FIRST

Genius.

A writer of many talents it seems, I thought you could only write comedy.

Have my thumb and my track and such, you've got my attention!

Love and Tolerance,

Kobalstromo

T-T-T-Tracking! Definitely worth continuing, Steel.

Yay, it's posted now! Whoo! Still digging on the characterizations of Rarity and Fluttershy. Very much look forward to future chapters.

Really well written.

>>465580465580 I had some excellent advice from one of my favorite authors of this type of story. Donny, thank you again!

Since I can only give it one thumbs up, have a few mustaches.

Great story so far tracking and thumbs up.

>>465585465585

No prob, Bob. *bro hoof!*

I love this, mainly because I can relate to Fluttershy (in a way). Keep it going!

Green with envy? Good show, jolly good show!

Another shipping fic. . .

Image: http://www.userpedia.adriels.com/wiki/images/2/28/GodDamnIt.jpg

>>466715466715

I'm guessing you're reffering to being entangled in it, in such a way where getting out of it would harm you a lot?

>>466865466865 Nope. As you can see, this soldier (good for him btw) does not like barbed wire.

Base: Fim Fiction

Bad things in base that you don't like but you can't really get rid of it or avoid: barbed wire

Barbed wire: Ship fics

Me:

Image: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/41569_110861078951773_9896_n.jpg

but that's okay if you like it. I don't hate, after all imma brony.          

>>467284467284

I have to admit, looking back on it now my comment looked a lot like a cheesy 14 year old girl proverb.

You have a point, shipping does have it's flaws, but you have to give credit to the author's writting :)

>>467471467471 >>467284467284 Nothing wrong with romance, but yes an awful lot of it is badly written and poorly justified. I am trying to avoid the common problems. Shipping is definitely not for everyone, just like not everyone enjoys the latest crossover fic of a popular video game. That does not make the genre bad, it just means that type is not your cup of tea. I am trying to branch out here, see if I am capable of writing other types of stories. My main story ended up being wildly popular, beyond all my expectations, but it was my first attempt at fiction of any real length. I do thank you panda, for not hating the story just on the basis that its not your favorite type.

>>467644467644 Your welcome. And your right, shipping is not my style; but again if you like it, then that's cool too. Also, I am pretty sure that your fics are good. I also like branching out in all genres, you see. I could be dark and adventurous, or light and funny as well as deep feelings. I DO have problems writing shipp fics though.  ''

>>470024470024 The only problem I would have is putting out something of low quality. I have read more than a few where the characters do not in the least resemble themselves, the story arch was contrived, and badly paced. My last fic was entirely unplanned, this one I plotted out the course of weeks ago, the prologue sat written for a solid week, going through rewrites until I was satisfied. I am not saying I am a wonderful writer now, but I am trying to learn how to be a better one. Part of that is attempting to write a different type of story.

>>471328471328 You know, I am also get stuck with my fics. It's like "what? that makes no sense! time to add more" or something along those lines.

Intriguing . . . I withhold any rating for now, but I'll track this and see where it goes.

>>478089478089 That is wise. I will attempt to make my writing worthy of your like.

>>478626478626 You flatter me!

Oh Rarity. You are SO smooth.

Well and that showed us Raritys capacity of planning in a nutshell

>>482783482783 In her defense she is a bit distracted. Also this is hardly the first time she has bitten off more than she can chew. I think she forgot about something else though...

>>482811482811 might thye be looking like this?

>>482894482894 That would be them. She has a long night ahead.

Oh my goodness, never was I expecting 'shipping' to be THIS delicious! Do keep up the wonderful writting!

Cheers!

Kyor

>>483042483042

Image: http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/155-oh-boy-here-we-go.jpg

i shall be watching this, looking foward to what awaits ()

Fluttershy's morning was not going well.

It had started with a carrot to the face.

That's funny, good stuff. Just figured I'd start by saying that.

Rarity noted once again, with some marvel, just how skillful one needed to be to perform such a task without magic.

I really liked this, too. I think often we fanfic writers tend to write the unicorns as looking down upon the non-magical ponies, but I really like seeing Rarity admiring 'Shy for her ability to be graceful WITHOUT using magic. It just feels very much like something Rarity WOULD admire.

Other things I liked: I liked Rarity's clumsiness around Fluttershy. It's so unlike her usual self--it was surprising and kind of adorable seeing the unicorn so flustered, as long as she's able to keep at least SOME of the grace and poise that makes her Rarity. I also liked that nothing catastrophic happened in the Everfree. That was a pleasant subversion of the usual Everfree cliches. Nice job on Zecora's dialogue, as well--I've avoided writing any Zecora, myself, as I'm worried about getting her dialogue all wrong.

I think I would have liked a bit slower of a pace, to allow more time for 'Shy and Rarity to reflect on their feelings and to allow for characterization, but perhaps this is mostly a setting-up kind of chapter. Also, I noticed that while the prologue uses third-person limited perspective (alternating between Fluttershy's and Rarity's POVs), this chapter uses third-person omniscient perspective. I'm not sure what you have planned for the next chapter, but I'd suggest sticking to third-person omiscient from here forward, as too many changes in the perspective might confuse readers.

Can't wait to read the next chapter! I fear for Rarity's sanity as the CMC descend upon her home and work studio.

>>488181488181 Have no fear, Rarity in her element coming. I have Art of the Dress playing on a loop.

>>488256488256

Awwww, yeah!

(I've been playing "This Day Aria" on loop while working today, myself.)

Awwww, Fluttershy's freaky knowledge of sewing saves the day once again!

>>507794507794

You got my thumb.

Now that you got it I'll probably give unsolicited advice on some latter chapter. You have been warned.

>>507829507829 I hereby solicit said advice. You cannot now call it unsolicited. This is a new story type for me, I like this pairing, and I want the story to be enjoyable to everyone that reads it.

simply adorable then again all things with Fluttershy are adorable. Keep up the great work

yay an update

mfw whole chapter

Image: http://chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-smoooooch.jpg

>>507839507839

The story is still too new for me have much to say but, you asked for it.

1. You have given yourself a golden opportunity here in the next week. You have 2 mares who are bothered to distraction by one another working in close proximity trying to meet a strict deadline. You can ratchet up the tension as high as you want it without hurting the story so long as you don't fail to fallow advice #2. This week could conceivably be broken into 2 or 3 chapters depending on the amount of content that you cant put in. Be careful that you don't revisit the same plot point without a strong reason as it will make it feel that is story is not progressing.

2. Pacing this story will be of utmost importance, as is with all romance stores, You can make the characters come to life or die a generic death with pacing. At this point both of the mares are without any doubt in love with each other, this means that you can at any time have one profess her love for the other and not break immersion for the reader. That's good for you but it can also be a problem. You're in chapter four, this can be very early in the story depending on how long you are going to make it. One of the high points of a romance must be the reveal and the characters emotions and reactions to this. Luckly once you ship them out you are not just suddenly out of material as the life they try to start together is just as important as the tension leading up to them getting together.

3. They don't live in a vacuum. This is the mane SIX so you have at least 4 other characters to pull from for plot progression. They are very close to one another so anything affecting one affects them all. This gives you a lot of material to work with. Just be mindful that the world does not revolving around rarity and fluttershy no matter how much it may feel otherwise. Should the story focus on other ponies, that answer is NO. It's about rarity and fluttershy getting together but the world at large won't care, just us and them. The next week might not be a good place to bring more ponies into the mix as the week will be rushed and hectic, but if you can think of a good way to do so then don't let me stop you.

So ya that was longer than i intended but you did ask for it

Edit: If you'r looking for someone to bounce ideas off of im game

>>508011508011 I did indeed, and you delivered.

Why is this so short!? I could easily read a thousand pages of this stuff! It's fantastic!

Image: http://dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133398467296.gif

WINGBONER XD

I'm loving this...keep it coming mate

What I would have said?-

That guy said it for me.

STARRED, THUMBED, YOU ARE UNDER THE MICROSCOPE.

>>508176508176

That is win.

>>507813507813

You already know my opinion of this story.

>>508417508417 I know all my comment are pure win

O bby~

very nice

Chanticleer.... Rock-a-doodle..... awesome reference!

>>509010509010 That was actually a good movie. I wish I had pointed out the reference first.

WHY CAN'T I THUMB THIS STORY TWICE!

Sweet Celestia! This is all just too 'Adorable'!

I eagerly await for an update, I have no beliefs whatsoever stating this story should turn to bad. I have to say, in the past three chapters, your writing hasn't lost it's flow, minus a little error somewhere with a 'began' involved, where it should have been 'begin' I believe.

Needless to say, I'm bedazzled by this amazing story. I have NEVER been a fan of homo-shipping but goodness this is just too good!

Cheers!

Kyor

These dramas only happen when nopony actually makes the first move.

   I adore this. Can't wait for more! You're excellent at the romantic tension.

>>523663523663 They are both just so wrapped up in their emotions it makes them unable to see the other's obvious attraction to them. After all, all love is unrequited.

This is far better than I could have hoped for and I tend to have much too high standards for most pones tastes, congrats. I would give you another thumb but I can't.

Reading back over I have decided that I am now curious about how the others have gotten together. Maybe side stories or prequels, just a random thought.

>>523737523737 Well let me finish my Rarishy first, Appledash and Twinkie possibly later. Maybe a side chapter.

i have two options for you:

1) write more, and i mean MCUH more :D

2) see 1)

<-loves romance and romance between main six is best fanfic

on a sidenote: your writing is also nice to read, but not enoug chapters yet to clearly tell how good you are. but so far i can't complain much.

We get not one, but three couples? awesome!

The whole confrontation resolution thing in this chapter felt a little rushed though.

Anyhow, looking forward to the next chapter

...you are a god.  "and YAY SNUGGLIES!"...Pinkie, your logic is infaliable

I'm going to have to read the rest of this later, didn't get much farther than that before one of the things I can't stand happens (I.E. one thinks the other likes another because of something they saw). not story breaking, but I've read enough of em for now. It will be read though!

oh damn shit just went down

>>523885523885 While this is my first attempt at romance, and judging from reactions I am preparing to call the experiment going well, I did write a decent sized comedy/random/adventure. I am basically applying everything I learned from writing that for 2 months to this fic.

As for the conflict resolution, I did not need for there to be a rift amongst friends to create a little tension and delay the inevitable confession.

>>524791524791 Oh, I see, yes I pushed the drama button and had her arrive at an inopportune moment.

Are three couples realistic? 'Invisible Relationship' has two. And even then I feel like I'm pushing it, so I added what I felt like was another level of realism so I could balance it out.

Speaking of, if this were written a bit differently, it would actually make sense as a prequel to 'Invisible Relationship'.

>>525147525147 What do you mean by realistic? we're talking about talking ponies...

it's a romance fic, and there's nothing saying he can't write three. I have 5+ in my fics

>>525165525165 Ah hello there EF, I have been meaning to ask you to check this out. I have been tracking your story since I found out you were doing Flarity as well. Excellent job by the way. You write very much "in voice" for the two. As for realism, well anyone who followed my story SYGW knows I have never let that get in my way of a good story.

>>525216525216

I'm not saying it's bad. I like it, and it appears well-thought-out, but I'm just saying, if you had a platonic friendship with five people, and they all felt platonic to each other, would they really all of a sudden turn homosexual and develop couples with each other? Perfectly? Nobody's torn between two?

It's just strange. I'm sorry, it's been an off day, I can't write, I can't draw, I can't express myself, I've swapped with the others three fucking times... It's starting to hurt my chest. And my head.

Woah! No way! You hit the trifecta! All three of my preferred Mane Six pairings! This is almost unheard of! Thumbs up, tracking, good times!

>>525273525273 Ah, I see the problem. I am applying the "Everypony is bisexual" rule in mlp shipping. When your town is 75% consisting of mares normal heteronormative rules are difficult to apply. There is also the "Ponies are herd animals" Rule, which states they pair up for love, and seek males out for breeding. While the whole fillyfooler concept can be interesting in some stories when you make it an issue the story becomes less about the pair and more about "OMG I am a weird because I like mares." I didn't want to focus on the the weirdness of why two mares get together, most shippers in mlp pretty much expect to see mane cast pairings, if you look for a flarity story you're expecting to see fluttershy and rarity being lesbians. I am not by any means saying the whole "being a fillyfooler is wrong" approach is wrong, just not how I want to approach my story. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and it should be tolerated accordingly.

>>526122526122

According to every natural, seminatural, and preternatural philosophy I have, sexuality does not exist. It cannot exist. There is no biological, theological, or otherwise understandable reason for it to exist. If you feel love to a dude, happy bromance, but don't go gay. If you think you're 'attracted' to dudes, you just need a flat, tomboyish, tight chick. (No lie, I had a 'gay' friend that I converted with this technique.) If you're flaming, you're just acting like a dumbass. But I swear, flaming gay people look funny as hell.

...

What were we talking about?

I don't even have ADD.

I really don't.

>>526718526718 That does explain why your work tends to have a lot of angst over the whole concept of whether its right to love another mare. Again, that's fine, it's just not the way I approach my fiction. I am also the man who wrote the happy go lucky "Hey look everyone is an alicorn now lets have fun with that concept" story in response to what seemed to be a large number of stories that made ponies freak out over it. I give them other things to freak out about, like how their hairbrush just exploded because they tried to pick it up in a grip that could lift the sun. Or whether its right to want for yourself instead of giving constantly.

The drama wrapped up really quickly, but the writing style is damn good.

>>526718526718

I am a flaming queer man. And I exist independently of your approval or your belief in my existence.

>>528561528561 I have a very simple philosophy when it comes to others sexuality. Go to it, and good luck. Oh, and remember your towel.

>>528662528662

*snort*

Oh, and I said this in PM, but I wanna say it here too ... my fave part of this chapter is the beautiful display of Rarity's capacity for generosity. This is a kick-butt Rarity line if ever I read one: "With Celestia as my witness, if I have to move heaven and earth, Fluttershy will have her special somepony!"

Go, Rarity, go!

so much shipping

>>526122526122

Wow. I like that way of explaining and understanding.

I actually do things almost the same. All most all mares are bisexual, some being purely lesbian, and a few as straight. But stallions are mostly straight by gender percentages, yet thanks to magical and medical means they don't need to be all over mares, and there is a good percentage of them who are colt cuddlers (but there's a diminishing stigma on that. Society evolves but slowly.)

I am absolutely loving this!! Can't wait until the next chapter.

Friends with benefits morphing tenderly into a real love. I love Pinkie's two step relationship process. Step one, cut off casual sexual encounters and meaningless physical interaction. Step two, ask her out on a real date. It's just Pinkie enough to work.

>>538055538055 Another aspect of envy here. Pinkie had the physical love aspect, but found something to envy in Rarity's wishes for a full relationship. She'd never really given it much thought until then. Twilight however, had been on the fence for quite a while.

Wake up in the middle of the night, can't go back to sleep, new chapter, and it's Twipie.

>>538083538083 I dearly appologize for your lack of sleep, have some twinkie and rest well.

Looks like Rarity is in need of the patented bonk to the noggin.

I really like how you are doing their relationship, its nicely played out, and how you did this as a side story id also pretty good

D'awwwwww.

i love how you're doing this. the story is focused on rarity and fluttershy, but you're making the perfect interludes to keep variety. I try to do it myself, but I don't think I've gotten quite that good at it. i commend you good sir

Darnit, don't you just hate when you've already given a story a thumbs-up? I'll just sit here and hit the button 20 more times.

Interluuuuuuude.

I forgot to mention this earlier, so I'll mention it now. I love this bit a lot:

Twilight twisted out of Pinkie's embrace and trotted casually to Pinkie's bed. "I suppose we can fit a study session in, but I can't pull an all-nighter. Is that okay?"

Oh, Twilight. You and your nerdy euphemisms ...

I just can't get enough

Interlude 1: The Magic of Laughter = WIN .

I love how pinkie is kind of stuck in the middle of all of this. Makes me wonder if she will tell twilight all that she knows?

>>539358539358

Well, she confessed about the corn cakes. She just might.

I like it! well all of it not just this one chapter because I've figured out of this story you can't possibly choose one chapter!!! I will be back for more, I can promise that!

>>539358539358 Pinkie Pie swears are involved. She might confess her own sins but the secrets of others? Never.

DAT PINKIE TWI (cwotididthar?)

I just can't wait for more of this. I really appreciate your work.

>>543657543657 Thank you, I do enjoy writing. I enjoy it all the more when somepony enjoys reading it. If you enjoy my work, I did write two other stories. A one shot length Pinkie Pie story, and a midsized comedic adventure epic in which all of the mane six become Alicorns.

Well, this was recommended to me twice, so I figured I'd finally go ahead and read it. I'm glad I did, it was really nice. Thanks for writing this and feel free to let me know if you ever write another romance fic, you're good at it. To say the least, this was adorable.