn out now, but I won't cancel this story.

    Until then, this is on hiatus.

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