When Twilight Sparkle gets a letter from the head of the Royal Archaeological Society of Canterlot, Rarity's world is turned upside down. Soon the fashion-conscious unicorn finds herself barrel-deep in mud, bugs, sand, snow, angry natives, and mysterious magic, not to mention embroiled in ancient history and secret plots. The reluctant adventuress will soon discover things she never wished to know about the world beyond Equestria, starting with bull-headed explorers, political beaucracy and heading only downhill from there.
Will she make it out of this humid, icky, sticky situation head held high, or will she fall victim to jungle fever and weep for her lost fabulosity?
Chapters (7)
Rarity is best pony. This story affirms this.
You've got me hooked, and I want more.
Where are all the commenters and even the viewers from here? I think this story is underrated.
I'm intrigued. Go on, dear Sir.
(You wrote "canon" instead of "cannon". Just saying because it's my personal pet peeve.)
I don't know how this story managed to slip under the radar, it definitely deserves far more attention than it's gotten. I can't wait to read more.
Forderz!? Well, this is a surprise! And so, another epic begins. I admit, that I was very surprised when I reached the end of the first chapter and found that all six are planning to go on the adventure. Based on the beginning and the description, I'd thought that this was going to be another epic Rarity, or more likely Rarity and Twilight, story. And they plan on this adventure taking all of fall and winter? This sounds like a very long and arduous quest. Well, I'm ready to saddle up and join you for the long haul!
I think you are a talented, clever writer, and I expect to see this very shortly on EQD, should you chose to have it appear there. I enjoyed many of the little moments and asides you used to give your story personality. It does sound a bit as though Dusty Ruin has been set up as kind of a stock pulp fiction hero, but I trust you to give him depth if and when he makes his appearance. Besides from the "canon" thing, the only noteworthy error I noticed was that you used the word "anthropology" instead of "archaeology" once.
I eagerly await the next installment.
Ready for adventure, ladies?
Three things:
Rarity is still going to be the primary viewpoint character. I just wanted to fit in a Rainbow Dash chapter early so that I have some precedent for switching viewpoints later in the story. Plus I had no idea how to describe that monster of a machine through the eyes of somepony that knew what each piece actually did.
This should've gone up yesterday, and when I had to reformat and re-italicize the entire story, I know why I put it off on Sunday.
I look at my writing and am amazed anyone wants me to continue. I don't describe anything ever, and I'd have no idea how to characterize if these were all OC's. Fake it till ya make it!
Rainbow Dash sure does know how to take care of business in a responsible manner.
Yus. Gud. Yus.
I am not noticing a failing in description at all. Please do keep up the good work. And thank you for having such long chapters. Actually feels like I'm reading a book instead of a fic.
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Something I dislike about a lot of fics I read on here is small updates. If you're going to post something, post something substantial!
Man, writing lyrics for Rarity's Irish drinking song is hard. The rest of the chapter is done, and I'm not sleeping until I'm happy with what I've put to paper. Update tonight for sure.
I ended up rewriting a lot of the chapter.
I hope you, my (faithful?) readers, understand Rarity as I try to understand her. She's a pony that, unlike Applejack, Pinkie, and Twilight, needs to actively work on being a good friend. I don't think it comes naturally to her, but that doesn't stop her from trying!
I hope I didn't overdo it with the musical number.
Twilight sure knows how to do a flashy presentation, pitty the technique she used will invade all aspects of your life wether you want it to or not.
Lackluster Hooray indeed Rarity. This looks like it'll be loads of fun.
I doubt being a good friend could come naturally to anypony or anybody (well, except for Pinkie, but her definition of "friend" is not quite the same as others' - ask Cranky Doodle). Uh, and about Twilight: it's practically her job to be a good friend.
But I digress! I liked the musical number, especially how it visualized the lyrics, warped reality, and still nopony raised an eyebrow. It's perfectly natural in the My Little Pony world - it's a cartoon, after all! The whole thing strangely made sense.
Your style is elaborate and... refined (being a non-native English speaker, I had to open the dictionary almost half a dozen times), but I think it fits the story and Rarity herself well.
About Rarity's characterization: in my opinion she's the most fleshed out of the Mane 6 (and my personal favorite), but I have to admit, she's gotten a bit contradictory in the canon. She's always been a generally mature and experienced pony, but in the field of love, she was a wide-eyed, naïve girl, thinking Blueblood had to be a perfect knight just because he was nobility. At least in the first season. In the second, we saw her using her charm to manipulate a hapless colt in Putting your hoof down. "Manipulate" might be a bit strong, and she did pay him, but I think it's the principle what matters. It's either inconsistency or character development - but in the latter case, she's going to develop into a bitc... uh, temptress!
What I wanted to say with my rambling is that Rarity's personality depends on the writer to a certain extent at least, but I, for one, can certainly imagine her struggling between friendship and selfishness.
And finally, although I've seen the ending twist coming, it set me up perfectly for the next chapter. Dis gon b gud... I mean, I am most certain it will be properly intriguing. *Presses fingers together* Go on, good Sir.
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I would feel like I've failed as an author if you DIDN'T see the ending coming.
To me, Rarity views Blueblood as destroyer of dreams. She had clearly built up a certain... expectation of what her time at the Grand Galloping Gala would be like, and, by extension, how her status amongst the nobility would be. She certainly had every reason to believe that, as a heroine of Equestria, she would be treated with the respect she deserves, but instead is subjected, from her view, to humiliation and a crushing disappointment. She, over the course of a single night, both loses her fondest wish and conducts herself terribly in front of the entirety of Equestria nobility.
As such, when she confronts Blueblood in a hostile situation, she loses her composure and seeks out revenge on the one that, in her eyes, eliminated both her romantic dreams of youth and much of her potential clients for her adult career. I think, and therefore you will read, more of her struggling to overcome her personal feelings towards Blueblood and finding her place within the upper echelons of society, than her manipulating male ponies with her charms. I don't think one should view sexual temptation as a vice; it is merely a tool to be used where applicable. Rarity still likely clings to a tattered notion of chivalry, anyways, and would be loathe to brand herself as a harlot.
...unless she didn't realize she was acting/becoming one. Hmm... You may have given me another existential crisis to load onto Rarity. But that will be later, much later, if I use it at all.
And to clarify, as I hope you will garner from the next chapter, that Equestria currently lacks any sort of elected official beyond the post of mayor/town council. It is still ran by hereditary nobles, which gather in the Grand Stable to run the affairs of the country. The Goddess-Princesses hold their courts, and act as both an arbiter for disagreements within the Stable and as a final court of appeal for the common pony. How else would Celestia have time for tea parties in Ponyville, or allow Luna to enjoy the most wondrous of nights in the same town?
I love it, you're doing a great job! If there's one thing that "Dangerous Business" taught me, it's that anything Pinkie Pie jokingly predicts at the beginning of am epic journey will literally happen during the journey.
472846 Blueblood certainly slaughters the romantic dreams of Rarity at the Gala, but I doubt he destroys her future career in the nobility. Since Rarity doesn't introduce herself to anypony apart from Blueblood, practically nopony knows who she is, only the prince - and I, for one, wouldn't be surprised if it turned out he forgot her name right after she introduced herself. Indeed, in Sweet and Elite, nopony seems to recognize Rarity. This also means that everpony forgot the Mane 6's part in Discord's demise and saving Princess Luna, but let's face it, never in the entire series had anypony treated the six friends as the saviors of Equestria. Most of the folk probably didn't even understand what happened when Nightmare Moon and Discord attacked Ponyville, so they don't know how grateful they should be to Twilight and Co.
Also, it wasn't simply sexual temptation she used on the nerdy pony*. She was clearly unattracted to him, yet she (falsely) acted like she was, only to get that asparagus. Basically she deceived, exploited and used him to her own ends. This could be the next logical step after she'd manipulated the diamond dogs (which was self-defense, so I can't condemn her for that), but when will she perceive this isn't exactly right? There's nothing wrong with using brain over brawn, but in my opinion there's a line between "being charming" and "wheedling benefits out by manipulating others". Sorry for harping on this, it's just having to adjust my precious headcanon naïve Rarity after Putting your hoof down left its mark on me.
Still best pony, of course.
And your government seems logical to me. I often wondered how Celestia has time to act all motherly when she has a whole country to run. Although, being one of the Elements of Harmony, Twilight's adventures probably count as state matters.
Sorry for the wall of text, but I guess it's about Rarity, so... it's on-topic, is it? Never mind, I shouldn't bother you, as you have a chapter to write, hmm?
(By the way, I like how quickly you update, considering the size of your chapters.)
*meanwhile, in front of my computer screen, I can hardly believe we're talking about a cartoon show for children.
I am writing under the assumption that the entirety of the crowd at the celebration was Celestia's trusted lords and advisors, plus the wacky residents of ponyville. After all, Colgate, Carrot Top, Bon Bon and Lyra were all in attendance. I figured that Celestia's played down the bital importance of the Mane 6 to the population of ponyville, and their identities/purpose are state secrets outside ponyville. If a stranger walks into town and asks for the element of magic, they'd get a blank look. Rarity isn't Generosity to them, she's a tailor.
Conversly, fancypants and the merchants have no idea they're chummy with THE SAVIOR OF EQUESTRIA.
Ew posting from phone sucks
In this chapter, two wrongs make a right, Blueblood is hoisted by his own petard, and everypony is humourless and unfunny.
Next chapter will be filled with drunken safety lessons, I swear.
I hate getting swamped with entrance portfolios, extra duties at shitty work, and broken equipment/internet. But Celestia damn me, it's monday! update day! So it's 4:20am and I wake up at 6:40, fuck it! Nothing stops the update train!
Here's hoping the Prince will still take part in the story after this.
It'd be a shame if he were only brought on stage to be humiliated repeatedly. Even though he deserves it. (As does Fair Wind)
The logical answer to this development'd be to undertake your own expedition; which won't work, of course, as the Elements of Harmony are needed.
Let's see what comes of this.
Oh, this looks like it's going to be awesome.
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But don't forget, Oh great Derpsby, that Blueblood was never told that the elements were required to open the tomb. You can rest easy in the knowledge that Blueblood has a large part to play in all this. He's got a character tag for a reason.
Besides, even the best research can turn up misinformation. Maybe there's no tomb at all! Maybe its just a dragon that died while in low Equestrian orbit and burnt up upon re-entry.
Maybe it was Pinkie Pie.
I'm only 1/16 through my outline, 37k words in. I need an editor, or a pacing guru, or something. Act One, Scene Two should be a speck in the rear-view, not right next to the car.
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I hope it turns out awesome too!
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My hands're getting calloused from all the evil rubbing-together already...
"I may have accidentally humiliated Prince Blueblood in front of all of Canterlot on purpose" - this fic is primarily an adventure, and only secondarily a comedy, but it always has lines which make me chuckle.
Princess Celestia brainwashing the town sounds dangerously Tyrant Celestia-ish to me, though it's arguably necessary and certainly explains why Twilight and her friends aren't treated as heroes ever (neither in the fic, nor in the actual show).
I, for one, would love to see Blueblood launching an alternate expedition (which, as you've pointed out, would be doomed from the start). Or maybe, instead of a simple competition, he'll use more... questionable methods? Who knows what malign schemes is he brewing?
If only Daring Do were an existing pony! She could act as a rival or as a wildcard - these artifacts sound like they're right up her alley. But then again, Rainbow would probably die in a heart attack if they met, so this is best avoided...
Well then, hoist the sales! Weigh anchor! Adventure awaits us!
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I love your comments, duder. Its like digital cocaine!
Celestia does what she wants. She wants Twilight and her friends to leave normal lives, as I'm certain she would of divined that Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash would all probably suffer, in varying degrees, from fame and stardom. I'm pretty certain that Green isn't your Colour and Sonic Rainboom explain why.
I don't see why he couldn't engage in a competition AND evilly twirl his moustache as he sabotages the competitors, should he choose.
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And I love your story! Isn't this a beautiful symbiosis?
Blueblood could, technically, grow a moustache, but it would be a tragic mistake. Only Rarity and Steven Magnet know the secret behind really stylish moustaches. Also, Blueblood fears the cake (unrelated fact is unrelated).
I apologize if this has been asked already, but have you considered sending this fic to EqD? I think they'd accept: long, regularly updated, high quality writing... but then again, I have problems featuring my own fic there, so my opinion might be easily wrong. Just thought you need a broader audience, because that 16 thumbs up hardly seems fitting.
Bad news, faithful readers. I had to pull quadruple duty canvassing the neighbourhood for the Canadian Cancer Society, and as such I have a tidy sum of money sitting on my counter, but no fanfic to post up. The Update Train may have been derailed, but don't worry! It should be back on track, chugging along, Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest.
I think you guys are going to enjoy. I know I am!
I lied. Tommorrow, I swear.
Unless I'm buried under the mountain of vehicles delivered to work tomorrow and have to stay an extra three hours again. WHY DO ALL THE VEICHLES WE BUY ARRIVE AT THE SAME TIME
I've got 7000 words typed and edited, but I've rewrote the last scene twice now. its my first real hiccup in writing this thing.
I'll make it up to you guys with another song in chapter six. Probably set to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaEI4pTGpOg
Well, its a week late, but I think it can stand tall, on all four legs.
The final scene, all 3519 words of, literally came from this line of story plotting: Princess Luna has observed the noble families and found them wanting.
I don't know if I'm doing it right
Tune in next week for the final Canterlot Chapter, and then this fic finally kicks off into first gear.
Can I thumb this up twice? I'd like to thumb this up twice. Or three times. No! Five times! Five is a good number.
I'm glad you've got a schedule. I didn't even know you were on one. Now I have something to look forward to each week till season three comes out.
Well, If anypony knows about needing to make up for the past and justifying their station to the ponies of Equestria, it's Luna.
Come to think of it, one wonders how much of that has influenced her decision. After all, Celestia is capable of both her own job and raising the moon. It wouldn't be wrong to say that Luna isn't actually required for Equestria to function. And corruption she's personally familiar with- she might've gotten angry with the nobles because, on some level, she was reminded of her own past.
So, a relic of a bygone era, trying to fix a relic of a bygone era.
"Ah, what a lovely genre painting," our hero thought reading the first parts about the merry drinking game and Pinkie's shenanigans. Then he reached the second part...
That Princess Luna is one sick jokester! She seriously creeped me out - I most definitely would have not tried to throw pillows at her after her little presentation. She turned out ludic, though. At least seemingly. I'm onto her!
Not sure how much of her political efforts will be part of the fic, however.
All in all, nice work, with the first part a little more playful, introducing a few new characters, and some serious business at the end. About the newcomers: Briskwind should relax, if he wants my sympathy. But this is why we have Pinkie in the company, isn't it? Also, I wouldn't be surprised if Greased Palm turned his coat (no pun intended). I mean, come on, his name is practically shouting "traitor"! (By the way, "Palm"? Ponies don't have palms, they have hooves!
)
And I'm not sure if everypony had kept the rules of the drinking game - for example, I spotted a time when Pinkie said "zhee table awaits your answer". She should have drunk because of "your", shouldn't she? Hope I understood the rules correctly, though I'm sleepy.
Unfortunately, there were a few noticeable spelling mistakes. Mostly leaving out punctuation and such, nothing irritating, just saying because there were perhaps more than usually.
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And the real adventure starts after leaving Canterlot, doesn't it? Does this mean that after the next chapter, we'll basically have an 50-60k long prologue?! You don't want to mess with this story.
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Well, Rarity did notice that the name was strange. And Equestrians do have palm trees. That's probably what she was thinking of.
562684 I'm happy you picked up on the irony inherent in Luna's mission. Sometimes it takes a person who you haven't seen in a year or so to remark on just how much weight you've gained, for you to realize you've been packing away the pounds.
I hope no one was turned off by the sheer number of ponies in that lounge. It was a nightmare to write, let me tell you. I think I'll stick to a maximum of ten named characters to a scene in the future.
Luna's efforts are really the catalyst for the nobles turning up the douchery. If they can't convince Luna to stop her plan or get Celestia to intervene, they are going to lose half their income to Luna's uplifted rabble. Increasing trade tariffs and making the common ponies' lives difficult is their response. I don't think that's the change that Luna wants to see.
I'll change that your to a an once I get home, and clean up that punctuation.
Briskwind is very intentionally unlikeable and rude.
I can't wait for rarity and company to leave equestria
Please tell me you have submitted this to EqD.
Nope. I want to be comfortable with my own writing before asking others to put it on a pedestal. That probably means rewriting this at least once before I get to that point.
Also, I need to commission a sick cover, and takes time as well!
So I've noticed a disturbing trend in writing this fanfic. I get to Monday and I'll have around 6k words written, then stay up super late finishing it up and posting it, usually rife with grammatical errors and sloppy sentence structures. I thought I could manage 10k a week, while dealing with my full time job (that is wholly lacking in any sort of desk, so I can't even sneak some writing in at work), my running club, my maybe small business I'm starting up, etc etc. So I think I'll start publishing this biweekly.
Think of it like a second paycheck you get to enjoy! I'm sorry, nothing is more uplifting than that sweet, sweet monetary compensation.
Before you all get </3 on me, here's a sneak peek at what you can expect to read.
NOTE: No bucking way am I italicizing this today only to do it again later. You're all smart cookies, I'm sure you can figure it out.
Twilight instantly took charge. “Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, get to the caboose and close those doors.” The two ponies nodded, then rushed down the train. “Rarity, help Applejack seal the cargo containers. See if you can’t use some of that luggage as a barricade for any doors that can’t be locked.” Rarity turned and followed her two friends down the length of the train. “Rainbow Dash, wake up! I don’t care how awful you feel!” Twilight’s commands became impossible to hear as the crowd drew closer. Shouts and yells of “Dusty Ruin, what can you tell us about the ancient tomb you’ll be looting?” and “What do you think of Luna’s plan? Do you feel used?” pierced the solid walls of the train.
Seconds later, Rarity arrived in the first cargo car. This compartment was dedicated almost entirely to Applejack’s harvest, and the mare herself was frantically sliding the locking bolts into place along the wall. The farmer looked up at the sound of Rarity’s hooves hitting the metal floor. “Rarity! Git t’ the next car! I don’t think those stationhooves are ready fer this!”
“Alright!” Rarity didn’t slow, leaping over a hastily-stacked pile of barrels that blocked her path. We should keep the centre route clear, she thought. Probably best to save the organization for later, though. Within moments, she entered the next car.
One of the earth ponies that worked the loading dock was braced against the far wall, desperately trying to shove the slightly ajar door closed. His partner was at the gap between the door and the wall, beating back the crowd of information-starved journalists. “Get back! Back I say!” He swatted at the crowd with one of Rarity’s hard-cased containers. The push of the crowd had forced many of the newsponies into the gap, and their bodies prevented the door from closing.
"Sir! What can you tell us about the ponies on the expedition?"
"Care to comment on the what this could mean to the merchant class' feud with the nobles?"
The rhythmic banging of hooves against the metal exterior was deafening. Rarity felt like she was trapped inside a drum. “What do I do?” She yelled out, trying to be heard over the din.
“Lock the other door!” The pony armed with her luggage called out as he mightily swug the case holding half of her precious gem collection. “I’ll hold them here!”
The other door? But wh- Rarity’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of hooves on the roof. Either paparazzi pegasi had landed on the train, or the crowd had become so dense they were piling up on one another, creating a pony ramp. If she didn’t lock that door, they’d pour in from two sides, surely dooming them all to endless rounds of interviews.
A quick once-over of the locks revealed that they were of a simple deadbolt design. If Rarity was a stronger unicorn, she probably could've locked them all at once. Unfortunately, her talents had little to do with locking things.
Rarity had barely closed three deadbolts when the door strained against the locks. Suddenly, it wasn’t quite as simple as sliding the bolts into place. The friction caused by the bolts rubbing against the straining door forced her to put all of her strength into moving the thick bolt a few centimetres. A few seconds later, it was done, but she was panting in exertion. There’s no way I can close another eight locks, she thought, looking down the door’s edge. Especially if half of them are almost rusted shut!
The crowd’s chanting outside grew more fervent. “Exclusive! Exclusive! Daily Scoop! Daily Scoop!” The crowd in the street yesterday had been agitated. This one felt possessed! Their individual cries were soon drowned out by collectively created ghastly moan.
THINK, Rarity! What do you have tha-of course! Rarity raced over to her stack of bags, and began to dig through the pile, looking for one in particular. “Lady, what the hay are you doing! Lock that damn door!” She ignored the baggage stallion. Finally!
s.deviantart.com/th/fs70/PRE/i/2011/195/d/5/philomena___troll_bird_by_atomicgreymon-d3dr611.png
Like a phoenix, I rise from the ashes!
If you guys want, I can whip up a cover of Test Ponies for you all to enjoy/suffer through.
What a female dog this was to get through, but now I can get to the fun bits! We've got our set cast, the rules of engagement have been laid out, and zombies have yet to infect anypony.
Totally worth the wait! Also, you have my eternal respect for the word 'partillery!'
I can't take credit for that. I think it was a Dresden files crossover, my little denarians, that I shameless stole it from.
I'm glad to see this has updated! I agree, it was definitely worth the wait!
I really love the way that you write Pinkie, she's so entertaining and that final conversation between Fleur, Fancy and Rarity (especially those last few lines) were a nice touch and really set the tone for her departure.
Huzzah! I was afraid you've died or something.
Now, with these names, I can't help but expect that the two teams will somehow score head-to-head... but at the same time, Rarity and her friends will win. No, I don't know how this would be possible. Just intuition.
(Btw, I don't like having youtube links in fics, but that's just personal taste, I guess.)
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Feel free to ignore those links, then. I don't think reading lyrics requires music to be truly effective, but I do ever so much enjoy writing them to music.
mmm sweet zombie journalists
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Well, my greatest problem with youtube links in fics that when authors feel they're unable to create a writing epic/touching enough, they just throw in their favorite song and hope it'll do the work instead of them. Now you wrote a brand new lyrics to the song, and I think this is the best possible justification for having such a link in your fic, but still, everyone reads at a different speed - it wasn't easy to try synchronize the lyrics and the song, even though I actively tried to. Also, it made the reading... lagging.
(Bit of a personal problem that when my Internet connection is grumpy, it refuses to load videos. And usually I'm listening to my own music when reading, though in this particular case I wasn't.)
Also, I already said it in the past, but I love the way you handle musicals in-universe.
I've been missing you so much. . .
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8|
I've always thought that one should make best use of the medium one uses, and since this IS the internet and not a paperback...
I can completely understand someone getting annoyed if music is used as a crutch, though! Your work needs to stand on it's own legs, first, before getting fancy.
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I see the reason behind your standpoint, and you certainly didn't use it as a crutch. But, as everyone reads at different speeds, it's still impossible to synch the music with the lyrics...
...unless you record yourself singing it along with the music and upload it!
It would be simply marvelous, wouldn't it?
>.> mayyyyybe...
huh that was fun!
only on? :-D
I loved this little adaptation, lots of little ponifications throughout this chapter and probably more in future i guess.
These two quotes really highlight how well you captured the characters, i'm definitely going to continue reading this. Nice work.
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Glad you're enjoying it. And yes, I'm still working on it. College has me busier than expected, running around doing interviews, and taking up the mantle of DM for a group of friends has chewed into my time. Hopefully I'll be done with my latest project and can get back to AA again.
I think that’s meant to be “we can take care of ourselves”. :3
Heh reminds me of a tale my dad would tell me as a kid when hill walking, “there’s a nice restaurant at the top of this hill”.
Protip THERE ARE NO RESTAURANTS AT THE TOP OF HILLS. Evil bastard
A little slip of the tongue there. A subtle joke.
hey now don't worry about lacking descriptions for things, often the reader will fill in any blanks for how things may appear. Also honestly lengthy descriptions and details are incredibly dull to read and/or tricky to write well.
Anyways i'm definitely enjoying this little story, alternating perspectives is nice to see and not always easy to do but you did it well. Looks like it's all building up to something. Plus Scootaloo as weather control pony, what could possibly go wrong? XD
nice