How far will one stallion run to escape what pursues him?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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super fantastical work as always kudz! (if i may call you that)
Hhhhmmmm.... Yes, yes.... This pleases the Spoon... Fed me more of your unique and engaging tale!!!
Also, shame on you Dash! Some ponies find the term groundpounder offensive!
This is... Really good.
REALLY good.
This sounds very unusual. I like unusual things.
This whole story reminds me of this.
Ahh i thought he would resist a little bit longer, but i like it, Derpy is sweet but i really like her (I don´t know what went wrong) or sad moments
It is not the first time, every time it sound like somepony just used Derpy for a night and hen disappeared. I mean just sleep one night with her and then run for your live, is this some kind of official story for her having children and no Coltfriend? I just wondering because it is not the first time it sound like that for me.
Liking it so far. The Pegasi flock-mentality, and their being more physical than Unicorns, was great.
Derpy's really cute and sweet here, and the racial misunderstandings are funny.
As a Derpy enthusiast, I can say without a doubt that this is one of the best Derpy shipping stories I have read on the site. Absolutely love it.
I will be eagerly waiting for the next chapter.
4293770
Narf! Poit!
I cannot believe I flubbed that and then missed it during editing. Thanks, fixed, have one of these!
Just Dinky, or is Sparkler from another stallion?
There seems to be a problem with this chapter. There's no next button!
4293788
All in due time.. I am fixing the next button problem right now, finishing up the editing and adding some final touches.
More excellent exploration of the different mentalities of the tribes. Makes me wonder how many misunderstandings there have been among the Mane Six. In any case, eagerly looking forward to more.
4293795
Well, think about loyalty from a pegasus standpoint, a deeply ingrained need to stick together as flock to survive a world filled with dragons and other pony eating creatures.
Now think about Rarity and how snobby she might appear to be...
Food for thought!
Reminds me very much so of There She Is!
I really, really love this interpretation of pony culture! It's all so very new, I can practically see it shining and sparkling.
4293788 From what I can gather from the first chapter, I think Sparkler is adopted, I hope I'm correct.
Yes get on with it!
4297059 "CELESTIA GET OUT OF THE CLOUDS!"
"BUT LUUUUUUNAAAAA THEY ARE CHASING EACH OTHER"
EXPLAIN EARTH PONIES!
I wanted to take my iPad hurl it at my wall and laugh XD
4292002 I agree, this storyline is different and I like how the writer here attributed different behaviors in relations of pony tribes.
Your recent blog post made me curious about this story.
It was THIS chapter though, that grabbed and...well thoroughly molested my attention.
Adding to favorites now.
I'm sorry, but this is almost painful to read. It's absolutely full of telling instead of showing. The entire story up to this point is one massive info dump after another. Every single character in this story is a cardboard cutout with their only purpose being to spew nonstop exposition. Don't get me wrong; the writing itself is pretty good as I didn't notice many spelling or grammar mistakes, and the premise is cute and funny enough, but that doesn't really make up for how mind numbingly bland it is to read.
What makes it worse is that all of this info being dumped and exposition being spewed makes absolutely zero sense and comes out of nowhere. Yes, I see the AU tag (which seems to be used more often than not as an excuse for authors to force in as much head canon as possible), but none of it makes sense. By the way they talk you'd think the three tribes were still completely separated. Heck, why even refer to them as tribes? They've been together for a freaking long time, so none of that makes any sense. The common excuse that they used to be like that completely fails, as that implies society can't change. The reason I bring up that (nonsensical) excuse is that it feels like that's what the story intended on doing, since several parts mention how things are done because of ponies used to be prey species. Wait, since when was that the case? Even if it was, why should that still play such an important role when they are clearly no longer a prey species?
I'm sorry. I liked the idea behind the story (Derpy chasing after him because misunderstandings with the guy not wanting to hurt her feelings), but I honestly think the story isn't that good because it seems the only purpose it has is to see how much culture head canon can be shoved into a single story, with the only purpose of the characters being for exposition. If nothing else, then please change the description and add a line or something about how this contains a lot of society and culture talk, because nothing in the description at this point makes any mention of it, so it came out of nowhere and felt forced.
4386429
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Nah, that sniffing's coming from my nose. Damn thing won't stop being stuffed. BLASTED ALLERGIES
Ah well, gonna keep reading.
This is so cute! Love how you described the different behaviour and instincts of Unicorns and pegasi x
I'm missing two things;
1. Bucky realized Derpy's intentions, but at what point did he decide he wanted to pursue courtship?
2. Where is Sparkler's father?
4428049 Rrrriiiight Allergies
Consider me intrigued.
This may be the start, and the style of writing may change as this HUMONGOUS fic progresses, but I'd like to point out a few stuff.
As fast as the story progresses, it's slowed by exposition. It's good to keep a nice pacing, but I'm lacking description of the surroundings.
For example:
Where was her home? How was the weather? What time is it? (I'm guessing mid afternoon since he offered dinner and she mentioned her foals returning)
How was she lonely? Why was she lonely? Did she just release a short sigh or was like she depressed? Was it because everyone seemed to have friends and she doesn't? Was it because he missed Bucky? Or did she just miss her kids?
Then there's this kind of jumpy pacing.
She was excited to do the chase. Bucky remains silent. Then Derpy goes to explain her previous BFs?
LOL Rule 1) Don't mention your previous partners if you wanna hook up with someone. Just tells that person you're still living in the past.
That aside, maybe some rejection, head shaking, looking away?
For example:
Well, this is me being nit-picky. This story has its charm though, so keep this story alive :3
Edit: The more I read Derpy's "I was in love with a unicorn," the more I'm groaning.
"Hey I like you! But like I used to date this guy..."
Why does it feel so weird? agaeheehaegaew :/
Too late
Dis guna b gud
4588960 gifsforum.com/images/gif/dis%20gon%20be%20good/grand/this_gon_b_gud_gif.gif
I still don't know what bucky coat color is. I know he has black mane, but that's all I know about his appearance besides he's a unicorn
4428049 You must've infected me.
Eleven weeks after you got it.
Ok, yeah I should probably stop, did you purposely write all the pegasi to be a bunch of violent assholes?
Oh wait! "It's part of their psychology durr!"
You can say that about any animal or human, but that does not make the excuse to just forgive them. This kind of writing pisses me off, the "biology" excuse or the "drugged" excuse, or even the "misunderstanding" excuse.
It's unoriginal, insulting, and lazy writing.
Even fucking Klingons in Star Trek were more respectful than this!
Oh look, I did another thing:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/12584421/MiscVids/The%20Chase%20Chapter%202.mp3
Another live recording of me reading, this time Chapter 2.
Omg I was listening to autumn by forest rain. It's a beautiful song about derpy that makes you smile.
Y'know what?
imgace.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/mr-bean-fuck-the-police1.jpg
4996976 Great to be Different by Forest Rain. There's even a story on this site by the same name that goes along with the song.
I... almost took you up on your offer of leaving it as it was. Almost. This could easily make a stand-alone story.
But I'm going on.
To you sir, I have read your authors note and only have this to say..."NEVER"
I am now thoroughly intrigued by story, the building love interest between Dirpy and Bucky, and I will see it through to the end. The story is light and entertaining, without a whole lot of hidden depth, unlike some stories where its a solid head banger of philosophy for 40,000 words or so...PER CHAPTER! (that story was really good but left my head spinning after each read)
trying to sooth her injured feelings
1. Uhh... You can't sooth feelings, only doom. For I am a soothsayer
The A/N for this chapter reminds me a lot of the 'How to Train Your Dragon' books, how in the first narrative Hiccup is telling you that the story just keeps getting darker.
Huh, I didn't know Bucky was a plumber...
I am extremely curious as to how this story supposedly "changes" after the 1st 2 chapters. Gonna read on for a bit more to satisfy my morbid curiosity!
ive been dancing around this for a while, and am glad i finally started reading the second longest story here
5987300 It is now the number one longest fic on fimfiction.
I won't lie, I thought of some other kind of... ehhe, groundpounding
Awesome job on this second chapter dude, legit saucy work on this dude, loving it so far!
I like how you wrote the Pegasi are as a whole, it fits in with them being a warrior race and all.
Keep it up!
Tis a shame how true that is.
Pegasi seem like jerks
Redundant?
(Feel free to say you don't want these notes.)