Featured In40

More Stories6

  • E Pros and Cons

    Discord has found Tirek, and is about to parade him back to his friends for their love and adoration. But an offer is made, an enticing offer... He'll need to talk this one over with a friend.
    2,337 words · 3,595 views  ·  498  ·  5
  • T Private Study Sessions

    Rainbow has a secret she doesn't want anypony to know...
    2,945 words · 15,765 views  ·  1,677  ·  33
  • E So, You've Grown Wings

    The mane six woke up a little different one morning. Madness ensues.
    51,631 words · 22,508 views  ·  1,137  ·  40
  • T Riding Herd

    It can be troubling at times, when you like nice quiet evenings, and your marefriends have a much different idea of fun. But then, being out of your comfort zone is what brought you together.
    2,831 words · 2,873 views  ·  279  ·  14
  • E Of Parties and Laughter

    Short stories about Ponyville's premier party planner pony.
    1,675 words · 1,562 views  ·  87  ·  5
  • T First Steps

    After a long and depressing summer in Baltimare, Rarity returns home. Heartbroken, she looks forward to seeing her dear friend. If anypony can cheer her up, it's Pinkie.
    48,432 words · 1,468 views  ·  166  ·  14

Blog Posts237

  • Tuesday
    Let's Talk Funny

    7 comments · 112 views
  • 1w, 4d
    And now, Deep Thoughts. With M.A. Larson.

    25 comments · 373 views
  • 2w, 4d
    It Seems Green Has Inspired... Fanfiction?

    I got a nice little message from a long time reader that apparently she'd been inspired to write about Fancy Pants and Fleur and Luna...

    I'm not sure what to say. I'm flattered, and humbled.

    I can't link it directly, but here's a text link you can choose to follow. Be forewarned though, it's NSFW. http://animalanimefan.deviantart.com/art/The-Splendours-of-the-Night-486747002?ga_submit_new=10%253A1412646600&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1&ga_recent=1

    5 comments · 178 views
  • 2w, 5d
    To Clarify Regarding My Views On French

    I think I upset a couple of people, judging by how Green earned a couple more downvotes when my only activity was a blog post. So to clarify: I do not feel that French is a pretentious language. I think it's rather beautiful. But then, I don't speak it, so to me, it sounds lovely. It also strikes me as the type of thing that an upper class pony might do in a social setting: speak a language she is certain the other pony doesn't speak, to insult them while smiling.

    If I have insulted any french speakers in my naivety... I sincerely apologize.

    7 comments · 180 views
  • 2w, 5d
    Regarding Chapter 28: French To Equestrian

    For those (like myself) who do not speak french and were confused by Fleur's utterances, a brief explanation.

    I do not, as previous stated, speak french. I do however believe that somepony named Fleur De Lis should occasionally speak the language.

    In context, we have this scene.

    Rarity cleared her throat, prompting Fleur to look back in her direction. While Fluttershy had been talking, she’d been adding five more glasses from around the room, all carefully sipped from. “Ahem. Fleur, I’d like to introduce my marefriend.

    “Oh?” Fleur’s ears perked up. “I hadn’t noticed you brought anypony else. Where is she?”

    Fluttershy squirmed uncomfortably.

    Fleur looked back and forth between the two of them, flushing when she realized her faux pas. C'est gênant! What you must think of me! I meant no offense, Rarity. Nor to you, Fluttershy.”

    C'est gênant!: How embarrassing!

    “You cherish the princess, mon amie?” Fleur De Lis’ eyes twinkled as she laughed merrily. “Perhaps she is close to you both?”

    “Nothing so crass as that,” Rarity replied, flushing guiltily. After all, it wasn’t as if she’d never entertained the idea. “My friends and I are simply important to both sisters, though I admit we have had occasion to deepen the friendship of late.”

    “Ah, forgive me. I misunderstood.” Fleur’s eyes flicked over to Luna, who was twirling around in her new dress. “Fancy and I have had that opportunity as well.”

    Rarity, who had been in the middle of sipping at a sixth wine glass, nearly choked in shock. “I must be mishearing you—”

    Je resterai bouche cousue. I have said more than I should have and I will thank you if you will forget it,” Fleur said quickly. “Our younger princess does not need a scandal laid at her hooves.”

    Je resterai bouche cousue: I won't say anymore.

    Sorry for any confusion to native speakers and google translate users alike, but that's what I meant to have these phrases mean. I did pretty extensive searches for proper phrasing, but this is the risk you take when you try to utilize a language you don't speak yourself, sadly.

    Oh, and for those who stayed to read through all of this, the next chapter will be posted promptly on the 1st. I am doing everything I can to keep to that steady schedule of once a month, and so far it's been working (since April it's been consistent.)

    And for anyone whose eyes glazed and are somehow reading the end of this: TL:DR Steel does not speak French, and if you look up a little you'll see what I wanted Fleur to say.

    3 comments · 184 views
  • ...
 3,028
 20,983
Source

Rarity and Fluttershy have been friends for years, and every week they go to the spa. But after every trip, Rarity finds herself growing greener with envy over Fluttershy's beauty and grace, if not something more than just envy— and what might happen if she finds out Fluttershy feels the same way about her?

Rated Teen for moments of sensuality, foreplay, and sexual themes. Reader discretion is advised.

Assistance by Karrakaz, Aurora, Starfall, and Ariamaki. Cover Image by Megasweet, used with permission. Image colored by Explosivegent.

First Published
17th Apr 2012
Last Modified
1st Oct 2014
#1 · 132w, 6d ago · 4 · 9 · Prologue: The Spa, of Course ·

FIRST

Genius.

:moustache:

A writer of many talents it seems, I thought you could only write comedy. :trollestia:

Have my thumb and my track and such, you've got my attention! :pinkiehappy:

Love and Tolerance,

Kobalstromo

T-T-T-Tracking! Definitely worth continuing, Steel. :raritystarry:

Yay, it's posted now! Whoo! Still digging on the characterizations of Rarity and Fluttershy. Very much look forward to future chapters. :pinkiehappy:

Really well written.

>>465580 :raritywink: I had some excellent advice from one of my favorite authors of this type of story. Donny, thank you again!

Since I can only give it one thumbs up, have a few mustaches. :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

Great story so far tracking and thumbs up.

>>465585

No prob, Bob. :pinkiehappy: *bro hoof!*

I love this, mainly because I can relate to Fluttershy (in a way). Keep it going! :twilightsmile:

Green with envy? Good show, jolly good show! :moustache:

>>466715

I'm guessing you're reffering to being entangled in it, in such a way where getting out of it would harm you a lot? :twilightsmile:

>>466865 Nope. As you can see, this soldier (good for him btw) does not like barbed wire.

Base: Fim Fiction

Bad things in base that you don't like but you can't really get rid of it or avoid: barbed wire

Barbed wire: Ship fics

Me:

but that's okay if you like it. I don't hate, after all imma brony. :yay:  :rainbowkiss:  :pinkiehappy:   :raritywink:  :twilightsheepish:

>>467284

I have to admit, looking back on it now my comment looked a lot like a cheesy 14 year old girl proverb.

You have a point, shipping does have it's flaws, but you have to give credit to the author's writting :)

>>467471 >>467284 Nothing wrong with romance, but yes an awful lot of it is badly written and poorly justified. I am trying to avoid the common problems. Shipping is definitely not for everyone, just like not everyone enjoys the latest crossover fic of a popular video game. That does not make the genre bad, it just means that type is not your cup of tea. I am trying to branch out here, see if I am capable of writing other types of stories. My main story ended up being wildly popular, beyond all my expectations, but it was my first attempt at fiction of any real length. I do thank you panda, for not hating the story just on the basis that its not your favorite type.

>>467644 Your welcome. And your right, shipping is not my style; but again if you like it, then that's cool too. Also, I am pretty sure that your fics are good. I also like branching out in all genres, you see. I could be dark and adventurous, or light and funny as well as deep feelings. I DO have problems writing shipp fics though.  ':facehoof:'

>>470024 The only problem I would have is putting out something of low quality. I have read more than a few where the characters do not in the least resemble themselves, the story arch was contrived, and badly paced. My last fic was entirely unplanned, this one I plotted out the course of weeks ago, the prologue sat written for a solid week, going through rewrites until I was satisfied. I am not saying I am a wonderful writer now, but I am trying to learn how to be a better one. Part of that is attempting to write a different type of story.

>>471328 You know, I am also get stuck with my fics. It's like "what? that makes no sense! time to add more" or something along those lines.

Intriguing . . . I withhold any rating for now, but I'll track this and see where it goes.

>>478089 That is wise. I will attempt to make my writing worthy of your like.

#23 · 130w, 6d ago · 1 · · Chapter 1: The Spring Line ·

Oh Rarity. You are SO smooth.

Well and that showed us Raritys capacity of planning in a nutshell

>>482783 In her defense she is a bit distracted. Also this is hardly the first time she has bitten off more than she can chew. I think she forgot about something else though...

>>482811 might thye be looking like :scootangel::unsuresweetie::applecry: this?

>>482894 That would be them. She has a long night ahead.

#28 · 130w, 6d ago · 1 · · Chapter 1: The Spring Line ·

Oh my goodness, never was I expecting 'shipping' to be THIS delicious! Do keep up the wonderful writting!

Cheers!

Kyor

i shall be watching this, looking foward to what awaits (:applecry::scootangel::unsuresweetie:)

#31 · 130w, 5d ago · 1 · · Chapter 1: The Spring Line ·

Fluttershy's morning was not going well.

It had started with a carrot to the face.

That's funny, good stuff. Just figured I'd start by saying that.

Rarity noted once again, with some marvel, just how skillful one needed to be to perform such a task without magic.

I really liked this, too. I think often we fanfic writers tend to write the unicorns as looking down upon the non-magical ponies, but I really like seeing Rarity admiring 'Shy for her ability to be graceful WITHOUT using magic. It just feels very much like something Rarity WOULD admire.

Other things I liked: I liked Rarity's clumsiness around Fluttershy. It's so unlike her usual self--it was surprising and kind of adorable seeing the unicorn so flustered, as long as she's able to keep at least SOME of the grace and poise that makes her Rarity. I also liked that nothing catastrophic happened in the Everfree. That was a pleasant subversion of the usual Everfree cliches. Nice job on Zecora's dialogue, as well--I've avoided writing any Zecora, myself, as I'm worried about getting her dialogue all wrong.

I think I would have liked a bit slower of a pace, to allow more time for 'Shy and Rarity to reflect on their feelings and to allow for characterization, but perhaps this is mostly a setting-up kind of chapter. Also, I noticed that while the prologue uses third-person limited perspective (alternating between Fluttershy's and Rarity's POVs), this chapter uses third-person omniscient perspective. I'm not sure what you have planned for the next chapter, but I'd suggest sticking to third-person omiscient from here forward, as too many changes in the perspective might confuse readers.

Can't wait to read the next chapter! I fear for Rarity's sanity as the CMC descend upon her home and work studio. :pinkiehappy:

>>488181 Have no fear, Rarity in her element coming. I have Art of the Dress playing on a loop.

>>488256

Awwww, yeah! :pinkiehappy:

(I've been playing "This Day Aria" on loop while working today, myself.)

#34 · 130w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

Awwww, Fluttershy's freaky knowledge of sewing saves the day once again!

#36 · 130w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

You got my thumb.

Now that you got it I'll probably give unsolicited advice on some latter chapter. You have been warned.:facehoof:

#37 · 130w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

>>507829 I hereby solicit said advice. You cannot now call it unsolicited. This is a new story type for me, I like this pairing, and I want the story to be enjoyable to everyone that reads it.

#38 · 130w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

simply adorable then again all things with Fluttershy are adorable. Keep up the great work

#40 · 130w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

>>507839

The story is still too new for me have much to say but, you asked for it.:ajbemused:

1. You have given yourself a golden opportunity here in the next week. You have 2 mares who are bothered to distraction by one another working in close proximity trying to meet a strict deadline. You can ratchet up the tension as high as you want it without hurting the story so long as you don't fail to fallow advice #2. This week could conceivably be broken into 2 or 3 chapters depending on the amount of content that you cant put in. Be careful that you don't revisit the same plot point without a strong reason as it will make it feel that is story is not progressing.

2. Pacing this story will be of utmost importance, as is with all romance stores, You can make the characters come to life or die a generic death with pacing. At this point both of the mares are without any doubt in love with each other, this means that you can at any time have one profess her love for the other and not break immersion for the reader. That's good for you but it can also be a problem. You're in chapter four, this can be very early in the story depending on how long you are going to make it. One of the high points of a romance must be the reveal and the characters emotions and reactions to this. Luckly once you ship them out you are not just suddenly out of material as the life they try to start together is just as important as the tension leading up to them getting together.

3. They don't live in a vacuum. This is the mane SIX so you have at least 4 other characters to pull from for plot progression. They are very close to one another so anything affecting one affects them all. This gives you a lot of material to work with. Just be mindful that the world does not revolving around rarity and fluttershy no matter how much it may feel otherwise. Should the story focus on other ponies, that answer is NO. It's about rarity and fluttershy getting together but the world at large won't care, just us and them. The next week might not be a good place to bring more ponies into the mix as the week will be rushed and hectic, but if you can think of a good way to do so then don't let me stop you.

So ya that was longer than i intended but you did ask for it:twilightblush:

Edit: If you'r looking for someone to bounce ideas off of im game

#41 · 130w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

>>508011 I did indeed, and you delivered.

#42 · 130w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

Why is this so short!? :fluttercry: I could easily read a thousand pages of this stuff! It's fantastic!

#44 · 130w, 23h ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

I'm loving this...keep it coming mate

#45 · 130w, 23h ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

What I would have said?-

That guy said it for me.

STARRED, THUMBED, YOU ARE UNDER THE MICROSCOPE. :raritywink:

#46 · 130w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

>>508176

That is win.

>>507813

You already know my opinion of this story. :yay::raritystarry:

#47 · 130w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

>>508417 I know all my comment are pure win :duck:

#48 · 130w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

O bby~ :raritywink:

#49 · 130w, 21h ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

very nice :twilightsmile:

#50 · 130w, 20h ago · · · Chapter 2: The Client ·

:scootangel: Chanticleer.... Rock-a-doodle..... awesome reference!

0 19247 638379
Login or register to comment