• Member Since 11th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 20th, 2014

lunaisbestpony1


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Three ponies in Ponyville all have the same dream. But none of them can quite pinpoint what it means. Now with their world getting progressively stranger, they must ban together and save those they care for. Will they fulfill their destinies? Will their paths truly cross? Please read and rate, lots of love, LiBP.

Cover art by Follow Focus

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

Wow. This is extremely interesting. Can't wait to see more.

4369659 :raritystarry: YAY Thank you you're amazing! :heart::pinkiesmile::rainbowkiss::twilightsheepish::twilightsmile: I really really was stressing over the fact that nopony was reviewing. I'm so happy you liked it!

4369674
It's an interesting premise and definitely something that should be explored more. :pinkiesmile:

This story is very well written! I haven't seen the s4 finale yet, but this story's good nonetheless.

4369864 Thank you, that's very nice of you to say!

First off.

Yay, Discord at the picnic! :raritystarry:

Okay, now on to the actual content of my comment.

I would normally never read a story like this, but dear lord, am I glad I did.

The concept is quite interesting. Probably has been done before in different ways, but an interesting concept nonetheless.

Lyra: Awwwwwwww Bon Bon comforting her! :heart:
Twilight: Writing the Princess for advice. No surprise there. :derpytongue2: But I do like how she wrote the words down and can't remember what they meant. Veerry interesting.
Dinky: Hahahahahahahahahaha She's writing Daring Do fanfiction. :pinkiehappy: I love that Dinky is the one who remembers the most about the dream and not Twilight. Makes it very unique. I also like how the voice speaks directly to her while she is awake and she quite clearly hears and responds to it. :raritywink:

Overall, I definitely love the concept. Three ponies: Same dream. One of them is scared of it, one worried/inquisitive about it, the other completely not fazed. :rainbowkiss:

Moar :rainbowwild:

4370151 Oh my Luna your review is the best yet! I wish I could give it a million thumbs up! Thank you so much! If you would like me to review one of your stories, go ahead and link it and I'll take a look. :twilightsmile:

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: MLP Forums Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: A New Age

Grammar score out of 10: 9 (just a few misspellings or incorrect usage of a word (i.e. second to last sentence you started with 'Than' when you should've used 'Then'), but besides that everything seemed grammatically sound for the most part, far more than the majority of fan fics)

Pros
Intriguing set-up
Unique set of characters as your main characters (though it may prove difficult not heavily involving the Mane 6 given that Twilight's one of the main characters and a princess now to boot, though I'm sure you have an idea in mind)
Nothing too explicit, at least not yet anyway; seems you're going for a Gothic tone almost with the darker elements of your story

Cons
Dinky seemed a bit too smart for her age (though I guess I don't know how old you're envisioning her to be)
Minor grammatical issues (again, couple misspellings here and there)
Only one of three main characters actually seemed disturbed by dreams

Notes Section:
Hello lunaisbestpony1! Well, I must say you've got a rather intriguing story here in the first chapter alone. Sorry to see that it's been put on hiatus for the time being. Hope you're able to resume writing it soon! :raritystarry: Anyways, these are my thoughts on what you got so far. The set up is pretty darn intriguing so far; you seem to have a nice blend of the supernatural and psychologically unhinging elements going about, which, again is why I said it has a somewhat Gothic tone about it (just read some Poe sometime, you'll see what I mean). The trio of main characters is interesting as well, very cool seeing you deviate from the standard pairs/groups that we normally see people employing in stories here. I especially, for whatever reason, like Lyra's bit at the beginning; it was a quite unhinging way to start things, plus she seemed to have the most appropriate reaction of the three. Also, kudos to you for writing Bon Bon as just Lyra's best friend; don't get me wrong, I don't mind when those two are shipped together, but it can get a bit annoying sometimes when they are ALWAYS depicted as being romantically involved just because they show up together on the show. Just a breath of fresh air, is all, seeing someone trying to write characters besides the Mane 6 as actual friends and not something more.

I have a few concerns at the moment. Dinky seemed a bit too smart for her age, for one. I understand what type of character you're going for, the "child-not-quite-prodigy-but-still-smarter-than-most-people-give-her-credit-for" character who nobody seems to get and is far more aware of things than people think. I got the feeling too that you might've been injecting just a little bit of yourself into her (i.e. the fun little comments about her being distracted from school because she wants to write fan fiction, though that does raise all sorts of questions about ponies and the Internet). But I have to warn you to be careful with this character type, as it can easily devolve into a Mary Sue, and an annoying type of Mary Sue at that. Also, her reaction seemed a bit odd to the dream; she seemed disturbed by it, or at least like she should be, if she was calling the watcher "demon", but her actual behavior didn't suggest really any sort of strong emotional reaction. Twilight's reaction I get, she's a mature young princess who's probably most interested in learning about the dream more than anything, so she wouldn't let it bother her too much since she's curious more than anything, but Dinky's struck me as just a bit odd.

Besides that, however, this fic is off to a nice start, and consider it favorited! Can't wait to see where you go from here! :twilightsmile:

4397601 Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it! I'm writing Dinky as older than the CMC, fifth, maybe sixth grade. Her character is, the troubled writer who knows about the bad things happening in her life, but rather ignore them and write. I'll make an effort to not let her fall to Mary Suedom. I'm thinking about writing in a complex with her mother, Derpy, who is very kindhearted and nice, but who is also childish and possibly not the best fit for being a mother, or any sort of role model for that matter. Dinky isn't exactly the cliché adult child, she's more smart, but unwilling to apply her smarts to anything relevant. Clawing her way through school, but cold and not bothering to really deal with other ponies. I think her outlook on the world will be a sort of weary and dark one. A lot of this comes from when she was younger and her dad left, she just sort of realized that the world kind of sucks, so she tries not to bother with it much, instead retreating into books and writing.

As for Lyra and Bonbon, I was faced with a choice with them. 1) immediately ship them together, fulfilling my own personal ship, but also risking falling into a very cliché Lyra/Bonbon ship fic. 2) Simply paint them as best friends with only subtle elements of shipping that a reader could infer for themselves. I went with the second one. With Lyra single it adds this element of uncertainty. This fic thrives on uncertainty if you haven't noticed. Lyra's character is the undoubtedly normal one of the group. The least likely to want any of the adventure I plan to throw at her. I won't tell you much about any of the character arks for the sake of not dropping spoilers, but hers will involve becoming a bit more brave and determined.

When it comes to Twilight, writing her doesn't take as much effort as writing the others. The show gives her a clearly defined personality, I know it well enough to write her well, there's not much to add when it comes to introductions.

As for the overall tone, I'm flattered that you find it Gothic. I guess that would be a decent description of some of my writings of late. I wasn't really going for any sort of tone when I first started, it just came out as dark and uncertain. But I'm glad it did. I'm working on the next chapter, and I think your review may just pull this fic off hiatus.

4399645
Glad that my review could be of some help, and I can't wait for the next chapter. Happy writing!!! :twilightsmile:

Batbrony seems to be using this format so why not?

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: MLP Forums Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: A New Age

Grammar 9/10: A few minor mistakes but not too noticeable

Pros:

I like the shared dream concept, there are all sorts of potential reasons for this and acts as a great hook for the reader making them want to know what is going on and the fact that 3 seemingly random characters are having this dream adds to this.

Cons:

Be careful writing Dinky her being slightly more intelligent that most ponies her age is believable, but be sure to balance that out with enough quirks to where she dosen't become too bland or unbelievable. So far she reminds me of a slightly darker version of Lisa Simpson, that is of course not a bad thing if anything the idea itself has potential if it is written the right way.

Notes:

I am liking what I am seeing so far, it should be interesting to see why they are having these dreams and what they could mean.

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