On the day just after her coronation, Princess Twilight Sparkle runs into Pinkie Pie.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 20th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 16th, 2016
Terrasora
If I ever get good at Rocket League, I'll change my name to Terra Score-a.
Terrasora
Joined 20th Feb, 2013 ·
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I'm very surprised I'm the first one to notice this fic. I found this fic quite charming and funny so it would be small wonder to me if there weren't already 10 comments saying things like "awsome fic, good job" and things of a similar nature. I guess it was just luck of the draw. In any case I like how you used the sudden change in pony's perception of Twilight for comic effect. I had never thought doing that before. As much as I find Pinkie tiring sometimes since it seems EVERYONE uses her in their fics, Pinkie does seem like the logical choice (if indeed any logic whatever can be attributed to Pinkie even by proxy) to explore this rather curious change. Personally, I always found it irksome that the show writers either decided not to explore the effect of Twilight's new status on ponies around her or they decided that ponies would only spontaniously remember Twilight was a Princess whenever the plot needed them too. Thanks for indulging my head-cannon where the citizens of Equestria actually behave like normal people would around royalty.
There Are No words.. I Love this.
Reaction : img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120114224243/mlp/images/9/94/Pinkie_Pie_about_to_cry_happily_S2E13.png
Awww, I just love this. You've spoiled me.
Very cute!
I enjoyed the conflicting cuteness and sadness once Pinkie was brought in and the topic of Twilight moving was brought up. Pinkie herself was written expertly well; I'm a little jealous there! She's one that seems to be hardest to capture without going overboard on her "crazy" antics (sometimes in the show itself, too, in my personal opinion). Twilight was also written and presented just as well!
The only thing I noticed was Pinkie at first said it was a "pinchy pain", then recanted and said it was a "pully pain" shortly thereafter. Other than that, I didn't notice anything that jumped out to me in that regard.
Colour me intrigued.
Aww! Its so cute and sad and ship-y all at once and I love it!
Sweet
Why it has to be a one-shot ;( . Super good story :)
Ow, this was so sweet.
Then again, I'm a sucker for all things Twinkie.
Well done!
That was cute! You write Pinkie Pie really well! And I'm glad they were still just really good friends at the end and it wasn't just another 'These two get some alone time together and end up banging' story. It was nice, and it feels like Twilight and Pinkie really bonded, well done
69 likes? I'll lead it at that. But you're still getting a fave.
Aww..that was tooth-ache inducing sweet.
Though I feel I have to point something out:
Around five what? Five hours? Five days? Or until five o'clock? May want to clarify that.
this was a very sweet piece of twipie.
your emotional conveyance was spectacular.
upvoted and faved.
4415527
4414018
Good catches, both of you! That's all fixed up now.
Knots*
Daww, this was adorable! You write Pinkie and Twi perfectly.
Nice! Good dialogue, and I like the gradual-reveal of Pinkie's feelings. I'd say this merits a part 2 for the going-away party itself. Well done.
I like this, which is a little surprising given my general distaste for Slice o' Life stories. What's here is good, and here's why.
Your pacing was excellent; you didn't linger on certain scenes for 'dramatic effect', none of those Hollywood-style pauses in dialogue, save where they were appropriate.
Another thing is that Pinkie's believable, while still being Pinkie. She's a hard character to write in a serious role - most others who want to use Pinkie without writing Pinkie usually just run through her gag reel ad nauseaum - but you pulled it off with finesse.
I'm glad that you also remembered the characters' nuances without using them as a crutch. Twilight's nerdy, meticulous, and
socially backwards, but you didn't reduce her character to just these traits. Same for Pinkie: she's not around just to finagle her pinkie-sense into the story, or act as an in-universe info dump.
Equally, I'm glad that you didn't just pull references from earlier episodes, and call that a heartwarming story. Reminiscing is what you do when you're old, and unable to make new memories for one reason or another.
Sorry if I'm starting to ramble. To sum it up: what's there is great, and it didn't go on forever. Lots of people - myself included - are easily deluded into the notion that more words makes a better story. In truth, it's the opposite. Every time I go to write a ten-thousand word chapter, I'll point myself to this story and say "this worked, and it was less than half the goal".
Good job! I won't ask for a sequel or second part, because you really couldn't do more with this concept than what you've already done.
Write two thousand more chapters right now
So much meaning in this.
I loved the story. It was very soft and subtle. One of the best things about this story is how well it flowed. You characterized Pinkie and Twilight perfectly. It was truly a sweet tale that deserves a like and favourite.
This story is amazing and i personally think it deserves to be continued!!
It has great writing (although you had a couple of easily ignorable errors) and Pinkie Pie was almost perfect, although she was a tiny bit too mellow. In My personal opion this story can turn into a grand sries that may even come to rival (if not surpass) the novel worthy fimfic. : Past -Sins! Keep writing My friend and you'll blow them all away!
Poor Pinks... she's crushing hard, isn't she...
So cute! :3
Well that was just overall cute. My only hang up is that you should probably tag this as AU since it's deviating from canon and Twilight is in fact staying in Ponyville seeing as her own personal castle type thingy is there.
Unless of course, you do end up adding to this in a sequel or even just continuing this story, where Twilight ends up staying.
4421577 Personally, I don't think that 'Twilight leaves for Canterlot rather than staying in Ponyville' is deviant enough for an AU tag. To me, AU is reserved for stuff like the Lunaverse, where major things are different.
Though, I suppose it's subjective, so some people might feel this needs an AU tag.
4421806 To be honest, yes, it is subjective, and i thought about that. my reasoning is just that since this is the day after her coronation, it essentially changes quite a lot of how season 4 would play out if Twilight moved back to Canterlot. It becomes its own branch.
4422432 A very valid point. I suppose that my reasoning for it not being an AU is that the story doesn't actually cover anything that would have changed in season 4. Yes, most of season 4 would be different, but this story doesn't concern itself with that; it only encompasses this one day.
Still, I can understand why you would say it needs the tag.
Kind of surprised this doesn't have a sad tag. While not a tear jerker, the 'letting go' theme to me seemed worthy of a sad tag.
Regardless of that, it is a fantastic fic, very subtle and just a little bit depressing. Pinkie Twi is one of my favorite ships, if done right, and this fic? This fic does it right!
Humina Humina Humina, where art thou humina... I KNOW! It's in this line from OPERATION TASTE THE RAINBOW
See, that's how you do it.
And then Twilight didn't move back to Canterlot(Yay canon!) and she fell in love with Pinkie and they got married and had two beautiful children Nathaniel and Superfly... then they lived happily ever after... The End!
So this story was cute, it made me smile to see such a nicely developed Pinkie and... well I am a hopeless romantic and it was a rather bittersweet ending which was very well done. So four hundred points for making me smile!, Kudos to Twi for the Pinkie Pain Pun. Kudos to me for alliteration, kudos to Pinkie because she doesn't ever deserve to be sad, one more kudos to Pinkie for getting Twi into bed with her(ba dum tss) and the author gets an upward facing thumb and a gold star. You may exchange your winnings for fabulous cash and prizes at the front desk.
While this was good, I don't think it should have the romance tag. There was no romance involved, it was just very sweet friendshipping.
I love the way you portray pinkie. You write a good pinkie. Pinkie is not just a comic-relief airhead that can defy physics and is there to spout nonsense, no, pinkie is a REAL pony with real thoughts and feelings, and has a great depth to her character. You did well in portraying this. I like how you write pinkie.
Now continue, good author. You have my attention, now you must write MOAR.
I don't know if I would really call this a romance, it's more just random. I liked the tone and the characters, but the story just sort of wandered around without any sense of purpose. It's not bad, it just wasn't what I was expecting.
(Unless, of course, the 'complete' tag is inaccurate and this is merely the beginning of the story.)
I have to agree with the folks who said that there wasn't much in the way of romance here, and as 4474602 noted it meandered quite a bit.
I feel kinda sad how the story ends on a slightly bittersweet ending.
Do you plan to make a sequel to answer our questions of what happens after?
I vote sequel!
The bittersweet ending was nice, but I feel that this story has potential. Especially since you took all the time to establish Twilight's feelings on the issue of her sudden coronation. Then you went to the extra effort of laying a groundwork for a serious and believable relationship and a path to it's development and eventual fruition. It's a crime against literature to leave this unfinished.
So... Why did this story end halfway through the opening/setup?
Nice and tight. Great pacing, covered the subject just enough to keep us interested and the perfect length for a short story. 5 pinkies out of 5
But but where is the ship?
4902260 it seems as though this thing could use a couple more chapters to develop this into a romance and not a first glance.
Nooooooooo!!! This needs a sequel or chapter 2 ;~;
PLEASE CONTINUE!
This is great, I need more!
AND
I THINK I JUST DIED FROM CUTENESS
I have always wanted to do that. XD
You can has review!