Canadian producer Joel Thomas Zimmerman, also known as deadmau5 gets sent to Equestria due to a wiring problem during a thunderstorm. He than realizes that he isn't in his home anymore and everything seems a bit more colorful. The only thing that he has now is himself, and of course a cat, who he adores a lot.
Complications start to arise as he finds out that he isn't on Earth anymore, but Equestria. A land who's population consisted of mostly ponies. Deadmau5, now known as Joel Zimmerman must find a way home with the help of a certain DJ, who will help guide him to become one of Equestria's top music producers.
Chapters (0)
This better be good.
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Usually I don't read stuff off the first page, but I've been following Deadmau5 for a long time now, and I figured I'd give it a read.
So it's your first time writing fanfiction, eh? Let's whip you into shape a bit.
You did a fair bit of research on this Joel Zimmerman guy. Most of the stuff is dead-on, or exaggerated for comedy's sake, such as the coffee runs, the live streaming, and the Meowingtons love. However, I doubt that he'd say he produces "EDM" in particular, seeing how many rants he has about the term. But that's a minor detail that hardly anyone would notice.
Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo.
(Also, a period at the end of this passage here)
It's great that you're trying to separate the dialogue with paragraphs, but here you should keep the lines in the same paragraph. Something like "...She said happily. The conversation fell quiet, before Fluttershy tried to strike it up again politely, 'Sooo...." There are times where you can create new paragraphs for one chunk of dialogue of a sole character, but for now try to keep it all in one paragraph and link it through descriptions and whatnot.
I think your characterizations are off. Fluttershy hits too the extremes too easily. I doubt she'd hide under a pile of leaves after confronting a bizarre, unknown mammal, and both situations seem a little unlikely for her. Also, I feel Joel should be more sarcastic and mood-swingy. But hey, it's your story.
Lastly, don't include pictures or videos in the text. You need a really good and crafty setup to implement them seamlessly, and as of now all they do is distract the reader.
That description is a mess
What the what?
4278367 Hey thanks, I'll try my best to fix this story up