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A story of bravery. A story of sacrifice. A story of life. A story of death. A story of belief. A story of many words, but only one to match them all. A story of love.
Seconds feel like centuries as death stares you in the face. As two friends fall to their ends from a cliff base, they will learn that friendship is not the proper word to describe how they really feel. It takes something more than simple friendship to end your life... in hopes to save another.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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SO SAD!
I LOVE IT
Short and touching. You've got some paragraph fragmentation though, you might want to go and edit out the places where it starts a new line in the middle of a sentence.
4287086
Thanks for calling that out, I'll get to it in the morning. A bit too tired to edit right now :)
4287095
No problem O-Neb.
4287067 couldn't have said it better myself it's sweet... I think I'm going to cry
This is awesome but me being a grammar Nazi made all of my feels go away in the ending.
rapping himself around her... STRAIGHT OUTTA CANTERLOT CRAZY BABY DRAGON NAMED SPIKE
4288153
Problem solved! Thanks for calling that out :)
I had the same problem with the paragraph cuts when I use Notepad... I found that I had to take off the Word Wrap to get it to work
but as for the story itself, it's a good premise that's hard to fail with, and it leaves a good sense of wonder
4288165 Woah, an author who actually fixes their mistakes, alright let's do this! Starting with the beginning!
*bravery
*belief
*fall to their ends
that should just be a colon (:)
if I remember correctly, this should be a semicolon (;)
this sentence is in present tense so it should be "the world goes still"
wondrous is actually correct here. I learned something new today
I think "alongside her tears" would look better here. "As well as" just looks a bit awkward, though I'm not sure if it's objectively wrong in this sentence.
*foul
either "Like paint leaving a brush" or "like how paint leaves a brush" would be better here. I personally prefer the first one.
*peer
I guess you can keep the caps for emphasis if you want but they're kind of unnecessary, especially with the non-caps section before it.
he either got a glimpse or glanced. Glance is a verb
maybe "having kept a hidden passion for him" or something. "Hiding a hidden passion" looks awkward and it looks like, in that moment, she is hiding her hidden passion because of the present tense.
More caps, they just look odd in a story like this.
Alright those are all the grammatical errors I could find. Great story
4288685 ...... Wow.... Never knew I missed that much, damn. Thank you so much for calling that out! I will fix this as soon as I get back to my computer this after noon :)
4288715 Thanks for responding positively to it
I hardly ever meet people who see grammar corrections and don't think "he's being mean to me"
Thank you for having a brain
Decent fic... but she would still die. And how the hell high were they that they were able to have that conversation before they hit the ground?
4291019
Like I said, time slows when death stares you in the face.
Also, it is fiction, so kick start your imagination and have some fun! :)
4291217
Time appears to slow, but it doesn't in actuality. Plus, if they were falling at anything near terminal velocity—which I can only assume they are, since they had enough time to have a conversation—the wind howling past them would make it nearly impossible to understand each other.
Plus, when you kill my favorite character, I tend to adhere to physics, if only to assure myself that since none of this could possibly happen, it must be a bad dream and he's still alive.
Good, short, sweet, and emotional. But I have a less bollocky ending which might serve as being more plausible than Spike-Cushion.
... Little did she know, Spike had hatched an idea, one that would possibly turn this horrible reality into something different. He hugged Sweetie again, wrapping himself around her. The ground was dangerously close and he would have to act. He pushed away from Sweetie Belle, opened his mouth, and unleashed a gush of green messenger dragonfire in her direction. With a shriek, Sweetie Belle vanished. Spike smiled and spread his arms, ready for what was to come.
"I love you, Sweetie Belle," he spoke to the rushing air.
As he closed his eyes shut, he allowed peace to overtake him. Spike was imagining Sweetie Belle appearing in Princess Celestia's room with surprise when the forest floor met with his back, ending only one life.
But you know, your version was good too. Thumbs up. Also,
Don't do his what?
4291755
Honestly, I prefer your ending. Really wish I thought of that. And I fixed the typo, thank you for calling that out. :)
You can add the tragedy tag to this fic.
SPike, even on the verge of death, you're still a boss
A wise man once said,
good summary you have caught my attention
I used to be an adventurer like you then I took this story to the feels
4291755
Well sure, but couldn't he have made a fireball from his messenger flame so that it would envelop both of them?