First of all, I'm looking for contributors, I had this idea while dreaming about it a couple days ago. and it's inspired by some "Humans In Equestria" stories (though I don't recall names since I read like a ton of them), if anyone who has knowledge of Avatar and MLP would like to help contact me through Pm, Credits will be given, and a link to the author's page too.
Toph Beifong has lived through a lifetime's worth of adventures, but this...this is something else entirely, she seems to be in an entirely different world with some sort of half animals, who look like what a half ostrich-horse would look like. She still has her earthbending but it seems most everything is made out of wood, at least in this 'Ponyville'. What will she do?
Takes place shortly after the defeat of the FireLord, she may be, maybe 13, or such? I pictured her pretty much the same way.
I don't think she would accept that. (Without her blindness, she wouldn't be an AWSOME earth bender)
Interesting. I hope this is updated soon. It's just... really... really... interesting...
if you take long to update i will look for you i will find you and i will kill you
.... JK good chapter can't wait to see what happens next
no! toph blindness is her thing it her strength her character don't make that moot point she stronger then that sure it nice but she lived blind her whole life and she been happy without it! but I guess sight is nice if overwhelming .
don't do it toph its a trap!
THE GREATEST EARTHBENDER IN THE WORD.”
I Believe you mean World
I hope toph can hang out with other ponies then the main six who are now in paranoia mode witch is annoying and sometime over baring in some situations or maybe she meet and befriend other species then ponies...
4297356 no, she a black bender now, word
4297356 Missed that one in editing, thanks for pointing it out, I'll fix it
4298453 No Problemo
When exactly did Toph figure out that she was dealing with ponies and not some other four-legged beings?
How did the ponies know that it's "bending"? At least I didn't notice Toph really talking to them.
Sorry about being overly critical. I just enjoyed the Last Airbender series and only character I liked more than Toph was Iroh. I just have high hopes for this and it feels a bit like a rough sketch. Don't get me wrong your fic has a lot of potential but you seem to have written this in a hurry as it looks like you left out half a conversation. Just flesh out the chapters a bit more, get a pre-reader and/or editor, and this will be great.
4316700 My idea while writing this was that, even if we do get some glimpses into Toph's mind, the story is being told by a narrator that more or less knows what's going on. That's why it's written in third person, and not in first person. As for the ponies knowing what bending is, while they don't know exactly that it is "Just bending" Twilight was referring more to the vague act of bending using magic "magical element bending" as she calls it. She doesn't know it's just bending, she thinks of Toph as a a (as of the first chapter) magic user.
Though I will admit, it was maybe too much of a chance she used those exact words. I'll have to check that. and I really have to find a proofreader and editor. I will search for one, as soon as possible.
Thank you for your well thought out comment. And thank you for the feedback. Have a nice day!
Damn it Twillight! you are being irrational, and in my opinion, mean to my favorite earthbender!
Damn it, you know she is a child, and even stated yourself she must be "scared and frustrated". Heck you KNOW She is blind!
And yet, out goes all rational thought, and caring, when she HAS to meet the princess ASAP.
You heard she said she could see through vibrations in the earth, and that things in the air are invisible to her, yet you still force her up in the air, against her will. You restrain her even, like some criminal, when she is obviously just highly discomfortable.
What the hell happened to "being diplomatic"?
4326944 the agreement comity would like to agree with you. I agree
4326993 Indeed
4326944 Just remember, from Twilight's point of view, she is the equivalent of a scared, blind child with radar sense... and a loaded gun.
wow twilight your an idiot I would not blame her for going under ground to get away from these jerk after that treatment jerkish move on there part all the friendship lessons they learned and this is there actions to make a friend out of her? I swear the noble ponies or princess celestia trying something not nice gonna be the trigger point cause I bet her tolerance is shot at this point with a lot of big outburst of yelling is needed now since there ignoring her.
4327229
Radar sense, is a pretty lame excuse.
As for the loaded gun part; All the more reason not to fuck up! And btw, just because a person potentially could be dangerous, is no excuse to throw all common sense out of the window.
Twilight of all is the least of ponies, who should use such an excuse I mean... "Wan't It, Need it"...
Worst is; even though this is just a fanfic, i could totally see the canon her do this...
Just from what i've seen of her in the show... damn, if the show as it is, is any indicator, equestria sure is a fucked up place...I still can't fathom why Celestia keeps depending on civilians to do the army's Job. It's not that Any of them receives special Education or training... If you count out twilight ofc.
Meh, That's the cartoon logic. As it goes in the Anime Universe; If you haven’t saved the world at the age of 14, you’re just not trying
You just hit 50 thumbs up.
Nice chapter lol.
Beifong, not Beinfong
Jezz Rainbow... "She attacked me, wah wah wah"... It's not like Raibow was the one who was all up in her face, and being aggressive... And saying it was Tophs fault, for merely existing... Classical racist right there.
Other than that, good chapter.
Great story.
yeah gonna have to remove that first N you put in her last name.
4337480 Oh, right, thank you for the warning it's fixed now, thank you
4338569 normally i wouldn't mention a typo but when its the characters first introduction it seems important.
Is the title supposed to be Twiligh?
There have been some improvements in grammar quality. Enough for me to start following this via the favorite button. Now please continue. I want to see where this is going.
4342611 No, it isn't, but it's fixed now, how come I hadn't noticed that one out? Silly me. Fixed
Ara~ Ara~? Looks like I've stumbled into something interesting here, ne? I think I'll follow it and see where it leads
BLOOD FOR THE MELON LORD!
ts4.mm.bing.net/th?&id=HN.608029986141047336&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0
4316700
Toph has that ground detection ability to see where she's going, and where they are standing.
4316700 Bending is just another word meaning to manipulate an object; something a skilled unicorn, or anypony else for that matter, would know.
4888316 Wouldn't it be more likely for Twilight to call it weird magic or something? I just think that correctly guessing the name of an art you have never seen or even heard about before on first try is quite a stretch. Especially when you already have concept like magic to mistake it with. Bending is very specific word for this. Physical manipulation is possible too but for someone who already has magic, it's more likely mistake bending for one form of said magic than guess correctly.
Moar??????
5092441 Okay, look, just imagine I'm working on it, and the story is like in a bubble, and words are like me trying to prick the bubble, but I've got no needle or nails or anything. Got that?
...
Good, because it isn't anything like that. But hey....if it helps.....
(I'm working on it, but I've been caught in other stuff, I'm sorry)
This chapter was terrible.
You might as well written "now main characters know everything,and like each other". This doesn't even benefit people who haven't seen the air bender, as all the important stuff was mentioned before this, and it's half-flashback to last 4 chapters.
Anyhow keep up the writing, and good luck, and I hope my criticism doesn't discourage you, but you need to split up the exposition. Hammering it for 1000 words straight is bit much. The flasbacking was step in right direction, but I really hate unneeded flashbacks.
Also telling not showing, and handwaving everything that happened.
Oh fuck no
"Give this child to"
What is she? Property?
5304107 When you are a royal, everyone is propriety, it's like, one of the rules of being a princess, or something
5303826 You see, I have a conundrum, I'd like to "Show, not tell" but...she's blind, she can sense general motion, but a lot of small things, facial and the like, she doesn't sense. I'm not even sure on whose perspective I'm writing this on "3rd person?" "general 3rd person but with the pov of Toph?"
Edit: I'll figure it out, thank you!
lulz ending
you know i think toph shouldn't have to put up with this shit, twilight needs the pull taken out of her ass, and i'm dreading whats going to happen when lyra gets into it
No, she's not
I'm proud of you.
I ike the idea, just a few things to point out. Toph can see through earth bending. She would be able to tell what they are immediately. It's a bit rough to start but it isn't bad.
5306367
Depends on the author, some times she might, some times she might not
The dialog here is really rough. Same with Toph's inner monologue. It's superficial and bland and generally doesn't fit any of the characters involved. You need to go deeper, put some detail in what's going on, give the characters some life.
Still think that Toph should just earthbend twilight about 7 feet in the air. She really shouldn’t put up with this and in my hoses opintion she should have ran away. I think this should be rewritten tbh.
I imagine toph and rainbow would make great friends