I very much liked this story. and would be very happy to see any sort of extension on this.

I liked the story but its "bearer" not "barer", that irked me a fair amount.

The concept is good and the story is compelling, but the punctuation and formatting are atrocious. It's not just the marked absence of commas and apostrophes throughout much of the text. I'm talking about things as basic as not putting spaces between the last word of a sentence and the period. As basic as only putting one space between words.

At the moment, this story is a diamond in the rough: It's crude and lumpy, but with a little more work, it could really shine.

I liked this story a lot actually and wouldn't mind seeing something done with the characters that are mentioned, if not a new chapter then a pre story going into there stories as the task force would be kind of neat actually.

Time heals all wounds, and this is certainly a story i will keep tabs on. (I saw the same comic on equestria daily btw it was a right good laugh) The main thing you should focus on is the grammer try getting someone to look over what you type would be a good idea, but all in all it's a powerful story even with the errors.

This is a great fix, I am happy to see you extend on it. I'm impatiently wAting for more

another good chapter, much better grammar this time around, and it was much easier to read. I enjoy this story and am definatly gonna keep tabs on it I like the further picture this paints of the spirit of generosity, and the dialog between the characters had me laughing on a few occasions. ^^

Comic is Garden Party: Petrified by PumpkinHipHop on DA

loved the drill Sargent! again the characters continue to amuse me good work

I imagined every one of the drill seargent's line in R Lee Ermy's voice!

Very happy to see you continuing this, and i wish for more!

It seems the Royal Canterlot Voice was mildly annoying even back when it was common place. I must admit this story gets more interesting with each chapter. I can't wait to see how it continues.

moremoremoremoremoremore

I would suggest adding a carrige return or two somewhere in that bit of run on rambling.  Looking forward to the next chapter.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I wanna go to the Pinkie Pie fun fair!

Rock puns ftw.

That was a pretty good story based off a comic that truly terrified me.

However, the lack of commas in phrases like "if not for Jer'rahd for all five of them" is a severe detriment to the tone. Just put those in and the story will get a LOT better.

i can probably pre read for you just message me k

"Costello: I don't know".

Right before the first use of a bold Third Base.

Loving the story so far.  Next chapter should be interesting, I predict chaos and tragedy.  

Elder Scrolls reference

Bah, expected what happened, and it was still sad to read.    Hopefully the next chapter will have happier moments.

hahahahaha yay its the whos on first base skit i loved doen that skit when i worked at a boy scout camp in CO.

Some letter mixups ill just go and fix those when i go thru your stoy on google docs.

arrrrghh y i like platinum yd you kill her grrrrr

anyways good stroy bro

a sad chapter but a good one, not every love song gets a happy ending, but to see vinyl and octavia is a bit of a treat ^^ still a good story keep up the good work.

Miiiight wanna trim the "Who's on first?" sketch. It detracts from the narrative flow.

Ok answer consolidation time.

>>1867618676   done.

>>3693636936  I considered that and it does but  with the dark happenstance something distracting and funny was needed.

>>3679436794 sorry she was orginoly going to be the classic stuck up singer type. but she would have lived then. Half way through writeing that i was like.  thats been done to death and opted  to change her to the way she is now.

>>3669136691 I hate being predictable but this chapter had to happen.

>>3616436164 I refrence alot of things  the main one I put in was a metal gear solid refrence at the wedding.

>>1867918679 >>1873018730  >>1978119781  >>3015330153   Currently have it being preread and repaired  though i likely will not fix anything here until i hit a block of some kind or finish the story. I am rideing a rather prolific wave of ideas and wish to keep hammering things out until that wave breaks.

>>2058720587>>2062920629 I used to be in the army  if i used everything that i was hit with chapter 3 would have been longer than 7

For all the readers thanks  and I will continue this. I will say however please refrain from spoiling too much in the comments. even if its a clear thing coming.

This was awesome, but it really could use a bit of editing. I'd love to see what it'd look like with those errors patched up.

Well I can see how these 5 were the Elements of their time for sure now. I have to admit I'm rather curious to know how the Elements got lost after the battle with Discord.

I'd really love to see a pic made of Bleu and Jer'rahd and their faces when they ended up scaring Rhede, Starfall, and Velkorn before visiting good old Colonel Claymore.

>>3759837598

Honestly I would not mind if any one drew any of them. I plan to make a few blind bag mods as soon as I can get my hands on the new set that has male ponies.

You can't spell laughter without slaughter, something tells me that dragon will be all right. these characters are interesting still loving the story.

When refering to a military officer, "Sir" or "Ma'am" should be capitalized.  The last portion needs some general cleaning up, ex: you're instead of your, comma placement.  Good use of apples, provides better visualization of the dimensions of things.  Looking forward to reading more!

You're and your.  Y u no use correctly?  I'm only annoyed because the story is so good that it highlights where the basics slip.  Still looking forward to the next chapter!

>>4055440554

Like I have said before. Its being reviewed and when i hit a block or get to a point it will be fully repaired useing the aid of people who know grammer better than i do.[likely everyone].   But I am currently running a groove now with chapters.  So until that subsides the grammer likely will not be that much corrected. I might pause a bit after 10 though to do it.

i love this story... and i may just have to try making that song, although i hope you don't mind it being sung by this colt, I do not know any female vocalists at the moment.

>>4221442214  the song exists. Cosmic love  by Florence and the machine.

cool there are some mistakes in there some you trip over and have read a couple of time to get what is said one I couldnt figuer out what you were tryen to say but still a good story looken forward to more.

Twi-Hero and Twi-Lust = hilarity.

Is it April?  This chapter almost feels like an April fools joke.  That said, the writing is still as good as always and the argument from Spike was nicely done.

oh lord, poor applejack lol

that has to be one of, if not the most chaotic of all bad (well maybe not particularly "bad" but still) spell effects ever known: personality division. that never ceases to cause mass chaos whether it results from magic or otherwise

that was awesome, it'd be even more awesome if i could see that kind of region in a game... maybe oblivion (or a mod for oblivion)? if the game could match the random physics of the region that is and the various creatures/effects

Total awesome

i love this fic!

Oh the random references found going thru Discord's...countryside I guess. I wonder how many people really noticed. Ewoks, Bermuda Triangle, mist that invokes Rule 63, "half-centaurs", and a hentai monster. Apparently hentai exists in Equestria for someone to have seen enough of it to know what it was. I would guess that would have been Bleu that said it but not entirely sure.

Time again for comenters coments.

>>4849048490   was going to be Twi-clop to start with  but this one wound up to be a bit more amuseing of a name to me.

>>4850948509  more along the lines of i was in a weird mood  and had a few people complain that my work was predictable. Of course considering I told the whole story minus all the details in the first chapter i rather hope it is predictable. Well at least up to a point ::smirks:

>>4972649726   Some one had to do this old spell trick , might as well have been me.

>>6019060190 would have to be a rather impressive  mod.

>>6285662856 heheh correct on all of those. theres also nightmare before christmas, mario brothers, classic james bond,cerabus guarding hell, monty python and the holy grail, among others  thou thoose were the ones that hit in just chapter 12.  The comment was indeed by Bleu , I try to drop hints about who is speaking with  how they talk . sometimes its easy.

Rhede is the least formal  he calls Jer'rahd Jer.

Bleu calls Jer'rhad Boss  and Rhede usualy gets called some sort of pet name or flirt.

Velkorn either speaks in Rymes or language brackets.

Jer'rahdIs fairly formal  though he is about mid way between  and usualy makes the snarky comment or the one that sounds angry.

Starfall is the most formal of the five  not able to call Luna anything but Princess.

Luna is the one who seems to speak properly  among them all but is trying to be less formal but still calls them by rank other than name at times.

Hope that helps a little

Chapter 1 is in need of some serious editing. Double spaces between words, spaces on both sides of periods, etc. Other than that this is a great story...just needs a little spacebar quality control.

Pinkie's twist of "someone is going to die" is a bit...odd. Surprising since the story focuses primarily on the previous element bearers. Interested, but slightly concerned where that plot line will go. Really loved the rest of this chapter, Gala related shenanigans were the best. Curious if Nocturne will have a role in the future of this story?

Also, judging by the pacing it seems you have a lot of story left to go. This story is going to be ridiculously huge by the end.

2 things, 1. who stole most of the comma's? and 2. that sounds like a unpleasant part of pinkie's pinkie sense

and of course the gala turned out to be fun for all

Ha "doctor who?" awesome. I think i laughed harder in this chapter than in most any other fic I've read to date

At the Gala (Ancient Remix)

That was downright hilarious. The fact that it's apparently a spell of Celestia's that cause it makes it awesome. The duel was great. Lord Coin apparently needs to learn who he is talking to before doing something stupid...like talking to them for the most part.

my god man! you...this...i....

-hands over the key to my internet and my wallet-

these belongs to  you  now my sir

Very enjoyable chapter. I look forward to seeing how you resolve Pinkie Pie's prediction as to date you have kept the story close to what could be considered cannon.  Speaking of cannon, I do enjoy how you weave the episodes into the continuity as they are released.

>>7609976099   The whole thing is going to be redone as soon as i manage to slow down the writing. or have time.

>>7615876158  >>7652976529   Sooner or later I am going to reach a point where  I can no longer follow the canon episodes. I have already begun a bit of a veer now. I was a little worried on how hearths warming would effect the head canon I have in play. It doesn't.

>>7617576175  I doudt i shall reach the lofty heights of FO:E, but yeah it will be big. specialy since i set out to make 13 a "short " chapter. and its currently the longest

>>7626776267 I toss a great many things in. a peril of being a Fred Perry fan.

>>7633676336  The Gala thing was in my head for a while , Coins thing just sort of popped into my head. The idea is that Jer'rahd was only a memorable pony due to his blade and cutie mark was the point i was throwing out. of course with the rant at the end  that likely will no longer be the case.

>>7634676346   i did'nt think I was this good, go ahead and keep them. I'll hold out for God of Rock status of women throwing me their underwear.

Bit of warning . Next ones the holiday special.

Wow that ending....

Plus a doctor whooves reference, you have out done your self

>>6347963479

Tell me, was that a Tick reference I saw in there during the body switch? Luna much like Dr. Mungmung switched with herself.

Wait what?

What the hell happened to Nocturne!?  the Niece prank is pulled on Celestia and that's it? she's never heard from again?

also you really should proof read to get read of the many mistakes in vocabulary and grammar.

but in the end still something i'll read and track

You, my dear author - have earned yourself yet another loyal reader.  DO WANT MORE!

ok brilliant simply brilliant. favorite part the dual i wish i could have seen that.

>>6347963479 or quite a thorough one (just remembered this comment), either way it'd be quite interesting and fun

>>4226142261 thank you for that info, i was wondering how that song would sound and it seems fitting for the chapter too

I was laughing like a maniac... then the Pinkie part happened. Mood Whiplash in it's finest.

Duuude

Another update so soon?  You're crazy.  Also, is her name really "Maw Pelt" or did you you mean "Ma Pelt"?  She's an old battleaxe so I can kind of understand how Maw would be a play on words.  

Wow...This story just keeps getting more and more interesting. Geez last story that was able to pull me in like this was the Wheel of Time books. The bit with Scarlet was just down right mean though. If not for bad luck Jer'rahd would have no luck in relationships. Luna going ballistic on the Order for what happened to Jer'rahd was kinda understandable. Eternal goddess finally makes a new friend after who knows how long since last one was killed and then some Order of jerks decides this one needs to be killed for their own gains. Yeah...I think they got off easy compared to what she could really do to them.

The Pelt family is awesome. I had to admit I wasn't expecting Lucy and Linus until I read the names and it hit me before reading a few lines down and seeing their last name mentioned. Luna and Beuford's meeting was hilarious.

Pinkie Pie has a Critical Fail in cooking. Even with a 1 in 20 chance of it happening it had to happen eventually.

wow....so uhm.... Luna hacked life and godmoded on those order people.... and jeh'rad almsot died.

His girlfriend was a prick and a spy, and the afermentioned prick/spy is now eternally on fire...

from this episode i have gained/lost

-respect for luna +100 -

-fear for pissing Luna off +9001 -

-empathy for characters +9001 -

-hatred for scarlet +100 -

-liking for scarlet and "order people" -10000 -

“Some pony will now face my wrath, no one interrupts my bath.!!” oo scary, lol

saw 1-2+ references in there, 1 being final fantasy with biggs and wedge, can't help but think mustang refers to fullmetal alchemist too though that could be a coincidence

>> Gomegadon    Yes

>> Tyr Remora   in the same chapter when Luna is napping it is refrenced that Celestia took Nocturne to the Garden. And yeah i am trying to work on my grammar and such.

>> MatsuriDream ask and ye shall receive chapter 14 up now

>> Anon E Moose MuWHAHAHAHAHAHA , needs to be a mood swing tag i think

>> Balancer   .... my hands .... they can touch everything but themselves....... oh .... wait....

>> MaxVive   It is Maw, there's a bit of a southern draw on the end i was trying to get across, and I did say in the blog i would have another post up By  the 25 , just in time for the holiday

>> Royal Brisk   I was really hoping that some one would get the Vanpelt joke in there,  What was done brings about the question of which is punishment is worse. Death.which ends the suffering  but removes  any chance of forgiveness. Or being turned to stone, which would think is all suffering but the chance of redemption may come.

>>8455684556  woot a point system

>>8455784557  At the start General Mustang was indeed a FMA ref but then he was in place of Colonel Claymore. Then i realized it was a pony pun I promoted him to General and Claymore got the villian spot.

>>8455784557 Biggs and Wedge were two of the pilots from Star Wars: A New Hope.

Biggs was Luke's friend from Tatooine and didn't make it, Wedge lived through all three movies and became the leader of Rogue Squadron.

Love the name choices, always amusing to recognize them.

Oh this was the perfect Christmas present, thank you so much.  Spending my holiday sitting at work, so this was better than any gift I could unwrap.

Nice

and new best pony is drunk luna!

cant wait to see where this is heading :P

Astonishing work!

If you do not consider it spoilers, would you please tell me whether or not you plan on expanding the story (Side stories, continuing the main story, etc.) after Twilight and her friends give their opinions to Luna?

>>8576285762  Both chars also have been in just about every final fantasy game as well. But even that is a tribute to starwars.

>>8771387713     um your welcome.

>>9370893708  not sure if i want to see the meme's made from that

>>9539395393  it is not so much a spoiler. the first chapter started as a one shot. After that i was going to write other things, but the feedback was positive enough that i opted to expand on this story. My first goal was to have a open setting where any one who wanted could write something about one of the statues in the garden. I still plan to do that  eventualy, i also have a few ideas of my own that i might work on once the main story is done based on this one. But i will say there is going to be more after the opnions are given.Though I am not sure if this is even a half way point yet for the ideas i have. there is still a great deal of history left to catch up on before they are frozen.The second dragon war has not even started yet, and Luna is still Luna, with no hint of Nightmare Moon. So  more to come.

>>9563695636 never knew about that in star wars but then i never really cared much for star wars

I want to read this. But the only thing stopping me is the 168,000 words! and each chapter is a story in itself. It will be read, but very slowly...

oh man dude shit just got real...

can't wait to see how they scrape together being elements after their failures...

ah well deus ex machina i guess

This story is incredibly epic.  I want to complain about it being a short chapter, but a short chapter for you is still multiple times longer than many others'.  I don't know how you do it, but don't stop!

...Or Fluttershy could take a stroll thru Poison Joke and get a job singing soul music somewhere. :D

evil laugh

first and foremost, lol references!!!

he-hem...

can't wait to see luna "the godess of freaking kicking ass and taking names" trying to be a respectable diplomat

(yeha because politicians are alwayyyyys respectable)

>>9646996469  Not sure how to feel about that. I tried to make it accessable, but ive got enough ideas that it continues to get bigger. last few chapters were shorter though.

>>9664196641  the god in the machine is not needed for that. Granted Celestia did only call them the bearers. She also called them that before she even sent them after the elements. Memories are a tricky thing sometimes.

>>102900102900  Intrestingly enough i do a once or twice over after writeing every chapter. I try to gremmar check myself[i suck at that] but most often i see things that need to have more explination. or a hole filled and i do it. even time i edit i wind up with another few thousand words added.

>>113122113122 blues singer hehe

>>113185113185  everyone should practice an evil laugh, just in case.

>>113904113904  as i said before , a peril of being a Fred Perry fan. Well you do not have to wait long to see. This next bit is going to be split up over a couple of chapters. Simply because of the first place they are visiting giveing me so many evil ideas..... um i mean delightful ideas yes......

>>114056114056

hehehehehehe i have a feeling frm that response and that there going to buffalo land that it'll end up being pancake related...

This first chapter was more than I expected. Reading about Rhede reminded me of Captain Jack Harkness. I congratulate you on this and I hope to see it on EqD sometime in the future!

i loved this chapter beyond words

how do you consistently manage to mingle humor, life and death situation and outright stupidity (moslty from rhede that guys craaazy) into this masterpiece??

i swear man this is one of the best fics i've read, definately in the top 5!

There's some tense errors here, where the story switches between present tense and past tense... in the same paragraph.

wow, bleu, your both suicidal AND insane taking lightning like that, i've only ever seen anyone do that safely a few times in videogames

On finishing read through, I loved the references I knew would hit once I read the ship's name. The Kill Bill refs were nice too.

>>114370114370  That is answered in chapter 18..... I never said they were going to be first just that that was the plan.

>>122554122554 ::Wiki's the name:: Hmm sort of.Though further along i don't think he will fit. Also keep in mind chapter one is just what Celestia remembers from 1k years before. memories fade.

>>127593127593 umm thank you

>>134966134966  Honestly  half the time i will admit to flying by the seat of my pants. Where i work gives me a great deal of time to think with no distractions[my work is fairly mindless and i go on auto piolet alot] I keep a note book with me and jot down anything that pops into my head. The rest of it is just conecting the dots between the ideas. then i just think how the chars would react to those ideas. and then well you get this story.

>>135304135304 yes i have been told i have a issue with the tenses as well as grammer. though i am working on that . seems i am much better in later chapters than  in the latest. So i am trying to work on that. Glad some one caught the kill bill. Honestly I put WAY to many Princess Bride refs in this one. Peril of watching the movie while I am trying to write. I tossed in A Little Prince ref as well. and I have no idea why.

>>135201135201 Bleu is based on D&D dragons [considering most dragons in the show are a mystery i thought this would be intresting] But just based on, there are things I plan to do with her that would make a DM go "no fraking way" Sufice to say nearly everything in this story has a purpose.

>>135737135737

>>139997139997

The fact you had to wiki the name is a good sign.

Okay, a dash of Twilestia. I like where this is going.

Why?

Because...

The best ships are

TwiLuna, Twilestia, Twixie and Moonlight

  ....

This site really needs some Luna and Nightmare Moon emotes.

*Sigh*

It appears to be moving away from what I thought it would be. I can only hope that the romance tag is there because of shipping involving Twilight and one of the others I mentioned in my last comment.

let me guess thats what happenend to you after writing this

Another chapter with Jer getting the bajeebus smacked out of him.  Guy can't catch a break.  Maybe roles will reverse somewhat and Luna will become more protective of him, similar to the stance Jer was taking at the beginning of this chapter.  Probably one of the better chapters you've written so far, can't wait to see it continue.

and Luna won't open up to them at all!

great way to build a trust in youre "friends" Luna...

and catatonic jeh'rad is worst jeh'rad, althought i can see it after what those seaponies did to him...

~reading through in one session~ I really like this story! I want more!

~gets to chapter eleven~ Must carry on...

~Sword breaks~ NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

~cuts to multiple Twilight~ What.

I felt like I had been dropped into another story. Well written, but bizarre. I must congratulate you, sir, for putting an adequate twist in the story.

>>140174140174 not sure why. unless it was just because that meant i never heard of him.

>>142759142759  The romance tag always shows up first on the tag list and it should be last, sorry this was not what you were expecting but the only romance so far is with OC's might have stuff in the future but that will be a while.

>>144934144934 FUS ROH yay.......

>>146446146446  Thank  you. There is quite a bit i have planed with all of them. Needless to say stuff will get intresting once the conflict begins.

>>147710147710 hard to open up when everyone you know and love has grown old and died around you or simply been killed while you can do little more than watch. Likely that would scar anyone. I have plans to build on this  keep in mind really most of them have been more business like than actualy friends save in small parts. Luna does not want to open up because shes found that brings pain. The rest realize this are still trying and putting up with it. Though in Rhede's case its mostly for Jer'rahd's sake that he puts up with her. The pair have sort of a rarity applejack dislike for one another and it takes another pony to get them to deal well with each other.

Honestly the sea pony thing was a spur of the moment deal. I had a whole other set of missons for them and then the idea hit me and i ran with it. well this is the result.

>>149568149568 that chapter was mostly there for a few people who claimed the story was predictable and they knew what was going to happen, that and the idea amused me greatly.