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Twilight had always been unstable. She watched her friends grow old and pass on. She felt trapped. She never wanted this.
The royal guards found the purple alicorn's body lying broken in front of the memorial for her friends.
Celestia is left to wonder why. Why did this happen? Her faithful student, her best friend gone. She is left to wonder what could have happened.
How do you save a life?
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WHERE DID I GO WRONG?
I LOOOST A FRIEND
Nice work, I kinda like how this came out. Normally I would think 1,000 words is too short but I think it worked here well enough. Only thing I did notice was actually in the AN:
but it wasn't edited, do if you see mistakes,
just a little thing but might wanna make that say so
4308153 oops! Haha, consider it fixed!
Liked.
I will be honest, I don't think this needs the Spike or Luna tags, either one is barely mentioned in passing and has no lines or presence at all.
I will also say that, while I rarely take a swing at a suicide fic, I kinda think it was mean of Twilight here. Even not taking Celestia into account, she just went on how someone is lost without friends, and left her last friend Spike behind.
Twilight's reaction to losing her friends to immortality has been done to death, so seeing Celestia's reaction to her death certainly is a breath of fresh air.
An impressive first story. The narration is good and doesn't drag on. I agree with Blood Brandy that some tags are unnecessary; I'd even say only Celestia's is needed.
I liked these lines;
'She'd been like a daughter, and her ascension had been the proudest moment of Celestia's long life.'
'She had already cried all she could, but the sobbing and sorrow would not cease.'
'"It's not blood, it's red ink," Celestia whispered to herself, trying to keep up her courage.'
'I want my old life back. I want to grow old. I want my mane to turn grey and my hips to creak.'
and
'With every gift, there is a price. Consider the price carefully before accepting the gift.' though I feel 'giving the gift' would be more appropriate, since this is the result of Celestia giving Twilight immortality.
I found a few typos;
you capitalized 'it' in 'instead It limply drooped around her face'
'explaination' should be 'explanation' in 'She needed an explaination.'
'Hearths' should be 'Hearth's' in 'Never will I spend Hearths Warming Eve with friends.'
and
both 'with out' should be 'without' in 'A life with out friends is a life with out meaning.'
4311113
4310919 thank you for the suggestions, I've made a few changes and added a bit to Twilight's note. You're definitely right, I had too many tags. Sorry about the silly little mistakes, I've fixed them. Thank you for the feedback
The feels man, the feels
4311967 that mean I'm doing something right!
Maaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn...
4308109 SOMEWHERE ALONG IN THE BITTERNESS
Please don't kill me.
4312334 there shall be no murdering of my readers.
Ok before I read this I turning on the song
ok I'm ready letz do dis
4312445 .That was... sad... and better with the music... good work!
4312479 good! I hope it's sad. I think it's sad...
Great writing style! Really absorbing! I felt like I could hear the ponies narrating and could feel the pain along with them. Keep it up
4312721 oh wow, Thank you!!!
Eh, I dunno. Seeing Celestia torn to pieces by the her Magical Mystery Cure fuckup is a very satisfying thing, don't get me wrong, but Twilight was precipitated there. I mean, seriously, she is and always was closer to Spike than she was to any of the other five, that much has been shown, and Spike never showed a single inclination of going away to live with dragons since Dragon Quest. Even if he did over time, why the actual fuck didn't she go after him?
Upvote, but no fave.
4312382 So I am spared?
4312777 I know I don't make it very clear, but the way I saw was that spike has grown up, and a large dragon won't really fit in the caste. He'll have wanted to go explore, maybe see what his species is like when the matured. Twilight wouldn't be able to go with him because she has royal duties. I see what you're saying, though.
4312793 For now
4312819 Even so, they're ridiculously close. No way Purple Smart would've been stupid enough not to research a way for them to communicate via dragon fire like he does with Celestia in the "present day", or made up some other method.
4311810 Honestly, I'm not even sure Twilight's tag is necessary, but that is for you to decide. It was nice to use Twilicorn's tag instead of Twilight's, in any case.
I found Jack Kellar's point interesting, but I don't 'get' the characters enough to know what would be Twilight's most appropriate reaction.
Besides, he's just a background character anyway. He doesn't actually matter.
(I'm joking.)
And I just read the letter's addition. It really tugged at my heartstrings. You did well to add it in.
Thanks for taking the time and making the effort to acknowledge my comment. Gratitude is hard to come by on this site.
4313405 I'm pretty new to writing and any help or suggestions I get, I'm thankful for. I think since the letter is a big part of it, and it's Twi's words the tag should be there but it's just a matter of preference.
I see Jack Kellar's point, but anything could have happened to make them lose contact, and that is not what the story is about. I don't want to get in an argument over my own story, it's just my opinion.
Thank you so much for the advice, not many people really give advice.
4313442 Good point about the letter.
You're right, this is not what the story is about. A forum thread in the appropriate group (though I have no idea which it would be) is probably a better place to discuss it.
You're welcome.
Okay, if just reading the description is this depressing, I think I'll take a pass on this one.
4312874 FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON
DRAGON BALL ZWelp, I cried...and not gunna lie, though where was the mention of Cadence? Sure, Shiny got the Axe from the old Grim Reaper, but what about his Widow? You'd think Twi would have gone to her too? I mean...well, I can see how their relationship might have gone south after...and worse, I can see how losing that connection might have pushed her over the edge alongside Celestia's usual mannerisms.
Throw in that...well...Twilight became an Alicorn because of friendship and Cadence out of love. I think, if she's not gone already, the Crystal Princess might be the next to go. And from there? I think Celestia and Luna need to bring things to order...and maybe...finally step down. Eternity is no mantle worth bearing when loss eventually becomes all you know. Born Alicorn or not, I get the feeling even they were never meant to last forever. Ponies will need to move on without them, and they too get their chance to rest.
Great fic man, the feels are strong in this one.
4325308 I'm glad you cried, because I cried while writing it. I honestly didn't think of cadence, but she's probably off in the crystal empire.
In the end all depressing stories do is leave me with a smile on my face. I don't know why, but I can pretend to know because it's all similar to my past, IT ALL PUTS A SMILE ON MY FACE. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
P.S. I'm not making this up.
4326290 Omg I thought I was the only one...
4398260 Lolnope
In my story the entire mane 6 is immortal since they're the spirits of harmony. Just like Discord is the spirit of chaos. I don't like the death of harmony fics. They're too depressing for me.
4567449 I love the idea of them all living. But I was not exactly in a cheerful mood when I wrote this. It was really a way for me to get my emotions out. I'm not really a fan of sad stories haha
Oh, God. Why? (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ
Dammit, the feels. (T ^ T)凸
4626095
You forgot to flip the table
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
Let's just put that back
┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ)
In all seriousness, I'm glad I succeeded in giving you feels
4626717 I broke my table long ago... These are its remains
_
"You think you die an' everything'll be sugar and rainbows?" (c)
Sorry, but really do not like. Twilight is very selfish here. To such an extent that it is not Twilight anymore.
She had lost 7-8 friends... but she still have Celestia & Luna. They could be her friends too and passing out will just ruin everything.
Immortality itself is a precious gift.
Immortality with a friend or lover is an eternal sunshine.
i137.photobucket.com/albums/q237/FuzzyFurvert/Image%20Macros/29394__safe_princess-luna_luna_macro_image-macro.png
P.S. Very sorry for both negative assessment and my bad English.
4696597 I see what you're saying, but i feel that Twi would never truly be able to stop looking to Luna and Celestia as her betters. I felt that she would feel unable to share her feelings with them. She could share her experiences, but her emotions just would be kept to herself.
Guilt and grief twist a person. In this story, Twi would have felt guilty that she was the to be immortal. Why did she deserve this over her friends? Yes, it is selfish. She did not see how her death would impact Celestia and Luna because she was too busy hating herself.
So yes, I see what you're saying. It is selfish and very un-Twilight. I just believe she would fall into a deep depression as she watched her friends and family members die. Grief and depression change a person in unimaginable ways.
That said, this one shot has many faults that I do not notice. It was written in a few hours and posted with little editing. I adore getting feedback, positive or negative. I understand that this story is far from perfect and the characterization is shaky. Honestly, I never meant for this story to be a big deal. It was more of an excersize for me to get my emotions out.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read it despite your dislike for it.
Personally, I can't imagine Twilight not asking or talking to one of the other princesses about this, to see how they handle it. Good read though.
4312322 AND I WOULD HAVE STAYED UP WITH YOU ALL NIGHT
5371019 4312322 4308109
I appreciate this
5371019 HAD I KNOWN...
There was little actual content to this story, what with half of it being the suicide letter, and the suicide letter itself was far too clinical.
This was a really good story, but...
STEP ONE, YOU SAY WE NEED TO TALK...
(minutes of horrible singing later)
WHERE DID I GO WRONG, I LOST A FRIEND...
I realize you wrote this a few years ago, but well done. It didn't make me cry, just a bit melancholy, but i suppose that's because my grandfather passed away a year ago this weekend, so I'm just kind of releasing the pain as much as i can. I feel for twilight perhaps more then one should, but I'm not feeling suicidal, just that i can understand entirely where she's coming from, and why she came to the conclusion that she had nothing else to live for. If all of my friends, family, fiance passed away... I think i would probably do the same. Thankfully that's not likely for many years