Twins, best friends, and partners in crime Flim and Flam are colts with active imaginations and a thirst for adventure. Hopeless pranksters, they end up angering one too many ponies, and resign themselves to a day of hard labor on an apple farm. Is there more for them to learn than just picking apples?
A little fluffy one shot featuring two of my favorite characters Flim and Flam. Sort of a prequel to The Mess We're In, and subsequently to my story An Honest Life. I do hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Comments are ever appreciated.
Chapters (1)
Well, it's an original, more sympathetic look at the two characters. Pretty sure I haven't seen them shown in a light like that before, they kinda get automatically sorted to the villain bin by most people (including certain new writers on the show) for no particular reason. Not exactly a redemption piece, not even by definition, but a good setup for what's to come next, I'm sure of that. Concise and to the point.
There are a few grammar mistakes here and there, but they are not particularly terrifying. Granted, that may be because I have read such horrors in my life that I have become desentesized. A couple more things I am just personally not really in favor of, but those are personal, as I said, and don't bring it down too much. Maybe it would be a good idea to point out that they are blank-flanks at the start, though. That is really about it.
4429579 thanks for the honest feedback! Yeah, I probably should start out calling them blank flanks so it's clear. I'll try to find an editor for those grammar mistakes too.
Keep up the good work, BluegrassBrooke. This was an enjoyable slice of life read.
In addition to what JLB mentioned about the few grammar mistakes, and an instance of "chocked" instead of choked, I thought I'd mention the use of adjectives. Adjectives can be rather telly - words like Grandiosely and grand lend a rather over dramatic flair to the works. Which might have been your intention with Flim and Flam, so that may just be artistic flair talking. I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's very minor, but it sticks out in my mind. I have been trying to lessen my use of adjectives in my own works.
Another thing was that the majority of your paragraphs begin with a proper noun or a pronoun or an indirect reference to a character. There are a few that have other starts. This may just be me, but it feels like a bit of an action list. It can be hard to stretch this one, so it's not something I tend to worry about much, and it's fine, honestly. For some it might just get a little repetitive.
Overall, I thought it was a great story, and it was a refreshing... well, it's the first time I've actually seen an origin story for the FlimFlam brothers. Not that I've looked that hard, honestly, but I thought you did quite well, and the carnival life as a start really does suit their personalities. They were very well characterized, I thought, and the beginnings of their personalities shine through.
The nitpicks I had were minor, and they are, honestly, nitpicks, so please don't look at them too hard. They're just suggestions, and the semi-omniscient perspective you adopted doesn't lend itself well to personalizing the paragraphs without being confusing, but I honestly don't think that the FlimFlam brothers can be written as separate entities from their perspective. They play off of each other so much that it's hard, sometimes, to tell where one ends and the other begins.
Once again, thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work.
I wanted to mention also that I added this story to the Library of Trivial Lore and Other things, because the origins of Flim and Flam are rarely touched upon.
4432757 Hmmm....Good advice for sure. I just don't know how to lower my use of adjectives any more, but I'll try. I've been told that by others, but I suppose I don't understand how best to attack the issue. The same goes for the actions. I was advised to add more in, and not to leave just dialogue. So, I was rather paranoid to put it in there. Perhaps that was a mistake. I'll do some more research on that, and watch for it in the future.
4442037
One thing would be to use descriptive verbs and nouns instead of adjectives. They should be salt, not the meal. For example instead of "Leapt grandiosely" could be changed to "Charged ahead" or if jumping is what they're doing "soared across the..."
Pegasi aren't the only ones that can soar. It's all in the way it feels. Leaping high and far can feel like flying.
4442139 Thanks for the advice. I'm going to work on that in the future.
Nice story.
One question: Is Blackjack based on the character from Project Horizons? He even had the same cutie mark and got it the same way.
5675368 Glad you liked it. Hmmm. Never read that story in my life! I just made him up on the spot.
Admittedly not my most original idea, but it fits for Flim and Flam's family.
I could never come up with a reasonable explanation for why Flim and Flam would have apple cutie marks myself, and I think this is the first good origin story for them I've heard.
5791202
Yeah, I was in the same boat myself for the longest time. I kept trying to think up a logical explanation why they would have apple cutie marks if they weren't apple farmers. Then I was all, "Screw it, I'm going figurative." Laziness prevails I suppose . . .
5791363 I think it was more laziness on the show writer's part. It can be so difficult to create complex world-building head canons about things a guy came up with without a second thought.
Honestly, Super Cider Squeezy 6000 is probably both my favourite and least favourite episode, because on one hand Flim and Flam are by far my favourite characters, same with their song, but there are just so many tiny plot holes and issues like 'Why do con ponies have apple cutie marks' or 'Why would Applejack agree to a wager where she has everything to lose and nothing to win?'.
This was cute. Flim and Flam are not characters I see in fics very often. You did a very good job portraying them.
I didn't see or notice any glaring grammar mistakes. Good job! Keep up the good work!
~Melly~