This looks pretty cool! I love that you have Trixie on the good side now. Can't wait to see more

watching this because it sounds brilliant

I'd really like to see where this goes.

Die Twilight! You don't belong in this world!

It is not by my hoof that I am given this great dark power. I was made by a human who wished to write a fic to pay me tribute!

Tribute? You kill ponies and then experiment on them!

Perhaps the same can be said of all religions.

Your words are as empty as your soul now Twilight... ponykind ill needs a savior such as you.

*tosses Element of Magic which breaks* What is a pony? A miserable pile of secrets. But enough talk! DIE!

This looks rather interesting :)

hmmm...interesting...tracking.

This ones death shall bring me happiness.

This is looking absoultely awesome so far. Definatly tracking. Good luck with the writing. The art is pretty cool too =D

Sounds pretty great. Getting confused with the journals though. Rainbow Dash said as long as she has a family, who is Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash??? That doesn't make since, unless I'm following this wrong... Yeah I think I am. Yep, nevermind, it's fine. I wonder what happened to Twilight to make her do this? Favorited/tracked!

Digging the journal format. And an evil Twilight?

tracking

havnt yet read but ive been dieing to rea dosmething like this hope you dont dissapoint

>>400074400074 by the way i dont mind if they fail evil or good twilight should aways win *whispers*aways

i have a feeling your gonna kill off everyone... still sounds good though...

Cliffhanger? Really? Come on!

Ah well, keep it up, I look forward to the next one.

No matter what you do twi you are sill the best

A cliff hanger?

"OH, COME ON!"

Morrrreeeeee.

MOAR.

You people put me in more shock everyday.

Apologies for the short first chapter everyone. I promise to make up for it.

Fantastic chapter. I will patiently await more.

>>402650402650 yes yes she is

>>403658403658  You make up for it with a cliff hanger? XD WHY!?

Awesome story so far though ^^

I'm a little confused. Twilight as LORD of Equestria? LORD Sparkle? She became human-like AND did a sex-change? Other than that, awesome story.

Doctor Derpin aproves of this! You, sir, have earned a moustache.

>>404401404401

Anthro, yes. Lord of Equestria, yes. Sex change? I remember giving her hands and making her anthro. I don't recall making her male. Lol.

A cliff hanger, huh? Well time to wait for the next chapter.

Your story is really interesting, I like the direction you're taking it.

very nice work. i cant wait until the next chapter

I feel like I'm rushing and that the story sounds like it barely goes anywhere, or that it's a little repetitive. But as long as people enjoy reading it, I guess it's okay.

I do plan on slowing down a bit, read through the thesaurus some

Chapter 3 may take a little longer, but hopefully it'll be worth the wait.

interesting.....so the ponies in the test tubes are clones? does this mean there are 2 trixies running around or was that a scene from the past?

I need to read this!

>> DavidPony

Chapter 2 explained that Trixie died already. I figured that was clear enough. Lol. BUT, further into the story will explain in more detail.

>>413704413704 sry forgot about that

I am entertained

she went to sleep in an inhabited room come on trixie i know your stuck up but realy

my avatar matches my thoughts perfectly (granted trixie wasnt the smartest cookie in teh show so who knows)

Wait, so, do they (Trixie and the rest of the Mane 6) have hands with fingers on their front limbs, and hooves on their back limbs or what? Does Twilight have hands and feet, instead of hooves? That would make this a little more clear so I can picture it better.

>>Pinkie Floyd

Well of course. I didn't explain that in this chapter because I explained in a previous chapter that everypony within Equestria is affected by Twilight's spell through the amplification device she constructed. That includes Trixie since she's basically at the core source of the amplification. (Everyone in Equestria has hands and hooves. No feet.)

Good luck with this, if you manage to pull this off then you should be proud, because I am one experienced Grimdark reader, and if you manage to scare me, then you deserve a Pinkie Pie party!

>>439970439970

Thanks, I'mma try my best for a grimdark, but I don't exactly want it to be too close to Cupcakes style. Lol. I'm hoping for a place on EQD someday, and I don't think they go looking to put Cupcakes stuff in the spotlight.

>>404594404594

This is a really late reply, sorry =P

Lord is the male word for Lady. That's what I meant.

>>441060441060

Ok, while I'm at it, some critique. I think Twilight would be capable of stealing the princesse's powers but the reason ''I want to take over the world'' sounds very unlike Twilight. If she thought taking over the world and doing her experients would be the best for everypony I bet it would happen.

By the way, it should be Lady Sparkle not Lord Sparkle unless you turned Twilight into a guy. Either way good luck with your fic.

Very much appreciated to those letting me know my mistake. Lord --> Lady. Errors fixed. (Yay for Ctrl + F)

>>451720451720

You're very much right. It is very unlike Twilight. Twilight can snap, which we've all seen in Lesson Zero, but that's not entirely the reason for this 'dark side' of Twilight. As you may have noticed, I'm an author of surprises. Just keep reading on and you'll understand. Surprises.

When people do really well, I feel they deserve to be told.

Awesome job, and keep up the awesome story.

Feedback's definitely fun to have.  I'm enjoying this, so I'll give back by responding to each section:

SPOILERS

---

I don't trust Vanilla.  Vanilla paused and struck a serious face. “You’re very lucky. Had you told anypony else, you’d likely be carried off right about now to be dissected alive"  If I were in Trixie's place, I'd take that as a sign that I just made a very bad mistake in revealing my intentions.  Desperation calls for risks, but she's putting it all on the line by waiting in the closet for Vanilla's return.  I suppose she has little choice.  Her earlier escape attempt led nowhere.

---

Pinkie's always been the most troubled pony.  She grew up on a rock farm after all.

---

Has Twilight read the other book with her name in it?

---

Neat use of irony.  You've implied that Twilight started reading a book where heroes overcome "the monster of the twilight" as whatever dark influence from the heirloom begins to work on her, and she finishes reading the book while she is in the very position of the monster.  It doesn't seem to have an effect on her, though.  Perhaps she rationalizes her dominion as fulfilling the line: Peace reigned across Equestria once more?

---

Bad idea Pinkie, very bad idea.  If I were Twilight, keeping watch over my friends' homes is the first thing I'd do to catch them.  Staying in Twilight's home is a little less obvious, but I'd have so much trouble going to sleep in there, thinking about its former resident.

---

I'll be here for the next chapter

nice chapter and  also dont do like some authors do and rush to the ending after a certain amount of chapters to be honest if you tried hard enough you could make a trilogy

ooooooooh things are getting interesting...

>>495292495292

What are you, a mind reader??

>>495356495356 no but i do seem to be able to do stuff like that to good authors

though pinkie walks through the valley of shadow and death, she feels no fear.

And I'm back to state my reaction as I read each section!  *clears throat* :

Go Grammy!

--

Go Pinkie Pie!

--

I still don't trust Vanilla

--

Must be frustrating for your team to just get up and leave in the middle of the night without telling anyone.  That's a pretty serious abuse of trust.  Would be hard to go to sleep anymore without wondering if you'll get abandoned again

--

Twilight's pretty crazy, taking that kind of punishment and still going strong.  It seemed like the friends had a handle on her, but still they ran.  I can only assume she's a lot more dangerous than she seemed in that moment.

--

Generosity, held by a pony within the palace?  I smell something, and it is neither chocolate nor strawberry!

--

Hang in there Twilight!

Really good chapter!  So is the Element of Compassion supposed to be a fragment of Kindness or something?  

I figured it would be appropriate to ask my faithful readers this in comments, to make sure I get an answer:

Since Vanilla (A character I made up) has unexpectedly shown up more in the story than I thought at the beginning, would it be appropriate to edit the story's characters and add "Other" to the list of major characters? I wanted someone's opinion on that because he's come to show up a lot in the story so far and will probably continue to show up and get more important from here on.

>>501920501920

Your story so far doesn't beg for an OC tag; it's been true to the Mane6 + Trixie as the focus.  If Vanilla is going to start stealing the spotlight from the other ponies rather than just being supportive then it could use an OC tag, such as if you have a section dedicated to Vanilla's adventures or how he makes a critical difference in some important events.

Bottom line: sounds like you could use an OC tag, but if you really don't want one I don't think you need one.  Do keep in mind I'm as new as you are right now

>>502115502115

Well, there are two different tags. There is the 'OC' tag and the 'Other' tag. Vanilla is, I suppose an OC, since I made him, but he doesn't represent me or any of my friends, but then again, any character I make up is an Original Character, huh? I feel so blonde.

>>503620503620

I always interpreted "Other" to mean a canon or otherwise existing (batman) character that is not tagged, whereas OC is one who nopony knows a thing about until you describe him.  For that reason I'd consider Vanilla an OC, but I've seen people use "Other" instead.  *shrug*

P.S. I suddenly started staring at the notification bar for about 10 seconds thinking "I wonder if QT Mark read my comment?"  then poof, you replied.

>>503651503651

Baha. I was in school when I got your comment. And I decided to randomly check my FIM Fic and hey look, Neo replied to my comment. And thanks for the opinion on the OC (And I cannot forget the awesome "Thoughts about the story so far" stuff. Loving that most of all). I suppose I shall make the change. I mean, Vanilla's showed up quite a lot for a "non-major" character right?

What happened to the chapters????

>>513126513126

Read recent blog post.

Same goes for anyone else, wondering.

hmm that was umm ahh screw it  THAT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IVE READ IN THE PAST HOURS!

MOOOAAAAR!!!

It's funny that the EqD pre-readers said that the elements my story used would likely drive readers away, even though I have several people loving the fic. Of course, I'm sure if my fic was as good as the pre-readers wanted, I would get many more views and readers, and my place on the EqD site. Love the support I have though!

you have changed my view of trixie forever... or at least untill someone else changes it forever...

Twilight got lucky.  When she exploded she only turned her parents into potted plants.

--

Sweet!  Trixie's first book was "Trix for Dummies!"  I feel my headcanon changing.

--

"Hey, Trixie, wake up.  I know you're half-awake right now and just woke up from an emotionally taxing dream but I'm going to throw you out the door to crawl through vents and sewers dodging Shadow Watchers the entire way.  It's not like you'll need to be making quick, important decisions that directly affect your well-being.  You ready?"  Half way through the vent, Trixie finally wakes up and wonders how she got there.

Aha!  I knew Vanilla was hiding something.  His name was just too plain.

Trixie was told to avoid the shadows, but her new powers feed on shadows, so maybe she can deal with being in the shadows now?

Before she had a chance to understand what happened she had crashed into a large sand mound and got a mouthful of crunchy pebbles, part of this complete breakfast.

--

What happens when a blue unicorn gets a sunburn.  Purple?

damn this story has the makings of a great one.

why do i see ewither vanilla or trixie being the element of compassion. and if its vanilla, why do i see trixie replacing twilight as the element of magic.

this my freind has been some of the best written and most thought out writing ive read in a while, its was very ver descriptive witch is good, most stories lack that nowadays. i will be looking forward to the next installment when it comes out. till then keep up the awsome work and im sure this story will be a major hit when its off hiatus.