Stargazing one night, Twilight watches a shooting star pass across the night sky. Imagine her surprise when it crashes into the Everfree forest. Imagine her greater surprise when she discovers it's a damaged ship and someone's still onboard.
Takes place after the season 3 finale.
Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. I've had this idea for awhile but just never got around to actually putting it down.
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There's a few spelling errors, and some general format issues (try to create a new paragraph when a different character speaks) as well as punctuation. Try giving the story a once over to check for grammatical issues (you're vs your) and (Flutteryshy).
Overall, it seems to be a solid read. I'm interested to know where you're taking the story.
I think it's a nice story. The grammatical errors need to be addressed, but other than that it's a nice start.
Are you going to switch the POV in the end next chapter? Just for info I'm not a fan of long flashback chapters. I think stories of the past need to be included in the narrative of main story. Of course that's irrelevant if you didn't intend to do that.
All in all will be watching.
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I don't intend to chance perspective unless absolutely necessary, which should mean not at all. I totally agree it should be woven into the narrative in most cases. The Next chapter should make it very clear why I chose the first person perspective for this.
So, the alien can't understand her but she can.
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Neither of them do. Twilight has recognized the alien's intelligence while the alien thinks Twilight is just an animal. Twilight is trying to read body language, which is similar and so far she has guessed mostly right.
If too many people come to the same conclusion as you I might need to completely rework this chapter so it's clear they can't understand each other. At least not with words.
The blue writing also denotes alien text and language that can't be understood by Twilight. So the audience understands but Twilight does not. I thought I put enough context clues to make that apparent. Might need to make that more obvious when I do anther proof of chapter 1.
Interesting so far.
We. . .
. . . Will be watching.
*cue dramatic shadows*
No seriously, keep going. I want to see how this turns out!
Foal.
Them.
Attempting to pass through objects at relativistic speeds is a very, very bad idea.
If a 100kg pony were to hit an object at, let's say .99C, you would be looking at an energy equivalent of over a gigaton of TNT (4.4×10^18 joules).
That would release more energy than the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake.
Not necessarily. While elemental Hydrogen exists in the atmosphere, it make up a whole 0.000055%
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Looks like I'll have to rethink my explanation for teleportation. Maybe I'll use the Flash's reasoning of why he can phase through matter.
Thanks for the grammar checks. I guess I'll fix those before ch.3.
Existant.
I think you're missing an and there somewhere...
You missed... Something here.
Had.
She assigned a gender before she had any clues.