For a little over a year I have been slinging words at a wall, watching to see what stuck. I'm very happy some of you enjoy those words.
78w, 3dThe Fillyfoolers
70w, 3dWriting Gold
78w, 3dThe Writer's Group
78w, 3dSensual Fiction (SFG)
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82w, 6hOrganized Shipping (Most Common)
53w, 6dAuthor Support
74w, 4dF/F ships
42w, 4dPinkie Pie: Pinkamena Diane Pie
81w, 1dKeeria's Library
81w, 4hTwilight's Library
33w, 2dUncommon Shipping Pairs
58w, 4dScootabelle Empire
55w, 3dFimFiction Gold Archives
47w, 2dDamn Those Feels
29w, 1dMeri's Favorite Stories
27w, 6hTheGreatEater's Buffet
24w, 4dSuper Best Friends
13w, 2dThe First Church of Revenge
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1w, 1dGreen: Chapter 23 status update. 9 comments · 125 views
1w, 1dFirst Steps: Chapter 2 status update. 5 comments · 68 views
1w, 1dReblog: Horseshoe Review: Castle Mane-ia 7 comments · 93 views
1w, 2dSpoilers! Castle Mane-ia Impressions 23 comments · 191 views
2w, 3dSpoilers! Impressions from the premier 9 comments · 208 views
4w, 2dSo, I was reading the MLP comics... 34 comments · 292 views
5w, 4hSignal boost: New story by Dianwei32 3 comments · 78 views
“Come, fair knight, thou hast slain the demon. My life is yours, do with it what thou wilt.” Twilight lay back on the bed, inviting her gallant knight to ask whatever she wished for the noble deed performed.
“Ah, my princess, I ask but one thing. Your wondrous beauty has captivated me… would it be overbold of me to ask a dalliance?” Pinkie slowly approached her reclining lover, trying her best to keep her face straight but unable to stop her usual infectious grin from overtaking it.
“Oh, Sir Pie... You are so very bold to ask such a thing, but in reward for your valour I grant your request!” And then they were embracing, the costumes as usual getting in the way but enhancing the whole experience nevertheless. Twilight squealed just a bit as Pinkie began kissing her under her chin, her lips traveling down the neckline—
And then she was gone in a flash; the flustered unicorn looked around in confusion and frustration. She got up from the bed and threw open the door to her room, which Pinkie seemed to not have used. How did she—you know what, never mind.
Pinkie was downstairs now, trying to find the source of the word that had drawn her attention from Twilight. It was a very important word. “Did somepony say party? I got this twinge in my right shoulder that said somepony nearby was talking about a party! Oh, hi, girls!”
Twilight, more than a little frustrated, stomped down the stairs and started laying into her fillyfriend. “Pinkie! I wasn’t finis—Oh! Girls! Um, hi...”
Apple Bloom looked at her with a disconcerted expression, causing Twilight to fret that she’d heard a little more than she should have. “Um, hey, Twilight! Ah was wondering, the girls and Ah were thinkin’ of havin’ a slumber party and mah sis told me ‘bout a book you had that might help out.”
Aha! Twilight was distracted from her worries by the opportunity to share knowledge, and knowledge of friendship at that! “I know just the one! ‘Slumber 101: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Slumber Parties But Were Afraid to Ask.’ Yes, we used it for my first slumber party. Oh that was so much fun!”
Pinkie turned to look at Twilight in dismay. “I... I missed a party? Did you have fun?”
“Oh, we had a blast! We had a pillow fight... well, that got a little out of hoof... Oh, but we made s’mores, and Rarity made us wear a mud mask. That wasn’t quite as much fun, but it was in the book, you can’t just skip around. Then we told ghost stories! The tree falling into my house made a big mess, but we cleaned it up. I really need to have another one soon!”
Pinkie sniffled just a little, imagining to herself how superific Twilight must have been as a hostess. “W-will I be invited this time?”
Twilight paused as Pinkie’s attitude and comments finally clicked in her mind; she rushed over to Pinkie and grabbed her into a hug. “Oh, of course, Pinkie! We couldn’t exactly send out invitations, after all. There was a big rainstorm that night, so I had Applejack and Rarity stay with me because it was raining too hard for them to make it home safely. You know it’s not a real party without my favorite pink pony!”
Pinkie sniffed, but looked much happier and hugged Twilight back. Apple Bloom coughed a bit, interrupting the two adults from the very serious task of gazing into each other’s eyes and making them step apart. “Um... so... about that book?”
Twilight nodded, heading back to the “S” shelf. In just a moment she triumphantly produced the book. “Here you go, girls. Have fun!”
They all smiled and said in one voice, "Thanks, Twilight. Thanks, Pinkie. See you later!" Seeming a little more subdued than normal, they trooped out of the wide-open front door.
Pinkie watched them leave, still a little breathless. “Um... Twilight, I think I can see how they got in.”
Twilight gasped, seeing the hole in her door where the lock and door knob had been. She looked around for these items but did not find them. “What happened to my lock?”
Pinkie walked carefully over to the doorstep and prodded a cooling puddle of metal with a hoof. “I... don’t think it’s going to be doing its job when it's all melty like this. Unless you're using the latest in molten lock technology... or Salvador Poni brand locks?”
Twilight glared at the door, before she focused her magic and cast a shield spell around it. “There, nopony else is coming in. Now, Sir Pie, I believe we hath a dalliance to finish in my bedchambers?” She sauntered up the stairs, swishing her tail back and forth. “Wilt thou not collect thy prize?”
“Yes, milady. Right away, milady!”
Even more breathless, but much happier, the couple lay together on the bed. Pinkie sighed just a bit—happy, but also a little melancholy.
Twilight turned to her, still basking in the afterglow. “Something troubles thee, Sir Pie?”
Pinkie frowned, which was not a good sign; if her curls deflated next Twilight might be forced to take extreme measures. Where would I even get another stove at this hour?
Pinkie spoke quietly, and a little sadly. “We’re doing it again. We just keep slipping back into playtime. It’s super fun, but I need more, Twilight. I want to spend my life with you; we have to do more together than just sneak away and play games all the time.”
Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. This was getting too much like the speech Pinkie gave her when they ‘broke up.’ She reached a hoof out to Pinkie’s muzzle and turned her face towards her own. “So what do we do? I really want to make this work, you know. I’m sorry if I get a little excited around you, but it’s hard to be near you without wanting to... do things.”
She sighed heavily. “I think the problem is me, Pinkie. I know we relate well here, but outside of the bedroom... we’re just very different. We don’t have much in common besides a mutual love of roleplay and... well, each other. You remember what a disaster that first date was! I got all nervous, the waiter misunderstood the order, and before I knew it, the table was on fire! Who ever heard of Daffodil Flambe, anyway?”
“Twilight, it was one date. It went a little bad, but we didn’t have to give up on the idea altogether. Maybe we just aren’t the restaurant types? C’mon, break out the clipboard, let’s brainstorm!” Pinkie jumped up excitedly, shedding her armor so quickly Twilight had to ask herself yet again how she did it without magic.
Stop thinking about it, that way lies madness. She nodded, fetching the clipboard and quill with her telekinesis. “Ready!”
“Okay, let’s make a list of all the things we love to do, and we’ll each choose two things from the other’s list we wanna try!”
Twilight thrust hard at Pinkie, not holding back in the slightest. "Take that! And that!"
Pinkie winced. “Not so hard, Twilight!”
Twilight grinned saucily. “Then learn how to riposte properly! Now then, allez! Fence!”
Pinkie pouted, but took position, returning her mask to its position over her face. “Can’t we just make out?”
“Not until you master your Ponetti Defence! Now, en garde!”
Hoof-blade fencing... it had sounded fun. How was Pinkie supposed to know it was something Twilight had studied and mastered as a hobby throughout her young life? How was an amateur swashbuckler like her supposed to compete?
Twilight scored a touch again, inner foreleg this time. She raised her mask in triumph, but hesitated when she caught the sad look on Pinkie’s face. “Pinkie, I’ve seen you do some amazingly dextrous things. How is it you don’t seem to show the least aptitude for this?”
“I can’t be good at everything! I never expected there to be so many rules and specific places to stand... I expected us to be fencing furiously, maybe swinging on tapestries... You know like in the movies! Plus these things are so flimsy! Give me a good Bat’leth or greatsword any day!” She waved the sword around madly, demonstrating how wobbly it was.
Twilight scratched her head with a hoof. That explained a lot actually. Pinkie was imitating the movies she’d seen instead of using proper technique—none of those depicted real fencing. She tried to remember how the movies went. Such an unrealistic depiction of a wonderful sport! Still, we aren’t competing, we’re trying to have fun... We need something simpler, more enjoyable. “Okay fine, new rule: no rules.”
“Épée. It’s a much older variant of the sport. There isn’t any right-of-way, no specific places to target. First blood, or rather touch,” she corrected quickly, trying to assure Pinkie they would not actually be harming anypony, “is awarded the point.” She grinned widely as another thought struck her. “Losing pony has to pay a forfeit. Does that sound like fun?”
PInkie grinned so wide it seemed her mouth had transcended the physical limitations of her face. Her stance shifted subtly, more properly mirroring Twilight’s own. She nodded, and slammed her mask back down, taking an en garde position once more. “Ready when you are, Captain Sparkle.”
“Have at thee, Sir Pie!”
Twilight studied her opponent, looking for any openings. The spells on their jackets were set to award the touch to any point on the body now, and first pony to score three points would win. So all she needed was an opening, any opening at all.
...Weapon ramrod straight at shoulder level, hiding the entire foreleg and hoof behind the bell guard... Never waiver in my coverage as I advance and retreat in small, coiled spring steps... Classic! Pinkie is definitely mimicking the old movies she was talking about. No cheap, easy touches here! Maybe if I invited an attack to...
In a flicker of movement, Pinkie struck, not with an explosive burst of energy but almost seeming to collapse as her sword dropped and...
"Halt! One light! Touch is right! Score, one to zero! Fencers ready?"
Twilight barely heard the call from the tracking spell as she mentally raged at herself.
The hindleg! She had been hit on her leading hindleg! Of all the...
“I have you now!” Pinkie smiled like a mad pony.
She slammed her mask back down, saluting Pinkie for the first touch. “Much, much better, Sir Pie! It seems I have your attention now. Allez! Fence!”
The next exchange was far more heated, their thin blades crossing again and again. It left Twilight wondering which movie Pinkie was imitating. The Mare in the Iron Mask? No, the hoofwork is wrong. Robin Hoof: Princess of Thieves? Closer, but not quite. This mental cataloguing left her distracted enough to miss the light scrape of Pinkie’s blade on her foreleg during the last exchange.
"Halt! One light! Touch is right! Score, two to zero!"
She looked down at her vest, startled. Really? I never felt anything. Oh well... They were just having fun, but Twilight was mildly upset now. This was her hobby after all; she couldn’t let Pinkie show her up entirely. In truth, she had planned to hold back a bit to get the pink pony motivated enough to actually try, but now that there were no rules and there was something on the line, Pinkie showed a disturbing amount of skill for somepony who had never picked up a hoof-blade in her life.
Twilight tried a different tactic this time, trying to at least even the score. During their exchange she stomped a hoof down loudly on the mat. Pinkie tensed for the briefest of moments, but it was enough.
"Halt! One light! Touch is left! Score, two to one!"
“Oooo, that was a good one!” Pinkie saluted graciously.
“Don’t get cocky, I’ll catch up soon.” Twilight readied her stance for the next exchange.
Two to one now. Better, Sparkle, but you have to get your head in the game now. Pinkie is fast. You won’t be able to match her speed, so you have to outthink her. She looked over her opponent once more. Pinkie seemed content to wait for the next strike, but something was missing... Her form is off, the guard is just a little too high. All I have to do is strike below and....
"Halt! One light! Touch is left! Score, two to two!"
Yes! Caught her just under the guard. We’re tied, so now to press the offensive just a little more... Her guard is too high again; didn’t she notice? She struck for the mark.
"Halt! Two lights! Double touch! Score, three to three! Tied match."
Three to... three? How... The leading hoof. Pinkie had caught her again. She took off her mask and saluted the grinning pink pony. “Fine, tie it is.”
Pinkie doffed her own mask, “So did we both win?”
Twilight laughed lightly. “A tie is usually considered a double loss.”
“Okie Dokie! You lost, so I’ll be collecting my prize now.” She grasped Twilight and swung her down into an embrace, kissing her deeply as Twilight melted in her hooves.
Some time later, when both came up for air, Twilight smiled at Pinkie and gently corrected the misconception. “Technically, you’re right, I did lose. But you lost too, Pinkie.”
“Yeppers! So you get a prize too!”
“I’ll collect mine later. I’ll tell you when.” She smiled a little deviously at the thought of where she would collect.
“Okie Dokie Lokie!”
The two ponies put away the equipment, warmed up in more ways than one. Twilight was still deep in thought, but finally broke their companionable silence. “Okay, I have to know, which movie were you imitating?”
“The Princess Bridle.”
“Ah, good choice.”
“Hello! My name is Indigo Monponya! You stole my cupcakes! Prepare to dine!”
Twilight grinned at her lover. “You can’t see me smiling right now, because of the mask, but I am. And it’s because I... am not an earth pony!”
They both laughed as they trotted to the lab.
“I still don’t understand why this was on your list, Pinkie.”
“You said it wasn’t quite the same as baking. I wanted to try it with you sometime and you picked it off my list, so it’s fine. I do have one question though; how is this not potion brewing?” Pinkie poked at the flask curiously as the unicorn made shooing motions away from the experiment.
Twilight explained yet again. “Potions involve herbs and extracts. This is wet chemistry; we’re working with solutions here.”
“And we’re trying to make what again?”
“Well, if the solution comes out right, it will be root beer.”
“So why aren’t we baking then?”
“Because the last time we tried baking together, my oven exploded. I haven’t been able to replace it yet.” She picked up another solution in her magic and eyed it, carefully stirring the liquid with a glass rod. She poured a half measure into the main flask and stood back as a puff of smoke erupted from it. “Get me that flask, will you?”
“Thank you.” She poured a small measure into the main solution, then had to shield her eyes as a beam of light shot upwards, effortlessly slicing through the roof of the library. “What?” She glanced down at the flask she’d been presented with; it wasn’t the right chemical at all! “Pinkie, what is this?”
“So why did you pick it out? I had all the chemicals right where I needed them!”
“Well, duh! It’s pink.”
They both watched in fascination as the beam continued to shoot upwards from the flask. “So...” the pink pony asked in passing, “when will it be ready?”
Twilight looked on in amazement. Pinkie could just barely make out the words “confusion” or maybe it was cold... something? Anyway, it didn’t look safe to drink. Not that that would normally stop her, but it also didn’t seem to be a liquid. She didn’t mind if something didn’t taste quite right, but last she knew you couldn’t drink a beam of light. The little incident with the industrial-strength laser she'd built atop the roof of Sugarcube Corner had taught her that. “Is it going to stop sometime? It looks dangerous.”
The unicorn finally got over her initial reaction, realizing that documentation would be needed to have any hope of understanding or reproducing this reaction. “Get me a stopwatch, I need to find out how long the output lasts. This is truly amazing! I need to figure out what mixture was used, of course, but it could revolutionize energy production!”
“So... no root beer then?”
Twilight grabbed a nearby clipboard and furiously wrote the names of the chemicals she’d used, and the measures for each. She checked the unidentified bottle, irritated that she’d failed to label the ingredients in the pink solution. “Pinkie, I think you stumbled onto something incredible here! Can you please pay attention for a moment?”
"Awww... but I wanted root beer."
“This is way more work than I normally put into pranking, Twilight.”
“If we’re going to do it, we’re going to do it right! Now get me that wrench, please.” The device was huge. In total it consisted of one hundred and twelve separate moving pieces, all designed to activate a relatively simple switch. Twilight had insisted the idea was foolproof. The tripwire set the entire contraption in motion, and as the final item rolled into place, it activated the pie catapult, flinging the desert at the precise location the victim(s) would be standing by that time. “They’ll prank themselves!” Twilight had insisted. Which was hardly the point. Still, if it made her happy...
Lyra and Bon Bon were passing the activation zone now, totally unsuspecting of the baked-goody doom about to rain down upon them. “Ack! Quick, do you see any loose wires or bolts?”
Pinkie turned a dial just slightly. “This could use just a liiiiittle adjustment. Everything else seems okie dokie!”
“Okay! Let’s sit back and watch the fun!” The tripwire set off the fan, which began to slowly oscillate. When it hit the anemometer, the wind speed meter climbed just enough to tap the ring. This in turn held a balloon in place, which was now freed from its nail. The balloon rose to bump against a small compartment, tipping a boiled egg down a chute. The egg in turn fell into the cage of a live ferret, borrowed from Fluttershy’s home for the occasion. The ferret grabbed the egg and the whole cage shifted, activating a series of mouse traps. The final mouse trap snapped upwards, startling the flying squirrel. As he left his perch the firing switch was tripped by the lack of weight. They both watched silently as the mechanism ran its course, one uncertain of the result, one very certain. Finally, after the entire, over-engineered causal chain had run its course, the catapult launched! The pie was flung high into the air... only to land on Twilight’s head.
Twilight, covered in pie, watched in silence as the couple passed by unmolested. She glanced at the chalkboard again and double-checked several equations, factoring in new estimates for the average weight of the animals and other variables. “I don’t understand! All my calculations were flawless! The pie should have landed squarely on the target.”
Pinkie pounced on her, almost as if she had expected this to happen. She began to lick the pie from Twilight, paying special attention to the ears as she whispered softly into them. “It did.”
Twilight looked up in annoyance and confusion, then gasped as Pinkie licked her horn clean. “Can’t you see t-them walking by? They were supposed to be covered in p-p-pie!”
“Oh I see them, but trust me, the intended target totally got hit!” Pinkie continued to lick Twilight clean of every crumb and berry. Twilight sat back, getting the idea. She shuddered, quite unable to move while Pinkie’s tongue roamed her head for every speck of the baked good. “Mmmm! Boysenberry!”
Twilight desperately clung to sanity long enough to whisper, “Pinkie, I think you missed some on the horn.”
Nightfall was fast approaching, and it was time for the last thing on the list. So far this had been a truly wonderful date. Twight had to admit that this had been a far better idea than just sitting in some restaurant. Pinkie laid out the picnic blanket while Twilight made the adjustments to the telescope. One final adjustment of the focusing screw and she was ready.
“Luna promised me there’s going to be a spectacular show tonight, so I think you’ll really like what you see.” Twilight settled down on the picnic blanket next to Pinkie, snuggling close. She broke out a thermos of hot chocolate and poured a cup, blowing on it carefully. Winter may have been wrapped up, but the nights were still a little cold. Pinkie had produced cupcakes... somehow. Twilight had long ago given up inquiring into such mysteries, and now it was just another thing she truly loved about Pinkie. Twilight could solve all the great mysteries of magic, but the pink party pony’s ways would forever remain an enigma to her.
They both watched the moon rise and the stars begin to become visible in the fading light. Twilight described various constellations to Pinkie, who in turn pointed out to Twilight shapes in the sky that had no official recognition in any astronomy book. “I call that one Kumquat.”
Twilight squinted but failed to see a shape in the mass of stars Pinkie pointed to. “Why?”
“Because its a fun name to say, silly!”
When the night grew to its darkest, Twilight motioned for Pinkie to take her place at the telescope. Pinkie looked at her questioningly, but looked into the device regardless. “Oooo, pretty!” The meteor shower had started, just as Luna had promised. In her replying scroll, she had seemed a little surprised to get a letter from Twilight, but had been only too delighted to divulge her plans for the night sky. Twilight smiled happily, watching Pinkie’s tail swish excitedly while she watched the show.
Pinkie watched with wide eyes as the stars fell from the sky. It really was beautiful, but she couldn’t quite focus on the scene. Why is my back so itchy? How can it be my lucky day? It’s nighttime! Then she saw plenty of stars as she felt Twilight lean in behind her to nip at her neck. “T-Twilight, what are you—”
“Shhhhh, time for my prize. Relax and watch the show.”
Pinkie squirmed and whinnied under the attentions of her fillyfriend. Soon enough the itchy back gave way to a full body shudder. This is gonna be a doozy!
Twilight chuckled hotly while she lovingly nipped at Pinkie’s mane and neck. She transferred her attention to other areas, delighting in the little yelps Pinkie gave. Hopefully, It'll be a good while before she notices the ink ring around her right eye.