When Scootaloo goes for a checkup at the doctors, she is brokenhearted by the news she recieves. The only people she feels she can comide in our her fellow CMCs. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are having their own issues, and one of them is especcially tired of being Scoots's complaint panel. The group experiences big fights and ends up splitting different ways, leaving somepony stuck in the middle. Can the CMC's ever reform the seam that had split apart, or is it something even Rarity couldn't stitch together again.
Chapters (1)
It's a good start. But it could use some editing, and it could be great.
Hrm, very interesting. I'm curious to see where this goes. The dialog is a bit choppy and feels kinda rushed but overalll, its a good story with an interesting premice. I'm sure I won't be the only person paying attention to to where this story goes. If you'd like a few pointers on making dialog seem more natural sounding and such, I'd be happy to give some pointers. That is, if you want me to.
Welll-one pony is stuck in the middle. I wonder who.
I hate to play devil's advocate here (Ok, I lied) but I feel what Apple Bloom feels sometimes. Depression sucks life out me at points. Though- I would NEVER go to that extent. Its not selfish. Its understandable your upset. I can't agree with Apple Bloom simply because of that. She lost a friend because she never cared in the first place. Sometimes, you have to tell them to man up and sometimes you need to comfort. My friends thank me for honesty. There are limits and ways to say your point without abandonment. Abandoning is never an option. She could have said, instead that she should stop crying and realize what you DO have. Even if you can't fly naturally, there are OTHER ways. ANYTHING but that.
I would take starsword up on his offer I think the dialouge was one of the weaker points of this, and I think applebloom is acting way ooc here, but its also the premise of the story so.... I'll be intrested to see where this goes before I pass judgement.
4465085 It seems a bit ooc for AB, but it takes me back to that season 4 episode..how she called Scootaloo a quiter..despite the fact Apple Bloom bitches about not having a cutie mark far more than Scootaloo with her handicap. Its not farfetched that she'd go this far..in a sense.
4465485 that is a fair point
4466152 Its not weird for her to basically say these things. I mean-it was in the course of maybe a few days at best. She left her for winning. Thats not friends. I love this point bringing up.
well technicly we don't know if she is handicaped or not for me i balev shes a late bloomer. and nothing persoinal but this story isn't a thing for me cus im nice im not going to dislike it
4466577 I actually had plans to make her fly later. I know a lot of people don't like the first chapter because its kind of depressing, but it had to be written. I think the same way about Scoots, and I really wanted to prove the doctor wrong. Just wait until Luna comes in! Thank you for your comment though. I really appreciate it!
4466668 hmm i may fav it later on tho so i will just wait and see
4466668 Wait huh? She'll fly? Confused
4467039 We'll see! Keep reading
4467191 k~♥
Moar please.